


Donatello's Strength

by captain_vegeta



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama & Romance, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Gender or Sex Swap, Heterosexual Sex, M/M, Original Character(s), Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Violence, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:03:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 106,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3494462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captain_vegeta/pseuds/captain_vegeta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Where did I come from?”  It is a question that every parent has faced since the beginning of time.  It is also one that Donatello has spent the last eight years dreading.  For the answer has been steeped with tears and blood.  And Donnie can’t help but worry about what will happen once he finally tells his story.  Will his family stand stronger than ever?  Or will the specter of his past rob him of the last precious thing he has?</p><p>Alternate Universe fiction.  The timeline is the same the normal one until just after "The Pulverizer Returns".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

* * *

Prologue

 

My name is Hikaru, I’m eight years old, and right now my siblings and I are in deep trouble.  The day started out simple enough.  We left the lair with Mom to do a trash scouting run.  Humans throw out so much still useful stuff it’s shocking, really.      
  
Anyway, Mom sent us down one of the safe tunnels and the next thing we knew, we were set upon by Foot Clan ninjas!  I wanted to call for help but Kaiya chose this moment to be independent.  ‘Don’t bother Mother!’ she said.  ‘We can handle this.’ she said.  “Yeah…sure.  We can SO handle it,” I can’t help but think as I just barely manage to block a sword strike with the shaft of my chigiriki.  We are little kids fighting teenagers and adults!  Sure, our training will let us handle a couple of them but not this many for long.    
  
I give my opponent a hard shove, barely throwing him off balance.  Then, I use the moment to set my weapon’s ball and chain spinning before nailing him right in the groin.  He yelps in pain and crumples like an old lawn chair.  I can’t help a satisfied smirk.  Sorry, but playing fair will not get me home alive.  His face is at my eye level now so I take the opportunity to deliver an uppercut.  He passes out instantly thanks to the extra oomph of the natural armor on the backs my hands.  Yay for keratin!  I quickly look around to survey the situation.    
  
We are doing better than I thought.  Kaiya is a tornado of fists and hooves and little Lewis is kicking some serious shell with his tonfa.  “This is great!  Maybe, Kaiya-chan is right.  We CAN handle this!” I think with a surge of pride even though I can tell that all of us are getting tired.  I shouldn’t kid myself.  This is luck, pure and simple.    
  
I watch in horror as our luck runs out.  Lewis whacks away his opponent and suddenly falls to one knee.  He clutches one hand to his plastron in agony as he gasps for air.  I know that look.  Someone forgot to take his medicine today.    
  
Kaiya sees it too.  We both run over to our fallen brother to place ourselves between Lewis and our remaining four enemies.  I hear metal ring through the air as Kaiya finally pulls a pair of kunai from her belt and twirls them into position.  Even she must think we’re in danger now.  Kaiya-chan prefers to fight hand-to-hand so she never pulls her kunai unless she has to.  I look around at the ninja we managed to down and several of them are struggling back up.  “C-can I call for Mom now?” I ask restlessly.  
  
Kaiya stamps a hoof in annoyance and shakes her head, sending her forest green mane into motion.   “No!  We’ve got this.  We’re fine!” she declares sternly while trying not to sound as out of breath as she really is.  
  
“You must be in a different fight than I am,” I mutter under my breath as I do a quick head count.  Of the twelve ninjas we started fighting, only three are down and staying that way.  We can’t make a run for it anymore; Lewis’ heart can’t take the strain.  I force myself to not glare at him.  He already feels bad enough because he realizes exactly how much of a mess we’re in.    
  
Unlike the stubborn mule we have for a sister!  I train my glare on her instead.  “Tell me Kaiya-chan.  Where is the LOGIC,” I sneer out the word she loves to use so much as she angrily bares her teeth at me “in fighting to the death when we can call for backup?!”  I grit my own teeth to fight the tears that I can feel pricking at my eyes.  I hate crying.  It’s so embarrassing!  “Forget this!” I growl out, squeeze my eyes closed, and raise my voice to make a desperate plead.  “MMM-“  
  
I don’t even manage to complete my call for help before two of our opponents are suddenly sent flying sideways; slammed into the tunnel wall by a heavy wooden staff.  My eyes light up as the remaining ninja turn to look in shock.  I can hear Lewis make a sigh of relief despite his need for oxygen.  Kaiya seems surprised, worried, and as relieved as I am to see the blur of green tear through the Foot soldiers.  A final twirl and the last Foot gets a staff to the face.  The ninja stumbles backward while holding his nose only to have his feet swept out from under him.  As the enemy falls to the ground with a rewarding thump, our rescuer straightens up while putting the seven foot bo back in its holster.    
  
“MOM!” I cry as I run over to grasp him tightly around his waist.  Yes, you heard right.  My mom’s a guy.  And yes, I know that’s not normal.  Biology is my best subject.  Moms are normally female.  No, there’s nothing weird about my mom!  Well, other than he’s a six foot three mutant turtle.  He hasn’t told us how a male becomes a mother to three little misfits like us but he promises to tell us.  One day…when we are older.  Always when we are older.  I have to ask myself, “How much older do we need to be?”  But that doesn’t matter right now.  What does matter is that we are safe thanks to his uncanny ability to tell when something isn’t right.  
   
“Are you hurt?” he asks as he gently runs his hand over my smooth head.  His brown eyes stare into my hazel ones for a moment before he starts an injury check.  
  
“I’m fine!” I quickly assure him.  “But, Lewis…” I trail off and point at my poor little brother, who is still struggling to breathe.  
  
Mom looks where I’m pointing and his eyes widen in alarm.  He rushes over to kneel in front of Lewis.  A quick pulse check and he knows exactly what’s wrong.  He gives Lewis a disapproving look while reaching into the duffel bag at his side.  Lewis’ ears swivel to the side and droop while he looks pathetically up at Mom.  “I make that medication for a reason, Lewis.  You wouldn’t have this problem if you would just take it,” Mom scolds while he takes out a small oxygen tank and helps Lewis fit the attached mask over his face.  “You know the routine.  Slow, deep breaths…good.”  
  
“I know.  I’m sorry.  I-I just forget because I don’t feel bad before I take it,” Lewis tries to defend himself but he knows he had no excuse.  One of these days, being forgetful is going to get him killed.  “I’m sorry,” he says again as he looks downward.  
  
“Don’t talk.  Just breathe.”  Mom sighs with a touch frustration then reaches out to tuck back some of the sea foam green mane that has falling into Lewis’ eyes.  “I know.  I wish you didn’t need it, but you do,” he says gently as he allows Lewis to take the tank from him.    
  
He turns to my sister who tries not to meet her brown eyes to his.  “Kaiya.”   She flinches at the tightness in his voice before looking at him.  “Why didn’t you call for help?  I put you in charge of your siblings because, up until now, you were the most responsible.  You put all of you in danger with this recklessness.  What if you had been killed?  Or captured?  Do you really want to find out what the Shredder does to prisoners?”    
  
I hear my sister sniffle.  She shakes her head at his strict questioning.  “I thought we would be fine…that we could handle it ourselves,” she softly answers him as she wipes at her eyes and hangs her head.  “You and your brothers were taking on the Foot when you were young.”  
  
Mom’s eyes soften a bit at the signs of waterworks.  He takes her hands and pulls her close.  “Kaiya-chan, we were seven years older than you are now.  You still have a lot of growing and training to do before you’re ready to handle the Foot on your own.  And even then, you have to learn when you’re in over your team’s head.  Determination is commendable…but not when you know you’re putting more than yourself at risk.”  He tilts his head to the side so that he sees around her bangs and into her eyes again.  “Do you understand?”  Kaiya looks at him for a moment.  Her ears twist and droop like Lewis’ but she nods.    
  
He gives her a small smile and takes hold of her head to examine a large bruise that’s forming around her eye.  His eyes narrow briefly at this.  He then moves on to check her for other injuries.  After a few moments, he seems satisfied as he stands up.  “Thankfully everyone’s going to be fine.  So just be more careful next time.  You’re going to worry me into an early grave,” he says with a hint of amusement in his voice.  “Let’s get together what you three found.  I don’t want to still be here when they start to wake up.”  
  
“HAI!” three voices chime out and we all start gathering the bags we’d abandoned in our fight.  Well, all except for Lewis.  He started to try and help, but Mom places one hand on his shoulder and easily pushes him back into a sitting position.  His ears pin back as he starts to complain but one firm look and he goes quiet.  He sulks as he watches us work.  I smirk at him and then strike the classic ‘We Can Do It!’ war poster pose that has become such a statement of female independence.  He turns red and I stick my tongue out at him.   I can’t help but tease him.  That’s what little brothers are for!  
  
Kaiya gathers up a bag that happens to be close to one of the ninja and suddenly he starts to stir to life.  Her eyes widen and she reflexively lashes out, returning him to slumber with her keratin reinforced fist.  She glares fiercely at him for a moment, making sure he’s out for good this time.  “Mother…the Foot Clan is our enemy, right?  Wouldn’t it be more logical to kill them instead of merely knocking them out?” she asks as she turns to face Mom, who eyes are rather large.  He seems startled that Kaiya would ask such a question.  Kaiya sees this and suddenly seems worried that she asked something bad.  She relaxes when Mom blinks away the startled expression and becomes more thoughtful looking.  
  
He furrows his eye ridges as he folds his arms neatly across his plastron.  “Yes,” he finally says, startling all of us.  “It would be logical to kill them.  It would reduce their numbers at least temporarily while the clan scrambled to find and train replacements.”  He bends down to sling several of our bags over his shoulder.  “However, logic should never be the only consideration in making a choice; it’s dangerous.  It must be tempered.  For example, it would have been logical for you and Hikaru to abandon Lewis in order to save yourselves.  Did the thought even enter your mind?”  Kaiya’s eyes widen before she shakes her head vigorously.  “Why not?  Sacrifice one in order to save two.  It is logical,” he states so matter-of-factly it’s frightening.  
  
“Because it’s wrong!” Kaiya states loudly, bringing a pleased smile to Mom’s face.  “It may be logical, but it’s just wrong!”  
  
“It’s morally rep-repre….um...repreh…” I join in only to get hung up on the word I’m trying to get out.  
  
“Morally reprehensible?” Mom offers with a soft chuckle.  
  
“Yeah, that!”  
  
He grins enough to reveal the gap in his teeth while shaking his head.  “Don’t use words that are too big for you, Hikaru-chan.  It’s better to use a word you know well than to struggle with a word you are unsure of.”  I turn a decent shade of red and sheepishly play with the tails of my mask.  “None of you guys need big words to make yourselves seem smart,” he says quite proudly as he turns to head down the tunnel.  We all quickly move to follow him with our own bags.    
  
His voice becomes more serious as he continues.  “However, you and your sister are both right.  It is morally wrong to abandon family; just as murder is wrong.  That is exactly what we would be doing if we killed every Foot soldier we defeated.  We’d be murdering them.  Sensei taught me and your uncles to only kill if we have no choice.  And now I’m teaching the three of you the same thing: never take a life unless there is absolutely no choice.  Do you understand?”  We nod in unison.  Mom smiles as he gets this look in his eyes.  I know that look and I can’t help but get a bit excited.  It’s quiz time.  “So, why don’t we kill people?” he asks of us.  
  
“Because it’s morally wrong!” Kaiya and I answer together but we get drowned out by our little brother.  
  
“BECAUSE WE’RE THE GOOD GUYS!” Lewis declares loudly with his arms, and oxygen tank, raised enthusiastically over his head and a huge gapped-toothed grin on his face.  
  
Mom finally laughs.  “Excellent!  You’re all right; because it’s morally wrong…” he pauses as he takes the oxygen tank from Lewis, since that shout clearly says he doesn’t need it anymore.  “…AND because we’re the good guys.”  He pokes Lewis’ nose playfully, making Lewis giggle.  “Alright, let’s go home.  Follow me.”


	2. Chapter 1

* * *

Chapter 1

 

It takes us awhile to get home because Mom went the wrong way.  We all knew that we were going the wrong way, but said nothing.  Mom taught us long ago that when he says ‘Follow me’ it really means ‘Do what I do without question or hesitation.  Something’s wrong but we need to act naturally.’  We were halfway across the city’s sewers when he suddenly stopped, took out a smoke bomb, and, after giving us a quick look, dropped it.  As soon as the smoke cleared, all of us were no longer anywhere in sight.   
   
We stayed hidden for so long that I was starting to wonder if it was some sort of exercise.  Then we saw them.  Two Foot ninjas skulked out of their own hiding spots and began to look for signs of which way we went.  Mom’s hunch had been dead on.  If we’d gone straight home, we would have led this scouting party right to it.  From where I was I could just barely see Mom’s eyes as they narrowed sharply at the intruders.  We watched them for a little longer before Mom carefully and silently eased himself out of his hiding spot among the pipes on the ceiling.  They still couldn’t see him, but we could and I reached for my chigiriki in anticipation of combat.  He looked right at me as he brought an ‘index’ finger to his lips followed by bringing his hand down to his side; palm down and flat.  I nodded obediently as I let go of my weapon.  
  
Mom slowly crept along the pipes until he was right above the enemy.  They had no idea that he was right there.  But they did have sense enough to stay together for protection.  Unfortunately for them, this time it worked against them.  Mom silently dropped down behind them.  In a move straight out of Uncle Raph’s comics, he grabbed the backs of their heads and face planted them into the hard sewer floor, knocking them out cold.  He slowly scanned the area to make sure that was the last of them.  Then he gave the all-clear gesture and we joined him.    
  
He didn’t say a thing as we re-gathered our bags, but this time he picked up Lewis and set our little brother onto his back.  After making Lewis sure had a secure grip around his neck and checking that we were ready, he broke into a run with my sister and me following closely behind.  We kept that pace until we crossed the perimeter of our home.   
   
The lair never looked better as we reach the turnstiles that lead into the main room.  Mom’s the only one tall enough to have to walk through them so only one crank sound announces our presence.  Kaiya and I duck under them just because we can.  Besides, maybe we can surprise one of the adults.  The TV is on and a pair of sky blue eyes peeks over the couch.  “Yo, Donnie and mini-Donnies!  Welcome home!”  Uncle Mikey cheerful greets us and Mom gives him a tired smile.  Darn.  He spotted us.  Uncle Mikey’s the most fun to sneak up on.    
  
“How’d things go?  Find anything good?” Uncle Mikey asks as he pauses his video game and takes a better look at us.  His eyes suddenly go big.  “Dude!  Why do you guys look so roughed up?!”  He vaults himself over the couch so he can come over to get a better look at us.  And he looks more worried with each step.  “Where’s Lewis?!” he demands as he approaches Mom.  
  
“BOO!” Lewis shouts as he pops up from behind Mom’s shell.  Uncle Mikey yelps and falls onto his butt in surprise.  All three of us burst into puckish laughter.  Mom chuckles as he reaches down to help Uncle Mikey back to his feet.  
  
“Not cool, little dude,” Uncle Mikey protests despite his relieved smile.  “You seriously had me worried.”  
  
“You think I’d be this calm if I was missing one, Mikey?” Mom asks curiously as he reaches back, grasps Lewis’ hands, and helps him down to the ground.  
  
“Oh.  Yeah…I hadn’t thought about that.  Oops!”  
  
Mom shakes his head a couple of times.  “Kaiya, please get my med kit.  Hikaru, get me some hot water and some clean washcloths, please.  I’ve got some patching up to do.  Meantime, Lewis, please go take your medicine.  I don’t want you to forget again.”  We all nod and trot off to do our assigned tasks.  Just before I leave the room, I see Uncle Mikey reach out to touch a long cut on the side of Mom’s face.  How’d I miss that?!  
  
I rush to gather the supplies Mom requested as quickly as I can.  Now, I’m worried about him.  He didn’t seem hurt.  However, I was so amped up from the fight that I didn’t even notice that cut.  What else hadn’t I noticed?  I adore my mother, even idolize him.  But I do realize that he’s not the strongest ninja in our family.  Uncle Leo is incredibly devoted to his training so he has mad skills and is great at thinking on the fly.  Uncle Raph is SO amazingly strong that he can more than handle himself in almost any fight.  Uncle Mikey, while not terribly dedicated to training or overly strong, has energy in spades.  Most enemies tire long before he does.  
  
Mom…Mom is the brains of the family.  He tends to pursue interests other than constant training.  His build is, to put it politely, slight so he doesn’t have an extreme amount of raw power.  As for energy, well…Mom needs at least half a pot of coffee to get going in the morning.  Of course, he wouldn’t need it if he’d go to bed at a reasonable time instead of working on his projects at all hours of the night.  Wait a minute.  I think I’ve briefly lost track of who the kid is in this relationship.    
  
Anyway, I’d say, other than his incredible intellect, Mom’s strength is his endurance.  “No one can take a hit like Mom.  So, he has to be OK,” I convince myself.  It doesn’t last as my brain starts its infamous overthinking.  “Of course…if Mom WAS seriously hurt, we’d be the last ones’ to know.”  I’m reminded of the last time the four brothers got into a bad brawl with the Foot Clan.  Mom was supposed to be on bed rest for two weeks afterwards.  But he INSISTED on being a part of our lessons, physical and mental.  We had no clue how bad he was hurting.  At one point we were literally jumping all over him.  That was when we found out just how battered he was and two weeks became four.  I whimper at the memory.  I don’t think I could stand to see Mom like that again.  “OK, OK.  I’m not going to relax until I see how bad he is for myself so, hurry it up, Hikaru!”    
  
I finish getting the supplies and race back to the living room.  Once there, I see Mom sitting on the couch, talking quietly.  Uncle Mikey is standing up in front of him with a serious expression on his face.  I can’t hear what Mom is saying, but I easily guess he’s telling Uncle Mikey what happened.  “And you’re sure the mini-Donnies are fine?” I hear Uncle Mikey ask worriedly once I’m close enough again.    
  
Mom nods as Uncle Mikey relaxes.  “Cuts and bruises, is all.  They’ll be fine.  Thankfully.”  Mom sees me and smiles.  “Thanks, sweet pea,” he says affectionately as he holds his hands out for the supplies.  His eyes go big as I thrust the supplies at Uncle Mikey, who squeaks as he juggles them for a bit.  I climb onto Mom’s lap making his eyes take on a puzzled appearance.  Then I grab his head to turn it to the side so I can get a good look at the cut.  I can’t help a sigh of relief when I see that it’s superficial.  
  
Uncle Mikey grins widely and laughs.  “She’s totally got your bed-side manner, bro.”  
  
I feel Mom’s face warm in my grasp as he blushes at Uncle Mikey’s comment.  “I’m fine, Hikaru-chan,” he reassures as he gently pulls my hands off his face so he can look me in the eyes.  I look down and suddenly notice that the cut wasn’t the only injury I missed.  I snap my eyes back to him worriedly.  He continues before I can give voice to my worry.  “I promise.  I’m fine.  Don’t fret about me.  You’re too young to worry so much.”  I watch him for a moment longer, trying to determine if he’s hiding something.  Once I’m certain he’s being honest, I hug him around the neck and cuddle closely to his plastron.  Strong arms wrap themselves around me and I relax into his return hug.  After a few minutes, he breaks the silence with a soft question. “Can I get another look at your injuries?”    
  
“I don’t know.  Can you?” I can’t help but smile against his neck as I give him a bit of sass for worrying me.    
  
His sigh has a touch of a growl to it.  He hates it when we correct HIS grammar.  “Fine.  MAY I get another look at your injuries?  Little smart aleck,” his tone trying to camouflage amusement as frustration.  
  
“You may,” I state with a chin lift before I slide off his lap to stand in front of him.  Uncle Mikey took our cuddle moment as a chance to sit down beside Mom and start soaking some of the cloths.  Mom takes one and brings it over to my face to begin getting me cleaned up.  I can’t help but smile as I watch Uncle Mikey grab a cloth of his own to try and clean Mom’s wounds.  Mom shies away from Uncle Mikey’s unexpected touch and scowls at him.  Uncle Mikey offers him a sheepish grin.  He sighs and rolls his eyes at the expression before he allows Uncle Mikey to treat him.    
  
While Mom is cleaning me up, I hear Kaiya grunting as she returns with the heavy medical kit.  When she’s close enough, Mom reaches over with one hand and easily places it next to him.  “Thank you, sweetie.  Hop on in line.  I’ll clean you up next,” Mom says warmly without taking his eyes away from his current task.  A few minutes later, Lewis finally returns.  Mom glances up briefly before taking out a handful of band-aids from the med kit.  “I was beginning to think you’d gotten lost.”  There is an amused twinkle in his eye.  Lewis turns pink and looks awkward.  Mom offers Uncle Mikey a few band-aids then neatly drapes the rest on his thigh.  “In line, imp.  You can go back to your project when I’m done with you,” he states knowingly, letting Lewis off the hook for getting distracted by his latest attempt at an invention.  
  
After about an hour, Mom is wrapping things up with Lewis when we hear two crank sounds from the turnstiles.  Kaiya and I surge up to go greet whoever has come home.  We’re delighted to see our last two uncles coming down the steps.  “Uncle Raphael!  Check it out!” Kaiya declares as she runs over and gestures to her bandages and black eye.  “Battle scars!” she announces loudly and proudly to her fellow brawler.   I barely resist the urge to roll my eyes and I hear Lewis snicker from the couch.  Pretty sure Mom didn’t manage to resist the same urge.    
  
“WHAT THE!?” Uncle Raph grasps Kaiya’s chin to get a better look at how banged up she is.  Uncle Leo looks as shocked as Uncle Raph.  “DONNIE!” Uncle Raph barks out.  
  
“I’m right here, Raph.  No need to shout,” Mom says calmly while he dabs a cloth at Lewis’ last cut.  
  
Uncle Raph storms over to Mom and is just about to yell at him when he freezes.  Apparently seeing Mom bandaged up too was sobering enough to snap Uncle Raph out of his brewing temper.   “What happened to you four?” he asks agitatedly instead.  
  
Mom seems relieved.  I could tell he was gearing up for a fight.  “Foot soldiers attacked the trips while I was in another tunnel.  I felt something was wrong, so I went to check on them.  Between the four of us we managed to defeat and evade them.”  The three of us grin happily as Mom gives us some credit for winning the fight.    
  
“Have you told Splinter yet?” Uncle Leo questions.  
  
Mom sighs wearily.  “No, I kind of felt that patching up my children was more important,” he replies with irritation.  He takes one look at the indignant expression on Uncle Leo’s face and tries to take a cleanse breath.  Uncle Leo didn’t deserve to be snapped at for asking a practical question.  Mom puts a hand up in an appeasing gesture.  “The security system I installed would have alerted us if there was a breach.   We’re safe for now.”  
  
Uncle Leo nods at this.  “All right, then.  Are you about done?” he asks patiently.    
  
“I just now finished,” Mom says as he places the last band-aid on Lewis.  He pets Lewis’ head while standing up and looking to Uncle Leo.  “Lead the way, Fearless,” he teases.  Uncle Leo gives him an amused smirk as he turns to go to Sensei’s room with Mom right behind him.  
  
Once Mom and Uncle Leo are out of earshot, Uncle Raph looks to the three of us and smiles.  “So, did you pipsqueaks kick shell?”  
  
We grin up at him.  “HAI!”  
  
“Good job, half pints!”  Uncle Raph says proudly as he messes up Kaiya’s mane.  Afterwards, he goes over to the med kit to put it away.  I quickly clean up the used water and cloths for Mom.    
  
As I leave I hear Lewis ask Uncle Mikey, “May I bring my project in here so I can watch you play your game while I work?  
  
“Sure, little dude!  Just promise not to spill oil all over the floor like last time.”  
  
“Lewis, are you finished your physics assignment?” Kaiya asks firmly.  “We only have three hours before bed time after all.”    
  
“Come on, Kaiya!  You really think ‘Kaasan’s even going ask about that stuff after what happened today?” Lewis whines.  
  
“Oh, let me think about that.  Hmmm, uh…yeah!  Don’t you think Mother would ask, Uncle Michelangelo?”  
  
“Hey, leave me out of this, you two!” Uncle Mikey laughs.  “No way am I getting between your mom and your studies.”  
  
I shake my head as I can’t help but smile.  The little excitement we had today has already been swallowed by the status quo. 


	3. Chapter 2

* * *

Chapter 2

 

Mom and Uncle Leo have been gone a long time.  Sensei must have had a lot to talk about.  Uncle Mikey fed the three of us.  I don’t think Mom would have appreciated the lack of vegetables, but surely tomato sauce counts!  Kaiya and I are finished with our assignments and are sitting back to back while watching Uncle Mikey kick shell in his latest video game.  I’m watching intently, but Kaiya is tweaking with the motor to some kitchen appliance she found. Uncle Raph is reading one of his comics.  Poor little Lewis is still crunching numbers.  He seems to have run into one that’s giving him a hard time.  Kaiya and I would help, but he has to ask first.  Oh cool!  Cut scene!  
   
My siblings both stop what they are doing and all three of us watch in fascination.  The hero reaches the top of the building he’s been fighting his way through and encounters the big bad of the game.  We gasp as the bad guy reveals that he is the hero’s father.  Uncle Mikey’s not impressed.  “Oh come on.  I figured that out halfway through the game.  Duh,” he scoffs.    
  
As I watch the game, my mind suddenly latches onto an idea.  It goes into overdrive, spinning wild theories that I must have answers to…NOW.  “Uncle Mikey?  Is our father the Shredder?”  
  
“HUH?!” Uncle Mikey cries out as he turns to me.  He doesn’t even care that his avatar in the game has just died a truly gruesome death.  I hear paper tear behind us.  Even Uncle Raph has been dragged out of his comics by my question.  “Dudette, where did you get that idea?”  
  
I feel all eyes on me and now I’m quite self-conscious.  “Well, um…M-Mom never talks about him.  N-neither do you.  So, I figure he must be a bad guy.  There wouldn’t be any other reason for us NOT to know him, right?  And you’d really not want us to know who he was if he was the baddest of the bad…and that’s the Shredder.”  
  
“Your logic is sound and yet it has a flaw, Hikaru-chan,” Kaiya softly states to me.  “All of us clearly have horse DNA as well as turtle.  Therefore, our father MUST be a horse mutant.”  
  
“How do you know that the Shredder ISN’T a horse mutant?  You’ve never met him,” I respond, trying not to sound as exasperated as I am.  She is not Dr Mindstrong.  I wish she’d stop trying to talk like him!  
   
“Hey, hey!  Don’t get your masks in a twist you two,” Uncle Raph says as he comes over.  Apparently, I failed to not sound mad and he could tell that things were going to escalate.  He sits down next to us, sandwiching us between him and Uncle Mikey who has tossed the controller to his game aside.  “First off, the Shredder isn’t any kind of mutant.  He’s just a psycho human that’s really strong and dangerous.  Second, he’s DEFINITELY not your dad.”  Uncle Mikey nods vigorously.  
  
“The way you say that…makes it sound like you know exactly who our father is.”  I latch onto this like a starving dog would a steak.  I’ve wanted to know for so long!  Mom always said he’ll tell us later.  But now that I know for sure that my uncles know who he is too, I’m not giving in.  “Who is he?  What’s his name?”  
  
“If he is indeed a villain, what faction does he work for?  The Foot, the Kraang, the Purple Dragons or is he an independent?”  I’m startled when Kaiya joins the questioning.  I smile as I realize I have an ally.  
  
“Maybe he’s not a bad guy.  But, if he isn’t one, why isn’t he here with us?  Did he not want us?  Or maybe he didn’t want to live the sewers?  If that’s the case, why didn’t ‘Kaasan leave to be with him?  Or…d-did he even know that ‘Kaasan was pregnant?”  I’m delighted as even Lewis joins us.  Uncle Mikey and Raph seem almost panicked at the sudden questioning deluge.  Well, Uncle Mikey is panicked; Uncle Raph looks like he’s up against a wall, which is an extremely dangerous place to put him but right now I don’t care.  I don’t think any of us care.  This question has been burning in our collective mind for four years.  Ever since we first learned families usually had two parents and we are tired of being patient.  We continue our barrage of questions, focusing mostly on poor Uncle Mikey since it seems like he’s the one that’s about to crack.  
  
“WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!”   We immediately go silent and turn towards the voice that just barked at us.  Mom glares at us from the steps leading to the dojo.  Uncle Leo and Sensei are standing just behind him.  Angry doesn’t begin to describe the expression on his face.  The three of us can’t help but cringe.  Mom’s anger is a force of nature!  “You three should have been in bed an hour ago!  What are you doing up and badgering your uncles?”  
  
I watch as our steadily mounting ‘assault’ crumbles in front of my eyes.  Mom shows up and suddenly my allies lose all their fight.  “Uncle Raphael said we could stay up so we could say good night to you,” Kaiya responds timidly as Mom comes over.  
  
“That was nice of him.  So, why are you repaying him by harassing him and Uncle Mikey?”  He folds his arms across his plastron impatiently.  
  
“Because we wanted to know!” I declare in frustration.  I stand up in front of him and I cross my own arms as I glare at him in return.    
  
“I told you three before.  _**I**_ will tell you when…”  
  
“’When we’re older.’  Yeah, I know,” I interrupt.  He looks dumbfounded that I just completely dissed him.  “But h-how much older do we have to be?  Fifteen?  Twenty?  Thirty?  Or ar-are you going to save that for your deathbed?”  A quaver begins to enter my voice while I watch Mom’s eyes narrow even more than they were before.  But I am determined not to back down.  “It’d be one thing if you would tell us something.  But you never tell us ANYTHING!  Nothing about how we came to be!  Nothing about who our father is!  Is he tall, short, bad guy, good guy, alive, dead?  We don’t know!”  I try not to break my momentum with a hysterical laugh as a truly absurd thought pops into my head.  “We…heh…we don’t even know if he’s a HE.  I mean, our mom’s a guy…maybe our dad’s a girl!”  
  
“ENOUGH!” Mom snaps and I take several steps back.  He’s never snapped at any of us before.  Gotten angry, spoken firmly…sure.  Snapped?  Never.  And he’s certainly never just shut one of us down.  Discussion about the current conflict is our family ritual.  It drives our uncles crazy to listen to the four of us go back and forth.  Not this time.  No, something about this topic has seized Mom’s brilliant sense of reason and replaced it with this tyrannical mentality.    
  
“Bed…now,” he says with a touch more with composure but still in a tone that demands obedience.  Kaiya doesn’t have to be told twice.  She’s just as freaked out as I am.  We’re not the only ones.  Even our uncles are staring at Mom with wide eyes.  I stubbornly stand my ground just long enough to make him growl, “Hikaru…NOW.”  I tremble and tears begin to sting at my eyes before I run after my sister.  “Lewis, you too.”  
  
“P-please, ‘Kaasan.  I-I’m not done my assignment,” poor little Lewis quivers a bit as he begs.  
  
“I…I’ll give you an hour before lessons tomorrow to work on it.  Just…just please…go to bed,” Mom says softly.  It’s clear that between my tears and the unease in Lewis’ voice the bite has already been taken out of Mom’s anger.  Lewis nods as he gathers his papers and follows me.  
  
As soon as we are all in the bedroom, I angrily strip off my gear and throw it all over the floor.  I sniffle and try to stem the flow of tears.  I’m being childish, but I don’t want to admit that yet.  I just want to fume at Mom for being so irrational.  It was a harmless question!  We have a right to ask it!  
   
My siblings remove their gear as well, only much more neatly than me.  Lewis and I are ready for bed first.  Thanks to our shells we wear less.  Plus we only have to take stuff off.  Once Kaiya has her nightgown on, she looks at me while I lean against the wall with my carapace to my siblings.  I’m refusing to get into bed…trying to have one last pigheaded moment.  She comes up behind me and pulls me into a hug.  That is all it takes.  I spin around in Kaiya’s arms and bury my face into her fuzzy neck as I sob angry, frustrated, miserable tears.    
  
Kaiya says nothing; just stands as a comforting presence.  I feel Lewis come over and Kaiya easily incorporates him into the hug.  It takes a few minutes but soon all I feel is exhaustion.  Kaiya picks up on this and guides me to the bed.  I let her get in bed first.  Once I’m in, I help Lewis up.  As we settle in, I find myself snuggled between my siblings.  I cuddle more tightly to Kaiya.  “Should…should I try and talk with Mom tomorrow?  That…That wasn’t normal.”  
  
I feel Kaiya sigh as she begins to pet the side of my head.  “Wait for a while.  Give him more time to calm down.”  
  
“I would try to let it go,” Lewis offers gently.  He would suggest that.  Lewis has always been the more passive and easygoing of the three of us.  “’Kaasan has never lied to us.  He WILL tell us.  We just need to be patient.”  
  
Again, my brain just doesn’t want to shut up.  It’s doing everything it can to upset me as it recalls something Lewis asked our uncles and twists it.  “Kaiya?  Lewis?  You…you don’t think that the reason Mom doesn’t want to talk about it…is…is because HE didn’t want us, do you?” I ask pathetically.  
  
There is a long pause from the both of them that does nothing to comfort me.  I can feel Lewis tense up behind me before he looks at our sister.  “Go to sleep, you two,” Kaiya croons as she reaches over me to soothe Lewis.  “Things will be better in the morning.  I promise.”


	4. Chapter 3

* * *

Chapter 3

 

As Donatello watched his children go to the bedroom he felt devastatingly guilty.  “I-I shouldn’t have acted like that,” he thought as he covered his eyes with one hand.  “They were only asking questions.  Questions that they have a right to know the answers to.  But…but they are still too young.  Yes.  Too young to know just yet.”  
  
“Donnie?” Donatello turned to look at his siblings.  When he saw the disbelief on their faces, he looked downward wretchedly.  “That was the meanest I’ve seen you with them, bro,” Michelangelo softly stated.    “You do need to tell them.  Why not now?”  
  
“Mikey, they’re only eight years old.  They still have a lot of growing to do before they are ready for…THAT story,” Donnie said feebly.  
  
“I call them ‘mini-Donnies’ for a reason and it’s not because they look like you,” Mikey insisted.  “I mean, only Hikaru-chan REALLY looks like you.  Kaiya-chan’s a near spitting image of their dad except for her fur and eye color.  And Lewis…well…he looks like both of you…I mean the face and feet are his dad’s but that shell, those hands, fur and eye col-“  
  
“Mikey, you’re rambling.  The point, please?” Donatello stated as he tried not to get annoyed.  
  
“Huh?  Oh yeah!  Um, I call them that because they act like you.  I mean, JUST like you.  I’m sure their dad is in there somewhere, but there’s no hiding that they’re all yours, Donnie.  I think you should…you know…give them some credit,” Mikey said quietly shrugging a bit.  
  
Donatello looked away from Mikey.  “Mikey, I know you’re trying to help...but I think I know my children.  And what’s best for them.  They are too young,” he said determinedly as he turned to go to his lab.  He had to tinker with something.  
  
“Donatello.”  
  
Donnie froze before turning towards the voice that just spoke.  “Sensei?” he said meekly while bowing his head.  He was certain he didn’t really want to hear this but he had to listen to his father.  
  
“Michelangelo speaks the truth.  Your children are far more mature than others of their age.  Much like you were, my son.  I understand that it will bring back unpleasant memories.  However, you must place that aside.  You must not let fear of your past dictate your future.  Or your children’s future,” Splinter said as he came close to look into his second youngest son’s eyes.  
   
Donatello swallowed hard and looked away, eyes closed tightly.  “Thank you, Sensei.  You and Mikey do have a point, of course,” he conceded.  “However, I…I need to think.  So, if you’ll please excuse me?”  His father watched him for a moment.  Once he nodded, Donatello bowed respectfully and turned to go to his lab.    
  
“Donnie?”  Donatello stopped at the door and sighed before he turned to look wearily at his eldest brother.  Leonardo approached him and rested his hand on Donatello’s shoulder.  “You know that whatever you decide to do, we’ve got your back, right?”  Donnie’s eyes relaxed a bit.  He finally offered a small smile and nodded.  Leonardo returned the smile with a more optimistic one.  Leo was pleased to see Donnie’s smile get a bit more life to it as he ducked into his ‘sanctuary’.    
  
“You think he’s gonna be OK?” Raphael asked as he came up behind Leonardo.  He glowered at the door in front of them.  He hated it when his little brother got all withdrawn like this.  Donnie thought too much, in Raph’s opinion.  Sometimes it made things worse.  
   
“Yes, because we’ll be here to make sure he is,” Leo confidently stated.  Raph smirked at this, content with this promise.  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, Donatello leaned tiredly against it.  Part of him just wanted to go to bed.  He was sore and drained, emotionally as well as physically.  However, he was too tense and angry with this whole situation.  There was no way he’d be able to sleep until he had his head on straight.  What was so wrong with trying to keep his family in their happy, little bubble; to protect them from the ugliness of the truth?  His eyes widened at this thought.  He then chuckled quietly.  “Now I know how Splinter felt when we were begging him to go topside for the first time: completely torn between exposing us to what we needed to learn about the world and shielding us from what he knew was dangerous about that same world.”  
  
His hands went to the sides of his head as he massaged his temples.  There was the stress headache he’d been expecting.  He winced before going over to his computer desk.  While he woke the beast up, he reached for a bottle of migraine medicine and dosed himself without thinking.  After he swallowed the pills, he abruptly thought, “Doesn’t that stuff have caffeine?”  He kicked himself before he double checked the contents and snorted amusedly.  “Caffeine equivalent of one cup of coffee?  Please, that wouldn’t keep me up even if I’d washed it down with a Mountain Mist.”    
  
Relieved that he wasn’t going to be staying awake all night via caffeine overdose again, he keyed his password and went to the security program he’d created.  He checked all the sensors to be certain that none of them had been triggered or silenced as he’d promised Leo he would do.  Once that was done, he started  a diagnostic on the system to make sure that everything was in working order, at least as far as the computer was concerned.  He’d make a physical check of the sensors when he was less tired.  He yawned and checked the progress of a few simulations he had going while he waited.  They seemed to be working just fine.  
  
Not much to do now but wait for the diagnostic to finish.  He leaned back in his chair as he picked up the bottle of drinking water he always kept in his lab.  He took a sip before he absentmindedly pressed it down onto the trigger of his nearby vortex mixer.  With a mechanical whir, the device began to vibrate the bottle causing the water inside to dance wildly.  After a few moments the machine swirled the fluid just the right way to create a whirlpool within the bottle.  The perfect little cyclone was soothingly mesmerizing to watch and it held Donatello captive.  
   
When he felt his eyes glaze over, he jerked out of the little trance he’d fallen into.  He felt mortified as he realized that he’d just zoned out to the science equipment equivalent of a lava lamp.  “Mikey and I MUST be related,” he thought as he self-consciously looked around, hoping that no one had come in to see him doing that.  He’d never hear the end of it!  As he started to return to the computer, his eyes fell on…something.    
  
That was the only word he could find for it.  It sort of looked like a toaster but there was what seemed like an…arm coming off of it?  “Lewis’ project,” Donnie guessed as he picked it up to examine it more closely.  His eyes widened and he quickly moved a hand to catch the arm as it loosely swung down and almost fell completely off.  He fought the urge to laugh at his son’s adorable attempt at an invention as he put it back down before he broke it.  It had a long way to go.  However, he was certain that Lewis would get it working.  The boy was brilliant.  Just like his sisters.  Donatello couldn’t help a prideful smile as he thought of his three mischief makers.  
   
The smile died as almost soon as it appeared as he remembered Lewis’ face after he had snapped at Hikaru.  He’d scared the child.  Not just Lewis…he’d scared all three of them.  The idea of his children being frightened of him was distressing.  He wanted them to respect him, but he never felt that respect required fear.  And yet, he was using fear and intimidation to keep them from asking questions he was too cowardly to answer.  His eyes widened before he closed them and hung his head in shame.  That was what it boiled down to.  Sure, protecting the children had its part in this debacle but really, he was simply afraid.  Afraid to relive that part of his life and…perhaps worst of all…afraid of how his children would see him after the truth was told.  What would he do if they turned away from him?  “I’d die,” Donatello plainly answered the question churning in his mind.  An emotional lump rose in his throat and he took a deep breath to calm himself.  He didn’t need to lose it over possibilities.  What he needed to do was stop hiding.  Sensei was right, as always.    
  
A chime from the computer pulled him away from his thoughts.  He glanced at the machine and sighed wearily.  As he slipped back in front of it, he realized just how tired he was.  “What time is it anyway?” he mumbled as he looked at the screen.  “Two in the morning?!  No wonder I’m so tired.  Oh, training is going to be a nightmare,” he bemoaned.  He glanced at the coffee machine on the other side of his lab.  It called to him.  He entertained the idea of purposefully overdosing himself and plowing through what was left of the night and all of the next day on adrenaline, caffeine, and tenacious will.  However, three hours sleep was still better than no hours so he quickly looked at the results of the diagnostic.  The program was in order as he thought it would be so he logged off and went to go crawl into bed.  
  
Only he was stupid enough to still be up at this hour, so he was able to get to his bedroom without delay.  Once he was inside, he took out his T-phone so he could use it as a flash light.  The kids were all tucked in bed and sleeping peacefully.  He smiled even as he thought about how he REALLY needed to get them their own beds.  They were getting a little too big to still be sleeping with Mom, no matter how comforting Mom found it.  As he approached, he saw the mess Hikaru made with her gear and shook his head.  Someone was going to get hurt if he left it.  With his luck it’d be him so he knelt down to gather it together.  He draped her mask across the top of her stuff and placed it beside her siblings’ gear.  He couldn’t help but touch each of his children’s masks affectionately: brown for Lewis, black for Kaiya, and pink for Hikaru.    
  
After everything was in place, he took off his own gear, organizing it as he had with Hikaru’s.  Then he began his attempt to get into bed.  He knelt on edge of the bed and carefully eased himself over the sleeping youngsters to wedge himself between the wall beside his bed and Kaiya.  It would have been easier to just tuck himself on the outside of the bed behind Lewis.  However, if one of the children needed to use the restroom in the night, he would be a difficult obstacle to overcome.  As soon as he’d settled, he rested an arm above their heads and watched them for a bit.  He smiled tenderly as Kaiya rolled over towards him and snuggled into his plastron.  His smile became a touch relieved as Hikaru and Lewis cuddled up behind Kaiya, effectively pinning him against the wall.  He sighed contently, draped his free arm over the little ones, and buried his nose into Kaiya’s mane.  “Yes,” he thought as sleep swiftly approached.  “It’s time to stop hiding.  For them.  No matter what happens, they need to know.”


	5. Chapter 4

* * *

Chapter 4

 

The alarm clock went off all too soon for Donatello.  His eyes blearily opened as he stretched across the kids to shut the thing up before they woke up too.  They still had two blissful hours to sleep.  Donnie wished he had that as he rested a hand over his aching, tired eyes.  He might actually be worth something if he had two more hours.  The temptation was there, tantalizing him to skip practice…right up until Michelangelo poked his head in the room.  “Donnie!” he brightly whispered.  “Donnie!  Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!”  
  
Donatello groaned and shifted as much as he could considering how tightly he was pressed against the wall.  He peered out from under his hand to glower at Michelangelo who at least had the courtesy to look sheepish.  Donnie hated how Mikey could be so perky in the morning.  “I’m awake, Mikey,” he grumbled.  “I’ll be right there.”   
  
“Sounds like somebody didn’t get to bed at a decent time!” Mikey tsked.  
  
“Yeah and somebody’s going to be picking splinters out of his teeth at practice if he doesn’t go away right now,” Donnie hissed.  Mikey made an uneasy laugh and retreated as though his mask tails were on fire.  Once he was gone, Donnie dragged himself out of bed, geared up, and soundlessly left the room.  As soon as he closed the door, he was greeted by a delightfully robust smell.  There was Mikey with a magnificent cup of coffee held out in front of him as though he were trying to ward off a demonic force.  Donnie couldn’t help but smile.  “Michelangelo, you saint of a turtle,” he said as he took the cup and had to resist the desire to drain it in two gulps.   Mikey grinned cheerily.  He was glad that his brother seemed to be in a better mood already.    
  
Donnie was always happy when Mikey made him coffee.  He made it exactly the way Donatello liked it: just the right temperature so that it was hot without being so hot that it couldn’t be drunk quickly if needed and strong enough to peel paint.  Raphael was too inconsistent to be trusted with the all-important task of helping Donnie become aware enough to function.  Meanwhile, Leonardo blatantly refused to make it strong enough because he felt Donatello relied too much on his caffeine addiction.  
  
“Come on, you two,” Leo said as he peeked out of the dojo.  “Sensei’s waiting.”  Mikey nodded and quickly headed to the dojo. Donnie followed behind him while trying to drain every drop out of his cup before he had to abandon it on an end table just outside the door.  He so wished he could have had another, but apparently Life wasn’t being kind to him today.  Raphael was already inside practicing his katas.  He glanced at the two younger turtles and smirked in greeting.  Donnie and Mikey fell into step beside him, limbered up, and then got down to their own katas.   
  
Two hours later, Donatello was exhaustedly fending off his hyperactive brother in a spar.  Two pairs of brown and one pair of hazel eyes peered into the dojo.  He took one moment to offer his children a worn-out smile and an acknowledging nod.  Movement in the corner of his eye made him yelped and he instinctually brought up his bo to block a nunchuck to his head.  However, he was too slow to defend against the one that smacked him in the side.  He grunted in pain but ignored it to make a sweep at Michelangelo legs.  A satisfied smirk spread on his face as Mikey squeaked and fell with a thump onto his shell.  
  
“Yame!” Splinter barked out.  Donnie sighed in relief and planted one end of his bo to use it as a brace.  He offered a hand to Mikey.  Leo and Raph disengaged themselves and looked at their sensei, waiting for his next instructions.  “That is enough for now.  It is my youngest pupils’ turn for the dojo,” Splinter said with a noticeable touch of affection.  The kids jumped a bit.  They seemed a little bashful as they came into the room.  Clearly they hadn’t expected Sensei to have seen them so quickly.  
  
Raphael grinned at them.  “Have fun, squirts,” he said as he sheathed his sais and walked by them, messing up each one’s hair if they had any to mess up.  “Breakfast’s scrambled eggs a la Uncle Raph.  So work up an appetite.”    
  
“Hai!” they chimed at their uncle.    
  
“Are we doing weapons katas today, Sensei?” Donatello asked as he forced himself to straighten up and rested his bo on his shoulder.  
  
“Yes.  They are doing weapons katas today.  However, YOU are going to eat breakfast so you can regain your strength,” Splinter ordered sternly.  Donnie started to protest but his father cut him off.  “I saw how lackluster your katas were.  And how Michelangelo ran circles around you in your spar.  Leonardo will assist in their training today.”  
  
Donatello looked suitably meek as he rubbed the back of his head.  “H-hai, Sensei.  I’m sorry,” he apologized.  He turned to the youngsters and they instantly became uneasy.  It killed Donnie to see them like that.  He knelt in front of them so he could be at eye level and, hopefully, less intimidating.  First thing out of his mouth, “Did Lewis take his medicine?”  He failed to not turn pink as his brothers snickered at him for immediately going into ‘Mommy mode’.  All three of them nodded.  “Good.  I want to talk with you after you’ve had a chance to eat.  OK?”  They timidly nodded again.  He sighed before getting up and moving off towards the kitchen with every intention of polishing off the rest of the coffee that he knew waited for him.  First, a quick detour to his lab to grab a stack of papers and a red pen.  Breakfast was no reason to not get some work done.    
  
When Donnie finally got to the kitchen, he bit his lip to keep from laughing.  “Mikey, give me that!  Give me that right now or, I swear, I’ll shellac you!”   
   
“Nuh uh!  No way, bro!  Letting you cook isn’t worth it!”  Mikey was trying to save his kitchen from Hurricane Raph by playing keep away with the spatula.  Raph could cook alright, but he always left a huge mess that poor Mikey ended up cleaning.  Donnie knew better than to get involved so set his stuff on the table and dodged until he reached the liquid energy.  He refilled his cup, took a sip, then lifted it high above his head while avoiding the shorter turtles again as he walked back to the table with the coffee pot.  Once he’d settled and finished his second cup of the morning, he poured a third as he turned his attention to the papers.  He tucked the pen into his mask for safe keeping and began to read while sipping his coffee.  
  
Eventually, Raph’s strength won out.  He smacked Mikey a couple of times with the spatula for holding out on him.  Mikey plunked himself down at the table next to Donnie and sulked…for a couple of seconds.  The wonderful thing about Mikey was that he never stayed mad for long.  Especially when something else was available to distract him.  “What’cha doing, Donnie?”  Michelangelo crowded into Donatello’s personal space to try and see what he was so absorbed in.  Donnie leaned away from Mikey to give him an ‘Excuse you’ expression.  Mikey grinned as he rubbed the side of his head but he didn’t back off.    
  
“I’m grading an assignment I gave the trips,” Donnie answered, rolling his eyes as he tried to return his focus to the task at hand.  This was harder than it sounds because Mikey decided to rest his chin on Donnie’s shoulder so he could read over it.  
  
Raph glanced at them.   “Oh yeah?  What assignment is that, Tiger Mom?  Advanced calculus?”  
    
“No.  They are book reports,” Donatello answered absentmindedly before something clicked.  “Wa-wait, what?  Tiger mom!?  What are you-?!  I-I am NOT a tiger mom!” he stuttered.  
  
Raphael snorted amusedly and even Michelangelo chuckled.  “Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Donnie.”  
  
“I’m not!  They like to learn.  It’s FUN for them!  Just because they are doing physics at 8 while you, to this day, have problems with multiplication does not make me a tiger mom,” Donatello remarked with a definite snarky tone.  He yelped as he caught the bottle of hot sauce Raphael threw at his face.   
  
“Oh yeah?  What book did you have them read?” Raph growled, returning his attention to the food.  
  
“I didn’t have them read a book.  I had them pick a book to read.  THEY picked this one.”  
  
“OK, ok!  Sheesh!  I get it.  So, which one did they pick?”  
  
Donatello paused for an awkward moment as he shifted uncomfortably.  Mikey and Raph were both watching him and he could feel his cheeks warming up self-consciously.  “Um...which one?  Uh…G-George Orwell’s _Animal Farm_.”  
  
“I read that one!  It’s pretty cool!”  Raph and Donnie stopped their habitual bickering and looked at Mikey.  “What?  I read!” he said defensively.  
  
“I-I know, Mikey.  I know you read but, I didn’t expect to hear that you read that book,” Donnie said in surprise.  Then he grinned.  “Good for you, Mikey!  Isn’t it a beautifully written allegory of the Russian Revolution of 1917?  Plus the rise of the Stalin era in the Soviet Union?” he enthusiastically questioned.  
  
Michelangelo blinked blankly.  “Dude,” he drawled.  “I thought it was about a bunch of animals that take their farm from the humans only to have the pigs go all dark side on them.”  
  
Donatello stared at Mikey before his smile fell and he lowered his head to the table with a disillusioned groan.  He’d been so hopeful that Mikey had gotten SOMETHING beyond entertainment out of his reading choice that he’d forgotten who he was talking to.  Raph laughed as Donnie rapped his head on the table a couple of times.  Mikey just looked completely confused.    
  
This was the moment that April O’Neil walked in on.  “Hey guys!” she said cheerfully.  She paused when saw Donnie with his head resting on the table.  He was making soft, whimpering sounds like someone had just shot his puppy.  Meanwhile, Mikey bewilderedly patted him on the back.  April looked at Raphael unsurely.  “What’s going on?”  
  
“Oh nothing much!  Just watching Mikey build up Donnie’s hopes and dreams before smashing them to pieces,” Raph chuckled.  April gave Raph a dirty look as she went over to Donnie and gently pet his head.  She smiled at Mikey as he waved at her.  
  
“Hi April.  Want some coffee?” Donnie asked in a jaded tone as he rolled his head to one side so he could look up at her.  He didn’t want to sit up just yet.  If he did, she would stop what she was doing.  
  
April chuckled.  “You’re actually offering me some of your precious life energy?  I’m honored!” she teased.   
  
“I’m making another pot anyways.  I’ll add an extra cup to make up for the loss,” he teased in return as he smiled up at her.  She laughed and hugged him around the neck, finally making him sit up.  He allowed himself to savor the feeling of her against him.  Unfortunately, Raph unintentionally ruined it.  
  
“So, how’s Casey?  Couldn’t get his lazy butt up to come down and visit, eh?”  Raph asked as he dished out the eggs he just finished.  Mikey fetched the plates and brought them over to the table so they could be passed out.    
  
“Huh?” April asked.  “Oh!  Yeah,” she said as she let Donnie go and sat down beside him.  Donatello sighed disappointedly.  “Yeah, he didn’t want to get up when I stopped by his place.  He must have been out all night again,” she said while rolling her eyes.  Donatello snorted as he got up to get April a cup.  She smiled at his reaction.  Donnie didn’t approve of Casey Jones.  Even though she wasn’t dating Casey anymore, April knew Donatello still had some jealousy going on.  Donnie hadn’t tried to get her attention romantically for a long time despite the fact that his feelings were as obvious as ever.  She kind of missed it so his reaction was always nostalgic for her.  
  
She kept her smile from getting bigger as she watched him add creamer and sugar to the cup he’d gotten before he filled the rest of the cup with coffee.  Once he was done, he tasted the mixture and grimaced.  He grinned awkwardly as he offered her the cup.  She took it and tasted the brew.  “Mmmm, perfect as usual Donnie.”  
  
“I don’t know how you can drink it with that stuff,” Donnie stated as he sat down and pulled two plates close, offering one of them to her.  
  
“Well I, honestly, don’t know how you can drink it black!” April laughed.  “Thanks!  I’m starving!  Itadakimasu!” she declared, smiling as Michelangelo mirrored her.  She ate a few bites before she looked up at the three brothers.  “So, what are you guys up to today?”  Michelangelo rattled off a whole slew of things he planned to do while April listened.  Raphael interrupted occasionally to harass Mikey and say what his own plans were.  Through all of this, Donatello stayed quiet.  He was trying to focus on reading while hoping that April would not realize that he hadn’t responded.  “What about you, Donnie?  
  
“Yup, Life has it in for me today,” he thought as he felt his face betray him.  
  
“I bet you and the kids are going to stick yourselves under the Shellraiser all day,” April laughed playfully.  Her face fell when she saw Donatello’s expression go from focused to distressed.  “Donnie?  What’s wrong?” she asked anxiously.  She gently cupped his face so she could get him to look at her.   
   
Donnie’s eyes met April’s briefly.  He couldn’t hold her gaze for long and ended up looking down.  “I-I…” he stuttered awkwardly.  He stopped to take a deep, centering breath.  “I’m…going to tell the trips...” he tried to continue but the words stuck in his throat.  
  
“Tell them what?” April asked encouragingly as she let his face go.  
  
“I’m going to tell them about how they were born, who their father is.  Everything.  I-I’m going to tell them everything,” Donatello stated as resolutely as he could but he could still hear a tremor in his voice.  His brothers’ stopped what they were doing to look at him in disbelief.  After they’d gotten over the initial shock they smiled at each other, happy that he’d come to a decision.  
  
“What?  Donnie, you can’t be serious.  They are too young!”  
  
Donatello chuckled quietly as he rested a hand on April’s cheek.  “Oh April, where were you yesterday?” he said non-accusingly.  She seemed worried at his rhetorical question.  He gave her a weak smile.  “I would have liked to hear that I wasn’t the only one thinking like that.”  
  
“What do you mean?  Did they pressure you into this?” she asked, her tone becoming protective.  April abruptly shot angry looks at Michelangelo and Raphael.  They were amazed at the severity behind her eyes.    
  
“No!” Donatello quickly reassured her.  He tried to recover from the surprise of how fast she moved to defend him.  “No, they didn’t.  I’m the one that decided this.”  She seemed incredulous to hear this.  “I was up till two this morning thinking about this.  Sensei is right.  You too, Mikey,” Donnie said to his little brother who grinned.  “I can’t hide from my past and I can’t hide them from it either.  The trips are more mature than most kids their age.  They can probably handle it.  Besides, they are MY children.  If I continue to keep this from them, they’ll think up their own scenarios for what happened.  That could be more dangerous than just telling them.  I just…have to keep telling myself that no matter what happens, we’ll handle it together.”  
  
“You got that right,” Raph said as he came over to rest a hand on Donnie’s shoulder.  “We’ll ALL handle it together.  You got that?  So, don’t you go hiding in your lab if things go south.”  Donnie turned a bit pink at this but gave his older brother a smile and a nod.  
  
“Why don’t we make this a family thing?” Mikey asked cheerfully.  “You know…have all of us together while Donnie tells them.  That way we can help…and tell the mini-Donnies what was going on with us while Donnie was doing what he was doing.”  
  
“Not a bad idea, Mikey!  You’re on a roll, aren’t ya?” Raph said with a grin as he moved over to Mikey and noogied him.  
  
“ARGH!  Thanks…I think,” Mikey grumbled, rubbing his head after Raph was done with him.  
  
“No, no, no!  You guys had plans!  I don’t want you change what you’ve got going on.  I’ve got this,” Donnie tried to reassure them.  
  
“Donnie.”  Donatello stopped talking as Raphael came back to him.  Raph suddenly used the fact that Donnie was sitting down as a chance to put him in a headlock.  Donnie squeaked and grabbed at the arm around his neck defensively.  “This is more important than the time wasters we were talking about.  We’re doing this!  I refuse to not be there for my brother when he needs me.  Again,” Raph said the last part weakly as he rested his chin on Donnie’s shoulder.    
  
Donatello flinched.  Then he relaxed in Raphael’s grasp and leaned his head against Raph’s.  “All right, Raph.  We’ll do it your way.  …thanks,” he said softly.  He smiled when he felt Raph rest his other arm around him, subtly turning the headlock into more of a hug.  After a moment of peace, an acrid smell drifted its way under Donatello’s nose making his eye ridges furrow.  “Does anyone else smell smoke?” he asked as he looked around.    
  
Raph blinked a bit.  His eyes widened and he quickly ran over to the stove to scrape around in the pan.  Mikey went with him, peeked over Raph’s shoulder, and cried out in horror.  “SERIOUSLY?  How do you screw up scrambled eggs?!  That’s it!  You are banned from the kitchen, dude!  Bad enough I have clean up after you but now I’ve gotta find new pans too!”  
  
“Oh come on!  I only left it for a minute.  It’s not that bad!  A little soap and elbow grease will take care of that.”  
  
Donnie and April stared at the two arguing before they looked at each other.  He was the first one to smile which soon spread to both of them trying to stifle laughter.  Afterwards, April looked at Donnie with a more sober expression.  She rested a hand on one of his.  “Are you absolutely sure about this, Donnie?” she asked.  
  
He smiled fondly as he rested his free hand on top of hers, pinning it between both of his.  “Yes.  Completely sure.”  
  
She breathed a sigh and nodded.  “Then, I want to be there too.  And, no, you’re not talking me out of it,” she warned as Donnie started to object.  She couldn’t help but chuckle as his mouth shut with a slight click.  Quite suddenly a low growl rumbled out.  “What…was that?”  Donatello rubbed the back of his head embarrassedly.  April quickly realized that Donnie hadn’t touched breakfast yet.  “Donnie!  Eat already!  Gah, no wonder you’re thinner than your brothers!”   
   
He flinched before he picked up the coffee pot, poured himself the last bit and nervously chuckled as he pointed at the now empty carafe.  “Um…c-can I get the next pot started, first?” he asked hesitantly.    
  
April glared at him and he gave her an uneasy smile.  “Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes.  His smile became relieved as he got up to make the coffee.  April shook her head even as she smiled after him.


	6. Chapter 5

* * *

Chapter 5

 

Three hours later, April found herself staring at Donatello in complete disbelief.  Despite the fact that he drank a pot and a half of coffee at breakfast, Donnie politely covered his mouth as he yawned.  He noticed that she was staring and blushed.  “Sorry.  Still too much blood in my caffeine stream,” he joked.  
  
“You’re going to run yourself into the ground if you keep this up.  None of us want to walk in the lab to find you passed out while still half in the go cart’s engine.  Again,” April fussed as she gently poked a finger against his nose.  
   
“Patrol Buggy,” Donnie corrected, making April have to fight the urge to smile.  He’d been fighting that losing battle for years but he still wasn’t budging.  “The Shellraiser was out of commission and we needed a mode of transportation the next night.  It was faster to make sure the Patrol Buggy was in working order than to repair the Shellraiser.”  
  
“Yeah, and it probably could have gone even faster if you’d taken a nap first.”  Donnie had the consideration to look embarrassed.    
  
“Hey April?” Michelangelo called as he came into the living room.  “I think you forgot something the last time you stayed over.”  
  
“What makes you say that, Mikey?” she asked.  
  
“This,” he blithely stated as he held up a small brassiere.  
  
Donnie face palmed and turned as red as a tomato.  April coughed, turning a bit pink herself.  “Um, Mikey.  That’s not mine.  It’s…too small.”    
  
“Then…who’s is it?”  
  
“That’s Kaiya-chan’s, Mikey,” Donnie said, still hiding his face in embarrassment.  Why did Mikey have no tact?  
  
There was a long pause.  “No way, bro!  She’s not even double digits yet!”  
  
“Why are you yelling like it’s my fault!?” Donnie shouted back.  “She’s a growing girl.  It was going to happen eventually.  It just…happened sooner rather than later.  Much to my woe, I assure you.”  
  
“What about Hikaru-chan?” Michelangelo asked apprehensively.  
  
Donnie considered the question.  “Well, she takes more after her turtle side.  She probably won’t develop in that way.  Even if she does, her shell covers her.  Kaiya-chan doesn’t have a shell.”  He sighed wearily as he rubbed his forehead.  “She already wears clothes so it should be just another part of her ensemble and yet, that one item implies so much more.  All of it stress inducing,” he muttered.  
  
“Man, this sucks!  That Bill Engvall dude is right.  ‘Women should get boobs at twenty-one.  Just, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!  BOOM!  There they are,’” Mikey complained as he returned to the wash room and held the bra away from himself as though it were the most evil thing in the world.  Donnie smiled at his brother.  Yeah, that quote sure said it all.  
  
“Those little girls are going to have a rough time when they get older.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Donnie asked April in honest curiosity.  “THEY are going to have a rough time?  What about ME?!” he thought.  
  
“Well, not only do they basically have a mom and a dad rolled into one extremely protective package...”  Donnie huffed at this but still turned a nice shade of pink.  “…but they also have three overprotective uncles.  Plus all four of you are highly trained martial artists.  Boys aren’t going to stand much of a chance.”  
  
“Any boy who tries is going to find himself drowning in raw sewage,” Donnie growled as he aggressively scribbled a correction on the paper he was checking.  
  
“I believe my point has just been made,” April mused aloud with a smile.  She put the conversation on hold for another time when she heard voices approaching.  The girls they were just talking about plus their brother came into the room followed by their red and blue clad uncles.  Both adults looked like they were in pain.  April soon got to hear why.  
  
“Ne, Leo-ojisan!  What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?” Lewis cheerfully asked.  
  
Leo sighed but decided to humor the boy.  “I don’t know, Lewis.  What?”  
  
“A one molar solution!” Lewis grinned while Leonardo just looked confused.  April heard a chuckle from Donatello.  Of course, HE would get it.  
  
“You three need an ‘off’ button.  Just like your mom,” Raph grumbled.  
  
“Lewis, don’t you remember what Mother always says?  ‘If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate,’” Kaiya sagely stated before she and her brother giggled madly.  
  
“Oo, I got one!  I got one!  The past, the present, and the future all walked into a bar at the same time.  It was tense,” Hikaru declared dramatically.  Her serious expression dissolved into laughter that mingled with her siblings’ as three out of the four adults groaned.  
  
“You guys know that the United States is the only place you can find inch worms, right?” Donatello abruptly spoke up after he stifled a chuckle.  
  
“REALLY!?” all three children said as they ran over to him.  Leo and Raph breathed a thankful sigh, thinking that Donnie had come to the rescue.  
  
“That’s right.   All the others had to convert to metric,” Donnie answered plainly but he couldn’t hide the playful gleam in his eyes.  The kids blinked for a moment before they fell over each other laughing.  He grinned.  
  
“Donnie, don’t encourage them!” Leo groaned.  “We just spent all of breakfast listening to that kind of stuff.”  Donnie joined his children in laughter.  
  
“Besides, I don’t get it,” Mikey said as he came back into the living room.    
  
“Don’t worry about it, Mikey.  Be thankful you’re not enough of a dork to get it,” Raph said as he flopped himself down on the couch next to April.  
  
“We prefer the term ‘nerd’, Raph-ojisan,” Lewis stated proudly, holding his ‘index’ finger up in an exact mimic of his mother’s lecture pose.  “We’d rather not be called a word that is also an offensive term for a penis.”  
  
Raphael’s eyes went huge at what just came out of his little nephew’s mouth.  “Donnie, exactly what have you been teaching them?”  
  
Donatello, himself, seemed a bit astonished before he regarded his only son.  “You’ve been reading the dictionary again, haven’t you?” he asked with a smile.  Lewis grinned broadly.   “That’s my boy!”  He ruffled Lewis’ mane playfully.  The boy giggled then grabbed his arm to wrestle with it.  Donnie’s smile widened in delight.  They didn’t seem to be nervous about him anymore.  He was so thankful for that.  “I take it you had a good practice?” he asked as he set his papers aside, snagged the three of them, and affectionately nose bumped each in turn.  
  
“HAI!” they sang out cheerfully as they squirmed in his grasp.  
  
“Sensei was pleased with their progress.  He says they are right on par with us when we were their age,” Leo reported with a relaxed smile, stretching out on the floor beside Donnie.  He chuckled when his younger brother yelped as he was overtaken by his enthusiastic children.  “See how much energy you’d have if you just went to bed at a reasonable time?” he teased.   “I think even Mikey would have a hard time dealing with you.”  He laughed at the filthy look Donnie managed to throw him before he was pulled onto his carapace by the efforts of the little terrors.  
   
The four of them play wrestled for a bit while others watched, talked, and made good-natured bets on who would ‘beat’ who.  Donatello was hoping to work off some of the kids’ energy.  That way they could have a calm talk afterwards.  However, they were doing a better job of wearing HIM out.  Kaiya hopped onto his plastron and grinned impishly down at him.  He grinned mischievously in return and started tickling her.  She squealed with laughter as she tried to guard her tickle spots.  He chuckled before he cried out in surprise.  The other two were trying to save their sister by initiating their own tickle attack.    
  
Soon Donnie was on the defensive trying to fend them off while laughing and trying not to kick out too much for fear of hurting one of them.  “Enough!  Enough!  I-hahah!  I give!  I surrender!” he cried out while trying to curl into as much of a ball as his shell allowed.  He gasped for air while the kids cheered in triumph.  Then Lewis apparently decided that since the rescue was over, it was time to take one of his sisters down.  He pounced the very one they’d just saved.  Donnie sighed as he rolled onto his carapace again to try to catch his breath.  He grunted when Hikaru jumped on him.   “Time out, Hikaru-chan!  Time out!  Mommy needs a breather.”    
  
When she looked down at him with a grim expression, Donatello became confused and concerned.  He watched her pupils’ contract to thin rectangles from anxiety.  However, she sounded more sad than nervous when she spoke.  “M-Mom?  I’m…I’m sorry about last night.  I didn’t mean to make you so mad.”  
  
Donatello’s eyes softened.  “Oh sweet pea…I’m sorry too,” he said tenderly as he pet her head.  “I’ve always encouraged you three to ask questions.  It was hypocritical of me to jump down your throat for doing exactly that.  Forgive me?”  She was clearly startled at the returned apology but she nodded, bringing the smile back to Donnie’s face.  “Why don’t you go play with your siblings for a bit longer?  We need to talk, but you guys don’t need to be revved up like you are now.  OK?”  She nodded again but this time with a relieved smile.  Then she bent down, nose bumped him, and ran off to tackle Kaiya who currently had Lewis in a chokehold.    
  
Donnie chuckled at Kaiya’s squeal of shock as he rolled onto his hands and knees so he could crawl to where he’d been sitting.  The others snickered at him.  An embarrassed flush spread across his face but he was too wiped to stand up just yet.  He groaned as he plunked down next to Leonardo again.  His eyes closed while he tried to recuperate.  After a couple of minutes, he felt someone tap his shoulder.  He looked at Leo.  “Raph filled me in.  You’re sure you want to do this?  We didn’t guilt or pressure you into it?”  
  
He smiled weakly at his brother’s concerned expression.  “I am sure about this and no one’s pressured me into anything.”  
  
Leo calmed at the reassurance.  “You want Splinter to be here?” he asked as he rested a hand on Donatello’s shoulder.  Donnie startled at this.  He hadn’t thought about it and now his mind raced.  Leo took one look at Donnie bewildered expression, chuckled, and patted his brother’s shoulder before using it as a brace to stand up.  “I’ll go get him.”     
  
Donnie started to protest but instead forced himself to relax.  “Leo…”  Leonardo turned to look at him.  Donnie swallowed emotionally.  “…thank you.”  Leo smiled, winked, and then retreated to their sensei’s room.  Once Leo was gone, Donnie turned his gaze to his children.  He watched them frisk around, marveling at their liveliness.  “Was I ever that energetic?” he wondered.  “No, I suspect that is from their father.”  He swallowed nervously as things really started sinking in.  “Today is the day I tell them about their father.  How do I do this?  Where do I start?  How much information is too much information?  I want to tell them, not traumatize them.”  
  
Michelangelo seemed to sense Donatello’s sudden mood change.  He slid off the couch and settled at his brother’s side.  “You cool bro?” Mikey asked as he leaned against Donnie.  Donatello jolted out of his thoughts and looked fretfully at Michelangelo.  “Um…that’s a ‘no’.  You’ll do fine, Donnie.  I’m sure of it.  Besides, we’ll be right here, dude.”  
  
“I-I know,  Mikey.  I just…”  He closed his eyes before he quietly continued.  “You know how I am.  I just can’t stop thinking about what I should tell them and how.  I-I’m seriously freaking myself out.  I just-”  Mikey quieted Donnie’s rambling by putting an arm around him and resting their heads together.  Donnie trembled before he took a cleansing breath and relaxed into Mikey’s hold.  Sometimes, Michelangelo’s confident presence was just the balm Donatello needed.    
  
It wasn’t long before Leonardo returned with Splinter in tow.  Everyone that was sitting immediately stood up in deference to their sensei.  Once Splinter had taken a seat, they returned to their relaxed posture but Donnie remained standing.  Now that everyone had arrived he’d gone into planning mode.  “What would be the best place for this?” he thought.  “Well, I’m going to be the ‘storyteller’ so…I guess the best thing would be to face my ‘audience’ and place the trips between myself and the others.  Maybe that will make it easier to alternate narration?”  Once he’d come to a decision, he took about three steps away from the couch and sat down facing it, back to the TV.    
  
He was just getting settled when Raph spoke up.  “Donnie.”  Donatello paused to look up at Raphael.  “Come here.”  Donnie blinked at this request but dragged himself back to his feet so he could approach his brother.  He looked down at Raph once he was in front of him, yet Raphael gestured for him to come even closer.  So, Donnie crouched down so that he was face to face with Raph.  “I thought we were doing this together.”  
  
“Um…yeah.  That’s what I was planning.”  
  
“Then why are you sitting by yourself?  Makes it look like it’s us against you,” Raphael growled.  He smacked Donatello upside his head, making him yelp.  
  
“S-sorry!  I hadn’t thought of that,” Donnie anxiously said.  He hadn’t intended to send that kind of message.  “I just thought that I should face everyone if I was going to be doing most of the talking.”  
  
Raph narrowed his eyes at Donnie.  “Fine,” he groused.  “Do what you want.”    
  
Donnie looked unsure before he stood up and moved over to where he had planned on sitting.  Even though Raphael had brought up a good point, Donatello still felt that it was the best place to set up.  He had restarted his efforts to settle in when Raph stood up.  He came over to Donnie and considered him for a moment.  Just as Donatello was starting to get uneasy, Raphael sat down to his right with his back to Donnie, crossed his arms, and rested his shell against Donnie’s side.  Donnie’s eyes went the size of bowling balls and he looked at Raph out of the corner of them.  He felt like a box of lit dynamite had just sat next to him.  Judging by April’s muffled giggle, he must have looked hilarious.  “Glad someone’s getting a laugh out of this,” he thought as he gave April a dry look.    
  
Once she’d gotten herself under control, April decided to save Donnie’s nerves.  They were frayed enough.  He watched her curiously as she came over and sat down on his left side.  She rested her shoulder against his arm.  Donnie was incredibly tense but she smiled as she felt some of that tension leave him at her touch.  “Well, at least I’ve made up for Raph,” she thought.  She knew that making Donnie edgy was not Raph’s intention.  He was trying to show support in his own way.  However, Raph had always been so cantankerous with Donnie that he expected to be manhandled more often than treated kindly.  She caught a glimpse of Raph on Donnie’s other side.  The small smile on his face and in his eyes sent her his thanks.  She winked at him in return.  
  
It was only a few minutes after the group was settled that Donnie decided that the kids had worked off enough energy.  He called to them and they stopped crawling all over each other to look at him.  Kaiya was the first one to come over.  She was soon followed by Lewis and Hikaru who were still shoving each other playfully.  The three took one look at all the adults and instantly became worried.    
  
Donnie tried to calm them.  “You three didn’t do anything wrong so you can’t be in trouble.”  All three of them relaxed.  They didn’t want to know what they had to do wrong to get their grandfather AND their uncles in on the lecture.  Donatello gestured for them to sit which they did without hesitation.   After taking a fortifying breath, Donnie began.  “I already spoke a bit to Hikaru, but I still feel that owe you an apology for last night.  You three were asking questions that I didn’t want to face the answers to.  So I lashed out to make you stop asking them.  I frightened you.  I was wrong to do that and I’m sorry.”  Donatello closed his eyes, hung his head, and waited for the children to process what was said.  His eyes opened again when three little sets of arms tried to wrap themselves around him.  He breathed a sigh of relief as he returned their hug.  
  
He allowed himself to cherish the moment even as he silently hoped it wouldn’t be the last.  Donatello continued once they were sitting again.  “Because of what happened, I stayed up thinking about what I could do or should do.  I ended up realizing that I was being unfair…and cowardly.”  The kids looked at each other at this.  The idea of their mom being a coward about anything was completely foreign to them.  Donnie didn’t give them time to dwell on it.  “I convinced myself that I was protecting you.  While that was part of it, I was also protecting myself.”  He paused long enough to steel himself.  “That ends now.  I decided that what happened last night can’t and won’t happen again.  Today, I tell you everything about where you came from and who your father was.”

 


	7. Chapter 6

* * *

Chapter 6

 

_The children looked stunned at Donatello’s revelation but it was Hikaru who recovered and spoke first.  “Really?  No fooling?  You’re going to tell us?  Right now?” she questioned in disbelief as she looked around at her uncles, auntie, and grandfather.  Somehow she’d always envisioned this moment to be more private._  
  
_Donnie smiled at her confusion.  “Your uncles have offered to fill in details that I wasn’t there for,” he explained.  “We talked and felt that it would be better to do this as a family.  A-are you three OK with that?  I don’t want you to feel…overwhelmed.”_  
  
_“Considering how hesitant you were about telling us, I suspect that we are going to be a little overwhelmed regardless of how many people are in the room,” Kaiya confessed.  “You know best, Mother.  We trust your judgment.”  That brought a little more light to Donatello’s smile._  
  
_“Then…shall we begin?”_  
  
_“WAIT!” Michelangelo shouted.  Everyone looked at him and blinked blankly.  Mikey grabbed a pillow off the couch, flopped onto his plastron, and rested his elbows on top of the pillow.  “READY!” he announced while grinning and resting his head in his hands._  
  
_Leo and Raph both rolled their eyes at the youngest of the four brothers but Donnie couldn’t help a chuckle.  He had needed a moment of lightheartedness.   Donnie suspected that was exactly why Mikey had done it.  Donatello looked at the children who were patiently waiting for him and made once last cleansing intake of breath.  “Most stories are best told from the beginning.  So, this one starts about nine years ago…”_

**********

Donatello growled in exasperation.  Nothing.  Again, all he found was nothing.  Nothing about the Kraang’s plans, nothing about why they wanted April, and nothing about where they were keeping Mr. O’Neil.  “Maybe if I…” he thought as his fingers flew over the keyboard.  He and April flinched and covered their ears as a loud klaxon sounded.  “SEWER APPLES!”  
  
“What happened?” Leonardo demanded as he and the others ducked into the chamber.    
  
“I tried to hack further into the system and it triggered an alarm,” Donnie answered irritably.  
  
“Not me!  It wasn’t me again!” Michelangelo celebrated his brother’s failing earning him a nasty scowl from Donnie.  Mikey didn’t notice.  He was just happy it hadn’t been him getting them in trouble lately.  “OUCH!” he squawked as he got smacked in the head by Raphael.  “What was that for?!”  
  
“You can rub it in Donnie’s face AFTER we’re out of here!” Raph growled as he and Leo both turned to run for it.  
  
“Oh!  Right,” Mikey exclaimed as he ran after his brothers with April and Donnie quickly bringing up the rear.    
  
Donnie felt miserable as they moved through the Kraang facility.  It was upsetting that he’d gotten them discovered again.  The Kraang had stepped up their computer security making it harder for him to get to the information they cared about.  However, that was a moot point.  He’d figure it out eventually.  What really troubled him was that this time he’d triggered the alarm while April was with them.  He’d already been stressing out about bring her to a Kraang base.  Now he may as well have gotten on the intercom and shouted ‘SHE’S HERE!  COME AND GET HER!’  
  
So far they’d managed to avoid the Kraang droids.  It gave him hope that they’d get out without being found.  They reached a junction and stopped to hide against the wall.  “Donnie!  Which way?” Leo hoarsely whispered to him.    
  
Donatello crept past the others so that he could get a better look at the intersection.  He closed his eyes as he recalled the schematic that he’d found on the Kraang storage device.  “That way,” Donnie said as he pointed down the right passage.  Leo nodded and motioned for the others to follow him.  Donnie stood to the side, allowing his brothers past so that he could walk with April.  He was determined to make sure that she got out of there fine.  His eyes widened in panic when he realized that April was gone.  He looked down the hall they had just come from before he looked after the others.    
  
Every instinct screamed at him to call his brothers back so they could find April together.  “She can’t have gotten far,” he convinced himself.  She’d been right beside him only a moment ago after all.  “April!” he half called, half whispered as he ran down the hallway.  He found her working on the lock to a room.  “April, what are you doing?  We’ve got to get out of here.”  
  
April stubbornly kept picking the lock.  “We said we’d check this room before we left.  I want to get a look.”  
  
“I’m sorry, April.  We don’t have time anymore.  We can try again later.”  
  
“But…what if my father is in here?  They’ll move him before we have a chance to come back!”  April looked up at him, imploringly.  “Please, Donnie.  Just a quick look?”  Donatello swallowed hard.  He was caught between listening to his head or his heart.  After a moment, Donnie pulled his bo and took up a sentry stance behind her.  His devotion to April had won out.  He couldn’t deny her.  Not when she looked at him like that.  “Thanks, Donnie,” April said with an appreciative smile as she resumed her work.    
  
“Please, just make it quick.  We were running out of time five minutes ago,” he replied nervously while he looked up and down the hallway.  No sign of the Kraang yet, but that was guaranteed to change.  Donnie was about to grab April and deal with her wrath later when the door opened with a soft hiss.  April walked in with Donatello walking backwards behind her.  It was only when they were inside the room and the doors hissed closed that Donnie dared turn around to see where they were.    
  
The dimly lit area definitely wasn’t a cell block but to say that it wasn’t for holding beings against their will would be wrong.  The room was occupied with work stations, tables with restraints, and tall fluid-filled cylindrical tubes.  A few of the tubes had occupants that were so mutilated that Donnie couldn’t even venture a guess.  A chill worked its way down his shell.  “This place reminds me of the nightmares I had when I was six and reading _The Island of Dr. Moreau_ ,” Donnie said in a hushed tone, not daring to talk any louder.  
  
April was just as disturbed as Donatello as the two wandered around the room.  She came up to one of the tubes and rested a hand on the glass.  The creature inside looked like it MAY have been human…or maybe some animal that had been transmuted with a human.   “Poor things,” she said sympathetically.  “You think any of them are still alive?” she asked while she turned to look at Donatello.  
  
Donnie looked to her briefly before he turned his attention to the tube.  It had a data panel on it so he carefully keyed a few buttons.  “No.  According to this all of them are dead.  They’re here waiting on…further dissection.”  Donatello gulped and shook his head.  “I guess Leatherhead and Pigeon Pete were the lucky ones,” he weakly commented as April moved to hug his arm to her.  
  
The door suddenly swished opened snapping them both out of their thoughts.  “Hide!” Donnie and April whispered at each other.  They darted away from the tube to find cover.   He concealed himself behind another tube while April ducked under a work station.  Donatello mentally cursed when the lights in the room brighten.    
  
“So much for that advantage,” he thought drily.

\----------------

The three remaining brothers had run into a snag of their own.  A small unit of Kraang droids stood between them and the air shaft they intended to use as their escape route.  Raph grinned excitedly as he stormed them, dodging laser blasts as he went.  Leo ducked and weaved along with his red clad brother while Mikey followed with his customary battle cry.  The three of them rained destruction on the droids.  Soon the path was clear without any of them suffering injury.  As Mikey did a victory dance, Leo knocked the vent cover down with his sword so Raph could shoot a grappling hook up the shaft.  From where they were they could see the night sky.  “Good call, Donnie,” Leo stated with a smile as he turned to the purple masked turtle.  His smile vanished.  “Uh, Donnie?  April?” he asked as he looked around the immediate area.  Raph looked around too, his expression becoming just as concerned as Leo’s.  “Mikey?  Where are Donnie and April?”  
  
Mikey stopped his dance to blink in surprise.  He looked around before he gestured emphatically behind himself.  “They WERE right here.  Maybe they stopped to check something?  I’ll go find them!” Mikey said as he turned to go the way they came.  He froze when he heard the sounds of several more Kraang droids advancing on them.    
  
Raph growled as he returned his sais to battle position.  Before he could join Mikey, who had also gone battle ready, Leo rested a hand on his shoulder.  “It’s too risky for us to stand our ground here.  We’ll be boxed in.  Let’s move this to the roof.  With any luck, those droids will follow us and clear a path for April and Donnie.”  
  
“What if they’re in trouble?  We need to get to them and make sure they’re alright,” Raph insisted.  
  
“Donnie can handle himself and he won’t let anything happen to April.  They’ll catch up but if we don’t keep the Kraang distracted, then they are going to have problems.  Let’s go!” Leo insisted.  Raphael didn’t look too happy about it, but he complied with Leonardo’s decision.  Leo held the rope steady while the other two made the climb.  He looked down the hall for any sign of his missing brother and friend.  Despite what he told Raph, Leo worried about them.  “They’ll be fine.  Have faith in them,” he told himself.  His thoughts were interrupted when the first of the new Kraang droids came around the corner.  “Bet you can’t catch us, tin cans!” he baited as he stuck his tongue out at them.  They immediately started shooting.  He laughed mockingly and fled up the rope.    

\----------------

He could hear that someone had come into the room, but the person didn’t have the mechanical sounds of a Kraang droid.  Their heavy, clip-clopping footsteps meant it couldn’t be one of those mini hovercrafts either.  “So not Kraang.  Maybe one of the scientists the Kraang kidnapped?”  Regardless, whoever they were, they had size on their side…or at least were not light on their feet.  “Well, that narrows it down to either a football player or a woman in clogs,” Donatello mentally grumbled.  However, if they were a scientist, then he and April could help them escape.  April wouldn’t be exposed to the enemy and they may actually get some information out of this trip!    
  
Donatello peeked around the edge of the tube to get a look at their potential ally.  His eyes widened.  “Well, that is not what I expected,” he thought.  The person that had joined them was clearly a mutant; a mutated horse to be precise.  Donnie had been right about the creature having size on his side.  The mutant was easily two feet taller than Donnie and built like a draft horse.  His feet were still hooves but they were nearly hidden by white knee-high feathering.  Luckily for the creature, the mutation had graced him with hands; three fingers and a thumb like Splinter.  “What is a mutant doing here?  Is he working for the Kraang?  Or is he fighting them like us?” Donnie contemplated while he watched the brown and white mottled being move around the room.    
  
The mutant was carrying something that looked unnervingly like a body bag.  He dropped it onto a table, keyed something on one of the empty tubes, and was about to leave when he stopped.  It seemed like he’d noticed something.  Donnie ducked back behind his tube and quietly prayed that the mutant would just resume his business.  Those prayers went unanswered when he heard April yelp.  “You do not have the authorization of Kraang to be here,” the horse man stated, his baritone confirming that Donnie had been using the proper pronoun.  “Come with me.”  He reached out to seize her.    
  
April slashed at him with her tessen.  The horse man cried out and grasped his arm for a moment.  He frowned at her before he struck out, knocking her weapon from her grasp.  Then he pulled her out from her hiding place as she kicked and punched at him.  Once he’d gotten her out, he took a good look at her.  His head cocked to one side.  “You are The One, are you not?  The one known as April O’Neil?”  
  
“Sewer apples!” Donnie murmured to himself for the second time that night as he surged out of his hiding spot to rush the mutant.  The horse man never saw him coming until he let out a shout and swung his staff, striking the mutant hard in the side.  He dropped April as he went crashing into several of the tubes.  Donatello helped April to her feet.  “Let’s blow this creep show.”  
  
“Couldn’t agree with you more!” April said as she snatched up her tessen and made a break for the door.    
  
Donnie was fast on her heels.  He heard the horse man groan and start shifting among the rubble.  “I didn’t think it’d be that easy.  No time to be leisurely, April!  We’re going to have company if we are,” he warned.    
  
“Right!”  She broke into a full-fledged run.  “Donnie, I’m so sorry!  I should have listened to you.  I almost got us caught.”  
  
“But we didn’t and that’s what matters,” Donnie reassured as he easily kept pace with her.  “Of course, if you feel THAT bad about it you can make it up to me with some gyoza later,” he teased with a wink.  She managed enough breath to laugh and he smiled.  His smile lessened when he heard a sound reminiscent of rolling thunder.  When he looked over his shoulder all the mirth left of his expression.  The horse man was right behind them and gaining rapidly.   “He’s a horse.  No kidding he’s catching up!” he scolded himself for being dense.  
  
He glanced in front of them and spotted his brothers’ escape route.  It was too far ahead for them to make it without a diversion.  “April, go for the rope.  I’ll deal with this guy.”  
  
April had been looking at the horse man with obvious dread.  Donnie’s words snapped her attention back to him.  “WHAT!  No way!  I’m not leaving you!”  
  
“I’ll be fine!  I promise!  Just go!”  He skidded as he made the direction change.  “See you at Murakami-san’s!”  
  
April watched as her friend charged the horse man.  “Be careful, Donnie!” was all she could say as she reluctantly did as he demanded of her.    
  
The gap between Donatello and the horse man closed quickly.  When they were almost on top of each other Donnie realized that the mutant intended to ignore him and go for April.  His eyes narrowed.  “So that’s how it’s gonna to be.  Fine then.  I’ll MAKE you pay attention to me!”  Just before they passed each other, Donnie tossed a smoke bomb at the mutant’s face.    
  
The horse man made a spooked sound and came to a stop as he was blinded by the explosion of smoke.  He grunted in pain when something hit him in the stomach and then his back.  The smoke screen wouldn’t be up for much longer and Donnie was going to take full advantage of it.  He attacked the mutant with his staff spinning, intending to knock him in the head.  The horse man swung out blindly, backhanding Donnie across the face.  
   
Donatello slid back a few feet but managed to stay upright.  “That hurt much more than it should have,” he thought while rubbing his cheek.  As the smoke cleared, Donnie realized why.  The backs of the mutant’s hands had plates of keratin running from his wrists to his fingertips.  It was as though each hand was wearing a natural armor gauntlet.  Donnie groaned to himself.  “And here I thought all I had to watch for was his feet.”    
  
He glanced at the escape rope and smiled.  April had made it out.  It was high time that he followed suit.  Donatello started to make a break for it but he didn’t even get two feet before he was blocked by his pursuer.  “Blasted turtle,” the horse man rumbled as he stalked towards Donnie, his teeth bared and his ears flattened to his head.  Donnie spun his staff into a defensive stance.  If he wanted out, he was going to have to fight his way out.

\----------------

April started to pull herself out the top of the vent but quickly ducked back in to avoid getting shot.  Before trying again, she peered over the edge of the vent to make sure it was safe.  It was chaos on the roof.  Kraang droids were everywhere she looked.  Her companions were fighting hard.  So far they were holding their own, but only just.  She pulled herself out of the vent and barely kept herself from unceremoniously falling over the edge.  
  
“Yo April!” Michelangelo cheerily hollered as he dashed by.  “Glad you could make it to the party!”  He made a surprised shout and dodged several laser blasts before taking out the droid that had fired at him.  
  
“Where’s Donnie?” Raphael asked.    
  
“He’s still inside.  We were being chased by a mutant.  Donnie held him off so I could make the climb but we’ve got to help him!  There’s no way he can handle that guy by himself for long!” April said urgently to the three brothers.    
  
Leonardo looked horrified.  It was his worst nightmare come true.  If he gave the order to go and help Donatello, he would be endangering his other brothers.  Even worse, he’d risk the Kraang getting their hands on April and dooming the rest of the planet.  However if he gave the order to retreat, he’d be forsaking Donnie to whatever fate the Kraang chose for him.  
  
He had to make a decision and fast.  More Kraang droids swarmed onto the roof like fire ants from a kicked mound.  By now all the entrances and exits, save for their escape vent, were sure to be sealed.  They were guaranteed to be trapped if they tried to go back.  He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.  “I’m sorry, Donnie.  The stakes are too high,” he lamented to himself.  “RETREAT!” he ordered.  
  
“But what about Donnie!?” Mikey protested.  
  
“We’ll come back for him,” Leo said, trying to keep emotion out of his voice.  Now was not the time.  
  
“No way!  I’m not abandoning him!” Raph snarled heatedly.  He ran over to the air vent; determined to save his little brother no matter what Leo said.    
  
Leo growled in irritation and ran after Raph.  He got to Raph just in time to pull the temperamental turtle down, helping him avoid a laser blast aimed at his head.  The blast nailed the air vent instead, sealing it shut.  “This is the perfect storm of screwed,” Leo thought bitterly as he and Raph stared at the vent for a moment.  “Raph, we don’t have a choice.  We’ve got to get out of here.”  
  
“What about Donnie?  They’ll kill him!” Raph demanded frantically.  
  
“If we can keep April away from them, they would be fools to,” Leo responded, trying to remain calm and unemotional despite the turmoil roiling inside.  “He’s their best chance to find her.  If they can get him to talk that is.”  Leonardo hated himself for gambling Donatello’s life like this, but what choice did he have?  If he didn’t talk sense into Raphael, he’d lose two brothers tonight.  “If they get April, they’ll have no reason to keep ANY of us alive.  Plus they’ll be able to go through with their plans to take over the Earth.  Do you think Donnie would want that?”  
  
Raph looked frustrated.  Leo had a point.  No matter how much it sickened him to leave Donnie behind, it really was their only option.  They could bust him out later when the base had calmed down.  Leo was forcing him to look at the bigger picture; just as he had done for Donnie when his brother was freaking out about April being attacked by Karai.  “Alright, Leo.  We’ll retreat for now,” he conceded as he smacked away a droid.  “Besides, I really don’t want to meet Donnie in the afterlife and have to tell him that we let the Kraang get April.  He’ll kick us around the place forever.”  
  
Leo was thankful that Raph had backed down.  “Let’s go!” he called to the team as he and Raph moved to retreat.  Mikey looked reluctant, but he trusted Leo’s judgment.  
  
April was a different story.  “NO!” she shouted as she slashed the droid she was fighting.  “I am NOT leaving without him!”  It was her fault that Donnie was in trouble and she couldn’t just desert him.  She turned to run and find a way into the building, dodging Kraang droids as she went.  If she could get back in, maybe she could help Donnie out flank the mutant.  She shrieked as something snagged her by the back of her shirt.  It was Leonardo.  The next thing she knew he had flung her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and was carrying her away from the battle.  She pounded her fists as hard as she could against his shell, trying to get him to drop her.  However, he resolutely ignored her until they were underground and had put as much distance as they could from the Kraang base.  
   
“I’m sorry, April.  It’s too important that we keep you out of the Kraangs’ hands,” Leo said sympathetically once they were safe, his voice finally giving away some of his distress.  He pulled her off his shoulder so that he was holding her bridal style.  “Donnie would agree.  I know he would.”  He yelped as April hauled off and slapped him across the face.  Leonardo almost dropped her from the shock of being struck.  As it was, she didn’t get put down smoothly.  
  
April looked at Leo in outrage.  “How could you?!” she roared, angry tears building in her eyes.  “You left Donnie high and dry!  We could have gotten him out!  I know we could have!”  
  
Leo closed his eyes, still trying to keep his emotions in check.  He was angry too; angry that they couldn’t help Donnie and angry that April thought he would just dump his little brother without considering every option first.  “We were being overrun on that rooftop, April.  Sure, maybe we could have gotten in.  But there was no way we were getting back out.  We would have been trapped in there and the Kraang would have you.  There is too much at stake for us to risk that happening!”  
  
Michelangelo stepped between the two of them to try and keep things from getting worse.  “Did Donnie say anything about meeting you somewhere?” he asked April hopefully.  She glared at Mikey but managed to not redirect her anger at him.  “He’s a ninja.  He can get himself out of this,” Mikey said with a confident grin.  “It would suck if he got out and no one showed up to meet him.”    
  
April took a deep breath to calm down.  Mikey was right.  If anyone was smart enough to get himself out of that situation, it was Donnie.  “He, um, he said that he would meet me at Murakami’s noodle shop,” she said with an emotional tremble.    
  
Mikey’s grin widened at this.  “That’s perfect!  I bet we’ll walk in and he’ll already be there chowing down on pizza gyoza and asking what took US so long!” he laughed.  That brought an encouraged smile to April’s face.     
  
Then Mikey looked at Leo expectantly.  So did Raph.  Leo didn’t even have to think twice.  Just the hope of seeing Donnie safe and sound at the noodle shop was enough to raise his spirits.  “Then that’s where we are going.  To Murakami-san’s!”


	8. Chapter 7

* * *

Chapter 7

 

_A fuzzy, olive green hand rose, politely indicating its owner’s desire to speak. Leonardo and Donatello both blinked at the interruption but Donnie was the one that responded to it. “Yes, Kaiya-chan? You have a question?”_

_“Hai, Mother. Um… Uncle Leonardo gave the order to leave you behind?” Both Donatello and Leonardo, who had been the one talking at that moment, nodded. “But, yesterday…you told us that it was wrong to abandon family. Why would Uncle Leonardo do something that he had to know was wrong?” Kaiya questioned, the confusion in her voice was obvious. The other two children nodded in agreement with their sister._

_Donnie’s eyes widened before they flicked to his eldest brother, who was sitting on the couch next to their father. He swallowed uncomfortably when he saw the shock then misery on Leo’s face. Donnie knew that hearing what he’d told the kids made all the guilt Leo had heaped on himself come right back. It made it sound like Donnie blamed Leo for leaving him behind, which couldn’t be farther from the truth._

_He had to fix this before the family meeting became a downward spiral for Leonardo. “I also recall saying that you need to know when a situation has become too much for the team to handle…when the risk is too great for you to tough it out. What Uncle Leo did…he had to do to keep the city, and the world, safe. The Kraang wanted to terra-form the Earth into something they could use, making it unlivable for everyone else. When the future of the world hangs in the balance, the fate of one person…even if that person is your brother…is pretty insignificant,” Donnie said solemnly to the kids. Then he looked over their heads to Leo. He offered his brother a supportive smile and was pleased to see Leo return it._

_“You will find as you grow older that there are few absolutes in life. There will always be exceptions. The key is to recognize when one is experiencing such an exception and to act accordingly,” Splinter added serenely._

_Donnie smiled more when Splinter spoke. Sensei always knew just what to say in any situation. He could only hope that the kids understood what their grandfather meant better than he did at times. “Does that make sense to you or do you have some more questions?” he asked them._

_The children looked at each other for a moment. “I think we understand, Mother. I apologize for interrupting,” Kaiya said._

_“Kaiya-chan, you know how I am. I want you three to ask questions,” he reassured, making her smile. “Be little sponges and soak up every bit of knowledge that you can,” Donnie said with affection and touch of zeal._

_“Tiger mom,” Raph mock coughed. “Ouch!” he exclaimed when Donnie elbowed him. Donatello scowled at him in an embarrassed ‘Hush you!’ manner. This brief interaction between the two middle brothers brought some much needed levity to the discussion and a few chuckles danced around the room._

_Once the mild laughter died down, Hikaru spoke up, returning the discussion to its focus. “Did you…realize that they had left you?” she asked._

_Donnie made a soft sigh. “Not at first,” he admitted. “But I did realize that the longer I fought the mutant, the more likely it was that I had been.”_

_“Were you angry at them for that?” Lewis asked._

_Donatello swallowed hard at this question before looking at each of his contemporaries until he came to a stop at April. She looked downward wretchedly and wrapped her arms around her legs. “No,” he said softly. April looked up at him in disbelief. He smiled warmly at her before returning his attention to the children so he could continue. “I had opportunities to keep myself out of trouble but I didn’t take them. The only one to blame for my predicament was me and I knew it.” April took a shuddering breath as she stared at him, still not quite believing him even after all this time._

_“Were you scared?” his son asked again, this time rather timidly._

_“No, I wasn’t scared,” Donnie said with a soft huff. “I was terrified.”_

**********

Donatello squawked as he just barely dodged a fist aimed for his head. The wall behind him clanged loudly, protesting the new dent it had just acquired. Donnie spun his bo into position and lashed out with a side to side strike, hitting the mutant horse on either side of his head in rapid succession. Being pinned between the wall and the mutant didn’t give Donnie enough space to fight properly with his staff. So he tucked it close to his body and kicked the horse man in the face, forcing the being to stumble backwards several feet. “Perfect,” he thought with a smirk. He spun his staff and body to build up momentum while he advanced on his opponent. As he completed a final pirouette, he leapt into the air and lifted his weapon high above his head in one fluid motion. He brought it hurtling down with every intention of cracking the mutant over the head. With a little luck it would knock him out. Then Donnie would have plenty of time to escape.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be. The mutant managed to shift to the side enough to avoid the blow. Donnie’s strike crashed to the floor with a resounding bang. The hallway was going to have more dents than a demolition derby by the time they were done. Donnie’s eyes widened when he realized where he’d just landed. “CRUD!” Donnie flattened himself to the floor in time to feel the breeze from the mutant’s kick. He quickly rolled so he could regain some distance.

Once he was far enough, he struggled up and assumed a defensive stance as he caught his breath. He tried to ignore the cries of his aching body. It had been a nasty fight so far. The horse man had gotten several good shots in; so had Donatello. They were both exhausted, but Donnie could tell that he was worse off than his opponent. He had to break this standoff soon if he was going to have a chance.

The horse man turned his head to the side and spat some blood on the floor. He wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. “You have a respectable kick, little colt,” the mutant commented with a touch of newfound appreciation.

“I don’t suppose that’s enough to convince you to let me go?” Donnie asked drily. The horse man laughed. “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Donatello growled as he set his staff in motion again. He rushed the mutant with a yell, making it seem like he was going for a body strike. Once he got closer he changed tactics and went for the horse’s legs to sweep them out from under him. He felt his staff connect and the mutant went down with a startled cry.

Donatello wasted no time. He flipped over the mutant’s prone form and made a break for it. An elated grin spread across his face when his fingers closed around the escape rope that he’d been so determined to reach. However, the rope jerked the second he put his weight on it and he fell to the floor with a startled squeak. He watched the rope pool onto the floor in front of him. When he looked up the vent he saw that the night sky was gone and with it any hope of getting out. “Oh man,” he thought, his breathing increasing with his anxiety. “What do I do now?!”

A powerful hand grabbed him by the back of his neck and lifted him off the ground. He yelped and grasped at the hand, desperately trying to free himself. Pain ripped into him as the horse mutant slammed him into the wall once, then twice.

After making two more turtle shell-shaped dents, the mutant allowed him to drop to the floor. Once Donnie was down, he struggled to get back up but all he could manage was getting to his hands and knees. He panted and tried to make the world stop hazing in and out of focus. Out of the corner of his eye Donnie saw the horse man pull back his fist. He barely managed to get his bo up in time to block the strike. The force behind the punch shattered the staff as though it were glass. There was no time to react further. He took the blow squarely across his jaw.

Donatello collapsed in a heap on the floor. Wooden splinters rained down on him. His vision swam while he clung to awareness. He swallowed hard and tried to get his voice to work. “T-phone… self…destruct,” he managed to rasp out. The communicator at his belt chirped and he felt a mild prickle as it overloaded itself. He allowed himself a weak smile even though it hurt so much. Now the Kraang wouldn’t get anything useful out of his T-phone. Hopefully the feature he’d programed in would do what it was meant to; he hadn’t had a chance to test it after all.

He heard a brief scraping of hoof on metal. In the distance, there was the sound of Kraang droids approaching. He allowed his eyes to slide closed as he prepared himself for the finishing blow. “I’m sorry, April. Looks like I made a promise I couldn’t keep,” was the last thought that went through Donnie’s mind before unconsciousness claimed him.

\----------------

Three turtles and one human moved through the maze of sewers that would lead to Murakami’s noodle shop. Michelangelo joked around. He was trying to keep the others from thinking too much. They were worried about Donatello. However, Mikey had such faith in all of his brothers that he couldn’t even consider the possibility that Donnie wouldn’t make it. He looked forward to seeing his brainiac brother. Together the partners in crime would tease everyone else for freaking out so much.

Raphael had a little less faith in the purple wearing dork than Mikey but he was still pretty sure that Donnie would be fine. His scrawny brother had proven him wrong before after all. Why not this time too? So he allowed himself joke with and harass Mikey. It kept him from dwelling too much on what could happen. When they saw Donnie at Murakami’s, Raph was going to noogie his head raw for making them, for making HIM, worry so much.

Leonardo brought up the rear. He couldn’t afford to get too caught up in Mikey’s optimism. Once the initial lifting of his spirits had a chance to fade, Leo returned to his misgivings. He wanted so badly to believe in Donnie; he really did. But he had this nagging feeling that would not let him rest. He did his best to hide it. After all, it wouldn’t do for the team to see their leader consumed with worry, anger, and guilt. So, he did the only thing he could do: start planning what they were going to do should the worst come to pass.

His thoughts were interrupted by someone tapping his arm. He looked down at April and resisted the urge to glower at her. What she said before still stung. She must have picked up on his feelings because she cringed at his look. “Leo, I-I’m sorry for how I acted. I was so angry about leaving Donnie and I took it out on you,” she said quietly. “You were doing what was best for the rest of us and I didn’t want to see it. I just wanted to get Donnie back.”

Leo blinked a bit at her apology before he relaxed a bit. “It’s OK, April. You’re not the only one who’s angry about all this,” he replied while he rested a hand on her shoulder. “I want Donnie back too. And that’s going to happen, no matter what,” he reassured.

“This is all my fault,” she weakly admitted. Leo’s eye ridges furrowed at this as April continued. “Donnie went back to find me. I made Donnie stay to check out a room that turned out to be a dead end. If I’d just stuck with the group, then none of this would have happened.”

After she finished, Leo couldn’t help but grin. He even chuckled quietly. April was surprised at this response. She had expected him to be livid. “April, no one MAKES Donnie do anything.” She started to argue but he held up a hand. “Oh, he lets us think that we can push him around but really…” he shook his head “…if it’s something that truly matters to him, he becomes completely immovable.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that I went off on my own,” April thought somberly to herself. She was determined to not be comforted about this. Not until she saw that Donnie was safe. She couldn’t help but perk up when Leo’s T-phone suddenly chimed out the cheerful tone that indicated that he’d just received a text message. Donnie was the only one who could possibly be texting Leo. If he was sending texts, then he HAD to be alright.

Leo had similar thoughts as he reached for his communicator, his smile brightening in relief. April watched his eyes move while he read the message. They only moved a little, so the message must have been pretty short. However Leo looked like he was having trouble understanding it. The smile that had graced his face slowly fell to be replaced by heart wrenching sadness. He gasped harshly and braced himself against the tunnel wall. His eyes never once left the message. April grabbed his arm to make sure he wasn’t about to fall over, worry etched into her face. “Leo? What is it?” she asked fearfully.

Raph and Mikey had heard the ringtone as well, so they had stopped to hear the good news. Their eyes widened in alarm at Leo’s unexpected reaction and they rushed over. “What happened? What’s wrong?” Raph demanded once he was close enough. Leo didn’t say anything. He just offered the T-phone to whoever wanted it.

Mikey took the device before Raph or April could and he read the message out loud. “’The self-destruct sequence on Donatello’s T-phone has been initiated.’ Wha…what’s it talking about? What does that mean?” Mikey asked, his voice starting to show the distress everyone else had been fighting since the start of this ordeal. “Leo?”

Leo had slid down to the sewer floor while Mikey was reading. He held his head in his hands and he tried to pull himself together again. His voice was choked with emotion when he finally spoke. “It means Donnie’s been captured. Or worse.”


	9. Chapter 8

* * *

 Chapter 8

 

“How does a message saying that his T-phone’s been busted mean that Donnie’s been caught?” Raphael snapped, refusing to believe what Leo said.  “It could have just been messed up in the fight.  And since when do these things send messages when they’re smashed?”  
  
“The message didn’t say it was broken.  It said self-destructed,” Leo corrected quietly.  Raph looked like he was about to start hitting things, specifically Leo.  Leo continued before Raph had a chance to blow a gasket.  “After the MOUSERS incident, I talked with Donnie about how we realized that he and Mikey were in trouble.  He decided that we needed a more definite way of knowing when one of us is in trouble.  So he said he’d program his phone to send a text to mine just before it self-destructed.  That way someone not answering a call could just mean that they can’t talk at the moment, but that text would mean something terrible had happened,” Leo explained hoarsely.  “We were going to test it to make sure it worked.  Then Donnie could program all the T-phones to message each other, but things got busy before we had a chance.  I’d honestly forgotten about the idea until now.”  Leonardo laughed weakly and without joy.  “I didn’t even know that he’d managed it.”  
  
Raph stood there in stunned silence for a moment, allowing what Leo said to sink in.  Once it had, he turned his back on his companions and took several steps away from them.  He stood there breathing for a bit, trying to keep his in temper in check.  Finally he couldn’t stand it anymore; he made a guttural roar and punched the tunnel wall as hard as he could.  Pieces of brick flaked off.  Stupid Donnie had really gone and gotten himself caught.  His eyes closed and all he could see was his brother: smiling that gap toothed smile of his, yelling at him for something stupid, lecturing them on some boring science thing, rolling his eyes, laughing with them.  “Stupid, stupid Donnie!” he growled to himself while he punched the wall until the wraps around his knuckles turned red.  The pain worked through his rage and forced another set of images of to enter his mind.  Donnie looking worried while trying to fuss over his injuries…followed by Donnie looking terrified.  The final image that flicked through Raph’s mind made him stop his frenzy all together.  He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and rested his head and forearms against the wall while the horrifying image of his little brother lying in a pool of blood assaulted his senses.  
  
As Raph expressed his anger, April sank to the sewer floor with Leo.  Without anger or hope to hold them at bay, sorrow and guilt really set in.  What would the Kraang do to Donnie?  Would they kill him?  Experiment on him?  She whimpered and covered her face when she suddenly imagined Donnie floating in one of those gruesome tubes.  And she may as well have put him there.  The tears that she’d been fighting ever since they’d escaped began to leak out.  “No!  No, I can’t think like this.  This isn’t helping!  Donnie needs us!  He needs us to get him out of this and tears won’t make that happen,” she firmly told herself while rubbing at her eyes.    
  
Mikey, meanwhile, stood there shaking his head disbelievingly.  This couldn’t be right.  It couldn’t be real.  When he finally spoke, his voice was soft but it slowly became a shout.  “No.  No way, Leo!  You’re wrong.  That…that message has gotta be a mistake.  Donnie’s gotta be alright!”  He’d already lost Leatherhead.  He couldn’t lose Donnie too!  Before anyone could stop him, Mikey bolted down the tunnel.  Leo was wrong and he’d prove it!  He would go to Murakami’s place.  Donnie would be there and everything would be the way it was supposed to be.  
  
“Mikey!”  Leo cursed under his breath and dragged himself to his feet.  He chastised himself for losing his composure.  All it took was two minutes for the whole team to fall apart.  This was the last thing they needed right now!  He grimaced when he caught himself wishing that Donnie was here to calm Mikey down.  Just before he went after Mikey, he felt April grab his arm.    
  
“You stay with Raph.  I’ll take care of Mikey,” she offered.    
  
Leo was thankful to see that someone else had managed to pull themselves together.  He nodded in agreement with her suggestion.  She gave him a weak smile before she ran off to catch up with Mikey.  Once she was out of sight, he moved over to Raphael, who had finished venting the bulk of his fury.  He leaned against the wall and quietly waited for his brother to acknowledge him.   Eventually, Raph’s eyes opened and he glanced at Leo.  He looked as miserable as Leo felt.  “I knew I should have gone after him,” Raph said quietly as he looked back to the wall and tried to hide the moisture in his eyes.    
  
Leo sighed at this.  He should have known that he wouldn’t be the only one blaming himself for this.  “I’m the one that made the call, Raphael.  If you’re going to blame someone, blame me.”  
  
Raphael looked at Leonardo more fully this time.  Then he sighed and turned around so that he was leaning his carapace against the wall.  He closed his eyes again, trying to push all the anger and sorrow as far away as he could.  Raph didn’t want to think about what could be happening to Donnie.  If he did, he was going to break his hands trying to punch a hole in the tunnel.  He also did his best to ignore what Leo said.  The temptation to blame him for this was strong enough without Leo offering himself up for that blame.  Instead, he chose to focus on something more pressing.  “So…” he croaked out.  He cleared his throat and tried again.  “So, what do we do now?”  
  
Leo blinked at the question, amazed that Raph wasn’t laying into him.  He decided that he didn’t need to read too much into it.   “The only things we can do.  First we go to the lair and tell…tell Splinter what has happened,” Leo said.  That was something he was not looking forward to.  “Then we start working on a plan to get Donnie out of there.”  
  
Raph nodded at this.  “What if…” he paused when the words stuck in his throat.  “What if we’re too late?”  
  
Leonardo’s eyes narrowed resolutely.  “We ARE bringing Donnie home.  Even if all we have to bring home is his body.”

\----------------

“Man, he’s fast,” April thought as she raced through the sewers.  She’d lost sight of Mikey a while ago but she was pretty sure she knew where he was going.  After a few minutes, she reached the manhole that she needed.  She quickly discovered that the cover was too heavy for her.  “How do the guys manage this?” she growled, trying one last time and almost getting a hernia for her efforts.  She looked around, smiling when she spotted a storm drain.  Once she’d clambered out, she dusted herself off and tried to ignore the looks the people on the sidewalk gave her.  “Note to self: next time…try to come out of one of the subway lines.”  
  
The shop door chimed pleasantly, announcing her arrival.  “Hi, Murakami-san,” she quietly greeted.  
  
“April-chan!  How are you?  I didn’t expect you this late,” the blind shop owner replied.  
  
“I’m…honestly, I could be better, Murakami-san.  It’s a long story so I’ll have to tell you later.  Right now I’m looking for Mikey.  Is he here?” she asked as she scanned around for him.  She spotted him at the back of the shop.    
  
“Ah, yes, he is here.  It seems Michelangelo-kun could be better as well,” Murakami said softly.  
  
“Yeah.  I’m sure he could be,” April said before moving over to Mikey.  He didn’t acknowledge her approach.  She didn’t say anything as she sat down next to him.  They sat there in silence for several minutes.  “Not hungry?” she asked in an attempt to get Mikey talking while she gestured to an untouched plate of gyoza that was sitting on the counter.  “I can’t blame you.”  
  
“Those are for Donnie,” Mikey responded weakly.    
  
April winced.  She’d never heard Mikey sound so… lost.  Even though they couldn’t be more different, Donatello and Michelangelo were amazingly close.  They were always there for each other.  Maybe it was because they were the ‘little’ brothers?  Whatever the reason, it was clear that their closeness was going to make Donnie’s absence especially hard on Mikey.  She swallowed an emotional lump down and tried to speak.  “Mikey…I don’t think that Donnie is going to show up.”  
  
Mikey’s jaw clenched at her words.  “You’re wrong.  You and Leo are both wrong!” he responded unwaveringly.  “Donnie said he’d be here.  He SAID he would!  Donnie doesn’t lie about important stuff.  He’ll be here!”  April felt her heart ache at the faith Mikey had in Donnie.  It made her feel guilty for not having that same faith.  
  
“Alright, Mikey,” she said sympathetically.  “We’ll wait for a while.  But we can’t stay here forever.”  
  
Mikey looked at April in surprise.  He’d thought for sure that she’d try to convince him to go home.  The hopeful smile returned to his face.  “Thanks, April!”  April couldn’t help but smile back.

 ----------------

Telling their sensei about Donatello was even harder than Leonardo thought it would be.  It wasn’t that their father became visibly upset.  No, Splinter remained as stoic as ever when Leo talked with him.  However, Leo picked up on the signs of apprehension and sorrow.  He had never felt the burden of leadership more keenly than now.  It was his job to keep his brothers safe and he’d failed in the worst way possible.    
  
Leo shook his head to drive the depression away.  He didn’t have time for it.  His eye ridges furrowed as he stared at the printout of the Kraang facility he’d taken from Donnie’s lab.  They could try to get in the same way they originally had, but Leo was pretty sure that the Kraang would be watching it now.  He growled angrily when his vision blurred.  Sleep was a luxury he couldn’t afford.  He had to figure this out!  
   
“Leonardo,” Splinter said, snapping the turtle out of his focus.  Leo looked up at his sensei who he hadn’t even heard come into the kitchen.  “It is nearly morning and you have yet to sleep.  You must rest if you are going to be effective in your planning,” Splinter said concernedly.  
  
“Sensei, every moment we wait is another moment that Donnie has to spend with the Kraang.  We have to get him out as soon as possible,” Leo insisted.  
  
“Indeed, you must.  Yet a poorly made plan will ensure that the rest of you are captured.  Then there will be no one to help Donatello,” Splinter countered.  Leo flinched at this then hung his head.  Splinter came over to him and gently placed a hand on Leo’s shoulder.  “I have confidence in you, my son.  You and your brothers will succeed.”  
   
Leo looked at his father in surprise for a moment before he smiled wearily.  “Thank you, Sensei.  I’ll go to bed like you asked.”  
  
“Good.  But before you do, where are Michelangelo and April?  They are not in their beds either.”  
  
“They haven’t come back yet?” Leo asked worriedly.  He’d been so fixated on saving Donnie that he’d neglected to make sure the whole team was safe.  “I’ll call them and find out where they are,” he said, cursing himself for being so stupid.  He reached into his belt for his T-phone and almost panicked when he couldn’t find it.  “That’s right.  Mikey still has mine.  I’ll have to borrow Raph’s.”  
  
Raphael was pretty easy to find.  He’d passed out on the couch while waiting for Mikey and April.  Leonardo shook him into wakefulness.  “I need to borrow your T-phone.”  
  
“Why?” Raph gruffly asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.    
  
“April and Mikey haven’t come home yet.  So I was going to call them to find out where they are,” Leo patiently responded.    
  
Raph growled a bit and sleepily reached for his T-phone before it seemed like a switch flipped on in his brain.  “Wait, those two aren’t home yet?”  Leo nodded.  “Well, forget calling them.  We’re gonna go get them!” Raph declared.  He got up, grabbed Leo by the arm, and almost dragged his surprised brother to the Shellraiser.    
  
“We don’t even know where they are!” Leo said when Raph shoved him into the driver’s seat.  
  
“I have an idea.  Just drive.”

\----------------

The plate of gyoza was completely cold.  They had been waiting for hours with absolutely no sign of Donatello.  “He really didn’t make it,” April thought and she quickly wiped away a tear that had escaped.  She could see that the sun was starting to rise behind the shop’s curtains.  Murakami’s shift would be over soon and one of his employees would be running the 24/7.  Someone that wasn’t used to having giant, talking turtles around.  Not to mention that the morning customers would be coming in soon.  They had to leave.    
  
Before she could turn to Michelangelo, she heard him sniffle.  She looked at the orange clad turtle.  What she saw broke her heart.  She’d never seen any of the turtles cry; she hadn’t even been sure that they physically could.  Now she knew for sure because here was carefree Mikey, trying so hard not to break down.  “Mikey,” she said softly as she rested a hand on his shoulder.  
   
He finally tore his gaze away from the gyoza to look at her.  His blue eyes were like a mirror, reflecting every bit of fear and regret back to her.  “This is all my fault,” he choked out.    
  
April was shocked.  She reached out to cup his face.  “What do you mean, Mikey?”  
  
“I should’ve noticed you two were gone.  If I had, then we could’ve gone back for you.  If I had just paid attention, all of us would’ve made it out!  Now the Kraang have Donnie and are gonna do who knows what to him,” he sobbed, his tears soaking his mask until they dripped from it.  April inhaled sharply at his confession.  She quickly pulled him into a tight hug.  He wrapped his arms around her in return, hid his face against her shoulder, and continued to weep.    
  
“Oh Mikey, no.  No, this is not your fault!  Not your fault at all,” April tried to soothe her distraught friend while she tried not to break down with him.  She failed as the tears began to trickle out.  April cradled Mikey to her while they both poured out their heartache.    
   
The front door chimed announcing the arrival of another customer.  April gasped at the reminder of the danger they were in.  She protectively clutched Mikey tighter to her before she glared venomously at the door.  There was no way she was going to lose two of her friends in one night!  She sighed in relief when she saw Leo and Raph hurry in.  “Thank goodness that it’s only you two.  I thought for sure we were in trouble.”  
  
“We all will be if we don’t leave now,” Leo stated frankly as he came over.  “There are people heading this way as we speak.”  His eyes softened at the sight of his baby brother in tears.  He rested a hand on Mikey’s shoulder.  “Mikey,” he said softly to get his brother’s attention.  Mikey sniffled loudly and looked mournfully up at Leo.  Leonardo gently rested his other hand on Michelangelo’s cheek while he crouched down so he could look Mikey in the eyes.  “We’re getting him back, Mikey.  I swear to you.  The Kraang won’t have Donnie a second longer than necessary.  You got that?” Leo adamantly vowed not only to Mikey but to all of them.  Mikey took a shuddering breath at this.  He swallowed hard, nodded, and tried to stop the flood of tears.  “Good.  Let’s go home.”  Leo moved to help Mikey and April to their feet.  
  
“Wait,” Raphael said.  The three of them paused to look at him.  “Murakami-san, may I have a to-go bag for these dumplings?”  Murakami smiled knowingly and fetched one for him.  
  
Leo looked at Raph incredulously.  “Raph, we don’t have time for that!  Forget the gyoza!” he barked while he herded April and Mikey towards the door.  
  
“It’s a waste of food!  Besides,” Raph hurriedly dumped the gyoza into the bag before running to catch up with the others, “Donnie’s gonna need something awesome for his ‘Welcome Home’ meal,” he said with a confident smirk.  Leo’s eyes widened at this before he returned the smile. 


	10. Chapter 9

* * *

Chapter 9

 

Everything was dark but he could hear sounds…voices…beyond the darkness.  They sounded so far off that he couldn’t make them out.  After a few moments of straining, he managed to peel back the darkness to reveal a white haze.  Blobs of silver and pink moved within the white.  The voices became louder but he still couldn’t understand them.  Where was he?  What was going on?    
  
One of the pink and silver blobs became bigger, filling his vision.  There was a pinch feeling somewhere on his body but he couldn’t focus enough to realize exactly where.  Within minutes, he couldn’t focus on anything at all.  The white haze vanished into the darkness and along with it went his barely collected consciousness.  
   
It felt like an eternity before the white haze returned.  Only this time it didn’t seem quite as hazy.  Everything didn’t seem quite as hazy to Donatello as he blinked his eyes.  His eye ridges furrowed when his vision finally cleared and it processed that he was looking at a metal floor.  “Unless whatever afterlife exists looks just like the floor of a Kraang base, I must not be dead.  Well, at least I don’t hurt like I did before I lost consciousness.  Ouch!  Except for…my arms?”  He looked up and saw that his arms were being held up over his head.  His wrists were clasped in thick silver cuffs that were somehow attached to the wall behind him.  As he tested his bonds, he realized that he was being held off the ground.  “No wonder my arms hurt.  How long have I been like this?  My legs are free.  That’s a positive,” he mused.  Out of the corner of his eyes he detected movement.  He looked only to jerk and make a startled squeak when he came literally face to face with the horse mutant.  
   
“The turtle is awake, Kraang,” his opponent announced while smiling amusedly at Donatello’s reaction.    
  
“This is what is known as excellent.  Kraang can now begin to ask the question that Kraang has been waiting to ask,” a Kraang droid said, approaching Donnie from the other side of the room.  The other mutant backed away to allow the droid access to their prisoner.  
  
Donnie noticed that the droid was holding a remote control-like device.  His eyes narrowed thoughtfully.  “I’m willing to bet that’s the controls to my restraints.”  
  
“Kraang demands that the turtle known as Donatello tell to Kraang the location of the place that is the place of hiding for the one known as April O’Neil,” the Kraang said, stopping just in front of Donnie.  
  
He watched it for a second before he steeled himself.  “The turtle known as Donatello only has one thing that he wishes to say to Kraang,” he mimicked.  
  
“What is that thing that the turtle known as Don-” was all the Kraang got out before Donnie swung his legs up and kicked the droid.  It rocked but somehow stayed upright.  Donnie growled loudly as he continued to kick at the Kraang bot with every ounce of strength he had.    
  
“BITE ME!” Donatello snarled when he finally sent the droid flying.  The remote sailed into the air.  He managed to catch the device between his toes and tried to toss it up to his hands.  Unfortunately, the horse mutant snatched it out of the air before it even got close.  A fist lashed out and the next thing Donnie knew he was frantically trying to suck air back into his lungs.  Meanwhile, the mutant went to check on the Kraang.  
  
More droids rushed into the room and tried to grab Donnie’s feet.  He struggled, determined to not make it easy for them.  Eventually the bots overcame him and slapped a set of cuffs onto his calves.  When nothing else happened, Donatello was surprised but knew better than to waste an opportunity to continue attacking the bots.  He kicked at any that were still within reach.  A couple more droids went rocketing across the room before the horse man returned his attention to Donnie and pointed the remote at him.    
  
One push of a button and Donnie immediately felt a powerful force pulling his legs backwards.  He resisted as best he could but he didn’t stand a chance.  One after another, his legs slammed into the wall behind him.  He couldn’t help but cry out when his right leg wrenched painfully upon impact.  His eyes squeezed shut as he bit his lip.  
  
When Donnie opened his eyes again, the horse mutant had helped the first droid get back to its feet.  “I did warn you about his kick,” he admonished mildly.  
  
“Kraang commands the one known as Horse to be silent,” the droid responded.  Horse’s eyes widened and he looked downward as he unquestioningly obeyed.  
  
Donnie couldn’t help but quirk an eye ridge.  “Seriously?  You guys are advanced aliens from a different dimension and the best name you could come up with is ‘Horse’?”  He chuckled at the absurdity.  “Of course I shouldn’t expect much from a race that can’t even be creative with their own names.”  
  
“Kraang only wants to hear the location of the one known as April O’Neil from the turtle known as Donatello.  So, tell to Kraang the location that is the location of the place of hiding for the one known as April O’Neil,” the Kraang insisted, approaching Donnie again.    
  
Donatello smirked, noting that the alien was more cautious than before.  “Not gonna happen, slime bot.”  
  
The Kraang stared at Donnie as though it were analyzing him.  “Kraang assigns Horse the task of making the turtle known as Donatello tell to Kraang the information that Kraang needs to know.  Horse has the authorization of Kraang to use any method Horse believes will successfully force the turtle known as Donatello to surrender the information that Kraang needs.”  
  
“Yes Kraang,” Horse said, bowing his head dutifully.  He stayed in that pose until all the Kraang droids had left.  Once they were alone, he looked at his prisoner.  “You are quite the stubborn one,” he said with the same touch of appreciation as before.    
  
“You have no idea,” Donnie replied.  He watched his captor move across the cell to pick up a metallic rod.  
   
“I almost hate to break you of that.  However, I suspect that you will not be giving me much of a choice.  Will you, little colt?” Horse asked as he returned to Donnie, grabbed him by his jaw, and seemed to be inspecting him.  
   
The scrutiny lasted long enough to make Donatello uncomfortable.  He jerked his head out of Horse’s grasp.  “Y-you could always choose to let me go so that we can escape from here.  Why are you helping the Kraang in the first place?  You know what they’re planning, right?”  
  
Horse’s expression darkened.  “The Kraang have done more for me than any human ever did,” he stated stonily, sneering out the word ‘human’.  “I owe them everything.”  
  
“More than the humans will be effected by their plans!  Do you really think that the Kraang give a flying flip about ANY of the life on this planet?  I doubt they’ve even bothered to think of how to keep you alive if they succeed.  Quite the reward for your loyalty, wouldn’t you say?” Donnie argued, trying to reason with the other mutant.  
  
Horse looked downward briefly.  “If that is the cost of ridding this world of the human plague…”  He returned his harsh stare to Donatello.  “…then so be it.  The world will be able to start anew.”  Donnie was shocked into silence.  “We are not here to chat.”  Horse held the metallic rod up between them.  The end suddenly glowed purple and Donnie’s eyes widened in instant recognition.  “This device has three settings,” Horse remarked coolly.  “Are you going to tell me where April O’Neil is hiding?  Or are we going to find out which level works best?”  
  
Donnie gulped fearfully as he watched the energy arc within the device.  All he could think about was how easily those things had taken down Leatherhead.  He closed his eyes to try to calm himself and put the memory out of his mind.  “No way am I telling you where April is,” he proclaimed as he opened his eyes to unfalteringly glare at Horse.  
   
His captor’s frown deepened.  “All right then,” Horse simply stated.  Without further hesitation, he stabbed the glowing end of the device into Donatello’s side.  Donnie’s eyes squeezed shut as the energy coursed through him.  It definitely wasn’t pleasant but he’d gotten a worse shock from a toaster.  Horse seemed to realize this because he pulled the rod away.  “Let us try level two.”  He twisted a knob near the handle and jabbed at Donnie again.    
  
A yelp slipped out before Donnie could stop it.  His eyes squeezed closed tighter and he gritted his teeth, trying not to give Horse the satisfaction of hearing him cry out again.  This level was much worse that the first.  The last time Donnie had felt such a jolt he’d been repairing a faulty electrical outlet in his lab and at least that had been a short burst.  He could feel his fingernails digging into his palms from how tightly his hands were clenched.  A couple more short cries of pain slipped out despite his best efforts before Horse abruptly stopped.  Donatello’s head slumped against his arm and he desperately gulped air.  “Tell me where she is!” Horse demanded.     
  
“NEVER!” Donnie replied in between his gasps.  His tormentor’s ears swiveled back in growing irritation.  He heard the click of another adjustment on the rod.  Horse deftly switched hands and thrust the prod into his other side.  This time Donatello couldn’t stop his screams.  

\----------------

Two weeks.  It had been two weeks since Donatello was taken from them and they were no closer to getting him back than they were on the day he’d been captured.  Leonardo was regretting the decision to leave his brother behind more than ever.  When they saw that the Kraang had tripled the security around the complex overnight, it had been a relief.  It had to mean that Donnie was alive.  Nothing else had changed about the building to warrant that kind of response.    
  
However, now, that extra security thwarted every plan Leo came up with.  If they tried a direct assault, they were overrun within minutes.  When they tried stealth, even his lock picking skills would trigger an alarm and the result was the same.  He’d almost lost his other brothers three times already.  It seemed like they needed Donnie to save Donnie.  Leo gritted his teeth and forced back the gloom that wanted to choke his thoughts to a standstill.  Donnie was important to the team, but they were NOT crippled without him.  He’d figure this out.  For all of their sakes, he had to.

\----------------

Donatello woke up on the floor of his cell.  His eyes did a quick survey of his surroundings and he couldn’t help a sigh of relief once he determined that Horse was nowhere to be found.  “Must have blacked out again,” he thought grimly.  That was one thing to be thankful for: his torturer never forced him to stay conscious during a session and the session usually ended after he passed out.  Unfortunately, it took a great deal for him to get to that point.  “The one time I have to curse my stamina.  AH!”  He gripped his left arm as the dull ache there became a shooting pain the moment he tried to move.  One look and he saw the problem.  “Dislocated.  Great, just great.”   He struggled into a sitting a position against the wall so he could study the damage.  Luckily it was something he could fix.  It took a few tries but eventually he was rewarded with a loud pop and a lessening of pain.  He slowly tested his poor arm to make sure it was set right.  Ideally, he would have put his arm in a sling so that any torn muscles or ligaments would have a chance to rest and heal, but his situation was far from ideal.  He needed the use of his arm no matter how much it hurt.  So he endured the pain and moved on to check his other injuries.    
  
The beating had been as brutal as ever, yet Horse always managed to stop just before he was seriously injured.  It made sickening sense.  If Donatello was too badly hurt, he’d have to be taken to the infirmary again.  That would slow progress.  Not that Horse was making any progress with Donnie.  He allowed himself a small moment of self-satisfaction.  “Just have to keep it up until I find a way out or until my brothers show up.”    
  
A hiss called his attention to the door and he promptly tensed up.  He relaxed with a thankful sigh before his nose wrinkled.   It was just his…food.   The blue mash could hardly be called food.  It smelled nasty, tasted worse.  However, it was all he had and he knew better than to not eat it.  One of his early attempts at rebellion had been a hunger strike.  After six rejected meals, Horse put an end to his audacity.  He received the thrashing of his life that day.  Afterwards, Horse practically drowned Donatello in an attempt to force-feed him.    
  
“Should have known better than to try that,” he berated himself while he reluctantly fetched his meal.  “This isn’t some political protest.  It’s a prison.  How could I have been so naïve as to expect that to end any other way?”  Donatello poked at the vile stuff with the provided spoon and the stench that drifted up almost made him gag.  He took a series of bracing breaths then hastily shoveled the mess into his mouth, trying his best to swallow without tasting.  After he’d choked it all down, he coughed and hurriedly reached for the best part of his meal…the bottle of water.  He almost completely drained it before stopping to breathe.  That foul taste was still there so he used the last bit of water to wash it away.  Once the ritual was complete, Donnie turned his attention to his left hand’s restraint.  
   
He purposefully dragged his fingernails over the metal, furrowing his eye ridges as he concentrated.  “There you are,” he muttered quietly.  He worked his fingers under the band and began to pull at the seam he’d found.  If he could just get his shackles off, he’d have a fighting chance the next time Horse showed up.  He couldn’t help an excited smile when the edges started to pull apart.  “Just a bit more.  Come ON!”    
  
Donnie’s fingers slipped.  The band snapped back into place and pain shot from his right hand.  He reflexively grabbed it and cradled it to his plastron.  “Darn it,” he hissed, just barely resisting the desire to use a more colorful curse.  The band’s edge had sliced open his forefinger.  He took a wrapping from his left hand and used it to bandage the new cut.  At this rate he was going to run out of clean wrappings.  He dragged himself to his feet so he could agitatedly hobble around his cell, trying to calm his frustrations enough to think straight.    
  
Eventually he came to a stop at the door and he stared hatefully at it for a moment.  Then his expression became more contemplative.  He looked out the door window to check the hallway.  The coast was clear at the moment but that was sure to change.  He quickly dropped to his knees beside the door and began to try to find the edges of the access panel he knew was there.   Once he did, he tried to wrest the panel off.  All he could manage to do was wedge his fingernails underneath it.  No good.  If only he could get more leverage!  Just as he was about to lose his temper he remembered the tool he had available.    
  
He dashed over to the remnants of his meal, snatched up the spoon, and returned to the panel.  Once there he pried up the panel as much as he could with his nails before he jammed the spoon into the crack and pulled.  He could feel his makeshift crowbar object to the strain.   “Please don’t bend,” he begged it.  “Hang in there.  GOT IT!” he exclaimed triumphantly when the panel popped free.  Donatello dove into the familiar world of circuitry behind it and within minutes he had the door open.  He surged to his feet and charged at the exit only to screech to a halt.  Horse was standing on the other side with a rather inquisitive expression on his face.  Donnie took several terrified steps back but then his expression hardened and he dropped into a stance.  This was the farthest he’d gotten yet and he was NOT about to just give up!    
  
Horse raised both eyebrows when Donatello moved to attack.  Then he calmly pulled a control device from the pocket of his denim shorts and tapped a button.   Suddenly Donnie’s feet felt glued to the floor.  Another button push and Donnie clenched his teeth while doggedly trying to keep his arm cuffs from pulling him down.  It didn’t matter.  Thanks to the magnetic properties of his shackles, he was just as effectively restrained standing in the middle of the cell as he would have been if he’d been against the wall.  
  
After he stepped into the cell, Horse glanced at Donnie’s handiwork.  An amused smile spread on his face before he returned his attention to the defiant turtle.  “Kraang is not going to be happy that he has to fix that panel again.  You are making me regret my generosity,” he said affably as he approached Donatello and slowly began to circle him.  Donnie snorted loudly.  “Oh?  You WANT to only be allowed to move at meal times?  Considering you only get one, I believe things would get rather…messy after a while.”    
  
Donnie’s eyes widened at the implications and he whipped his head around to look his captor in the eyes.  He swallowed at the harshness he found there.  Horse may have sounded pleasant, but that look made it clear that his threat was not an idle one.  Donnie broke eye contact to look at the floor nervously.  Horse chuckled and grabbed Donnie’s chin, forcing Donnie to look him in the eyes again.  “Not to worry, my little colt.  I will not do that.  This time.  Just do not make me regret my continued charity,” he reassured before allowing Donatello to pull his head free to dejectedly return his gaze to the floor.  Donnie’s whole body stiffened in fear when Horse’s tone of voice abruptly turned cold.  “However, Kraang would not be pleased with me if I were to simply let this slide.” 


	11. Chapter 10

* * *

Chapter 10

 

The practice dummy swayed as Raphael punched the stuffing out of it.  He wished it was a Kraang droid.  Or that mutant April told them about.  It didn’t matter which; Raph just wished that he could make something bleed instead of sitting here with his thumbs up his nose.  The dummy thumped against the bandage on his arm.  He winced.  The sudden pain ignited his fury and he laid into the dummy with a viciousness he hadn’t shown in a while.    
  
After a few more moments of this treatment, the rope that held the dummy aloft called it quits.  It snapped and the dummy went flying across the lair with the force of Raph’s kick.  “Sewer bunnies,” he muttered, glaring at the dummy as though this was its fault.  “DON-” he started to shout but he stopped short.  Donnie wasn’t there and the swift realization felt like a knife to the heart.  
  
You would think that he’d have gotten that through his head by now.  After all, everything seemed determined to remind him of his little brother’s absence.  Even the lair itself screamed about how empty it was without their resident genius.  He’d never realized just how much noise Donnie made in his lab.  Now its deathly stillness made Raphael feel queasy.    
  
Raph swallowed as he realized that he’d have to go inside.  The lab was where the replacement rope was kept.  He’d been avoiding it ever since that night.  It just didn’t feel right to go in while Donatello was gone.  A weak smile crossed his face.  He could almost hear Donnie chewing him out for ruining some science thing he had going on.  His eyes squeezed shut at the pain the thought caused.  He really didn’t want to go in there.    
  
But the dummy wasn’t going to fix itself and it was the only thing keeping him sane.  At least until they went out on patrol.  Then he could take out his anger on some Foot.  That would satisfy him until Leo finally figured out how to get Donnie home.  Raph took a deep breath before he gripped the handles and opened the heavy doors.  

\----------------

Donatello hissed as warm water washed over split skin.  He watched little rivulets of red trickle from his wounds with a frown.  It had been five meals since he’d acquired these excruciating things and they sure were taking their sweet time to heal.  He awkwardly reached across the sink that he’d hiked his foot into so he could get some soap.  His cuts burned fiercely the minute the lather touched them but he ignored the pain.  The last thing he needed was for one of his feet to get infected.  He already had enough problems walking thanks to Horse’s near religious attacks on the leg he’d strained on day one.  Undoubtedly Horse was trying to make sure that if Donatello ever actually got out of his cell his progress would be slow.  After Donnie had finished washing and gently drying his injuries, he gripped the edges of the sink so he could maneuver himself onto the nearby toilet without touching his foot to the floor.  He pressed several layers of paper towels to the bottom of his foot and then began to wrap it like he normally would so that the improvised lint would stay in place.  
  
Now that both feet were done, he wiggled his toes to make sure he hadn’t inadvertently restricted their movement or blood flow.  Then Donnie hauled himself up and limped over to his usual corner.  He settled down, closing his eyes so that he could try to meditate.  It was his one true escape.  The Kraang mechanic responsible for repairs had been so irritated with his repeated breakout attempts that it welded the access panel shut.  As for trying to remove his restraints, the last time he tried he’d nearly lost a finger.  It was becoming apparent that the best thing Donatello could do was remain hopeful for rescue…and vigilant for any slip-ups from his captors.  
  
He heard the cell door hiss open but paid no attention to it.  It was probably his food and that was nothing he was in a terrible hurry to get to.  His eyes promptly opened the moment he heard the now too familiar clip-clop of hooves on metal.  Horse came to a stop in front of him with a plate in his hands.  Donnie’s eyes narrowed sharply.  “If you think I’m going to do tricks for that sludge, you’ve got another think coming,” he snarled, indignation overriding his usual nervousness.  
  
Horse chuckled at Donatello’s bravado.  “After everything you have been put through, it amazes and impresses me that you still have such spirit, my little colt,” he said while crouching down in front of the turtle.  Donnie bared his teeth and was just about to snap out a particularly nasty obscenity when a flash of red from the plate caught his attention.  His food was never red.  He looked and couldn’t believe his eyes.  
  
In place of the usual blue slop was a mound of vibrant strawberries.  Donnie felt his mouth instantly fill with saliva.  He swallowed it down before he embarrassed himself by drooling.  Horse followed Donnie’s gaze.  “I reminded the Kraang that their rations do not have every nutrient an Earth creature needs for survival.  Afterwards, they gave me permission to change your meals,” he said with a smile and offered the plate to Donnie.  “These have what you are most in need of right now.  I will make sure your next meal is more varied.”  
  
Donatello swallowed again.  Oh, how he missed real food!  He had started to reach for the plate when his mind screamed at him.  This had to be a trick: offer the near starving turtle actual food and then demand information in exchange for said food.  Donnie frowned at the plate, then at Horse.  “I’m not falling for that,” he thought dourly.  The other mutant looked truly bewildered when Donnie folded his arms across his plastron and turned his head away.     
  
“Hmm, perhaps you are a carnivore?” Horse murmured.  “But then you would not have looked interested to begin with.”  He watched Donatello for a moment.  Then he set the plate down in front of the smaller mutant and moved to sit just far enough so that Donnie was out of arm’s reach.    
  
Now it was Donnie’s turn to look confused.  If manipulating him with food wasn’t Horse’s game, then what was?  He had to be up to something…right?  Donnie’s eyes returned to the strawberries.  They looked so good and he was so hungry.  Against his better judgment, he tentatively picked up one.  He was just about to eat it when he stopped and searchingly sniffed at it.    
  
Horse rolled his eyes.  “You know that we have already tried dosing you with chemicals.  Truth serums, pain-causing drugs, you name it and we have tried it.  You have resisted them all.  If injecting you with them did not work, surely having you ingest them would not be any better,” he stated while clearly trying not to sound exasperated.  All he earned from Donatello was a suspicious scowl.  Horse sighed at this before he slid himself into range of Donnie again which immediately put the turtle back on edge.  He reached for the plate, closed his eyes, picked a strawberry at random, and without hesitation popped it in his mouth.  Then he returned to where he had been sitting as he cheerfully chewed the stolen berry.  
  
Donnie watched Horse intently, waiting to see if he’d keel over.  When nothing happened, he returned his attention to the strawberry he held.  He hadn’t smelled anything strange about it.  If it was laced with something, why would Horse risk dosing himself?   Donatello narrowed his eyes thoughtfully.  He didn’t completely trust that little stunt.  Maybe a larger portion needed to be consumed in order to have an effect and that’s how Horse avoided being drugged.    
  
The debate raged in Donnie’s mind until he hit upon one fact that he couldn’t reason away.  The Kraang could have dosed him in his food ages ago.  He choked down the rations without hesitation already so why risk making him leery by changing the food?  It just didn’t make sense.  Besides, what would happen if he continued to refuse the new meal plan?  Would they go back to giving him those disgusting rations?  Did he really want to chance that?  “Heck no!” he muttered to himself.    
  
Donnie cautiously began to eat the berry he’d picked up.  It was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted and it took every ounce of willpower he had to keep from scarfing the rest of the plate right then.  He forced himself to slow down, to analyze that one berry for any strange tastes that would give away the presence of drugs or toxins.  From what he could tell, Horse was actually telling the truth; there was nothing tainting his food.    
  
That was all the encouragement Donatello needed.  He essentially attacked the rest of the plate.  Each berry was like a little piece of bliss and his undernourished body felt like it was singing.  Forget pizza, right now his favorite food was strawberries!  More than half the plate was gone before he started showing any signs of slowing his ravenous pace.  Once he had slowed down, he returned his attention to the other mutant.  Horse wore a pleased, bordering on smug smile.  Donnie really wanted to punch it off of him.  He pushed the urge aside and instead gave voice to the question that now burned in his mind.  “Why?”  
  
His keeper raised an eyebrow.  “You are no good to the Kraang if you die from malnutrition,” Horse responded plainly.    
  
“It would take a long time for that to happen.  A lot longer than I’ve been here I’m sure.  So, care to try again?”   
  
Horse’s smile broadened at this.  “Very well.”  He seemed to be considering something before his smile became more of a wry smirk.  “Would you believe me if I said that I find you intriguing?” he finally asked as he rested an elbow on one of his knees, placed his head in the now propped up hand, and gave Donnie a look that felt like it was boring into him.  
  
Donatello was taken aback and he looked away while shifting uncomfortably under Horse’s gaze.  “What is with this guy?  Does he get a kick out of weirding me out?”  He looked at the other mutant out of the corner of his eyes and swallowed nervously.  “Keep it together, Donatello.  It’s got to be a tactic to keep you off balance.  Don’t let him get to you,” he tried to tell himself.   “No,” Donnie bluntly answered after he’d managed to compose himself, making Horse nicker in amusement.    
  
“Had a feeling you would say that.  At least I got a reaction other than a glare out of you,” Horse said, his smirk transforming into a naughty grin.  He chuckled some more at the return of Donnie’s disgruntled scowl before he sighed heavily and became more somber.  “Honestly?  I know what it is like to feel your vitality slowly drain away day by day.  It is not something I would wish on anyone.  I may not have the authority to increase the number of feedings you get, but at least I can make sure what you do get is more nutritious.”

\----------------

Steam rushed out of the oven the moment its door opened.  Michelangelo peered inside and grinned excitedly.  “Sweet!  All done!”  He grabbed an oven mitt so he could snag his creation out of the oven.  His grin somehow widened even more as he placed the bubbling pizza onto the counter.  “Hmm…let’s see.  Pepperoni?  Psh, of course.  Mushrooms?  Totally.  Artichoke hearts?  Awesome!  And now for the final touch,” he said while he grabbed a bag that was sitting nearby and pulled it open to shake its contents all over the top of the pizza.  “Chocolate chips!”  He laughed in delight and examined his handiwork.  “PERFECT!”  He glanced at the kitchen clock.  “Just in time too.  I gotta get going or I’m gonna miss the beginning!” he said, gathering up the pizza and racing into the living room.  He almost ran over Raphael in his rush.    
  
Watch it, Mikey!” Raph growled irritably.  
  
“Sorry, bro!  Didn’t see you there,” Mikey apologized with a grin.  Raph muttered something under his breath before he returned his attention to the practice dummy.  Mikey ignored his grumpy shell brother and hustled over to TV so he could settle himself on the floor in front of it.  After he snatched up the remote, he flicked through the channels until he found the one he was looking for.    
  
Raph was just getting back into his rhythm when he heard the theme song for the show Mikey was watching.  He froze mid-punch and grunted when the dummy thumped into his plastron.  “What the?” he thought while he came over to make sure he was hearing things.  
  
“Will a boat crashing into a channel marker cut itself in half?  And can a surfboard be launched through the windshield of a car and still be lethal?  We’re about to find out!  Tonight on Mythsmashers!” the show’s narrator announced.    
  
“Cool!  This is going to be awesome!” Mikey said excitedly while reaching for a slice of pizza.  
  
Raph couldn’t believe his eyes.  “Since when do you watch this nerd-fest?  Can you even understand what they’re saying?” he demanded.  
  
“I can get it!  Well, sometimes.  Especially when they use pictures,” Mikey said, his smile never wavering despite how angry Raphael sounded.  “And this show’s epic!  You should see some of the stuff they do to try and get the myth to work.  They’re crazy dudes!”  
  
“What the heck, Mikey?  I’m doing everything I can to NOT think about Donnie and here you are doing the exact opposite!” Raph snarled furiously.  “Watching Donnie’s favorite show, eating his favorite pizza.  Why are you punishing yourself like this?”   
  
Mikey’s smile fell like stone and the sorrow that he struggled to keep hidden finally filled his eyes.  “Because if I keep thinking about Donnie, maybe he’ll sense it somehow and not think that we’ve ditched him,” Mikey weakly replied.   
  
Raph’s eyes widened in shock before they squeezed shut and he turned his head away from Mikey.  Just the idea of Donnie thinking that they had completely abandoned him made Raph’s heart throb.  He looked at Mikey out of the corner of his eyes.  His baby brother looked miserable while he quietly nibbled on his pizza and returned his attention to the TV even though his enthusiasm for the show was gone.  Raph swallowed hard; he hated seeing Mikey like this.  Michelangelo was supposed to be insufferably happy and bubbly, not depressed and disheartened.  Raphael took a deep breath and walked over to sit down next to Mikey who looked at him questioningly.  “Think there’s enough of that pizza for two?” Raph asked as he tried to smile for Mikey.  The smaller turtle blinked in surprise for a moment before the optimistic light returned to his eyes and he beamed back.  He grabbed the pizza so he could offer Raph a slice and put it in front of the both of them.  
  
April sighed softly while she watched Raphael and Michelangelo interact.  It was a relief to see that Raph had finally managed to pull himself away from that practice dummy long enough to see that he wasn’t the only one suffering.  Mikey had been putting up a brave front, especially around his brothers, but April knew better.  Not having Donatello around was tearing him apart.  There were a few times that she’d caught him staring into Donnie’s bedroom like he was hoping that if he looked long enough Donnie would materialize out of thin air and tell him that it had all been a big mistake.  April had been doing her best to keep his morale up, but what Mikey really needed was his brothers.  He’d always been the most sociable of the four but with Leo preoccupied with the rescue plan and Raph obsessed with beating SOMETHING up, their interactions had dwindled to training and patrols.  It wasn’t healthy for any of them to be so isolated in this time of crisis and maybe now, at least Raph and Mikey could start helping each other cope.  
  
She turned to go to the dojo so she could practice some when she noticed that there was light filtering out from a small part between the lab doors.  The lab had been dark all this time because none of them really wanted to go inside.  It was Donnie’s domain and everyone seemed to silently agree that it was too painful to go inside during his captivity.  Why would there suddenly be light coming from it?  She decided to go investigate and when she peered inside her heart nearly jumped into her throat.  “Donnie?” she thought while she gaped at the turtle that was sitting at Donatello’s worktable, reading with a thirst for knowledge that she’d only seen in Donnie’s eyes.    
  
When she came into the lab, a groan from the old metal door made the turtle lift his gaze to her.  “Hey, April,” Leonardo tiredly greeted, his blue eyes becoming concerned once he’d gotten a good look at her.  “Are you alright?  You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”    
  
April nodded while she tried to not break down.  Her blind hope and the lighting in the room had made her foolishly mistake Leo’s blue mask for Donnie’s purple.  She felt a pang of shame that THAT was all it took for her to confuse her friends.  It didn’t matter how stressed she was, they had distinct physical differences and she felt that should know each one by heart by now.  “It’s…it’s nothing, Leo.  Don’t worry about it,” she tried to reassure him but he didn’t look convinced.  “What are you doing?” she asked while she came over, hoping to distract him.   
  
Leo sighed and returned his attention to the book in front of him.  Once she was closer she could see that the pages inside were made up of discolored graph paper.  Each page was filled from top to bottom with handwritten sentences, formulas, charts, and even what looked like schematics.  “Reading Donnie’s journals,” Leo answered.  When she didn’t say anything, he returned his eyes to her and turned very pink at her reproving expression.  “LAB journals, April!  They’re lab journals not personal ones,” he reassured her and handed over the book so she could examine it.  “Every idea Donnie’s had.  Every project he’s ever worked on.  If he had time to write it down, it’s in one of these books.”  He gestured at the nearly full book shelf behind him.  
  
April stared at the plethora of journals.  “You’ve read all of them?!”  
  
Leo managed a soft laugh at her disbelieving tone.  “No.  I’ve been focusing on the ones from this year,” he said, picking up a different journal and slowly thumbing through it.  “I remember Donatello saying that some of the Kraang facilities having a type of card key access.  The place where he’s being held seems to have that kind of system installed.  I was trying to see if he wrote down something on the best way to bypass it.  Well, something that I can actually understand.  I’m sure all this is perfectly clear to him, but to me it may as well have been written in Arabic.”  
  
April smiled a bit even though she could tell that Leo was frustrated.  Donnie did have the habit of sounding like he was speaking a different language.  She found it funny that the habit continued on paper.  Of course, she doubted that Donnie ever expected one of his brothers would feel the need to try and read his lab journals so why would he go to the trouble of dumbing things down?  “I remember him having a device that he called a ‘digital lock-pick.’  Maybe that would help?” she offered.  
  
Leo nodded at her.  “He mentions that a few times.  I even found the journal where he sketched out the schematic for it, but I can’t seem to find IT anywhere,” Leo said as he grabbed a different journal, flipped through it until he found what he was talking about, and showed it to April.  
  
She looked at the image and nodded.  “Yeah, that’s it alright,” she confirmed.  She suddenly got this disappointed expression on her face.  “Knowing Donnie, he probably had it on him when we went to the Kraang base,” April said sadly.    
  
It didn’t take long for Leo to sigh in disappointment.  “Yeah,” he said weakly, resting his hand over his eyes.  “You’re probably right.  Why would he leave something like that behind?”  
  
April swallowed down an emotional lump as she watched Leonardo.  Every failed attempt to rescue Donatello ate at Leo’s confidence.  Realizing that the straw he’d been grasping at wasn’t really there was yet another blow.  He looked and sounded so defeated.  She tried to think of something she could do…something that might help him regain at least some energy to keep trying.  Her eyes fell back to the journal she was still holding.  She could almost hear Donnie’s voice while she read his words and it brought a small smile to her face.  “You know, thanks to my dad, I’ve always been around scientists.  I’ve glanced in a lot of lab journals, but none of them have been as neatly written as Donnie’s,” she quietly commented, using her fingers to trace the effortless flow of Donnie’s cursive.  
  
“You should see his calligraphy,” Leo piped up while taking his hand from his eyes so that he could rest his head against it instead.  
  
April looked at Leo in astonishment.  “Donnie does calligraphy?” she asked, her tone incredulous.  She found it hard to believe someone as scientifically minded as Donatello would do something so…artistic.    
  
Leo’s smile faintly returned.  “Technically, we all do.  Splinter insisted on having it in our lessons until we were twelve.  Then he gave us the choice of continuing or stopping.  Raph, of course, found it boring so he dropped it.  Mikey, all he wanted to do was paint with the ink so Sensei let him do that.”  He smiled a bit more, the look in his eyes becoming far away.  “Only Donnie and I kept up with it.  I continued because I thought it would make Splinter happy if at least one of us did.  Also I find that it helps me focus better when I do it before I mediate.  Donnie…I think Donnie does it because he finds it calming.”  He chuckled quietly and focused his attention back to April.  “You know how high-strung he can get.”  April chuckled as well.  You would have to be deaf AND blind to not notice Donnie’s freak-out moments.  Leo sighed suddenly, his expression becoming worried.  “I sure hope he’s alright.”  
  
April looked downward for a moment.  Then she moved over to Leonardo and hugged him.  He stiffened up at first but then he relaxed in her grasp and returned the hug.  “Once we get him out of there he will be, Leo.  I know he will be,” she steadfastly said.  
  
“IF we get him out,” Leo murmured in a demoralized fashion.    
  
April frowned and pulled away from Leo so she could look him in the eyes.  “Leo, you can’t think like that!” she chided making him look at the floor.  “I know it’s hard not to, but you just can’t.  Donnie’s depending on us, on you, to get him out of there.  That kind of talk makes it sound like you’re giving up on this.  Like you’re giving up on him.”  He refused to meet her gaze.  She gave him a wounded look when a dreadful thought ran through her mind.  “You aren’t giving up on him, right?” she questioned tentatively.  Leo instantly looked up at the question and for a brief moment his expression was stunned, then his eyes became as pained as hers.    
  
“DUDE!  DID YOU SEE THAT!?”  Raphael’s sudden shout startled the both of them into looking towards the living room.  They gave each other a confused look before they went to see what had Raph so excited.  “They just DESTROYED that boat!” they heard him say with a laugh when they came into the main room.  April couldn’t help but smile.  That was the first laugh she’d heard from Raphael in days.  
  
“Rocket-sled launched channel marker will do that, bro!” Mikey laughed while he clapped his arm around Raph’s shoulders and gestured at the TV.  “See?  I told you!  This show is AWESOME!”  
  
Raph looked over his shoulder and grinned when he saw Leonardo and April.  “Leo!”  He got up and met them half-way.  “When we get Donnie home, remind me to give him a good punch in the nose!  Scrawny dork’s been holding out on us!”    
  
Leo stared for a moment before he blinked away his amazed expression.  He returned Raph’s grin with a small smile.  “Raph, Donnie’s told you about this show before.  Every time he did, you just told him ‘Blah, blah, science, blah, blah’ and walked away.  You can’t blame him for giving up.”  
  
“Well…fine.  I won’t punch ‘em.  I’ll tighten his mask instead!” Raph promised with an aggressive smirk.  Judging by the way Mikey winced April suspected that was the turtles’ equivalent to a wedgy.  
  
“If you can REACH it,” Leo actually teased while folding his arms across his plastron.  His small smile became a happy grin.  Raph snorted irritably at the poke about his height before he returned to Mikey’s side.  Leo watched his brothers for a while.  As he did, April noticed that his eyes were becoming a little teary despite the grin that was still on his face.  She rested a hand on his shoulder.  He looked at her and quickly wiped at his eyes.  “Heh, h-he said ‘when,’ April.  ‘When we get Donnie home…’” Leo said his voice a little choked.  April smiled in relief when his entire bearing became more like his confident, steadfast self.  “If someone as skeptical as Raphael can still have complete faith that we’ll get Donatello home, so can I.”

\----------------

“Wait just a minute!  If you’re only a year older than me, then exactly WHERE do you get off calling me ‘little colt’?!” Donatello demanded hotly.    
  
Horse chuckled at Donnie’s little display of temper.  “While our ages may not be that different, I was mutated only two years ago.  As a normal horse, I was already an adult and in the prime of my life.  From what I understand of your origins, you were an infant when you were mutated.  I call you ‘little colt’ because I am more mature than you…so in my eyes, you are a little colt.”    
  
“I think that’s pretty thin,” Donnie grumbled, crossing his arms irritably and making Horse laugh even more.  
  
“Then again it could just be that I enjoy seeing the incensed fire in your eyes every time I say it,” Horse teased.  
  
Donnie huffed, plucked up a carrot stick from his plate, and absently nibbled on it while he tried to think of some way to continue the discussion.  After the first time Horse had given him a decent meal, Donnie realized that Horse liked to interact with him.  To the extent that if Donatello could just get him talking, Chatty Cathy would become too preoccupied to torture him.  Even getting Horse in the mood to talk was really quite easy as long as Donnie avoided questioning the Kraang’s motives or reminding Horse of his assignment.    
  
It seemed that the other mutant didn’t get much in the way of socialization from the Kraang.  Thanks to that fact, Horse was starved for it.  Donatello still had to be careful.  Even in their conversations, Horse tried to manipulate the topics and play mind games with him in an attempt to trick him into giving up too much information.  So far, Donnie had successfully foiled these subtle interrogation attempts.  He had to respect his captor’s persistence, though.    
  
Donatello and Horse had been doing this little dance for six meals now.  Most of Donnie’s injuries had healed leaving his right leg and feet as the only real problem areas left.  He was hoping to keep Horse distracted long enough for him to fully recover.  If he could just manage that, he could try to surprise Horse, outmaneuver him, and make an escape.    
  
He was just about to say something when a chirp sound interrupted him.  Both he and Horse blinked in surprise.  Horse glanced slightly to the side before he reached into his pocket to pull out a communicator.  The device chirped again in his hand but Horse seemed really hesitant to answer.  “Duty calls?” Donnie questioned with an eye ridge arch.    
  
Horse took a deep breath.  “Indeed,” he said quietly.  He pulled himself to his feet and moved a few paces away from Donatello where he answered the device with a timid, “Yes, Kraang?”    
  
Donnie watched Horse for a few moments.  He couldn’t hear what the Kraang were saying, but Horse’s side of the conversation plus his whole demeanor seemed to indicate that he was getting chewed out.  Donnie caught himself feeling sorry for the other mutant.  He shook his head briskly before glaring daggers at Horse’s back.  “Why am I feeling sorry for HIM?!  He tried to kill me!  Now he’s holding me captive, interrogating me, and torturing me!  I should be enjoying the fact that he’s in trouble.  Of course, knowing my luck, he’s in trouble because he hasn’t made any headway with me.”  He looked down at the floor as he swallowed nervously.    
  
His eye ridges furrowed and turned his head to the side curiously as he spotted something on the floor where Horse had been sitting.  He gasped quietly when he realized that it was the remote control for his restraints.  It must have fallen out of Horse’s pocket when he answered the Kraang’s call.  He quickly glanced at Horse.  The other mutant still had his back to Donnie; he hadn’t noticed his mistake yet.  Donatello looked back to the remote and swallowed again because his mouth felt unexpectedly dry.  He already had an escape plan.  It just required more time.  He needed to be patient and wait until he was fully recovered so he could have the best chance of getting out.    
  
“SERIOUSLY!” he angrily scolded himself.  “You are seriously considering passing up this chance to wait and hope that he doesn’t start tormenting you again?  What is wrong with you!?  You DON’T let luck like this just pass you by!”  He looked up at Horse again when he heard the other mutant mention his name.  
  
“I promise I have been trying!  Donatello is just-   I have tried everything else, Kraang!  Please, let me have more-”  
  
“Sounds like the Kraang are getting impatient,” Donnie thought anxiously.  “The ‘wait and heal first’ plan isn’t practical anymore.   I need to get out of here…NOW.”  He carefully got onto his hands and knees.  Then he slowly crept towards the remote control while trying to keep an eye on Horse.  Donnie was halfway there when he could tell that the lecture was wrapping up.  He tried to close the gap faster without getting Horse’s attention prematurely.  
  
“Yes, Kraang.  I understand and obey,” Horse feebly responded to his irritated taskmaster.  He sighed in a seemingly resigned manner when the connection ended and turned to look at the turtle.  His eyes almost bulged out of their sockets when he saw that Donatello was inches from grabbing the control device.  He immediately rushed at Donnie.  
  
Donnie grinned excitedly at the device as he reached for it.  That grin vanished the moment he heard hooves striking metal and looked up to find Horse charging him.  An alarmed squeak escaped before he lunged for the remote.  Horse plowed into him, hurling him across the cell.  Donnie crashed into the wall and lay still for a moment as he tried to figure out how to breathe again.  His hand had brushed the remote just as Horse connected with him.  The sudden movement caused his hand to flick the device, sending it sliding across the floor to the other side of the cell.  
  
Horse made an annoyed sounding snort while glaring at Donatello who returned the glare with equal parts determination and animosity.  He turned his back to the downed turtle so he could retrieve his remote control.  Just as he bent down to pick it up, he heard a loud shout and pain exploded behind his left knee as Donnie’s kick connected with it.  He fell to one knee and twisted his upper body around only have more pain blossom when Donnie punched him right between the eyes.  It made his world blur and reminded him of just how big a mistake it was to underestimate his captive.  Horse yelped in pure shock when Donatello took advantage of his dazed state to grab him by his long tail.  Donnie pulled with all the strength he had and flung Horse as far away from the remote as he could.  Horse crashed in a jumbled heap near the front of the cell.  A low groan slipped out while he tried to regain his senses.  
  
Donatello winced as his left shoulder sharply reminded him that it was still a little too tender to be tossing around mutants twice his size.  He gripped it briefly but otherwise ignored its protests; he’d have plenty of time to rest it once he was home.  A bright smile spread on his face when he scooped up the remote.  He hurriedly looked it over, trying to figure it out instead of taking a chance on simple button mashing.  The last thing he wanted to do right now was stick himself to the floor.  
  
His body froze when he heard the unmistakable sound of Horse charging him again.  He whirled around just in time for Horse to dive at him and grab him by his wrists.  Donatello fell onto his carapace with Horse on top of him.  They skidded across the floor from the force of the impact and came to a stop in Donnie’s usual corner.  Donnie knew he was in a difficult position to fight from but refused to give up; he still had the remote!  All he had to do was get Horse off of him and he’d finally be free!  He struggled frantically to free his arms while kicking at Horse with every bit of strength he could summon.    
  
Despite the painful and relentless pummeling, Horse stubbornly held fast to Donatello.  It would be his hide for sure if the turtle escaped.  Horse just barely managed to pull Donnie’s arms together so that he could stuff both of the smaller mutant’s wrists into one hand.  He used his now free hand to pry the remote from Donatello’s grasp.  Before anything else could happen, Horse pressed one of the activation buttons and easily pushed Donatello’s wrists into the corner just above them.  “NO!” Donnie cried out in utter dismay.      
  
Horse chuckled breathlessly while the turtle futilely struggled beneath him.  “Well…  That was quite exhilarating,” he said in-between his panting.  He had the gall to look surprised when Donnie scowled at him with more fury in his eyes than Horse had ever seen before.  Movement out of the corner of his eye made him instinctively raise a hand.  Donatello’s leg connected with his palm as he caught the kick that had been meant for his head.  He smirked when Donnie’s eyes went wide.  Then he pushed another button on the remote and viciously slammed Donnie’s leg against the nearby wall, making the turtle shriek with pain as his injured leg was aggravated yet again.        
  
Now that he was certain he wasn’t going to be attacked again anytime soon, Horse considered Donatello, who was now not only pinned but spread-eagle beneath him.  The turtle’s eyes were closed and his plastron heaved while he panted from pain and exertion.  Sweat created little rivers down his neck and arms.  Horse seemed to be enjoying the show the smaller mutant was unwittingly giving him.  He reached out a hand to caress it against Donnie’s cheek.    
  
Donatello’s eyes flew open at the touch and he bared his teeth hostilely.  He snapped at Horse’s fingers only just missing them.  Whatever bit of tolerance he had left was clearly gone.  Horse’s eyebrows rose then he grinned down at Donnie.  “Yes, I have to say that it IS your incensed fire that I enjoy.  Well, one of the things I enjoy,” he said with a chuckle.  Donnie growled at him before looking away sullenly.    
  
Horse’s smile slowly fell while he watched the little turtle.  When he spoke, his voice was quite solemn.  “Unfortunately, as much as I enjoy our discussions, I must stop indulging myself with them.  Kraang is getting exasperated.  He says that my recent attempts to coax April O’Neil’s location from you are not working.  And he is right.  You are too smart for me, little colt.  Always one step ahead.”  Donnie’s lips quirked up a bit in the ghost of a smug smile at Horse’s admission.  “However, seeing you like this, I realize that I was wrong when I told Kraang that I have tried everything.”  Donnie’s smile disappeared and he looked at Horse out of the corner of his eyes.  “I have one other thing I can try,” Horse whispered as he brought his hands up to slowly…softly smooth his fingers down Donatello’s plastron.    
  
At first Donnie was confused by the gentleness of the touch.  How could being gentle force him to do anything?  Suddenly he felt a tingling sensation run down his body.  It made his eyes close as he gasped and then shivered.  A dark chuckle from Horse yanked him out of his unexpected pleasure haze and back to the reality of his situation.  “It amazes me just how much you can feel through that shell of yours,” Horse purred while his hands continued their journey down Donatello’s plastron.  
  
Another unwanted thrill shot through him making Donnie grunt and his body shudder.  His eyes widened in dawning horror.  “Stop!” he commanded with as much force as he could muster up.  “D-don’t touch me!  AAHH!”  Donnie cried out in shock and his eyes snapped back closed when Horse touched him where no one else ever had.    
  
“So that is where you keep it,” Horse commented in a manner more befitting a scientist scrutinizing a specimen.  “I had honestly been wondering.  What else are you hiding down here, hmm?” he questioned with a chilling directness.    
  
Donnie moaned and then cried out again.  Horse’s hands continued to move on him coaxing more tremors from his body.  He bucked against his restraints, frantically trying to break free.  He didn’t want this.  This was something intimate…something that was supposed to be shared with the person he loved and who loved him in return.  It wasn’t supposed to be like this.  Why was his body responding!?  He didn’t want it to!  He didn’t want this!  All he wanted to do was get as far away from this nightmare as he could.  When he opened his eyes once again he could feel tears starting to sting at them.  “S-stop.  Please?”  Donatello wanted to be sick when he heard himself beg.  During his entire imprisonment, he’d not begged once, no matter how much pain he was in.  He hadn’t wanted to give Horse that gratification.  But now…now he just wanted it…wanted THIS to end.  “Please stop!” he whimpered, pleading for mercy.  
  
“Really?  You want me to stop?” Horse asked as he leaned more over Donnie so that he was face to face with the distraught turtle.  He smirked when Donatello nodded vigorously at him.    “Of course I will!  Tell me where April O’Neil is and I will stop.  All of this will stop,” he promised even while he continued to molest the smaller mutant.    
  
Donatello’s eyes somehow widened even more than they already were.  His head turned to the side to break eye contact with Horse and he tried to think past what was happening to him.  Self-loathing coiled further into the pit of his stomach as, for half a second, he considered telling Horse what he wanted to know.  “There is more at stake than just April!” his sensible side urgently reminded him.  “The Kraang will be able to do whatever they want to this world if they get their tentacles on her.  Not to mention, April’s hiding place is the lair.”  His eyes slid close.  He swallowed emotionally and whined pitiably under Horse’s continued assault.  “If I give April up, not only will I betray her but I will betray my brothers…my father.”    
  
Horse paused for a moment to patiently wait for Donatello to catch enough breath answer.  When Donnie turned his face back towards him, Horse asked, “So, will you tell me where April is?”  
  
Donatello slowly opened his eyes to fix Horse with a look that was somehow both tenacious and despairing.  “No.  I won’t,” he replied, his voice cracking.  Tears finally trickled out of his eyes to be absorbed by his mask.  
  
Horse seemed surprised before his own eyes closed.  “It seems that Kraang will have to be frustrated a bit longer.  However,” Horse opened his eyes to leer at Donnie.  “I do not see why I should be.  Besides, you may change your mind after a bit more…persuasion.”    
  
Donnie’s eyes filled with panic and he tried to hide his face against his arm.  The tears flowed freely now.  “Leonardo!” he thought while he squeezed his eyes shut, desperately trying and failing to rein in his terror.  “Michelangelo!”  He whimpered when he felt Horse shifting position on top of him.  “Raphael!”  The sound of a zipper being unfastened seemed to echo in the cell and he couldn’t prevent a choked sob from slipping out.  “Sensei!  Please!  Help me!" 


	12. Chapter 11

* * *

 Chapter 11

 

_The silence that fills the lair is enough to make you think that time has stopped.  My sibling and I stare for a moment before we look at each other, each of us wordlessly asking the same question of the others.  “D-did Mom just confess…what I think he did?”  It’s not that we didn’t understand the words Mom used.  Somehow he’d managed to walk the fine line between being perfectly clear and being too detailed about what happened to him.  It’s just that it’s…it’s too appalling for us to accept.  I look at Mom.  His eyes are focused on the floor while he takes a break from telling the story.  I can tell that he’s trying to keep from being overwhelmed by the memories and emotions that have been stirred up after all this time._  
  
_I quickly look at each of the adults in turn.  Hoping that one of them will tell us that we actually ARE misunderstanding what Mom said.  Uncle Raph, who is still leaning his carapace against Mom’s right side, has his mouth set in a deep frown and his eyes are tightly closed.  His hands are gripping his biceps so forcefully that he’s starting to leave little crescent-shaped marks where his fingernails are.   Auntie April, on Mom’s left side, has been looking more and more miserable as Mom continues his narration and now tears are silently sliding down her face._  
  
_She should be miserable!  I resist the urge to scowl at her.  Mom may be able to be the bigger turtle and say that his getting caught wasn’t Auntie’s fault, but I’m not so sure that I can do the same.  It sure seems like it was all her fault.  She should have known better.  When working as a squad, always, always, ALWAYS let the rest of the squad know when you want to break off to check something!  I’m only eight and I know that!_  
  
_I manage to pull my gaze away from Auntie April to glance behind us.  Sensei looks like he always does, quietly impassive.  However, as I watch him longer, I pick up on how firmly he is gripping his cane and the sorrow in his eyes.  Uncle Leo is leaning forward so that he can rest his elbows on his knees.  His fingers have knit together in front of him and his eyes are turned to the floor like Mom’s.  He looks just as miserable as Auntie only he has managed to keep tears at bay.  As long as I’ve been alive, Uncle Leo has been passionate about protecting the family.  Mom is constantly scolding him about how he risks himself too much.   I suspect that this…horror…is one of the reasons why Uncle Leo does what he does._  
  
_Uncle Mikey is the one that finally makes Mom’s words sink in for me.  I’ve never seen anything get Uncle Mikey down.  Nothing makes that joyful smile of his falter.  However, this time, when I look at him I see the same anguish that everyone else has etched into his face.  The optimistic smile isn’t anywhere to be found as he presses the side of his face further into the pillow he is clutching.  He looks like he’d rather be clutching Mom.  The same tears that have begun to track their way down my face shimmer in his eyes._  
  
_It becomes painfully clear to me that we haven’t misunderstood anything.  Our beloved mother suffered through the vilest of assaults.  He had been raped by the very person that my siblings and I were so eager to know about.  Our father.  It had to be him.  How many horse mutants could Mom have encountered in his lifetime?  My stomach turns as I recall the romanticized fairytales that my siblings and I would make up when Mom wasn’t around to hear us.  My personal favorite was that our mom and dad had been part of some forbidden love.  Tch.  We couldn’t have been farther from the truth if we’d tried._  
  
_I hear my sister whimper and I look at her in concern.  She has her hands over her mouth and her eyes squeezed closed as tears make trails down her face.  I’m shocked to see her like this.  Logical Kaiya is the rock of our little triad.  Her tendency to stay levelheaded is why Mom always puts her in charge when we are left to our own devices.   I’m too excitable and Lewis is too laidback to be trusted with that responsibility.  Tears are not Kaiya’s normal response to upsetting news.   That’s me.  As much as I hate to cry, I’m usually the one that ends up an emotional train wreck.  Even with news as distressing as this, I never expected Kaiya to fall apart.  Sadly accept it?  Sure.  Want to hug Mom and never let him go?  Most definitely.  She’s rational, not an unfeeling monster.  There is something else going on.  What has she realized that I haven’t yet?_  
  
_While I watch her try to keep her crying quiet, comprehension hits me like a metric ton of bricks.  Of the three of us, Kaiya is the one that looks the least like a turtle.  The only clear sign of her turtle heritage is her color but replace her olive green fur with brown and her forest green mane, tail, and leg featherings with black and she would have the same coloration as a bay horse.  I can almost hear her wondering how Mom can look at her without being reminded of his assault.  My tears begin to flow faster as I start to wonder the same thing.  I may look the most like a turtle, but I know that the horizontal rectangles I have for pupils are nothing a reptile would normally have.  Lewis meanwhile is such an obvious blending of turtle and piebald horse that no one would ever be convinced that he could be from one or the other.  A sudden sniffle from Lewis tells me that he’s come to the same conclusion as Kaiya and I.  I think back to last night and remember my worry that Mom didn’t really want us.  That concern has been replaced with a new, more painful question.  How can Mom even bear to have constant reminders like us around?_  
  
_“Shhhh,” a soft voice tries to console us.   I look up at Mom as he tenderly caresses the backs of his fingers against my cheek.  He’s eased himself out from between Uncle Raph and Auntie April so that he can kneel in front of us.  Somehow, despite the obvious stress in his eyes, he is giving us his ‘everything will be alright’ smile while delicately touching each of us in turn.  I sob at this.  How can he smile right now?  It’s not alright.  It will never be alright again!  “I know what you three are thinking.  And I want you to stop.  Especially you, Kaiya-chan,” he says as he wipes at Kaiya’s tear lines.  “When I look at the three of you, what I just told you about is the farthest thing from my mind.  You are precious to me.  Nothing has happened or ever will happen to change that,” he says while he gently tries to reassure us._  
  
_Kaiya watches him through all of this before her face becomes pinched with grief and she throws herself against his plastron.  He grunts as she pushes him even more onto his heels than he already was.  She falls to her own knees between his legs and outright weeps against him.  Mom hugs Kaiya to him, comfortingly kisses the top of her head, and then shifts his position so that he is sitting cross-legged with Kaiya in his lap.  His eye ridges furrow and I can tell that he’s worrying.  I can see the second and third guessing race through his mind even as he tries to soothe Kaiya._  
  
_He doesn’t have a chance to start fourth guessing before Lewis crawls into his lap to join our sister.  The tears in Lewis’ eyes speak volumes about how upset he is.  However, it seems that Mom’s words have reassured him a little better than they did Kaiya.  He nestles closer to Kaiya and Mom so that he can try to help calm our big sister.  Mom’s eye ridges go up at this before they relax.  He smiles dotingly and runs a hand through Lewis’ mane._  
  
_I watch my siblings cuddle our mother while trying to digest what we’ve been told.  A very large part of me wants to join them but I don’t feel right about being comforted.  It feels wrong to simply accept what happened.  It doesn’t matter that it happened years ago and that accepting it is about all we can do at this point.  I want to cry, scream, hit something; I want to do ANYTHING but simply accept this awful knowledge.  A hand gently strokes down my face and I jerk in surprise.  The hand retreats at my reaction.  I look at Mom to see him watching me with concern.  My eyes well up with a new batch of tears at his worry and I turn my head away from him.  He’s the one that’s suffered and yet he’s worrying about me?  I’m the one that forced him into reliving this horrific time!  A sense of shame washes over me and suddenly I better understand why I don’t feel right about being comforted._  
  
_“Hikaru?”  I flinch when Mom speaks.  His voice sounds pained, as though he’s on the edge of tears.  “Hikaru-chan…please…please look at me.”  I slowly do as he asks and feel myself choke up at the relieved smile that spreads on his face.  “Come here, sweet pea.  This is not something you should deal with on your own,” he says, offering his hand to me.  I shake my head and his smile vanishes instantly. “Y-you don’t want to?”  I nodded in answer to his question and he looks as though I just grabbed his heart, ripped it out of his plastron, and stomped all over it.  His eyes close tightly before he turns his head away from me and swallows hard.  He takes a shuddering breath before swallowing again.  “W-w-why not?” he haltingly asks while looking for all the world like he’s expecting my next words to be a death knell._  
  
_“Because I don’t deserve to be comforted,” I whimper._  
  
_Mom makes a sharp gasp and immediately looks back at me.  He’s eyes are huge, tear-filled, and bewildered.  “W-what?” he says in a hushed manner._  
  
_“I DON’T DESERVE TO BE COMFORTED!” I repeat myself with a shout.  “I’ve made you go through all that suffering again!  Not only that.  The whole family is in pain because of me!  I shouldn’t have been so stubborn.  I should have just accepted your decision to wait and let it go,” I sob out._  
  
_He watches me blubber for a few moments in stunned silence.  Then he makes an almost hysterical half-laugh, half sob sound and covers his mouth as he smiles again.  I feel the weight of his hand settle on top of my head, making me look back up to him.  “Oh baby girl, since when have you ‘just accepted’ something?” he asks me with a choked-up sounding chuckle.  “I haven’t raised you three to ‘just accept’ anything.  What is the motto that I have always followed and encouraged you to do the same?”_  
  
_“ **Question everything** ,” my siblings and I recite.  _  
  
_“That’s right.  And that’s exactly what you did.  YOU aren’t making anyone suffer by insisting that we talk about what happened.  This wouldn’t have been any easier for us if I’d waited five, ten, twenty, a hundred years to tell you.  So, don’t go blaming yourself for how hard this is.  OK?”  I sniffle and nod while rubbing at my eyes.  Mom’s hand moves down to my cheek to wipe away a tear before cupping it.  “Also, no matter what happens in life or what you do…you’ll always deserve to be comforted.”  My eye ridges knit together as I feel the need to start another bout of tears.  Instead, I charge at Mom, wrap my arms around his neck, and tightly hug him.  I feel him sigh as though a crushing weight has been lifted from him while he brings an arm up to return my hug._  
  
_After a few moments a voice that is somehow both strange and familiar pipes up, “Um, Donnie?”  Mom and I look towards the voice.  I’m surprised to see that Uncle Mikey has come over and is kneeling just in front of Mom.  I hadn’t recognized his voice because the hesitant tone he used is so alien that it sounded like a completely different person.  “C-can I get in on the hugging too?” he asks unsurely.  His question surprises me even more.  Uncle Mikey’s not one to ASK if he can hug you.  He just does it…with much enthusiasm._  
  
_Mom blinks several times at his little brother.  Clearly he’s just as surprised by the question as I am.  Suddenly Mom gets this impish little half-smile, tilts his head downward, and looks up at Uncle Mikey with just his eyes.  If Mom wore glasses, he’d be peering over the tops of the frames.  “I don’t know, Mikey.  Can you?”  A smile creeps its way onto my face.  Like mother, like daughter._  
  
_Uncle Mikey stares at Mom for a bit in disbelief.  It doesn’t take him long to recover though.  “DONNIE!  COME ON!” he whines loudly making Mom’s half-smile become a full one.  “I’M BEING SERIOUS HERE!”  Before he can complain more, Mom snags him by the back of the neck and pulls him into an enthusiastic hug.  Uncle Mikey freezes for a heartbeat before he clutches at Mom wholeheartedly._  
  
_“I know, Mikey.  I’m sorry,” Mom says quietly.  “I couldn’t resist teasing you.  I don’t get to do that much anymore,” he continues once Uncle Mikey lets him go._  
  
_“Dude.  You made everything on my T-phone come up in Russian just last week!”_  
  
_“Well…I was trying to encourage you to…broaden your horizons,” Mom counters while putting a hand behind his head and offering Uncle Mikey a sheepish grin._  
  
_Uncle Mikey looks annoyed for a couple of seconds but soon sighs and looks sad again.  “Why didn’t you ever tell any of this to us before now?” he asks as he gestures to our other uncles, Sensei, and Auntie April.  “You didn’t have to hold it all in.  We would have listened.”_  
  
_Mom’s eye ridges go up a bit.  Then he looks downward and his smile fades to a much more subdued expression.  “You guys were upset enough when you found out.  I…I didn’t think you wanted or needed ANY of the details,” Mom says weakly as his head lowers.  “I-I’m sorry.”_  
  
_Uncle Mikey looks sadder at Mom’s apology.  He pulls Mom’s head back up so that they can be face to face again and gives Mom a gentler version of his boisterous smile.  “Hey, don’t be sorry, Donnie.  If you didn’t want to, you didn’t want to.  I just wanted to make sure you knew that you could talk to us.  Or not talk to us.  Whatever you need; just know that we’re here for you.  No matter what.  I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.  Sorry about that.”   He suddenly leans forward and kisses Mom right between the eyes, making Mom jerk out of his grasp in surprise.  Mom’s thunderstruck expression is priceless.  Uncle Mikey seems to think so too because his smile broadens enormously.  Once Mom recovers his eyes narrow and he gives Uncle Mikey a dirty look.  “That’s more like it, bro!” Uncle Mikey chuckles while he heartily claps his hands on Mom’s shoulders and gives him a slight shake.  Mom just lifts his eyes to the ceiling with a long-suffering sigh._  
  
_I take a quick look at my siblings and smile in relief when I see that Kaiya has managed to regain her self-control.  However, I can tell that she’s still troubled because she seems perfectly content to stay in Mom’s lap.  So does Lewis for that matter.  I suddenly feel left out.  Before any of the adults can interrupt him again, Mom returns his eyes to us so he can check on how we’re holding up.  He notices how I’m fidgeting and smiles a bit.  Then he gently nudges Kaiya and Lewis.  “Make room for your sister please,” he requests and they start to shift around._  
  
_Unfortunately, I’m not always the most patient child.  I only manage to wait for a couple of seconds before I try to join my family.  Mom starts to protest but ends up grunting in pain when a foot accidentally gets planted in a bad spot.  “Sorry,” Kaiya says feebly with a wince, admitting that she’s the one that nailed him._  
  
_Mom groans as he leans back onto his left hand so he can shift his right leg out and up.  We end up settling on the floor between his legs and using his left leg and plastron as a backrest.  He rests his free hand on Kaiya’s head, patting it in acknowledgement of her apology.  “I forget that you guys are getting too big for this,” he says with a wistful sigh.  Before Mom can do anything else, Uncle Raph comes up behind him, grabs the tails of his mask, and forcefully yanks on them, pulling a startled cry from him.  “Raph!  You jerk!  What the heck was that for!?” Mom demands loudly while he tries to loosen his now over-tightened mask with one hand._  
  
_“Like you said, I’m a jerk.  What other reason do I need?” Uncle Raph responses with a wry smile while he settles back against Mom’s right side.  “Besides, I still owed you one for Mythsmashers.”  Mom grumbles something under his breath that makes our eyes go big and Uncle Raph grin more.  “Someone needs to put a marble in the swear jar.  And for once it isn’t me!”_  
  
_Mom stares agape at Uncle Raph for a moment before his jaw clicks closed and he growls while still trying to loosen his mask with his only available hand.  He’s just about to give up and shift positions so that he can have both hands again when Auntie April rests one of her hands on top of his.  “Hold still, Donnie,” she tells him as she sits down on his left side again and adjusts his mask for him.  He breathes a sigh of intense relief once the excessive pressure is gone.  Then he turns to thank Auntie, but the bright smile on his face disappears the moment he sees the tear lines on her face.  His eyes fill with concern as he brushes his fingers against one of the trails.  Auntie April smiles sadly and she grabs his hand with both of hers.  “I’ll be alright, Donnie,” she tries to reassure him.  Mom doesn’t get to press the issue because Uncle Leo clears his throat, trying to bring the family back to focus._  
  
_“Shall I get the ball rolling again, Donnie?” Uncle Leo asks gently.  A smile pulls at the corners of his mouth when Uncle Mikey joins the pile of people surrounding Mom by lying on his carapace in front of Mom and using Mom’s right foot as a pillow._  
  
_Mom tears his gaze away from Auntie to look at his eldest brother and seems to consider the question for a few moments.  Then he runs his hand soothingly down each of our heads.  “Are you three up to continuing?”_  
  
_We look at each other unsurely.  “O-only if you are, ‘Kaasan,” Lewis replies tentatively.  Kaiya and I nod in agreement.  Our innate curiosity doesn’t really want to stop…despite our newfound uncertainty and the turn the story’s taken.  However, now, none of us are willing to pressure Mom into resuming if he really isn’t up to it._  
  
_“Hmm,” Mom hums quietly.  “I do hate leaving anything unfinished.”_  
  
_“I’D hate for them to think that we never got you out of there,” Uncle Leo says earnestly._  
  
_“That makes two of us,” Mom replies softly.  “Well…we haven’t even gotten to the part where they were able to be conceived so…”_  
  
_“What?!” my siblings exclaim as they look up at him in shock._  
  
_Mom grins at their staggered expressions.  “What?” he echoes them amusedly.  “You thought that’s when I got pregnant with you three?”  He chuckles softly.  “Now I know who’s not paying enough attention in biology.”  I smirk smugly while they look embarrassed at being caught.  “Don’t get too full of yourself, Hikaru.  I don’t remember my trigonometry book having sketches of puppies and kittens in the margins,” he says with a smirk of his own.  I can feel my cheeks warm up at being called out on the same sin as my brother and sister.  They, of course, take a moment to snicker at me before Mom continues.  “Anyway, as I’ve said in class, I may be a mutant, but even my physiology’s not THAT freaky.”_  
  
_Uncle Leo smiles a bit more at this before he takes a bolstering breath.  The three of us turn to look at Uncle Leo, waiting patiently for him to resume where Mom left off.  When he does, his voice holds so much regret that it makes my eyes tear up again.  “Thirty-one days.  That’s how long Donnie had been captured before we finally got the break we needed.”_

**********

“BOOYAKASHA!” Michelangelo shouted as he pounced on a pair of Foot soldiers.  One went flying from a well-placed kick.  The other crumpled after taking a nunchuck to his side then his head.   The soldiers’ companions wheeled on Mikey.  He squeaked when they opened fire on him with…laser rifles!?  “When did they get those!?” Mikey hollered as he ducked and weaved between the blasts.  It didn’t take long for Raphael and Leonardo to come to Mikey’s aid.  Despite their extra firepower the entire company of Foot soldiers was soon lying on the roof, groaning in pain.  The only casualty for the turtle brothers: their nerves.    
  
One of ninja tried to struggle to his feet only to be elbowed in the back of his head and sent back down.  Raphael growled irritably at the ninja before stepping over him to approach where Leonardo stood, picking the remnants of a blaster from his sword.  “Since when does the Foot carry around blasters?” he asked while catching his breath.  When they’d spotted the troupe, they hadn’t even considered that the enemy would be armed with anything more serious than traditional ninja weapons.  It had been quite unsettling to suddenly find out that their foes were just as well armed as a bunch of Kraang droids.  
  
“They must have stolen them from the Kraang,” Leo responded while glaring at their downed opponents.  “The Shredder did have them stealing mutagen before.  Why not move to stealing weapons?”  
  
Mikey watched his brothers talk for a moment before becoming bored and milling about the unconscious ninjas.  That was just about to get boring too when Mikey spotted something sticking out of one of the Foot soldiers’ uniforms.  He bent down and plucked up the plastic card.  It was grayish in color with six pink stop sign shaped spots in a circle at the center.  “Hey, bros!” Mikey called to the others.  “What do you think this is?” he asked while holding the card up so his brothers could see it.  
  
Raph looked before growling lowly.  “It’s what you always pick up!  Trash!” he snapped.    
  
Leo took one look at what Mikey was holding and his eyes immediately widened.  “Let me see that!” he said as he hurried over to his little brother.  Mikey easily handed the card over to Leo.  “That’s the same symbol that’s on TCRI!” Leo said once he’d gotten an up close look.  He turned the card over in his hands.  Elation started rising in his heart when he realized what this piece of plastic could mean.  “Where did you find it?”  
  
“On him,” Mikey answered while gesturing at the ninja.  
  
Leo knelt down beside the soldier and pulled off his mask.  The ninja was still holding on to awareness.  Apparently he was hoping to escape further injury by laying low.  The ninja yelped in surprise when Leonardo grabbed him by the front of his uniform, pulled him up so that they were face to face, and shoved the card in front of his eyes.  “What is this?” Leo demanded.  He needed to confirm his suspicions before he got too excited.    
  
“It’s an access card!” the ninja hurriedly answered.  The expression on the blue masked turtle’s face was unreadable, but the red masked one’s promised much pain if he didn’t answer.  Getting his butt kicked by giant turtles was not what he signed up for when he joined Chris Bradford’s dojo.  
  
“What does it access?”  
  
“Kraang facilities all across the city.  I-I-I think that the only one it doesn’t have access to is TCRI!”  
  
Leonardo felt his eye ridges go up in surprise.  “Exactly, where did you come by this?” Leo pressed, taking full advantage of the soldier’s fear of them.  
  
“Bradford-sensei’s head pupil gave it to me!  What is her name?  Umm…Karai!  Lady Karai!”  
  
Leo resisted the urge to scoff at this.  No way was Karai Bradford’s student, but it was a good cover to keep the Bradford fan-boys signing up even though their sensei was never seen anymore.  “Why would the Foot have card keys for Kraang facilities?” Leo questioned, more asking himself than the ninja.  “Maybe they stole them?”  He was surprised when the ninja shook his head at his mostly rhetorical questions.  Raph cracking his knuckles just behind Leo scared the ninja enough that he’d answer anything.  
  
“This weird guy in a suit gave her a box of them.  Along with the laser guns she told us to use.”  
  
Raph suddenly held his T-phone up in front of the ninja.  A picture of a Kraang droid in disguise was on it.  “This the guy you’re talking about?” Raph asked.  Their snitch nodded vigorously.    
  
Mikey looked at his older brothers in alarm.  Raph looked just as worried as he did.  Leo seemed thoughtful for a couple of seconds before he suddenly gave the ninja a powerful left hook, knocking him out instantly.  “You dudes’ thinking what I am?” Mikey nervously asked.    
  
“The Kraang and the Shredder working together.  That is not what I would call good news,” Raph replied somberly.    
  
“We need to get back to the lair,” Leonardo announced while he marched towards the edge of the building.  
  
“What?  Why?” Raphael questioned.  “We haven’t even patrolled half the city yet.  Splinter can wait until we’re done to hear the bad news.”  
  
Leo turned around while brandishing the key card.  “Raph, we just scored the golden ticket to saving Donnie!  Do you really want to finish patrolling the city?”  Both Raph and Mikey’s eyes went wide with surprise as they realized what Leo was thinking.  “We need to get back to the lair so we can make a plan to get him out TONIGHT.  Before they realize that we have this card and change the coding.  Let’s go!”

\----------------

April sighed as she walked out of the bathroom.  There was nothing like a hot shower after a vigorous training session.  It worked all the kinks out of her sore muscles.  Now she was ready to try and study so she didn’t fall too far behind in her classes.  She paused when she walked past the hallway to the dojo and kitchen.    
  
She could have sworn that she heard voices talking excitedly from the kitchen.  It sounded like the turtles but they weren’t due to be back from patrol for a few more hours.  April cautiously approached with her tessen drawn, just in case the lair’s location had been compromised.  She sighed in relief when she recognized Mikey’s excited laugh followed by Raph growling at him, demanding that he quiet down.    
  
“Alright then.  Let’s get geared up and head out.  And remember…don’t tell April,” Leo whispered to his brothers.  
  
“Don’t tell me what?” she asked as she stepped into the doorway.  Leo and Raph looked at her like a pair of deer caught in the headlights of a semi.  
  
“We’re bringing Donnie home tonight for sure because this time we can actually get in!” Mikey said with an enthusiastic grin.  April stared at the orange clad turtle completely speechless.  
  
“MIKEY!” Raph snapped.  Leo face palmed and just sat there shaking his head.    
  
“And…I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.  My bad,” Mikey continued sheepishly while taping his forefingers together.    
  
“You only had to keep your trap shut, Mikey!  Couldn’t even do that!” Raph growled angrily, making poor Mikey flinch.  
  
“That’s great!  When do we leave?” April gleefully declared once she’d found her voice again.    Usually the turtles made a go of it while they were already out on patrol.  They would never tell her before they left that they were going to try to save Donnie.  She always found out afterwards though.  They couldn’t hide their disappointment and injuries from her.  
  
“You’re not coming, April,” Leo proclaimed, his voice stern.  “We’ll handle it.”  
  
“I’m not letting you leave me behind again.  I want to help!  I HAVE to help!” she pleaded with him.  It was her fault that Donnie was in there and she needed to help get him out!  
  
“No, April!  We should have never risked bringing you last time.  If there is one thing this has taught me it’s that we were too cocky.  We underestimated the Kraang and Donatello is paying for our arrogance.  I won’t allow that to happen again.  It was too dangerous then and it’s too dangerous now!” Leo stated, refusing to budge.    
  
April’s expression became defiant.  “I’m going!” she insisted.  “Whether you take me with you or not!”  Leo looked shocked at the threat.  “Tell me, Leo.  Which is the greater risk: me going with you guys…or going out there completely by myself?”  
  
“You need to stay behind, April.  It’s for your own good!” Raph said as he sided with Leo, trying to help his brother convince her to listen to reason.  “Don’t make us lock you up.”  
  
“Go ahead!” she challenged him.  “Donnie was teaching me how to pick locks before he got caught and I’ve been practicing ever since.”  Raph growled hostilely and was just about snarl out something when Leo held up his hand to stop him.  
  
Leo sighed exasperatedly before giving April a hard look.  “Fine, you can come.  But you have to promise me that you will stick to us like glue.  You don’t go ANYWHERE without at least one of us at your side.  Understood?”  
  
April swallowed at this and nodded.  “Believe me, Leo.  I have no intention of letting Donnie’s sacrifice be in vain.”

  ----------------

He made an agonized moan as he felt the extra weight finally lift off of him.  All he wanted to do was curl in as tight a ball as he could, but he knew it would do him no good.  So he stayed where he was, panting…waiting for the hell to continue.  Just when he was about to dare to hope that it was done for the day, he was grab by the back of his neck and pulled onto his side.  He whimpered in dread yet he still fought against the grip.  The hold tightened, slowly stifling his feeble struggles to a halt.    
  
“Stop making everything so difficult, my little colt,” Horse quietly chastised Donatello once the smaller mutant stopped resisting him.  He raised his other hand and almost seemed depressed when Donnie tried to shy away from it.  His grip tightened again, forcing Donnie to stay still while he rested his hand onto the turtle’s forehead.  A seemingly concerned frown pulled at Horse’s face.  He let go of Donnie, but his captive didn’t move away.  Donnie knew better than to chance it until he was certain that Horse was finished with him.  “I must speak with Kraang,” Horse announced as he got up to leave.    
  
Once the cell door hissed closed, Donnie dragged himself to his hands and knees.  He sat back on his heels and shivered even though he was drenched in sweat.  A new round of tears welled up in his eyes.  He pushed them back, fighting the urge to completely break down.  “There’ll be time later,” he told himself.  “Right now I need to clean my injuries or I’m going to get sick.”  He pulled himself to his unsteady legs only to have a wave of wooziness nearly knock him right back to the floor.  “Sicker,” he corrected before forcing himself to power through the vertigo so he could stumble over to the sink. 

\----------------

Leonardo silently observed their target: four Kraang droids diligently guarding the back entrance of the facility.  “That’s five less than a week ago,” he quietly reflected.  “They’re either expecting us or they’re getting overconfident.”  He swallowed when a third option occurred to him.  “Or they moved Donnie somewhere else.”  The chances of them ever seeing Donatello again were slim if the Kraang relocated him.  Leo pushed the worry aside.  It wasn’t putting him in the right frame of mind.    
  
He lifted his hand up in a fist as he heard the rest of the squad move in beside him.  The resolve radiating off each of them was palpable.  Mikey hadn’t cracked a single joke since they’d left the Shellraiser.  It was parked three blocks away in an effort to make sure the Kraang wouldn’t see them coming.  Leo could only hope that it was still close enough for them to make a quick getaway.  After all, they had no idea what condition Donnie would be in when they found him.  Would he be able to fight with them or would he be literal dead weight?  Again Leo shoved the anxiety as far away as he could.    
  
A few gestures and silently his brothers broke off to flank the droids.  His swords made a soft shing as he pulled them into position.  A reciprocating metallic ring told him that April had her tessen at the ready.  He didn’t even need to look where at Raph and Mikey were hiding to know they were set.  A quick gesture and they sprung upon the enemy.  Raph tore into two of the droids as though they had personally affronted him.  Mikey swiftly knocked out both Kraang before they could even evacuate their damaged bodies.  The other two droids turned to face Mikey and Raph allowing Leo and April to waylay them from behind.  Two quick slashes and Leo’s droid fell to pieces.  Another flash and the Kraang the machine held was knocked out cold by the flat of Leo’s blade.  April lashed out with her tessen, slicing her droid’s head clean off.  Then she snapped the war fan closed and slapped the Kraang inside across the face with it, sending the alien to slumber-land along with its companions.    
  
Leo quickly looked around for any signs of a counter ambush.  When none could be found, he rushed over to the door.  His brothers and April followed and huddled around him.  He took the key card out of his belt and looked at it nervously.  If the Foot soldier had lied to them, the Kraang would be all over them within seconds.  He looked at the panel.  Could he really risk everything on the word of a Foot soldier?  “If it means making my family whole again, yes!” he unswervingly thought before pressing the card against the panel.    
  
The lights on the panel flickered wildly while everyone watched in a mix of anticipation and trepidation.  Leonardo was just getting ready to sound the retreat, when the all lights abruptly turned green.  “That which is known as access is granted,” announced a feminine voice.  The doors before them swished open.  Leo’s face lit up in a jubilant smile while his brothers and April cheered.    
  
“Let’s go!” he told them as he hurried into the hall that stretched out in front of them.  They followed quickly behind.  He was about to hurry around a corner when his instincts told him to stop.  After making sure that the others fell into step behind him, he used one of his swords as a mirror so he could safely peer around the corner.  A quiet curse passed his lips.  “There’s a camera up ahead,” he informed the others.  Apparently more droids wasn’t the only thing the Kraang had done to improve the building’s security.  
  
“So?  Let’s bust it up!” Raph declared, brandishing his sais gleefully.    
  
“If we do that, the Kraang will know that we’re here,” Leo told Raph, trying to keep the impatience out of his voice.  “We need to stay under the radar for as long as possible.  At least until we find Donnie.”    
  
Raphael grumbled quietly while sheathing his sais and cross his arms.  “So what do we do now, Chief?”  
  
Leo looked thoughtful for a moment before he spotted something just behind and above Michelangelo.  A pleased smile briefly spread on his face.  “We’ll use the ventilation system to get around.  Raph, you and April check out the upper levels.  Mikey, you’re with me.  We’ll search this level and the lower ones.  Remember!  Updates every thirty minutes.  Beyond that, maintain radio silence unless you find Donnie or are in trouble.  Got it?”  Everyone nodded in confirmation.  Leo suddenly put his fist out in front of him.  His brothers and April smiled at this before their fists joined his in the center of their little circle.  His smile returned only this time it was colored with grim determination.  “Let’s bring Donnie home.”  
  
“HAI!” the troupe barked their whole-hearted agreement.  Leo quickly went down on his knees just under the vent and motioned to April.  She clambered up him to stand on his shoulders with Raph and Mikey holding her steady.  He gripped her feet as he carefully stood back up, putting April within easy reach of the vent.  It only took a few seconds for her to unlatch the vent so that it swung open.  Then April pulled herself up into the shaft.  Leo looked at Raph, who nodded once and move to stand in front of him while pointing at Mikey.  Once Raph created a stirrup with his hands, Mikey used it so he could climb Leo like a ladder and join April in the ventilation system.  Afterwards, Leo gave Raph a boost up into the vents.  Once he was up, Raph and Mikey stretched a hand down to Leo so that they could pull their brother up with the rest of them.   They closed the vent behind them so that there wouldn’t be any evidence of where they had gone.    
  
They separated at the first junction they came across.  Once Raph and April made it to the second level, Raph had April take the lead.  “Let’s check that room you told us about first.  The one with all the tubes,” he suggested.  
  
April felt the color drain from her face.  “Why?  Y-you don’t think Donnie’s there, do you?” she asked, her voice trembling.  That room had haunted her dreams nearly every night since Donnie’s capture.  She really didn’t want to walk in there and have her nightmares confirmed.  
  
Raph rested a hand on her shoulder, reassuringly.  “I don’t know about you, but I sure would feel a whole lot better about this if we made sure he wasn’t first.  ‘Cause then we’ll know for sure that he’s alive.  Alright?”  April took a shuddering breath before she swallowed and nodded in agreement.  Raph gave her a lopsided smile, patted her shoulder, and encouraged her to move on.  “Lead the way.”

\----------------

Michelangelo sighed in relief and smiled for the first time since they’d started this mission as he listened to Raphael reporting to Leonardo.  It was great to hear that Donatello wasn’t in that horrible tube room.  Mikey didn’t know what he’d do if they had found Donnie dead but he pretty sure it wouldn’t have been good.  While Leo and Raph continued to exchange what they had found so far, Mikey shifted farther down the shaft he and Leo were in and winced when the metal boomed under his weight.  He hated how much the metal clattered whenever he moved.  It sounded so loud that he kept thinking he’d just given them away.  He didn’t want to go too far from Leo; it made his brother antsy whenever he’d get out of sight.  So Mikey stopped at a vent cover to wait for Leo.    
  
He heard the sounds of Kraang droids approaching and backed away from the vent some so that he could watch the droids without them seeing him.  The two droids stopped just in front of a door.  They were talking about something that was being done on one of the other levels.  Mikey didn’t really care about what they were saying.  His interest had been snagged by something else.  One of the droids had approached the door, making it slide open for it.  Much like humans, the two droids continued to talk while the door stayed open.  Soft bluish-gray light poured out the doorway, causing Mikey to become curious about what was making it.  He risked moving closer so that he could get a clearer view of what was inside.  His interest grew when we saw that the light was coming from what looked like TVs.  Lots of them.  “Leo!” he hissed down the shaft.  “You’ve gotta check this out.  Hurry!”  Mikey grimaced when the shaft banged with Leo’s approach.  “SHHH!  Not so loud!  Kraang bots, six…no twelve…”  Mikey looked confused for a moment as Leo slowed his approach to minimize the racket.  “Ummm…how do you say ‘right under us’ with the o’clock stuff?”  
  
“Mikey!  Get down!  They’ll see you!” Leo whispered in alarm.    
  
“Trust me, bro!  I’m good.  But you need to see this,” he replied while pointing down the vent and shifting so that Leo could get a clear look.    
  
Leo didn’t look like he was too sure Mikey actually had something, but he humored his little brother.  His eyes widened once it processed what he was looking at.  “You found the surveillance room!  Nice, Mikey!” he praised, making his brother beam.  Surely that room would help them narrow down where to look for Donnie.  At the very least, shutting it down would allow them to wander through the halls instead of crawling through the cramped ventilation system.    
  
He narrowed his eyes at the two droids.  Chances were high that there was at least one more droid already in the room.  They needed to catch the Kraang off guard if they were going to get in and make as little noise as possible while doing it.  Leo looked around the ventilation shaft and smiled when he saw that just a little past Mikey was another shaft splitting off from their current one.  He pointed it out to Mikey who looked, nodded, and then quietly began to follow it.  After a moving several feet from where they started, they encountered another vent.  One look down verified what Leo had hoped.  They were now just above the surveillance room.  Beneath them two more Kraang worked, keying in information while images from other areas of the facility flashed up.  Leo had to swallow down an emotional lump when one of the screens that flicked by showed what looked like a turtle.    
  
It didn’t take Leo long to come up with a plan.  They patiently waited for the Kraang who was just outside to finish its conversation, come into the room, and take its station.  Once things had settled in the room and the door was closed, Leo nodded at Mikey.  His brother pulled three eggs from his belt and got into position.  Leo carefully lined up his fist before striking the vent cover with enough force to send it flying down to the floor.  All three droids whirled around to look at what fell.  Before they could look up, Mikey flung the bombs into the room, instantly filling it with smoke.  Mikey and Leo leapt into the room and ripped into the Kraang.  By the time the smoke cleared, all three of the droids were busted up and their respective Kraang were unconscious.    
  
Leo approached the monitor screens while Mikey did a quick search of the room.  His eyes closed and he tried to recall the sequence that he’d watched one the Kraang enter to get the screens to cycle through the cameras.  He had just managed it when Mikey waved at him to get his attention.  Resisting the urge to sigh, he set the computer to continue cycling through the images, only at a much slower rate than before.  “Check out what I found,” Mikey said rather seriously, an unusual tone for him.    
  
Leonardo’s eyes filled with sorrow when he looked inside the locker Michelangelo was holding open.  He reached in and pulled out what looked like a charred turtle shell.  “Donnie’s T-phone,” Leo said softly as he turned the broken communicator over in his hands.    
  
“Surprised they kept it.  It’s fried.”  
  
“They were probably hoping to get something out of it,” Leo commented in response to Mikey while he peered more into the locker.  A wry smile crossed his face as he reached inside again.  “April called it,” he said drily while he pulled out the digital lock-pick he’d been so desperate to find more than a week ago.  There were several more items within the locker: a couple of small screwdrivers, wire cutters, a math compass, a small wrench, pliers…all of them Donnie’s.  “This must be where they decided to store everything they thought would be too dangerous to leave on him.”  
  
“Well, that’s a good call.  All that stuff would be bad news for them if Donnie ever got ahold of it,” Mikey stated with a laugh while pocketing all of the tools Leo handed him.  They both knew that Donnie would want them back.    
  
Leo managed a chuckle.  Mikey was right.  Donnie could have made the Kraang’s lives miserable with even one of those tools.  “I wonder where his staff is,” he questioned as he looked around the room.  It would be great if they could retrieve it.  Then Donnie would have a weapon while they made their escape and wouldn’t have to worry about crafting a new one when they got home.    
  
Mikey shoved his face deep into the locker, making Leo’s eyes roll.  There was no way a six foot bo staff could fit in that tiny thing.  “Um…” Mikey started as he pulled back, removing a two foot cylindrical piece of wood from the depths of the locker at the same time.  “…I don’t think it made it.  ACK!” he squawked and dropped what was left of the bo when the naginata blade shot out from its hiding place.    
  
“Donnie definitely went down fighting,” Leo said quietly with a hint of pride while bending down to pick up the blade and inspect the damage.  Despite how often it seemed to happen lately, Leo knew that it took a lot of power to break one of Donnie’s staffs.  Especially the ones that weren’t for sparring.  The only thing that should have been able to damage this oaken staff was a blaster but there were no sign of burns.  He pushed the blade back into the shaft and shoved it into his belt.  At least it would be one less piece Donatello would have to make.  He turned back to the monitors just in time to see the image of a familiar form flick away.    
  
Leo raced over to the displays with Mikey right behind him and frantically began hitting buttons, trying to make the computer go back.  He knew he’d managed it when he heard Mikey breathe out a choked sounding, “Donnie!”  Michelangelo’s eyes shimmered in the light from the screens even though a joyful smile was on his face.    
  
“Raph, April!  We’ve found him!” Leonardo said into his T-phone as he made the computer freeze on the camera feed of his missing brother.  He didn’t even try to hide the excitement in his voice.  
  
“Sweet!  Where?!” came Raphael’s enthusiastic reply.  
  
“Level three, south corridor,” Leo relayed after squinting at the screen to find which camera the image was coming from.  “Room 332.”  
  
“We’re one level down,” said April’s voice.  “How’d you guys get ahead of us?”  
  
“We didn’t.  Mikey found the camera room so we hijacked it,” Leo said with a smirk while Mikey grinned proudly.  “We’re on sublevel one.  You two head on.  We’ll join you after we’ve trashed this place.”  
  
“Great!  I was getting a crick from these dang tunnels,” Raph said, his aggressive grin coming through in his voice.  There was a pause before Raph continued more gingerly, “How does he look?”  
  
Leo swallowed a bit at the question.  “The feed’s not that great.  All I can tell from here is that he’s unconscious.”  The silence on the other end lasted long enough to make  
Leo nervous.  “Raph?  April?  You copy?”  
  
“We got it, Leo.  Thanks.  Just have to go see for ourselves!” April answered.  She too couldn’t suppress the anticipation in her voice.  “See you soon!”  
  
“Roger.”  Leo tucked away his T-phone and turned to Mikey.  His brother grinned eagerly while he twirled his nunchucks into position.  Leo mirrored the smile as he pulled his swords.  “Let’s get to it!”


	13. Chapter 12

* * *

Chapter 12

 

The elevator dinged pleasantly once it reached its destination.  When the doors opened, Raph casually tossed the head of the droid he was using to trick the elevator’s retinal scanner over his shoulder.  It clanked loudly as it landed where the rest of its body lay in a pile of scrap.  April winced at the sound and gave Raph this ‘Really?’ expression.  He ignored her.  Then he pulled his sais into position, dropped into a crouch, and took point as the two crept off the elevator.  “Well, this is level three,” he commented while looking around their immediate area.  “And looks we need to go this way.  Come on!”  He darted silently off to the right, only stopping once he reached the corner that led into the south corridor.  There was no sign of Kraang droids so he crept into the hallway.    
  
April shivered as she followed him.  The hallway was lined with small windowed doors that made it scream prison block.  She couldn’t resist peering into one of the windows and had to jump back, covering her mouth to muffle her shriek when the creature inside threw itself at her with a feral snarl.  All she saw was gnashing teeth and claws as the mutated beast scrabbled at the door in an effort to get at her.  “I’m OK,” she reassured Raphael when he protectively rushed back to her side.  
  
Raph looked at what he could see of the enraged creature and sighed.  “Guess the Kraang have been busier than we thought,” he grumbled before he continued down the hall.  April followed close behind; any curiosity about what else was in the hallway thoroughly done in by that little fright.  “332,” Raph muttered over and over again until he found the room they were looking for.  He cautiously peered into the room.  “Bingo,” he said when he spotted Donatello lying on the floor inside.  Before Raphael could even ask her to, April popped open an access panel started working on getting the door open.  He smiled at her then returned his eyes to Donnie.  His brother was lying so still that it scared him.  Were they too late?  He lightly tapped on the glass window and had to bite his lip to repress an ecstatic laugh when he saw Donnie shift.  “Looks like he’s just asleep,” Raph informed April while he moved away from the window to quickly survey their surroundings for trouble.  They were so close to getting Donnie home, he was not about to let everything fall apart now.      
  
“That’s good news,” April whispered in response as she worked on the lock.  When she found the set of wires she needed to make the door open, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.  What should have been a neat row of well insulated wires was a patchwork mess of replacement wires and soldered copper wrapped in electrical tape.  It was as though someone had ripped into this panel several times before her only to have someone else come behind them and undo everything they had done.  A delighted smile spread on her face.  “Donnie’s been busy,” she commented as she pointed out the damage to her companion.   Raph smirked proudly at the evidence of his brother’s resistance.  “Know what the best part is?  It’s like he’s handed me a roadmap to the best way of cracking this thing.  I just disconnect these.  Then attach these here…and those there…and…voila!”  
  
Donatello jerked awake at the sound of the cell doors hissing open.  He hurriedly struggled up to huddle himself into the nearest corner.  He crossed his arms in front of his face, squeezed his eyes shut behind them, and trembled in terror.  “I thought you were done for today.  Why are you back?  Oh, just go away!  Leave me alone!” he thought frantically.  
  
“Donnie?”  
  
His breathing hitched at the familiar voice.  It sounded like Raphael.  But it couldn’t be.  It had to be Horse trying to mess with his head again.  “No.  No, no, no!  PLEASE NO!” Donnie mental begged his captor as he shrank even more into the corner.  “You’ve taken everything else from me!  Please…PLEASE…let me keep my hope?”  
  
“Donnie!” the voice said again, more insistently this time.  
  
It sounded so much like his brother it made Donnie want to cry, but he was too afraid to look up.  “It’s possible that Horse has nothing to do with this,” his sensible side tried to reason away his fear.  Maybe his illness was making him hallucinate.  Donnie shook his head and bit off a whimper.  It didn’t matter how the voice was being made.  He knew that if he glanced up and saw anything other than Raph it would destroy him.  The small hope that one day he would see his family again was the last thing holding him together.  “But…but if I never risk it, never take a chance that it may REALLY be my brother… how can I say that I haven’t already lost hope?” he told himself.  The thought made him swallow down the lump in his throat.    
  
“Raphael?” Donatello questioned.  His brother’s voice was so pathetically tentative that it made Raph’s heart feel like it was being squeezed in a vise.  He swallowed emotionally, fighting the impulse to just charge up and hold Donnie.  Donnie seemed so terrified that Raph was sure his brother would lash out if he tried.  He watched as Donnie slowly lowered his arms to hesitantly peer over them.  The frightened brown eyes widened and instantaneously filled with tears at the sight of him standing few feet away.  “RAPH!” Donnie cried out as he dropped his arms completely and this overjoyed smile lit up his face.  “APRIL!”  
  
That was too much for Raph.  He rushed at Donnie and wrapped him up in a fierce hug, which Donnie desperately returned even as he wept against his older brother’s shoulder.  April followed close behind him and gripped them both in a hug of her own while pressing her cheek against Donnie’s head.  Once he was up close to Donatello, it took everything Raphael had to not recoil when his nose was accosted by the stench of blood, sweat, and the trace of another odor that was familiar but he couldn’t pin down at the moment.   Raph trembled in barely suppressed fury.  What had those blobs been doing to his little brother!?  
  
“They’re here!  They’re really here!” was all Donnie could think while he cried in Raph and April’s arms.  Suddenly all the joy flew from him and his terror returned with a vengeance.  Only this time, it wasn’t fear for himself.  “No…no they can’t be here!  They CAN’T be here!”  He tugged himself free of their embrace but clutched at their arms.  “You have to leave!” he said urgently, his voice going up with his panic while he looked between his would-be saviors.   “NOW!”  
  
“Not without you!” Raph snarled in return, grabbing Donnie’s face with both hands and shaking him by it for emphasis.  He blanched when he heard Donnie whimper.  “We didn’t come this far just to leave you behind again,” he tried to reassure his hysterical brother as he pressed their foreheads together.    
  
April gently wrapped her arms around Donnie so she could try to help Raph calm him down.  “Shhhh, Donnie.  Everything will be fine.  We’re going to get you out of here and everything will be fine,” she tried to soothe her friend.  She’d never seen Donnie so scared in the entire time she’d known the turtles.  Her eyes wandered over him and she had to fight tears when she saw that he was covered in bruises, cuts, angry red welts, and even what looked like electrical burns.  She smoothed her hand down his head as she cradled him to her.  
  
Raph smiled while April held Donnie.  Thanks to her his brother wasn’t freaking out anymore but he still wasn’t what Raph would call calm.  Donnie’s eyes stayed fixed on the door like he expected the devil himself to march into the room at any moment.  Raph frowned as he realized that Donnie’s fear was justified.  They were smack in the middle of a Kraang base and didn’t have time to screw around.  He grabbed Donnie’s arm and examined the large cuff he found there.  All four of Donnie’s limbs were clasped in them.  They had to be some kind of restraint but he couldn’t figure out how something with no visible connections could restrain anything.  All Raph knew was that he wanted the blasted things off his little brother.  He quickly found a seam, worked his fingers under the band, and pulled.    
  
Donnie’s eyes went wide in alarm.  “No, Raph!  DON’T!” he tried to warn his brother only to watch the band slipped from Raph’s grip and slice open his forefinger.  A fountain of curses spewed from Raphael while he gripped his injured finger protectively.  Donatello moved as though he was on autopilot.  He took the last scrap of clean wrapping he had left on his hands, grabbed Raph’s hand, and bandaged the cut with an efficiency that startled Raph.  “They’re magnetically sealed.  No way to just pull them off,” Donnie quietly explained while he tied the final knot.  
  
“Didn’t seem to keep you from trying,” Raph said with the barest of smiles as he brushed his fingers against one of Donnie’s hands.  All three of the fingers on that hand were bandaged in the same way that Donnie had just bandaged his.  Donnie turned his eyes downward and said nothing, but that was the only answer Raph needed.  “Think you can get these things off at your lab?”  
  
Donnie looked back up at Raph before he regarded one of his wrist bands.  “I think so.  I’d certainly have a better chance of it.”  
  
“OK.  Will they let you leave?”  
  
“I don’t know.  I’ve never made it past the threshold.”  
  
Raph swallowed hard at this.  “Guess we’re gonna find out,” he said as he and April stood up.  He reached down, grabbed Donnie’s arms, and pulled him to his feet.   Raph frowned at the pained cry that worked its way out of his brother’s throat.  Donnie’s knees buckled and Raph quickly put one of Donnie’s arms around his shoulders so his brother could lean against him.  The taller turtle panted just from the effort of getting up, making Raph’s eye ridges furrowed in worry.  None of the visible wounds seemed to be bad enough to cause Donnie to be so weak and in such pain.  Something else was wrong but they didn’t have time to figure it out.  Getting Donnie home had to be the first priority.    
  
April grabbed Donnie’s other arm so that he was supported between the two of them.  Raph nodded thankfully to her and together they walked Donnie to the cell door.  Once there, Raph took a moment to brace himself, praying that the Kraang hadn’t thought to booby-trap Donnie’s shackles.  The three of them stepped out of the cell.  Raph couldn’t stop a sigh of relief when his brother didn’t suddenly crumple to the floor.  “Let’s get outta here!” he told April before guiding them towards the elevator.  They were only half way to their goal when echoing clip-clop sounds came drifting down the hallway.  “The heck is that?”    
  
A sudden whimper from Donatello made Raphael look at him.  Donnie eyes were wide and he trembled with fear.  Whatever was making that noise had his brother completely petrified.  Raph looked past Donnie to April and was surprise to see her looking angrily over her shoulder.  “It’s him,” she whispered.    
  
Raph looked behind them just in time to see Horse to stride around the corner at the other end of the hallway.  The mutant had his eyes focused on a bottle he was carrying so he didn’t immediately see them.  However, he seemed to sense that something was off because he looked up and jerked in surprise at the sight of his prisoner not only out of his cell but with two others.  The shock didn’t delay him for long.  He promptly scowled at the three of them and triggered a nearby alarm. “Sewer apples!” Raph snarled as the klaxon blared.  “April, get Donnie out of here!” Raph ordered, shoving his brother off of him and more onto her.  He spun his sais into position before lunging at their enemy.  
  
“RAPH!” Donnie shouted after the shorter turtle.  He tried to follow his brother only to have April tug him in the opposite direction with disturbing ease.  They didn’t get very far.  Horse had enough time before Raphael reached him to pull out the remote control device and key a couple of buttons on it.  April watched in horror as Donatello was yanked out of her grasp and down to the floor.  He managed to catch himself so that he didn’t land face first.  However, on his knees with his hands flat to the floor just in front of him wasn’t much better.  They both sat there in stunned silence for a moment.  Donnie recovered first.  “No,” he bemoaned.  April went to her knees beside him and tried to help him back up only to realize that Donnie was stuck fast.  His arms and legs may as well have been welded to the floor.  She looked up to check on Raph.    
  
The red clad turtle was locked in combat with the horse mutant.  The two mercilessly hammered into each other, but April could tell that Raph’s temper was making him careless.  When Horse’s first punch got through, Raph knew that direct attacks weren’t the safest way to deal with his opponent.  However, after seeing how terrified Donatello was of this creature, Raphael knew that he must be the one who tortured his brother.  His rage called for blood and he intended to get it.    
  
“April,” Donnie said, bringing her attention back to him.  She was shock to see that his fear had been replaced with resignation.  “You have to get out of here.  Please.  Go!”  
  
“I am not leaving you!” she retorted before resuming her efforts to pull him free of whatever force held him.    
  
“It’s no good, April,” he said, the bleakness in his voice made her heart hurt.  “They’re drawn to the nearest source of metal with enough power that I couldn’t even fight against them when I was healthy.  And under normal conditions, I’m a great deal stronger than you.”  She looked up at him.  Tears started burning at her eyes when she saw the despair in his.  “They need you, April.  Whatever they’re trying to do, they really need you to do it.  You can’t let that happen.  Please, April.  Please, don’t let them get you,” he begged her.  A sudden cry of pain drew their attention back to the fight in time to see Horse viciously back kick Raphael, nailing him in the plastron and slamming him into the metal wall.  “RAPH!”  Raphael slid down the wall to the floor where he sat dazedly.    
  
Horse snorted before turning his attention to the prisoner and his human companion.  A satisfied smile spread across his lips as he made his approach.  “Well, well.  It seems that all we had to do was hold onto you long enough,” Horse stated affably to Donatello, making the turtle whine pitifully while shaking his head.  When Horse turned his attention to April, his eyes went cold even though his smile stayed in place.  “Come to rescue your favorite pet, dearie?  I am not so sure you should want him back.  After all, do you not want to avoid contact with…hmm…what is the phrase you humans use?  Ah!  I remember now.  ‘Damaged goods,’” he sneered at her.  All the tears in April’s eyes vanished at this to be replaced with outrage.  How dare this monster ridicule her friend!  She stood up and flicked her tessen into position.  “Oh, go easy on me, little human,” Horse scoffed before outright laughing.    
  
“No, no April!  RUN!” Donnie cried out as April made a charge at Horse.  He immediately started desperately struggling against his restraints even though he knew too well how futile it was.  He had to help April and Raph.  Even if he only had enough strength left in him to be a distraction so they could escape, he had to try!    
  
April dodged around Horse’s attacks and slashed at him whenever she could.  She knew that one hit from the mutant and it was over.  It would have been wiser to run away.  But Donnie had suffered enough at this fiend’s hands.  She wasn’t about to let that continue!  Horse was clearly getting more and more aggravated with every annoying little scratch she gave him.  When he’d finally reached his limit, he made a sweeping arc with his arm.  It connected with April's side and she was backhanded into the wall.  Before April could recover even a little bit, Horse was on her.  He grabbed her by her hair, pulled her to her feet, and slammed her back into the wall pulling a yelp from her.  “Kraang will be delighted to meet you, Miss O’Neil,” he said with a smirk.  
  
“NO!” Donatello wailed.  He’d failed.  Despite everything he had done, everything he had been through, in the end it had been…he had been…utterly useless.  “I’ve changed my mind,” he thought as he wept bitter, devastated tears.  “I don’t want this to be real.  I will be happy to find myself back in that cell if it means Raph and April are safe.  So please…PLEASE LET ME WAKE UP!”  
  
Horse suddenly screeched as he was showered with shurikens.  He dropped April and staggered a few steps back.  His eyes looked around frantically, searching for his attackers and seeing nothing.  An explosion of smoke erupted beside him.  He whirled around to find…nothing again.  “HIYAAHH!” was the only warning Horse had before something plowed into his back, sending him flying away from April.  She looked up at the person before her and smiled.  “Sorry we’re a little late,” Leo said, returning the smile while he offered her a hand up.  “Had to fight our way through a bunch of Kraang bots.”    
  
“As far as I’m concerned, you’re right on-time,” April replied and accepted the hand.  She glanced at Raphael.   Her smile broadened when she saw him struggling back to his feet.  
  
“BOOYAKASHA!” Michelangelo hollered while he charged past them all to push the attack on Horse.  The joyful battle cry almost sounded bloodthirsty.  He and Leonardo had shown up just in time to see Donatello’s breakdown.  Seeing his genius brother huddled in on himself, crying as though his last trace of hope had just been crushed enraged the lighthearted turtle.  No one was allowed to hurt Donnie like that!  NO ONE!     
  
Raph quickly followed Mikey and they both leapt upon Horse.  “April, you figure out how to free Donnie!  We’ll keep this guy off of you,” Leo ordered while drawing his swords.    
  
“Right!”  April said as they both charged to do their assigned tasks.  
  
“M-Mikey?  Leo?” Donnie asked bewilderedly.  
  
“We’re getting you out of here, Donnie!  I swear it!  So, hang in there, OK?”  Leonardo vowed as he ran past Donatello to join the others in battle.  Now that it was three on one the odds were tilted in the turtles favor.  This didn’t mean that Horse was going to make it easy for them.    
  
“H-Hai!” Donnie yelled after Leo while he trembled with emotion as well as from exertion.  He shook his head to drive away a sudden feeling of lightheadedness.  Everything was starting to get wavy looking and he could tell that it wasn’t just from being teary-eyed.  “Not now,” he thought.  
  
April fell to her knees in front of Donnie so she could hug him around his neck.  He lean his head against hers in the best approximation of a hug he could manage at the moment.  “Do you have any ideas on how to get these things off?  Or at least how to turn them off?” she asked after she’d pulled away from him.  
  
He didn’t even have to think about it.  “There’s a remote control that activates and deactivates the magnetic properties that are holding me down.  I can only assume that it can completely remove the restraints too.”  
  
She stared at him for a moment.  “Why didn’t you tell me that before!?”   He cringed from her and she immediately felt bad for snapping.    
  
“I-It didn’t occur to me until you asked about it,” he replied pathetically.  “I-I was more concerned that…that you…got out of here.”  April’s expression became alarmed when she saw Donnie’s eyes glaze over mid-sentence and he shivered violently.  He shook his head again to force clarity back into his thoughts.  “Sorry.  Suddenly hard...to focus.”  
  
April quickly rested her hand on his forehead.  When she and Raphael first found Donatello, she’d noticed that he seemed warmer than normal.  Now he felt like he was burning up.  She pushed aside this new concern.  One problem at a time!  “Do you know where I can find the remote control?”  
  
“Horse…has one.  Keeps it…in pockets.”  
  
“GUYS!” April hollered to the others.  “We need a remote control from his pockets!  Empty them!”  Leonardo nodded in acknowledgement before racing around Horse, slashing at the pockets of his shorts until the bottoms were ripped out from every one of them and their contents spilled to the floor.  Raph spotted what April was talking about and kicked it to her.  He squawked when Horse nearly smashed his foot with a hoof stomp that had been intended for the remote.  Horse pinned his ears back and growled ominously at Raph.  Raph returned the hostility with a right cross.    
  
April scooped up the remote and looked at it.  None of the buttons were labeled in any language she understood.  There was nothing to lose so she started pushing buttons.  After several frustrating seconds, Donnie jerked in surprise when the metal bands around his wrist released their hold on him.  He lifted his arms and stared at them as though he’d forgotten what they looked like without the restraints.  Two clanging sounds rang out soon after as April hit the right button to make the leg bands pop open.    
  
She surged to her feet and glanced at how the fight was going.  The others were doing a good job of keeping Horse at bay but they just couldn’t get him to go down.  They had to incapacitate him somehow or he was going to make it impossible for them to escape.  And the longer they stayed here, the more likely it was that they were going to be overrun by the Kraang.  “There has to be a way to bring him to a stand-"  
  
“Still?” Donatello finished for her.  April turned to where Donnie had pulled himself into a sitting position.  Her friend had an anemic smile on his face as he held up the pair of leg restraints they had just gotten off of him.  She returned the smile as she realized what he was suggesting.  Her smile vanished and her eyes filled with concern when Donnie tried to struggle to his feet.  
  
There was no way he could carry out the plan himself like he clearly intended to.  “No, Donnie,” she said sympathetically while she pushed him back to sitting.  He looked at her with this wounded expression and she had to swallow down her tears.  “You need to save your strength.”  She then took the restraints from him and exchanged them with the remote.  “I’ll do it.  You push this button when I tell you to,” she told him.    
  
“April, it’s too dan-” Donnie didn’t get to finish because April took off like a shot straight towards the fray.  He started to call out to her but stopped himself.  His grip tightened on the controller.  She was right.  As much as he wanted to do more than just sit there and push a button, his current condition wouldn’t allow it.  The most useful thing he could do was stay out of the way and that knowledge cut deep.  
  
April charged towards the mutant.  Once she was close enough, she leapt at Horse’s feet and quickly snapped the restraints around his legs while dancing around the heavy, stomping hooves.  “NOW DONNIE!” she shouted and hastily dodged away from Horse’s attempts to grab her.    
  
Horse managed one step towards April before he suddenly couldn’t move another inch.  He looked down and seemed shocked to see that he was trapped.  His ears pinned back before he started struggling against the shackles.  “Accursed human!” he snarled even as he continued to reach for April.  He yelped in pain and nearly fell to the floor after being smacked across his face by the little orange clad turtle.  
  
“Paws off, jerk!” Mikey barked while he tucked away his nunchucks.  He really wanted to do more, but he wasn’t sure it was right now that the horse man had been stopped.  A mollified smile spread across Mikey’s face when Raph showed he had no such qualms by gut punching the mutant hard enough to make him collapse to the floor.  Mikey started to move away when his foot brushed against something.  His eyes fell on a plastic bottle.  It must have fallen out of the horse mutant’s pockets along with the remote.  Even though he could almost hear Raph chewing him out about picking up trash again, Mikey tucked the bottle into his belt.  He wasn’t sure what it was but it felt REALLY important that he take it.    
  
Once that was done, he sped by Raph, beating him to where Donnie was sitting, and enveloped his long-lost brother in the tightest bear hug ever.  His eyes watered and he grinned when he felt Donnie’s arms wrap around him in return.  Then he tried to rub away the tear stains that marred Donnie’s face.  He almost lost it as he watched more tears start to spill from Donnie’s eyes.  At least these tears seemed to be happy ones.  “Come on, bro.  We’re outta here,” Mikey said as he grabbed one of Donnie’s arms, threw it over his shoulder, and tried to haul Donnie to his feet while getting to his own.  He winced when he heard Donnie try and fail to bite off a cry of pain.  “Sorry, Donnie,” he said worriedly while Raph came up on Donnie’s other side to help.  
  
“Way to go, April,” Leo praised, patting her on the shoulder and smiling.  
  
“Thank Donnie.  It was his idea,” she told him.  
  
“I’ll make sure to,” Leo said as his smile got bigger and he guided her towards the others.  
  
“Enjoy your victory, turtle,” Horse growled irritably at Leo’s back, making him look over his shoulder.  Horse’s frown twisted into a sneer.  “It shall be a fleeting one.”  
  
Leo narrowed his eyes at Horse.  “I don’t think so,” he growled back before he ran to catch up with his brothers and April.  He resisted the longing to hug Donnie.  The horse mutant had him nervous now.  He’d save his happy reunion with his brother for when they were out of here.    
  
They had almost reached the cell with the creature that had tried to attack April when they all heard the sound they’d hoped they wouldn’t.  Kraang droids, dozens on them, came rushing into the hallway from both ends, trapping them.  “Keep them away from Donnie and April!” Leonardo ordered.  Raphael and Michelangelo quickly passed Donatello over to April and pulled their weapons.  The three turtles charged at the droids desperate to keep their brother and friend safe.  
  
Meanwhile, April stood there, propping Donnie up and trying to think of what to do.  Her eyes landed on the cell door of her ‘friend’ and suddenly an idea hit her.  It was crazy, but right now, they kind of needed crazy.  She dragged Donnie over to the cell door, eased him to the floor, and knelt in front of the door’s access panel.  It didn’t take long for her to have the panel open.  “Guys!” she called back to her friends.  “When I tell you to, get over here as fast as you can!”  
  
“What are you…thinking, April?” Donnie questioned weakly.    
  
“I’m gonna try to call in the cavalry,” she replied while working with the wires as quickly as she could but a door with fresh wiring wasn’t nearly as easy to work with as Donnie’s cell door had been.  She briefly glanced at her friend as he struggled for breath beside her.  “I really wish I was half as good as you are at this stuff, Donnie.  You’d have this open in no time.”    
  
Donnie looked at her and swallowed hard.  He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shove away the haze pulling at his awareness.  “First sequence:…blue to green…green to red…red to yellow…yellow to blue,” he gasped out.    
  
April stopped what she was doing to stare at him for a moment before she grinned and followed his instructions.  He led her through two more sequences before the final one.  “OK…now all I have to do is connect these two and the door will open, right?”  He nodded.  “You’re the best, Donnie,” April declared, taking a moment to hug him again.  “GUYS!  NOW!” she shouted.  As soon as the turtles raced over and made a protective half-circle around them, April connected the final two wires.  
  
The door slid open and this gigantic reptilian beast heaved itself out of the cell.  Its tongue flicked out as it tasted the air.  The massive head swayed in their direction and suddenly the boys huddled even closer to her and Donnie.  “What the heck is that?!” Michelangelo cried out while clutching Donatello to him.  
  
“Komodo dragon,” Donnie answered, managing to distinguish the creature’s classic features despite its mutated form.     
  
“They mutated a komodo!?” Leonardo said, horrified just by the idea of such a creature existing.  
  
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” Raphael snapped.  April wasn’t too sure if that was directed at the Kraang for creating the beast or her for letting it out.    
  
The dragon snarled at them making all of them yelp in fright.  It was just about to lunge forward when one of the Kraang droids shot at it.  Even though the blast caught the beast squarely in its side, it seemed unaffected.  Except now something else had gotten its attention.  It slowly turned its tooth-filled muzzle towards the droids.  April wasn’t sure how intelligent the creature was, but it was clearly smart enough to recognize the Kraang.  And it did NOT like them.  A roar of what sounded like pure wrath poured forth from the creature before it stormed the Kraang.  Within seconds, the Kraang were much more concerned about containing their monster than capturing April and the turtles.  
  
Mikey and April wasted no time.  They sandwiched Donnie between them and pulled him to his feet yet again.  Raph and Leo took point, clearing a path for everyone to make a beeline for the elevator.  “Are you sure the elevator’s a good idea, Leo?” Raph questioned, while weaving and stabbing his way through the straggling droids.    
  
Leo considered their options for a moment but one quick look at how Donnie was limping and seemed close to passing out settled it for him.  “Donnie’s too weak.  If he passes out in the ventilation system, there’s no way we’ll be able to drag him through it without the Kraang hearing us.  All we can do is hope that most of the droids came here.  Let’s go!” he replied.  As soon as the elevator doors opened, everyone bustled inside.  Leo quickly selected the top level.  One of the droids broke from the pack to try and make a charge for them.  Fortunately, Raph saw it coming and quickly threw a spread of shurikens at it.  The droid fell just short of the elevator with all five projectiles embedded in its chest.  “Once the elevator stops, we’re gonna have to move fast,” Leo said as the elevator began its ascent.  
  
“Um, Leo.  Hate to be a downer, but fast is not going to happen,” April said while she adjusted her hold on Donnie.  
  
“Leave me.”  Everyone’s heart stopped at those quiet words and they turned to look at the person who dared to utter them.  Donnie swallowed hard at their horrified expressions.  “I’m…I’m just…slowing you down.  I’m a liability.  You have to…to get out of here.  Have to…keep April away from the Kraang.  That’s all that matters,” he panted out.  
  
Leonardo’s eyes instantly hardened.  “No.  Not happening, Donnie.  Put that idea out of your head RIGHT NOW!”  Donnie flinched at how sharply Leo spoke.  He quickly lowered his eyes to the floor, unable to hold Leo intense gaze and too used to bracing for the beating that accompanied being snapped at.  The bewildered, cowed look on Donnie’s face ate at Leo’s heart enough that he couldn’t wait for a better time.  He came over and clutched Donatello to him.  “There’s no way we can just leave you behind.  Not after getting this far.  And definitely not after seeing you like this.  We’re getting you home.  No matter what,” he promised fervently, just barely managing to keep a tremor out of his voice.  “So don’t you DARE give up now!  Hear me?”    
  
Donnie’s eyes shimmered before he squeezed them closed, pushing the tears out.  “I hear you…‘Niisan,” he whispered as he pressed his face into the crook of Leo’s neck.  Leo’s eyes widened but he smiled and squeezed Donnie tighter.  His little brother hadn’t called him that for a long time.  “But that doesn’t solve the problem,” Donnie pressed, pulling back to look Leo in the eyes.  “How are you going to move quickly with someone who just…can’t?”  
  
“Leave that one to me, Donnie,” Raphael said confidently.  Leonardo and Donatello both watched the shorter turtle approach.  “It’s been a long time since I gave you a turtle-back ride, but you’re so scrawny that I bet I can still do it.”  
  
Leo grinned at Raph.  “Perfect!  Mikey, it’ll be up to you and me to cover Raph, Donnie, and April.”  
  
“You got it, Leo!” Michelangelo replied exuberantly.  He was just thankful that Leo refused to leave Donnie again.  Although, if Leo had made that awful call, Mikey had already decided that he wasn’t going to listen.  He was never abandoning any of his brothers ever again.  
  
“You guys worry about Donnie and Raph!  I can take care of myself against a few Kraang bots,” April assured them.    
  
“Fine, April.  Just remember what I said back at the lair,” Leo warned.  
  
“Stick to you guys like glue.  Roger that!” she replied.    
  
Leonardo smiled before looking at the elevator level.  “Everyone into positions!  We’re almost there!” he announced as he took over supporting Donnie so he could help Raph with him.     
  
Raphael grabbed Donatello’s wrists and smiled reassuringly at Donnie’s uneasy expression.  He pulled on them, dragging Donnie closer until he felt his brother’s plastron lightly clack against his carapace.  His smile got a touch mischievous when he abruptly bent forward, essentially snatching Donnie off his feet.  The maneuver pulled a surprised squeak from the taller turtle and he instinctively wrapped his arms around Raph’s neck.  Raph’s smile got bigger at the squeak but it died soon after when he hooked Donnie’s legs and heard his brother whimper in pain as he pulled them forward to straddle him.  He straightened back up so that they were ready to go before he looked over his shoulder.  His brother’s eyes were squeezed closed and he was already panting again.  “Seriously, what did that horse freak do to you?” Raph thought while he watched Donnie concernedly.  
  
Leo and Mikey were off like a shot the moment the elevator doors slid open.  The two unfortunate Kraang droid that were guarding the elevator didn’t stand a chance.  One swift decisive swing and Leo’s droid was cut clean in half.  By the time Mikey was done with his droid, it wasn’t even good for scrap.  April quickly darted in and knocked out each of the Kraang before they made too much of a fuss.  It was only once they were sure the immediate area was clear that they signaled for Raph to come out.    
  
Even then Raph was uncharacteristically careful.  He was the one with the precious cargo after all.  The others ran ahead of him, making sure that the path was clear.  Luckily it seemed that Leo’s gamble worked out.  Most of the Kraang droids had responded to the alarm and were currently dealing with the pissed off Komodo dragon.  Just as they were about to turn a corner, Raph heard the elevator make a loud ding.  He glanced behind him to see that the elevator was obediently responding to a summons.  “Leo!  Kraang bots on the way!”  
  
“Crud,” Leo grumbled.  “We’ll have to try and stay ahead of them!  Hurry!”  He spotted a small flight of stairs that lead the door to the roof and charged up it.  They didn’t have time for subtlety so he kicked the door off its hinges.  He was just about to race onto the roof when he spotted half a dozen Kraang droid waiting on the other side.  “LOOK OUT!” he shouted as he dove to avoid a blast.  Mikey and April yelped while they flattened themselves to the side.  Raph was low enough on the stairs that he only had to drop to one knee for him and Donnie to avoid it.   Leo quickly surged back to his feet, thrusting out his swords to stab them deep into a droid’s chest.  A deft twist and his blades carved the droid like a turkey.  The remaining droids opened fire on him.  Leo danced out of the way while using his swords as shields whenever a blast came too close for comfort.  At least one droid went down thanks to deflected friendly fire.    
  
The droids were so distracted by the enemy in front of him that they forgot they had three more behind them.  Mikey took complete advantage of that oversight.  His kusarigama chain flicked out, wrapping around the arms of one of the bots.  With a perfectly timed yank, Mikey made the trapped bot blast one of its buddies instead of Leo.  April’s tessen sailed out to snick the ensnared droid’s head off its thin neck.  Mikey grinned at her assist before swinging the decapitated droid around, using it to bludgeon yet another droid into scrap metal.  The final droid turned to face them, giving Leo the perfect opening.  Two slashes and another droid found itself without its lower half.  Leo did a quick check to make sure they had gotten all of them before he signaled the all clear to Raph.    
  
“All aboard the Turtle Express, April!” Mikey called out as he holstered his nunchucks and dropped to one knee.  
  
Raph was watching April and Mikey get ready to roof hop when he felt Donnie’s grip around his neck begin to loosen.  A quick glance back confirmed Raph’s suspicions.  Now that Donnie wasn’t being forced to move, he was starting to teeter on the edge of blacking out.  “Hey!  Donnie!  Snap out of it!” he said, bouncing on the balls of his feet and jolting his exhausted brother back to awareness.   “I need you to stay with me, Donnie.  We’re at the home stretch and I don’t want to drop you!”    
  
Donatello swallowed hard at this before nodding and securing his grip.  “S-Sorry,” he stuttered.  Raphael just offered him an encouraging smile.  
  
“Let’s go!” Leo said and gestured for Raph and Mikey to go first.  Just as they made their first jump, Kraang droids crowded onto the roof.  
  
“WOOHOO!  See ya’ later, Kraang chumps!” Mikey crowed as they quickly left the droids in the dust.  The group finally felt confident enough to allow some triumphant shouts.  Within minutes, they’d reached where they’d parked the Shellraiser.  Mikey put April back onto her feet and immediately offered her and Leo a fist bump.  “Aw yeah!” he cheered when Leo accepted.  
  
 “Guys!” Raph barked at them.   The celebration immediately stopped as they all looked at him.  Raph glanced over his shoulder at Donnie who was shivering in the night air.  He was shaking so badly that his teeth chattered.  “Think we can do this IN the Shellraiser?”  Leo’s eyes widened and he quickly helped Raph get Donnie inside.  They sat him at his station, figuring it was the best place for him.  April quickly pulled out the blanket they’d brought and bundled Donnie up in it.  She gently rested her hand on his forehead.  He still felt hot to her, but apparently the slight coolness of the outside air had been enough to send his fevered body into fits.  She then went looking for the first aid kit.  
  
Mikey was just about to climb into the Shellraiser when a laser blast whizzed by his head.  “WOAH!”  He looked up to see eight winged Kraang droids circling in the air above them.  “Dude!  NOT COOL!” he fussed and leapt into the vehicle.  “Floor it Leo!”  Mikey barely had time to get to his seat before Leo did so.    
  
Raph armed the garbage cannon and started taking shots at the droids.  Unfortunately, they were too agile for the cannon to take out many of them.  It was up to Leo to lose the enemy in the labyrinth of the city but every time it seemed like they were safe, the droids would find them and the chase would begin anew.  “How are they doing this!?” Leo growled in exasperation.  “It’s like they’re tracking us somehow!”  
  
Donnie was just about to succumb to unconsciousness when Leo’s words dragged him back.  “Tracking us?  Tracking us...  How would they be tracking us?”  He felt like he should know this but pulling his thoughts together right now was like trying to ride a bicycle through quicksand…getting him nowhere fast.  Maybe…maybe if he closed his eyes for a bit, the answer would come to him.   “NO!  I can’t!  THINK, Donatello!  If you can’t even do that, then WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOOD FOR?!” he mentally snarled at himself, tears of frustration beginning to make his already hazy vision swim.    
  
His eyes suddenly went wide.  “Wait a minute.  THAT’S IT!”  Donnie forced himself to sit upright while untangling his arms from the blanket.  His hands went to the back of his head and slowly, searchingly slid them down his neck all the way to his shoulders.  Nothing.  He repeated the process with his right arm…then his left.  Just as he touched the side of his bicep, he froze, his eye ridges furrowing downward sharply.  “Mikey!  Give me a shuriken!”  
  
Michelangelo was startled at the sudden command from his purple clad brother.  He’d seemed pretty out of it a few minutes ago.  “Huh?!  Oh, sure thing, Donnie.”  He quickly handed Donnie what he’d asked for.  “What’cha need it f-” was all he had time to say before Donnie stabbed himself in the arm with it.  “WHAT THE HECK BRO!” Mikey shrieked.  He surged up and tried to get the weapon away from his brother.  Donnie fought back as best he could, desperate to do what he knew he had to.  Mikey was shocked when he realized that Donnie was actually managing to give him a hard time.  Where did he suddenly find the strength?  “RAPH!  APRIL!”  
  
Raphael and April immediately looked and were shocked to see the two younger brothers struggling for a weapon: one with the apparent intention of hurting himself and the other trying to stop the first.  Raph rushed over and grabbed Donnie’s hand that held the shuriken.  He too was surprised when he felt Donnie’s muscles lock, trying to resist.  But Raph was stronger than Donnie, always had been, and soon he’d managed to extract the projectile-turned-stabbing weapon from his brother’s grasp.  He tossed the blood-covered thing as far away from them as he could.  A yelp slipped out when Donnie tried to yank his arm free of his grasp.  Raph moved quickly and between him and Mikey, they managed to restrain Donnie.  “NO!  No you…you don’t under…  Kraang…must be…  Have to…get…” Donnie frantically wheezed out.  He tried to fight against his brothers but the adrenaline that had powered his struggles was already starting to lose it potency.  His efforts had sapped the last of his strength to the point that he couldn’t even string together a coherent sentence.  He knew that he sounded like a babbling idiot but he had to make them understand!      
  
Once Raph and Mikey had managed to restrain Donnie, April moved in with the med kit.  She could feel herself shaking.  The fact that her friend had just tried to hurt himself shocked and frightened her.  Why would Donnie do such a thing?  Donnie whined as he still feebly struggled against his brothers, disjointed phrases tumbling out of his mouth.  She caressed his cheek to try and soothe him.  He stopped talking to look at her with this pleading expression.  What was he trying to tell them?    
  
She quickly pulled out an antiseptic cloth and began cleaning the self-inflicted wound.  It was deep, but thankfully not as deep as it could have been.  She wiped away the blood in preparation to bandage the cut.  Suddenly she caught a glint of something metallic in his wound just before fresh blood obscured it.  Her eyes widened and she quickly wiped away the blood again.  This time she moved slowly, paying attention to the feel of his flesh under her fingers.  She stopped when she felt a hard lump just beneath his skin…right near where he’d stabbed himself.  What on Earth was that?!    
  
“What’s going on back there?” Leo questioned agitatedly.  He really wanted to go back there and find out what the commotion was, but he had to focus on staying ahead of the Kraang.  It was times like this that he really hated being the driver.    
  
“One second!” April shouted back before the others could reply.  Raph and Mikey looked at each other from over April’s head.  She grabbed Donnie’s arm so that she could put her thumbs on either side of the cut.  Ever so gently she pressed against it until a metal object poked out of Donnie’s wound.    
  
“What is that thing?” Michelangelo asked, his eyes huge as he watched April pull this multivitamin sized thing out of his brother.  
  
“Subdermal…GPS…locator,” Donatello barely managed to pull together.  
  
April gasped, finally understanding what Donnie had been trying to do.  She threw the object to the floor and crushed it beneath the med kit.   “Try to lose them now, Leo!”  
  
“Kind of BEEN trying to do that, April!” Leonardo shot back as he sped the Shellraiser around a turn so fast it pitched onto two wheels.  They all squawked in surprise.  Michelangelo and Raphael quickly braced themselves and grabbed at April and Donatello to keep them from being flung around the cabin like a pair of rag dolls.  As soon as they were back on four wheels, Raph raced back to his station to resuming firing on the droids.    
  
Mikey was more hesitant.  “You…you aren’t gonna do that again…are you, Donnie?” he questioned, his blue eyes more concerned about his brother than the Kraang at this moment.  Donnie managed to give Mikey a very small, very tired smile.     
  
“I’ll watch him Mikey,” April calmed him.  “You go help your brothers get us out of this mess.”  Mikey grinned at this before he darted over to his station where he began to prove to everyone that Donnie had made the right choice by putting him in navigation.  As long as Mikey has his focus, he knew exactly what he was doing.  April barely had enough time to bandage Donnie’s arm before they’d successfully lost their Kraang tail.  Three of the four turtles cheered in triumph.  Finally, after far too long, they’d managed to free their brother.  April grinned happily and hugged Donnie to her.  “How did you figure out that the Kraang had tagged you?” she couldn’t help but asked him.  
  
Donnie let out this very weak, humorless chuckle that made all the happiness leave her face.  “It was…what I was good for,” he replied quietly.  His eyes glazed over and this time…he welcomed the darkness oblivion brought.    
  
“Donnie?  DONNIE!”


	14. Chapter 13

* * *

Chapter 13

 

Splinter sat in front of the tree in the dojo.  He was trying to meditate, but lately he could not find the peace he needed to do it properly.  Donatello had been captured for a full month now.  The ninja master was certain his other three sons were engaged in yet another bid to rescue their missing brother.  His concerns for their safety swirled in his mind, complicating his ability to focus.  Foremost on his mind was Donatello.  He’d tried to prepare his sons for everything he thought the world above could throw at them.  This included being captured but he’d always thought that scientists and the city’s thugs would be the dangers his sons would face, not aliens from another dimension.  He took a deep, cleansing breath while he focused his energies on prayers for his sons’…all of his sons’…safe return.    
  
He was just managing to reach the right state of mind when he heard a commotion from the entrance to the lair.  “MASTER SPLINTER!” Michelangelo shouted.  He surged to his feet as his youngest rushed into the dojo and came to a stop in front of him.  Mikey didn’t need to say anything more.  The distress on his face was enough to make Splinter hurry out of the dojo.  When he reached the main room, he was treated to a sight that brought both relief and concern.    
  
Leonardo and Raphael carefully walked down the stairs while carrying an unconscious Donatello between them.  April followed behind them, helping them where she could.  “Set him down,” Splinter quickly, but calmly told them.  His two eldest obeyed without hesitation.  They carefully rested their unresponsive brother onto the couch.  Mikey immediately came over and gently lifted Donnie’s head to place a pillow under it.  “Leonardo, you and Raphael fetch me bowls of warm water, some with soap and some without, plus clean cloths.  Michelangelo, you and April bring me antiseptic cream, plenty of clean bandages, and some blankets,” Splinter instructed as he frowned at the obvious injures that afflicted Donnie.  April had done what she could with the first aid kit, but it just didn’t have enough.    
  
After they left to do their assigned tasks, Splinter pressed two fingers to the side his son’s neck.  Donnie’s pulse beat a steady rhythm against his fingers.  He allowed himself a small measure of relief at this while he moved on to check his son’s other vitals.  A quick pass of his hand over Donnie’s mouth and nose confirmed that his son was breathing.  He pressed the back of the same hand to Donnie’s cheek and his frown deepened at the clear sign of a fever.  Then he bent more over Donnie to gently crack open his eyes and make sure that his pupils still reacted to light.    
  
It was then that Splinter picked up on Donatello’s scent.  He couldn’t keep from grimacing.  His son hadn’t had a proper bath in a month so of course the turtle didn’t smell pleasant.  He forced himself to take it in for a moment.  Scent had the potential to help him figure out what was causing his son’s fever.  His sensitive rat nose easily picked up on the smell of blood and sweat, each of which were to be expected.  There were some signs of infection which surprised him.  For all intents and purposes, Donatello was the family’s medic.  He above all of the turtles would know the risks of allowing infection to set in.  Splinter scanned his son’s body, noting that Donnie had been trying to keep his wounds clean, but as time went on he’d become more and more inconsistent at the job.  This bothered Splinter more than the fever.    
  
He paused when he smelled a more subtle odor.  It was obvious that Donatello had concentrated his efforts on removing this scent to the point that he’d risked neglecting everything else.  However, he hadn’t managed to erase it entirely.  Splinter closed his eyes to focus better when he suddenly gasped; his eyes flew open and settled on Donatello’s face.  He stared at his son, his nose twitching…trying to make sure he’d identified the scent wrong.  Sorrow filled his expression when he realized he hadn’t.  “No,” he whispered mournfully and gently rested his hand on Donatello’s head.  He knew that his most intelligent son had undergone the trauma of his young life, but he never expected this.  
  
Splinter carefully scooped Donnie off the couch, cradling his son to him for a moment.  Just as he was starting to carry Donatello out of the room, Leonardo and Raphael came back in with what they had been sent for.  “Sensei?” Leo questioned unsurely.    
  
“Tell Michelangelo and April to bring what I requested to my room,” Splinter bade them quietly as he brushed past them.    
  
“Your room,” Raph said in a puzzled tone.  “Why not Donnie’s room?  Wouldn’t he be more com-”  
  
“DAMARE!  Do not question me!” Splinter snapped, making Raph and Leo jerk in surprise then instantly bow to their sensei.  Once Splinter had moved out of sight, Leo and Raph looked at each other in worried confusion before Leo trailed after their sensei while Raph moved off to warn April and Mikey.  Leo cautiously peered into their sensei’s room.  He quietly watched Splinter as he gently laid Donnie onto his futon.  “Help me remove your brother’s gear, Leonardo,” Splinter said quietly without looking at him.    
Leo jumped a bit but silently came over to kneel on Donnie’s other side.  He supported his brother’s head so Splinter could remove the bloodstained purple mask more easily.  One by one, the others filtered into the room to set down their fetched items and begin helping.  April was the only one that balked at taking Donnie’s gear off.  Instead, she asked that they let her know if they needed anything and left them to their task.    
  
They worked in silence, wordless removing the dingy gear and piling it to the side.  With each piece they took off, more wounds were found.  The worst of these hidden injuries were around Donatello’s wrists and ankles where the restrains had bitten into his flesh and on the soles of his feet which were covered in crisscrossing lashes.  Leonardo could feel himself quaking in silent fury.  They’d let that horse mutant off too easy.  All he wanted to do was hunt that monstrosity down for his brother.  He could tell that he wasn’t alone.  Raphael’s resentment was blatantly written all over his face.  Even Michelangelo had hatred for the Kraang’s mutant burning in his normally cheerful eyes.  Leo shook his head and tried to absorb himself in tending to his brother.  Right now, Donnie needed them more than he needed justice.  Once the last piece of gear was off, Leo began soaking cloths in the bowls of water.  Raph had just plucked one from the soapy water bowl and wrung out the excess liquid when Splinter took it from him.  “I will tend to him from here, my sons.”  
  
“Are you sure you don’t need help, Sensei?” Mikey pressed uneasily.  From what Raph had told him, Splinter was touchy about being questioned right now, but Mikey had to be sure.  It looked like there wasn’t an inch on Donnie’s body that didn’t have some kind of injury.  There was a lot of work to be done and he wanted to help his brother in any way he could.    
  
“Yes, I’m sure Michelangelo,” their father replied quietly.  “I will let you know if I change my mind.  Please take Donatello’s gear with you when you leave…and burn it.”   
  
The three of them stared at their sensei in shock.  “Burn it?” Leo repeated softly.  He watched Splinter for a few moments before steeling himself.  “Sensei, I know you said to not question you, but…good leather is hard to come by.  Donnie only has three sets of gear including this one.  Couldn’t we just clean it as best we can?”  Leo couldn’t help himself.  It wasn’t like Sensei to be so wasteful.  Sure, the gear was downright filthy and some stains would remain no matter how hard they tried, but salvaging it would be better than destroying it.  …right?  
  
“Leonardo,” Splinter began, his voice stern.  Leo sweated nervously, expecting something worse than being snapped at this time, but stood his ground none the less.  Sensei glared at him for a moment before he saw Leo’s resolve and sighed quietly.  “What you say is true, Leonardo.  But trust me,” Splinter continued more calmly.  “No amount of cleaning will ever make that gear fit to wear again.  Burn it.  I will see to its replacement.”  Leo swallowed at this before nodding quietly.  They stood up, collected the gear, and turned to leave.  “No one is to come in here without knocking and waiting for me to give permission first.  Make sure April is aware of this.”  The three brothers looked back at their sensei in confusion, but bowed in acknowledgement.  Once his three healthy sons had left the room, Splinter sighed as though his very soul was weary.  He took the cloth in his hand and soaked it again to replenish its warmth.  Then he gently rested his other hand against the side of Donatello’s face and caressed soothingly along one of his son’s eye ridges with his thumb.  “Forgive me, my son.  But I must find out if any damage has been done…and how severe it is.”   
  
April was waiting for them in front of the tree.  She got up to meet them halfway.  Her eyes were red like she’d been crying.  Mikey took one look at her and quickly wrapped her up in a hug that they both needed.  They’d gotten Donnie home alright…but now began the part that none of them had had the forethought to consider: their brother’s recovery from whatever torment he’d been put through.  Leo took a shaky breath as he thought about what was potentially ahead of them.  He was certain that the reality of Donnie’s condition was worse than what they knew.  Splinter was clearly hiding something.  He had no idea what but sitting around in the dojo wasn’t going to do any good.  “Let’s…let’s go wait in the living room.  Maybe get a little something to eat?” he suggested to his brothers and their friend.  They quietly nodded, each too absorbed in their own thoughts to argue.    
  
They had just gotten to the dojo’s exit when an agonized whimper like nothing they had ever heard before echo out from Splinter’s room.  The four of them stopped in their tracks, identical looks of horror on each of their faces.  More cries, each one more pitiful than the last, followed the first.  Raph quickly squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth before he marched out of the dojo, stubbornly refusing to lose it front of the others.  April choked off a sob as she covered her mouth to stifle herself.  Mikey quivered while he sank to the floor where he quietly began to cry.  The pain in Donatello’s voice was too much for him to bear.  Leo turned around and walked back to their sensei’s door.  He stopped short of going in even though he really wanted to.  “Donnie,” he whispered as the tears he’d managed to fight back since his brother’s capture finally found their way down his face.  The horse mutant had been right.  Their victory had been more fleeting than Leo could ever have imagined.

\----------------

It was two in the morning and everyone was exhausted.  Yet none of them were willing to go to bed.  They were too worried for sleep.  Splinter had been sequestered in his room with Donatello for a few of hours now.  It was to be expected.  Donnie had too many injuries for one person to quickly patch up on their own.  They hadn’t heard any more cries from their sensei’s room since the beginning so it seemed that Donnie had passed out again.    
  
Raphael had headed straight for the practice dummy.  Even now, he tirelessly punched it as though he could pummel away his misery.  He hated feeling helpless and that was exactly how he felt right now.  There had to be something he could do!  Other than run out into the city and hunt down the monster that had hurt Donnie.  How he wished he had that horse mutant in front of him right now.  He’d pound that freak into such a bloody pulp that NO ONE would be able to figure out what it was!  He stopped his attack on the dummy and rested his arm against its stand for a moment so he could catch his breath.  As much as he wanted to do that, he was too worried about Donnie to leave.  Splinter’s odd behavior wasn’t helping to ease his worries.  It had him thinking that his little brother was on the verge of death!  If Donnie was actually going to die, Raph would never forgive himself if he wasn’t there to say goodbye.  So Raph tried to make do with the practice dummy and wait for some kind of news.  
  
Leonardo had the TV on while he tried to watch a late night re-run of Space Heroes.  For once his favorite TV show couldn’t distract him from the concerns of the real world.  After he’d managed to get himself back under control, he herded everyone else into the living room to make sure no one got it in their heads to disobey Splinter.  He’d thought about leaving to burn Donatello’s gear as Splinter had asked but he chose to wait for now.  He wanted to be there when Splinter finally came out with an update on Donnie’s condition.  His eyes closed as he thought back to what he’d seen of Donnie’s injuries.  He didn’t remember spotting any that looked fatal but…that didn’t mean there wasn’t any that were.  The sounds of explosions pulled his eyes back to the TV.  He made a deep sigh and tried to focus on his distraction.  
  
April had her history book out as she tried to study.  That was going about as well as you’d guess.  She shook her head, suddenly realizing that she’d read the same paragraph five times.  The pages made a quiet thump when she closed the book before resting her forehead against its spine.  All she could think about was poor Donnie.  She was not so naive that she expected him to be unharmed when they rescued him, but she hadn’t imagined the level of brutality her friend had been subjected to.  Not to mention the impact a month of torture would have on his mental state.  Whenever she closed her eyes, her mind called forth the image of Donnie begging her to abandon him again, his normally bright, warm eyes dulled by despair.  She’d never seen him even remotely like that and the memory made tears sting at her eyes every time.  
  
Michelangelo sat on the beanbag chair with his knees drawn up to his plastron while he watched the others try to distract themselves.  Mikey didn’t want to be distracted.  He wanted to think about Donatello.  He wanted to think about every cut, burn, and bruise that marked Donnie’s body.  He never wanted to forget the awful sight of his brother weeping in hopelessness.  Or the suffering in his whimpers here at the lair.  As far as Mikey was concerned, Donnie had been through too much for him to even consider thinking about something else.  All he could think about was how much he wanted to help.  And how much he wanted to make sure nothing like that ever happened to his brainiac brother again.    
  
The moment Splinter walked into the room the TV clicked off and everyone came over to him.  “How is he, Sensei?” Leo asked the question that was on all their minds.    
  
Splinter made a very slow, melancholic sigh.  He carefully considered his words before answering.  “None of his injuries are particularly life-threatening.”  Relieved sighs drifted among his students.  “Of more concern to me is his fever.  Considering…some of his injuries, I suspect the cause is an infection.  I believe he needs an antibiotic.  However, antibiotics are one of the medicines that are nearly impossible for us to get.  Not to mention, I have no idea which antibiotic would be most helpful.  I’m afraid that this is Donatello’s area of expertise and I’m…fumbling through it.”  
  
April and the turtles looked at each other fretfully.  “He’ll be able to fight it off without the medicine…right?” Raph asked, his eyes finally getting wavy with moisture.  He couldn’t stand the idea of finally getting Donnie home after all this time only to lose him to some stupid sickness.  It hurt even more to know that if it had been anyone else, they would be fine because Donnie would be there to bail them out.  
  
“I don’t know.  If he was healthy, I would be more confident.  However, his ordeal has left him so weak that I fear the worst,” Splinter replied solemnly.  
  
Leo and Raph both closed their eyes and hung their heads.  This was not the news they’d hoped for.  April hugged herself as she tried to keep herself from crying again with only partial success.  It was in the midst of all this that Mikey spoke, “Master Splinter…what does an astronautic look like?”  
  
Splinter was surprised at the question.  “Antibiotic,” he gently corrected.  “I believe that they normally look like pills.  Why do you ask, my son?”  
  
“Because…um,” Mikey said as he quickly dug through his belt.  A small smile touched his face when he found and pulled out a plastic bottle.  “I think I found some?”  He hurriedly handed over the item to their father.  
  
Splinter immediately looked over the vial until he came across a label.  While Splinter read it, the others looked at Mikey in shock.  “Where did you find that?” Leo asked incredulously.  He wanted believe that Mikey had just saved the day, but he wasn’t sure he should.  They’d had enough false hopes for one night.    
  
“At the Kraang base where Donnie was.  Remember when you cut open Nightmare’s pockets to get the remote control thingy?  That fell out too!” Mikey responded optimistically as hope began to swell in his heart.    
  
“Nightmare?” Leo asked while raising an eye ridge.  
  
“Well, he’s like the worst dream ever and he’s a horse.  So I thought…”  
  
Leo put up his hands to stop Mikey’s exposition, not even bothering to correct his little brother.  “We get it!”  
  
“It doesn’t matter what you call him.  He’s gonna be glue when I finally get my hands on him,” Raph growled irritably.  “But I will back you up, Mikey.  I remember that bottle,” he continued, while he turned to April who nodded in agreement.  “The horse guy…Nightmare…was carrying it just before he spotted us.  Maybe he was bringing it to Donnie.”  
  
“Well done, Michelangelo!  I believe that this is exactly what we need,” Splinter said, bringing thankful smiles to all their faces.  Their sensei handed the vial back to Mikey.  “Take one of the pills, grind it into a powder, and then dissolve it in a bowl of broth.  Once you’ve done that, bring the bowl to me.  Make sure the broth is only just warm.”  
  
“HAI, SENSEI!” Mikey happily shouted before racing into the kitchen.    
  
“Raphael, bring me the thermometer.  I need to determine if I should give your brother a fever reducer or if is safe to let the fever run its course.  Leonardo, bring me the fever reducer…just in case,” Splinter instructed.  Both turtles nodded before running off once again to fetch the requested items.  
  
“Is there anything I can do, Master Splinter?” April asked, eager to help in any way she could.  
  
Splinter considered her for a moment.  Then he smiled and rested his hand on her shoulder.  “You can bring me a bowl of lukewarm water and few more clean cloths.  I’m sure Donatello will appreciate the feel of something cooling on his forehead.  No cold water though.  It will just make him shiver and his temperature will rise even more that it already has.”    
  
April nodded at this before she went to the kitchen.  Mikey already had a pot of water with a bouillon cube in it on the stove.  While he waited for the water to boil, he busily pounded one of the pills into dust.  April got the water and was just about to leave for the bathroom to get the cloths when she spotted a kitchen towel.  After some consideration, she decided that the towels might work better.  They were similar to the cloths they use for treating wounds, but thinner so they would dry out faster.  Hopefully that would mean they would wick away more sweat and with it the excess heat.  Plus, it would keep her from having to compete for space with Leo and Raph.  She could hear them fussing with each other while they searched the cramped bathroom for their items.  So, she put a couple of clean towels in the water to soak while she headed for Splinter’s room.    
  
She was about to walk in when she remembered what Raph had told her.  Splinter was expecting her, but that didn’t necessarily mean that it was OK to just come in.  She quietly knocked on the frame of the shoji door.  “Enter,” came her teacher’s soft reply.  April hesitated for a moment, uncomfortable about walking in and seeing her friend naked.  She felt foolish for worrying so much about that.  It was obvious by their minimal clothing that the turtles didn’t define ‘naked’ quite the same way she did.  Although, she could tell that they did have a sense of modesty.  Despite having lived with them for a few of months now, she’d never seen any of them without some part of their gear on.  She’d caught Raph and Leo without their knee and elbow pads.  Mikey was the closest she’d come to seeing without a stitch of gear, but even then he’d still had his mask on.  She blinked as she suddenly realized that Donnie was the only one that was fully ‘dressed’ around her at all times.  A small smile lifted the corners of her mouth.  He would be the one that was most considerate to her human sensibilities.    
  
After taking a bolstering breath, April slid the door open and promptly let out little sigh of relief.  Splinter had a light blanket draped over Donnie so that all she saw was his face and upper plastron.  Donnie looked a lot better now that he was clean and bandaged up.  However, now she could better see the symptoms of his illness.  He was quietly panting in his sleep and sweat ran in little trickles all down his face and neck.  She came over to kneel at his side so she could begin dapping at his overheated skin with a towel.  He made a soft moan and rolled his face towards the source of the coolness.    
  
Her eyes burned, but she refused to cry.  He was still responding to stimuli.  That was something to be thankful for.  She swapped out the towel she was using for a new one which she gently draped across his forehead.  While she rinsed the first one, she watched his face.  She hadn’t expected him to look so different without his mask.  It was only a strip of cloth after all.  She kind of liked it.  The only thing that would make what she saw better would be if his eyes were open.  However she didn’t want to see his eyes just yet.  He needed all the rest he could get.    
  
“Thank you, my child,” Splinter told her as he watched her tend to Donatello, making her smile a little bit.  She’d only been in the room for a couple of minutes when there was a knock at the door.  Splinter gave his permission and Leonardo walked into the room followed by Raphael.  They both came over to Splinter, who accepted their items.  “Thank you, my sons.  Now, the three of you go and get some sleep.  We do not need anyone else falling ill.”  
  
Raph shifted while he watched Splinter gently place the thermometer into Donnie’s mouth and hold it in place.  “We haven’t gone to burn the gear yet,” he admitted quietly.  “We…we were too worried about Donnie to go do it.”  
  
Their sensei nodded acceptingly.  “Go take care of that first, then.  But come straight home after it’s done.  Now is not the time to seek vengeance.  Do you understand?” Splinter asked.  Leo and Raph nodded.  They could tell that, even though Splinter was speaking to Raph, the directive was for both of them.    
  
“Um…” said an unsure voice.  “Someone wanna get the door?  I can’t knock.” Michelangelo called from the other side.  Leo opened the door for him.  Mikey slowly came in, gripping a bowl between his hands as though he thought the world would end if he spilled a single drop.  “Thanks!”  Leo gave Mikey a small smile before he and Raph left to fulfill their duty.  Just before April left the room as well, she heard Mikey say, “Here you go, Sensei.  One bowl of probiotic broth!”  She resisted a chuckle at the little word confusion and knew that if Donnie had been awake he’d have face-palmed at it.  Even though sleep was the last thing she wanted to do right now, she headed for her bed.  Master Splinter was right.  There was no sense in anyone else coming down with something thanks to exhaustion.    
  
Meanwhile Splinter smiled at his son.  He knew what Mikey really meant.  “Thank you, Michelangelo.  Could you hold it for a moment longer?”  Mikey nodded as he came over and knelt beside Splinter to wait.  After a few minutes, Splinter checked the thermometer.  He frowned at the results.  “103…too high…especially for you four.”  He plucked up the bottle of fever reducer and removed the appropriate dose.  They were gel caplets so Splinter carefully broke the casings over the bowl, tapped the powder within into the broth, and then slowly stirred in the medicine with the spoon Mikey had brought with him.  Once that was complete, Splinter moved closer to Donnie so that he could gently lift the turtle in a semi-upright position.   
  
Donnie whined feebly at being shifted.  Mikey saw his brother’s eyes crack open.  The brown orbs that normally shone with mind-blowing intelligence were vacant and it really scared him.  “Don…Donnie’s gonna be OK, right Master Splinter?” he asked nervously as he watched their father press the bowl to Donatello’s lips and carefully tilt it so that the broth slowly poured into his mouth.  Donnie’s eye ridges knit together briefly before he began drinking, his eyes sliding closed again.  
  
Their sensei sighed quietly before making an uncertain swallow.  “His injures will heal,” was the careful response.  Mikey looked downward, his fingers curling into tight fists against his thighs.  Why wasn’t Sensei giving them straight answers?  Splinter glanced at his youngest and sighed at the expression of apprehension and frustration he found.  “Your brother has been robbed of everything, Michelangelo.  His health, his sense of control, his…his dignity.  I’m trying to give back a little of what was taken.  Even if it’s just some small measure of privacy.”  
  
Michelangelo swallowed hard while Splinter pulled the now empty bowl away from Donatello.  “You know more about what happened to him, don’t you Sensei?”   
  
“He was tortured, Michelangelo.  Is that knowledge not enough?” Splinter responded, his voice getting a rough edge to it as he carefully laid Donnie back onto the futon.    
  
Mikey felt bad for pressing like this…but he had to know.  “It is,” he admitted weakly.  “But…but you…you’re acting like…like you found out that something else happened.  Something even worse.”  Splinter turned to look at Mikey.  His expression became more troubled that it already was while he watched the tears trickle out of his youngest’s eyes.  “Please, Sensei.  What happened to my brother?”  
  
Splinter looked downward at the forlorn question.  “I must speak with Donatello about what happened first, Michelangelo.  He MUST been given a choice in this,” Splinter stressed to his son.  Mikey turned his head away with a sniffle.  Splinter quietly rested his hand on Mikey’s shoulder.  “I know it is hard to be so in the dark, my son, but right now it’s for the best.”  
  
Mikey looked back at their father then at Donnie.  “Hai, Sensei,” he said softly.  After watching Donnie sleep for a few moments, determination filled his entire bearing.  “What can I do?” he asked unfalteringly.    
  
“You can go to bed.”  
  
“But…” Mikey started to protest.      
  
“Michelangelo…you, your brothers, and April brought Donatello home.  You have done enough for tonight.  Go rest now.  I will look after him.”  Mikey opened his mouth to objection more, but Splinter headed him off.  “You can help tomorrow after you have gotten some sleep.  This is not up for debate,” Splinter said sternly.  He watched his son look stubborn for a bit longer before he backed down with a sigh.  
  
“Hai, Sensei.”

\----------------

It had been seven days since Donatello had been rescued and he was still in a mostly unconscious state.  His fever had finally broken two days earlier.  Splinter continued to keep Donnie in his room.  He said that his room was quieter and would allow Donnie to rest undisturbed by any ruckus that may happen in the rest of the lair.  Their sensei had kept his promise to Michelangelo and was allowing the young ninja to help in his fallen brother’s care.  In fact, all of them were encouraged to help tend to Donnie, which they didn’t hesitant to do.  They worked in shifts, insuring that Donnie was never alone and that none of them were overworked.  Every day they watched for some sign of recovery from the olive skinned turtle.  Beyond the fading of bruises and the scabbing of cuts, there was nothing.    
  
Leonardo was currently the one on duty.  He silently read one of his comic books while he knelt beside his brother.  Mikey had already given Donnie his antibiotic broth during his shift and April had given him plenty of water during hers.  Splinter had bathed Donnie and taken him to the restroom.  Their sensei insisted that he be the only one to do those things.  Leo was fine with that.  He was pretty sure he didn’t want to know how you got an unconscious person to do their business.      
  
It was a quiet shift now that Donnie wasn’t burning up so badly.  Before, Leo had to frantically fight to keep the fever from raging out of control.  Now there was nothing to do but watch and wait.  It was the perfect environment to mediate.  However, Leo didn’t because he was nervous that he wouldn’t be as aware of his brother as he should be.  He’d nearly died of boredom yesterday thanks to that worry.  Desperate for something to do besides count the off-color spots on Donnie’s arms, he’d kept finding reasons to change his brother’s blankets.  ‘Too thick, too thin, too scratchy, could be softer.’  He ended up changing them so often that he nearly gave poor Donnie a chill.  The last thing he wanted to do was make his brother feverish again.  So today he’d come prepared.    
  
Captain Ryan was just about to defeat the evil Digestors when Leo heard a soft groan from in front of him.  He glanced at his brother’s prone form in time to watch Donnie’s eyes slowly flutter open and begin puzzling over the ceiling.  Leo suddenly couldn’t care less about his hero’s triumph.  He put the comic down so fast it was like he’d acquired super speed.  “Donatello?”  Donnie turned towards his voice and Leo watched his brother’s eye ridges crease in uncertainty.  “Heh-hey!  Hey Donnie,” he said softly but warmly while he leaned over Donnie.  He’d only just managed to get the words out.  It was like he couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry.     
  
Donnie slowly lifted a hand to reach out and touch Leo on the face.  He could tell that he was awake.  However, he wasn’t so sure that he was no longer in the throes of his fever.  Just because he didn’t feel hot didn’t mean it wasn’t part of his delirium.  If this wasn’t real, if Leo really was part of some fever induced delusion then he wouldn’t be able to touch him.  He jerked his hand back hesitantly when Leo leaned down more to meet him halfway.  Leo didn’t push the issue.  He just held very still and let Donnie decide what to do next.  After what seemed like an eternity, he felt his hand tentatively rest against Leo’s cheek.  Donnie made a shuddering gasp at the warmth beneath his fingertips and his eyes started brimming with tears.  “It wasn’t a fever dream?” he whispered.  
  
Leo quickly gripped Donnie’s hand in both of his.  “No it wasn’t, Donnie.  You’re home.  You’re really home.”  Leo had to pause for a moment to control the emotional tremble that wanted to choke his voice.  “You have no idea how happy I am to see you.”  
  
“Not as happy as I am to see you!” Donnie replied with a sob and a quivering smile.  Leo swallowed hard at the tears and could feel his own eyes misting up.    
  
The door abruptly slid open.  “That’s it, Leo!  I can’t take it anymore.  You and me are switching shifts!” Raph declared irritably as he stormed in with an arm full of fresh towels, blankets, and bottles of water to replenish the supply in Splinter’s room.   
  
“Raph,” Leo said, never taking his eyes off Donnie while trying to get his red clad brother’s attention.   
  
“I can’t take going out on patrol with just Mikey!  He’s too busy screwing around to take it seriously!  He’s driving me up the wall!”   
  
“Raph,” Leo said again, louder this time.  His irritation grew as he watched Raph put things away.  He hadn’t even looked at them yet!  Meanwhile, Donnie could feel his smile getting bigger.  Listening to his temperamental brother gripe was like music to his ears.  
  
“I don’t know what I spend more time doing!  Beating up the Foot or smacking sense into him!  Not that it does any good!  If he doesn’t stop playing, I swear I’m gonna shove my foot right up his-”  
  
“RAPH!”  
  
“WHAT?!” Raph snapped as he finally whirled around to face Leo.  His expression went from angry to stunned the moment he noticed Donnie’s eyes were open.   “Donnie?”  
  
Donnie’s smile brightened at the look on his brother’s face.  “Hey Raph.”   
  
An overjoyed smile started spreading onto Raph face before he suddenly became exasperated again.  “DANG IT, LEO!  WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING?!”    
  
Leo’s eye ridges forked down sharply.  “I wa-” was all he managed to get out before Raph hurried back to the door.  
  
“SENSEI!  MIKEY!  APRIL!  HE’S AWAKE!  DONNIE’S AWAKE!” Raph exuberantly shouted to the rest of the lair.  He didn’t even notice the daggers Leo’s eyes were throwing at his back.  Leo silently seethed while looking like he was sucking on the sourest lemon that ever existed.  Quiet laughter pulled him out of his huff.  He looked down at Donnie to see that his brother had worked out Leo’s earlier indecision by laughing and crying at the same time.  Donnie had never been so thrilled to see Leo and Raph argue in all his life.  Leo blinked in surprise and then smiled gently.  The smile only widened when Raph rushed over to them and bundled Donnie up into a bear hug.  “You scared the heck outta me,” Raph admitted while holding Donnie as though he was sure the moment he let his brother go he would disappear.  
  
Donnie grunted at the force behind the hug before he replied with a quiet, “I’m sorry.”  He returned Raph’s hug with all the strength his still weakened body could summon.    
  
Within minutes Mikey and April rushed in.  Splinter followed at a much more dignified pace.   “Donnie!” Mikey shouted gleefully, ran over, and hugged Donnie around the neck, sandwiching their genius brother between him and Raph.  “Glad you’re awake, bro!  I was starting to forget what color your eyes were!”  Another sobbing chuckle bubbled up as Donnie tried to look over his shoulder at Mikey.  Mikey immediately nuzzled Donnie’s cheek while joining him in tear-filled laughter.     
  
April smiled when Leonardo finally join the group hug that had enveloped Donatello by wrapping his arms around all his brothers and resting his cheek against the back of Donnie’s head.  She wanted to jump in too, but she felt like she’d be intruding.  Sure, she was their friend and had been just as concerned about Donnie as they were, but they were family…she wasn’t.  So she tried to content herself with just watching their happy reunion.  Raphael soon noticed that she was hanging back.  Once he caught her attention, he gestured for her to come over.  April looked unsure but did as he requested.  The minute she got close enough Raph snagged her by the arm and pulled her into their quartet.  She squeaked, squeezed her eyes closed and quickly grabbed the first thing she could to keep herself from falling flat to the floor.  When she dared to open her eyes again, she realized that Raph had wedged her right between him and Donnie.  The thing she’d grabbed to stop her fall was the edges of Donnie’s plastron.    
  
Donnie blinked in surprised as he looked down at her.  Then he leaned his head down to gently rest his forehead against hers.  “Hi,” was all he managed to get out before his tears choked his voice to the point that no sound could come out.  He didn’t care.  Words could never begin to describe how relieved he was that she was safe anyways.  
  
His simple little greeting made April laugh as the tears that were swimming in her eyes finally spilled out.  Her arms joined Mikey’s around Donnie’s neck and she pressed her forehead back against his.  “Hi Donnie,” she shakily murmured while she smiled ecstatically.  Donnie was home; he was awake and on the mend.  She was sure that he’d be a little rough for a while, but finally things could start going back to normal.    
  
Splinter watched his sons and April celebrate.  His pupils deserved this moment of joy.  He sensed that too soon such moments would be a rarity.  His other son’s hadn’t detected it yet but he could see that Donatello’s eyes were not as vibrant as they normally were and his entire demeanor was subdued.  It was true that Donatello was still hurt and that he’d always been the most introverted of the four, but Splinter could tell that this was more.  He tried to set his concerns for the future aside so he could focus on the here and now.    
  
He quietly approached and reached out a hand to gently rest it on top of Donatello’s head.  His second youngest son flinched at his touch before lifting his head to look at him.  The apprehension that had suddenly filled his features disappeared almost instantly.  “Sensei!” Donnie exclaimed in noticeable relief.    
  
Splinter knelt opposite Leonardo while smoothing his hand soothingly over Donnie’s head.  “It is good to have you back, my son,” the ninja master said with an affectionate smile.  His other three sons and April moved back some to allow Splinter to embrace Donnie.  They were surprised when their sensei didn’t move to do so.  He just knelt there patiently waiting.  Donnie didn’t keep Splinter waiting for long.  He crawled out from under his blanket to snuggle himself against Splinter’s front.  It was only then that their sensei carefully enfolded his arms around their brother and slowly lowered his muzzle to touch his nose against Donnie’s head.    
  
Donnie choked back a whimper that wanted to work its way out.  The second his father’s protective embrace surrounded him all the suffering he’d been through flooded back, nearly overwhelming him.  His hands clenched in Splinter’s kimono while he gritted his teeth, trying to fight against it.  He didn’t want to ruin this moment of happiness and trembled from the efforts of keeping his traumatic memories contained.  
  
Splinter felt Donnie tremble against him and decided it was a sign of fatigue.  “My sons,” he spoke up quietly.  The other turtles plus April immediately gave him their undivided attention.  “I believe that it is time for Donatello to rest.  He still has much to recover from.”  They seemed very disappointed but nodded acceptingly.  Donnie swallowed hard and closed his eyes; he’d still managed to ruin everything.  He couldn’t stop himself from wincing when he felt a hand rest on top of his head again.   
   
Donnie turned around in time to see the worried look on Raph’s face vanish into a smile.  He swallowed but managed to return the smile as Raph stroked his head reassuringly before turning to leave.  Mikey eagerly moved closer.  He grabbed Donnie by the cheeks, pressed their noses together and vigorously nuzzled.  Donnie chuckled quietly at his little brother’s eskimo kiss.  Even though he really didn’t feel like laughing anymore, he’d missed Mikey’s antics too much to not react happily at them.  Once Mikey let him go, April moved in to hug him around his neck.  Donnie made a shaky sigh at this before returning the affection in kind.  He’d missed them all so much; he really didn’t want them to leave.  But he wasn’t sure he could hold himself together much longer and he didn’t want them to see him break down.  
  
The only one that didn’t move to leave was Leo.  “Leonardo…is there something wrong?” Splinter asked curiously.    
  
Leo looked genuinely puzzled at the question.  “It’s still my shift, Sensei.”  
  
Splinter smiled at Leo’s devotion.  “There is no need for shifts anymore.  I do not believe your brother is in danger.  Besides, after today’s little excitement, I’m sure you all could do with some extra rest.”  Leo seemed a little unsure, but nodded acceptingly.  Before getting up, Leo gently rested his hand on Donnie’s shoulder, prompting a faint smile from his little brother.  Once Leo had left, Splinter coaxed Donnie back onto the futon.  He couldn’t resist a nostalgic smile as he tucked the blankets around his son.  
  
When the ninja master started to get up to let him go back to sleep, Donnie felt this intense panic rush to the forefront of his mind.  He grabbed the sleeve of Splinter’s kimono and tugged on it timidly.  “Sensei?  …Otousan?”    
  
Splinter was only a bit surprised at the resurgence of his son’s childhood name for him.  “Yes, Donatello?” he asked softly while settling back down.  
  
“I…I don’t want to go to sleep.”  Donnie swallowed hard before looking down from his father’s eyes.  “I…I’m afraid that…that when I wake up again…I’ll be back in my cell,” he continued weakly, his eyes welling up with anxious tears as he returned them to his sensei’s.  He felt so pathetic for letting his fear get the better of him like this.  
  
Sorrow filled Splinter’s expression as he rested his hand on Donnie’s forehead comfortingly.  “I promise you, Donatello.  When you awaken, you will still be here…and so will we.”


	15. Chapter 14

* * *

Chapter 14

 

Michelangelo buzzed around the kitchen in an excited flurry of activity.  Today was the day!  It had been three days since Donatello had woken up and Splinter finally felt that their brother had recovered enough to be allowed on his feet.  Their sensei warned them that Donnie would still have to take it easy and that he needed their help to make sure that Donnie did so.  It was a challenge that Mikey happily accepted.  He was simply thrilled to have Donnie up and about again.  He had just finished washing and slicing some fruit when Master Splinter walked in.  “Good morning, Sensei!” he said with a smile.  
  
Splinter looked at his youngest and smiled in return.  “Ohayo, Michelangelo.  I didn’t expect to see you for another hour,” the ninja master replied as he filled a teapot with some water and set it on the stove to heat.    
  
Mikey beamed and laughed.  “I wanted to get an early start on breakfast.  First solid meal Donnie’s had since we got him home and I’m gonna make sure it’s awesome!”    
  
Splinter chuckled quietly while he fetched some tea leaves.  “I’m certain Donatello will be pleased to be able to eat something other than soup.”  
  
“Oh yeah!”  Mikey blinked as he watched Splinter nearly overfill the teapot’s strainer.  “Um…Sensei…are you alright?”  
  
“Mm?  Oh, yes, my son.  I’m fine,” Splinter promised the turtle before he sighed.  “I’m just a little tired.  Your brother’s sleep has not been very restful of late.”  
  
“Bad dreams?” Mikey asked, his eye ridges furrowing in concern.  Splinter closed his eyes and nodded.  “How long has he been having them?”  
  
“Ever since he regained consciousness.  Though, I suspect he was having them long before then.  We were just so focused on his fever that we didn’t recognize them for what they were,” Splinter replied quietly.  
  
Mikey swallowed hard at this news.  He’d hoped that everything would go back to the way it was supposed to be once they’d gotten Donnie home.  “Maybe he’ll sleep better in his own bed?” he suggested.  
  
Splinter regarded Michelangelo for a moment.  “It’s possible that more familiar surrounding will help.  After all, the four of you have not shared a room with me since you were four.  However, I’m ill at ease about leaving him to sleep on his own all night.”  
  
His youngest didn’t even hesitate for a heartbeat.  “I’ll watch him!  My room’s right next to his.  I’ll totally be able to hear if he’s having a bad one.”   
  
Splinter smiled faintly at Mikey’s enthusiasm.  “Michelangelo, unless you sleep like the dead, there is no possible way for you to miss his ‘bad ones,’” he said before looking towards the dojo, his ears lifting to attention.  He set down the teacup he’d chosen and exited the room without another word.  
  
Mikey silently watched Splinter leave before swallowing nervously.  He really wished he knew what was going on.  It hadn’t been long after Donatello had woken up that everyone started picking up on how quiet he’d become.  Sure, Donnie going quiet whenever he was upset was nothing new.  He’d done it after the Kraang had taken over Metalhead and tried to kill them with it…same with after Timothy had gotten mutated.  But this was different.  It made his normal quietness seem earsplitting.  “Maybe he’s just gloomy about being stuck in Splinter’s room?  Yeah!  That’s it!  He’ll get better once he can start doing stuff again,” Mikey convinced himself.  “And I know just the thing to cheer him up!”  He quickly dug a tin out of the pantry and set about preparing Donnie’s most favorite thing in the world.   

\----------------  
  


Splinter slowly opened the door to his room.  At first all seemed quiet.  Perhaps he had heard wrong.  He was just about to return to the kitchen when he heard a soft moan.  It made him hesitate.  He looked at where Donatello was sleeping to see his son’s brow crease as he made another whimper.  The ninja master sighed softly before coming into the room, closing the door behind him.  He moved over to the chest of drawers that was off in the corner and busied himself with sifting through the items within.  His first instinct had been to wake Donnie up, but he resisted it.  Donatello needed to face his demons and he couldn’t do that if his well-meaning father woke him every time he suffered through a nightmare.  With a little luck this one would stay small and pass without further incident.  
  
His eyes closed in heartache when Donatello sobbed in his sleep.  He turned around and his frown intensified as he watched Donnie struggle under his covers.  “No!  No, please!  PLEASE!” Donnie tearfully implored his assailant.  
  
He couldn’t do it.  It was one thing to hear his son whimper quietly but he couldn’t stand to listen to him beg for mercy knowing that the dream would show none.  Splinter hurried to Donnie’s side and gently shook him.  “Donatello.  Wake up.  Wake up, my son!”  
  
“NO!” Donnie screamed while he surged straight up on the futon, making Splinter lean back.  His eyes were wild with terror and he desperately scanned the room for his attacker.  Panic became confusion when his eyes settled on Splinter.  “S-S-Sensei?” he questioned unsurely as the dream started to fade and he tried to get his breathing back under control.    
  
“Yes, Donatello.  You’re safe.  It was just a dream,” Splinter tried to reassure Donnie while resting his hands on the turtle’s shoulders.    
  
Donatello looked relieved before his expression became pained.  He drew his knees up to his plastron, rested his elbows on them, and cupped his hands over his nose and mouth.  His eyes squeezed shut as tightly as they could while he sighed shakily.  “I’m sorry, Master Splinter.  Did I wake you again?”  
  
“No.  I was already awake when it started.”  Splinter watched Donnie tremble while he tried to fight down the aftermath of the dream.  He gently shifted a hand to rest it behind Donatello’s head.  “My son.  Nightmares are to be expected after what you were subjected to.  There is no shame in them.  However, they will not get better if you continue to hold everything in.  You must allow yourself to feel.  It is the only way you will move past this.”    
  
As Splinter spoke, Donnie shook his head and tried to make himself as small as possible without retreating into his shell.  He didn’t want to feel what was threating to escape.  All he wanted to do was take everything that was simmering inside, lock it into the smallest corner of his mind, and destroy the key.  “With all due respect Sensei, I just want to forget it ever happened,” he said hoarsely, shoving back the tears that were trying their best to slip past his guard.  
  
Splinter quietly sighed at this.  It was not the answer he’d hoped for but he nodded respectfully none the less.  “It is not something I can make you do if you don’t want to,” he told Donnie as he stood up and moved back over to the chest of drawers so he could gather up a small bundle he’d put together earlier.  “Even if it was within my power to do so, I wouldn’t.”  He carried the bundle to Donatello and set it beside him.  “You have had enough forced upon you already.”    
  
Donnie looked out of the corner of his eyes at what his father had brought over.  A weak smile touched his face when he saw the purple strip of cloth that kept the rest of the set tied together.  He carefully shifted himself out from under the blankets so he could kneel in front of the package.  Before anything else could happen, there was a knock at the door.  “Master Splinter!  You forgot your tea!” Mikey called from the other side.    
  
“Ah, yes, Michelangelo.  Thank you.  Set it to the side for now.  I will get to it in a few moments,” Splinter returned, allowing a small smile to enter his voice.    
  
“Hai, Sensei!”  
  
Donatello swallowed hard as he listened to Mikey’s departure.  “Do…” he choked on the rest of the sentence.  He cleared his throat so he could continue and even then his voice was little more than a croak.  “Do they know?”  
  
Splinter slowly shook his head.  “It seems they haven’t realized it on their own and I have not told them.  I felt that you had…that you needed the right to decide if they should be.  That being said, I encourage you to tell them, my son.”  
  
“No,” Donnie hurriedly said while shaking his head vigorously enough to almost set himself off balance.  His eyes squeezed closed against the mental image of his brothers and April looking at him with disgust and pity.  “They don’t need to know.”  
  
“I understand how you must feel.  But this is not something you should deal with on your own.  Your brothers and April…they are concerned about you.  They want to help.  If it will make you more comfortable, I can tell them for you,” Splinter suggested in an effort to calm his troubled son.   
  
“THEY DON’T NEED TO KNOW!” Donnie snarled, slamming his hands on the floor in front of him in a sudden explosion of anger.  He gasped when he realized that he’d just snapped at Splinter.  “I-I-I’m s-s-sorry, Sensei!” he timidly apologized while bowing low enough to touch his head to floor.  
  
Seeing Donatello practically kowtowing before him made Splinter’s heart tighten painfully.  “My son, I have never hurt you for speaking your mind before and I don’t intend to start now,” he said softly as he knelt down in front of Donnie and tried to get him to straighten back up.  Even after he’d managed it, Donnie kept his eyes firmly on the floor between them.    
  
“Sensei.  Please.  I-I don’t want them to know,” Donnie begged, his voice tremulous.  
  
Splinter swallowed hard at the unshed tears brimming in Donnie’s eyes.  “If that is what you truly wish, then I will accept your decision.”  Donnie made a shuddering sigh while closing his eyes; a few tears were pushed out and he hastily wiped them away.  “You can always change your mind.  Please, remember that.  Also remember that I will be here if you decide you need to talk,” he told his second youngest as he reached out a hand to gently remove the lingering fragments of tear trails.  After Donnie nodded meekly in acknowledgement of his words, he returned to his feet.  “It is nearly time for practice.  Feel free to join us when you are ready.”    
  
“Hai, Sensei,” Donnie said, lowering his head in a deep bow.  He stayed in that position while he listened to Splinter’s soft footfalls.  His father was nearly at the door when he spoke again, “Sensei?”  Splinter looked over his shoulder at the turtle.  “Thank you.”  
  
The ninja master allowed a very small smile.  “Of course, my son.”    
  
Once he heard the bedroom door quietly open and close, Donnie opened his eyes and lifted them to the ceiling with a heavy sigh.  Now that he was alone again, he had this overwhelming urge to crawl into the futon, go back to sleep, and never wake up again.  It certainly would be easier than facing what lay before him.  He swallowed hard and quickly stifled the urge before it had a chance to develop any further.  “Yes.  Roll over and die, Donatello.  Show everyone what an abysmal waste of time it was to rescue your sorry shell.  PATHETIC!” he viciously berated himself, nearly bringing tears to his eyes once more.  He returned his gaze to the bundle in front of him.  “You’ll never put this behind you if you don’t get up and start making yourself useful.”  He carefully untied the purple cloth and slid the material over his fingers until he located the eye holes.

\----------------  
  


Michelangelo could tell that something had happened to change Splinter’s mood because their sensei was no longer just tired.  He was disappointed and concerned on top of being tired.  Mikey was sure that it had something to do with Donnie and he worried about his brother.  “Is everything OK, Master Splinter?” he couldn’t help but ask their father.  
  
Splinter took a slow sip of his tea before he regarded his youngest.  His eyes closed briefly as he carefully considered what to say.  When he finally spoke, Mikey could feel the urgency behind the words.  “The coming days will be very difficult for Donatello, Michelangelo.  His spirit has been wounded far worse than his body.  And it will take that much longer to heal.  This will also be a challenging time for you and your brothers.  I ask that you give him your patience and understanding.  It will be tempting to try and press him into opening up to you.  However-”  
  
“Donnie needs to be the one that decides to tell us, right Sensei?  We CAN’T make him do it,” Mikey quietly interrupted Splinter, surprising the ninja master.  
  
Their father stared at Mikey for several minutes before a small but heartened smile graced his features.  “Yes.  That is precisely what I was trying to say.”  
  
“You got it, Master Splinter,” Mikey said with a nod.  Their father smiled a little more before he returned his attention to his tea and his own thoughts.  Mikey swallowed hard as he went back to preparing breakfast.  He thought about what Splinter was asking of them.  It wasn’t going to be easy.  They all wanted to know what had happened to make Donnie withdraw from them so much.  Mikey knew he had a bad habit of pestering Donnie whenever he wanted something from the taller turtle.  So did Leo and Raph…just in their own way.  But the way Splinter spoke made Mikey worry that pushing Donnie into telling them before he was ready would only make him retreat even further from them.  Mikey’s hand clenched around the utensil he was using until its handle creaked in protest.  He couldn’t let that happen; he decided then and there that it didn’t matter how hard it was going to be.  If waiting for him to decide to talk to them was what Donnie needed to get better, then that was exactly what Mikey was going to do.    
  
It wasn’t long before Leonardo came into the kitchen.  Leo was surprised to find that Mikey had beaten him there.  The two of them usually woke up around the same time.  “You must have gotten up really early, Mikey,” he said with a grin which Mikey returned.  “Is Donnie up yet?”  
  
Mikey questioningly looked at Splinter.  “He is awake, but I am unsure if he will be joining us today.  He has had...a trying morning,” the ninja master answered.  Leo looked downward and sighed very disappointedly.  
  
“That’s too bad.  I was really looking forward to seeing him on his feet,” Raphael said as he and April came into the room.      
  
“Me too,” April quietly added.  She’d hoped that being able to get up would help him become more like himself.  Donnie had become more withdrawn than April had ever seen him.  It was as though his mind was still trapped in that cell.  She couldn’t help but worry about him.  
  
“Come now, my pupils,” Splinter said as he stood up from the table.  “It is time for morning practice.”  
  
“Hai, Sensei,” the four of them replied dejectedly.  Once they reached the dojo, their mood lifted.  
  
There was Donatello, all geared up and standing just in front of the tree where he was wincing his way through a set of stretches.  He stopped when he saw them come in.  Then he put his hand behind his head and gave them a small, sheepish smile.   “Just figured I’d try and get a head start on limbering up before practice.  I’m…I’m a little stiff and I didn’t want to hold anyone back,” he explained.  He didn’t get to say anything further because Mikey charged over.  He jerked in alarm and had to fight down a horrifying impulse to lash out at the smaller turtle.  When his little brother plucked him off his feet, hoisting him up in a massive bear hug, he did his best to not stiffen up completely.      
  
“We’re just happy to see you, Donnie,” Leo said while he and April came over to greet the taller turtle.  Raph chose to stay back with his arms folded across his plastron and a troubled frown on his face.  Leo placed his hand on Donnie’s shoulder once Mikey had put him down.  “We weren’t sure you’d be up to training today.”    
  
Donnie swallowed a bit and looked downward.  “I…I have to get back into the swing of things sooner or later.”  He returned his eyes to Leo and tried to smile again for his eldest brother.  “And I’d much rather it be sooner.”  Leo, Mikey, and April grinned happily.  Even Raph seemed a little more at ease after this glimmer of the old Donnie.  
  
“I know you would, Donatello,” Splinter said as he approached the young ninjas.  “However, I would rather you work on your strengthening exercises for now.”  
  
“But Sensei, I’m-”  
  
“Well enough to resume your training…but you are not back to your full capabilities.  You must rebuild your strength before you can spar with your brothers again,” Splinter stressed to Donnie.  “Do not push yourself too hard.  It will only delay your recovery.”  
  
Donnie looked stricken for a second before he suppressed it and lowered his head submissively.  “Hai, Sensei,” he replied weakly.  As much as he hated to admit it, it was unreasonable for him to expect to jump back into training as though nothing happened.  However, accepting that fact didn’t make hearing it hurt any less.    
  
He started to move off to the side so that the others could have the majority of the dojo when April grabbed his hand.  She pulled him to a stop and he looked at her quizzically.  “You’ll be back to normal in no time, Donnie.  I know you will,” she tried to reassure him.  He blinked a couple of times before his fingers curled around her hand.  His small smile returned and he nodded quietly.  She smiled back and gave his hand a gentle squeeze before letting him go so that they both could train.    
  
By the time morning training was nearly over Donatello was exhausted.  Sweat dripped off the end of his nose as he braced himself against the dojo wall.  He could tell that tomorrow he was going to pay for pushing himself as much as he had.  Certain parts of his body were already cussing him out.  He didn’t remember his strengthening drills ever taking quite this much out of him.  Was it because he had been out of commission for so long?    
  
He forced himself to straighten back up and wiped the sweat from his face.  He couldn’t let it discourage him; he had to get back to full strength as soon as possible!  Splinter hadn’t called for an end to training yet, so Donnie decided to sneak in a few of his katas.  Everything seemed to be going fine until he got to the kicks.  Even though it had been complaining all morning, he ignored his right leg’s protests and went to pivot on it so he could do a roundhouse kick.  It was a rookie mistake and if Donatello wasn’t being so pigheaded about getting back to normal he would have known better.  Sharp pain shot from his leg, ripping all the oxygen from his lungs.  He collapsed to the dojo floor with a sickening thud.   
  
Everyone immediately stopped training to look.  The purple clad turtle lay where he fell, clutching at his leg as he gulped air.  “Donnie!” Mikey yelped and rushed over to his brother with April following close behind.  “Donnie?  You OK?” he asked worriedly.    
  
“I’m fine,” Donnie hissed out while trying to get his legs back under him.  
  
Mikey rested a hand on Donnie’s arm.  “Are you sure?  You don’t seem that-”  
  
“I SAID I’M FINE!” Donatello snapped, pulling a startled squeak from Michelangelo and making him lurch back into April.  The two of them stared at Donnie, their blue eyes wide with shocked confusion.  Donnie glared at them both for a few moments longer before his sudden anger dwindled.  Once it had, he deflated like a balloon that had just sprung a slow leak.  First he’d almost attacked his little brother without provocation and now this?  “I-I’m…I’m sorry,” he murmured miserably, shame twisting itself around his heart.    
  
That was all it took to calm Mikey.  “It’s cool, bro!  But promise you’ll leave the angry outbursts to Raph from now on,” Mikey replied with a laugh.  His cheerfulness faded when Donnie turned his head away.  Donnie was clearly not willing to forgive himself quite so easily.  Mikey moved to give his brother a soothing hug only to have Donnie press a hand against his plastron.    
  
Donnie shook his head and slid away from Mikey and April until he’d settled against the dojo wall.  His actions just made his brother and friend look even more worried about him than they already were.  Just past them, Leo and Raph were watching with the same concern engraved onto their faces.  It made his stomach do flips.  He could tell that soon…soon the questions would come; questions Donatello didn’t want to answer.    
  
Splinter cleared his throat to try and draw everyone’s attention off of Donnie.  “That is enough practice for now.  Let us go and enjoy the breakfast Michelangelo has worked so hard to prepare.”  Leonardo and Raphael were reluctant to leave, but they quietly obeyed their sensei.    
  
April wasn’t nearly as compliant.  “That was a bad fall, Donnie.  Let me take a look at your leg.  Make sure you’re alright,” she appealed to her friend as she edged closer to him.  She looked stunned and then hurt when Donnie put out a hand to keep her at bay.    
  
Mikey grasped April’s shoulder and used it to tug her away from his brother.  “If Donnie says he’s good, he’s good,” Mikey said with what he hoped was a believable smile.  He hauled himself back to his feet, pulling April up with him.  “Let’s go eat!  I’m starving!” he said while he herded April towards the door.    
  
“Ok!  Ok, Mikey!  You don’t need to get so pushy!” April griped at him.  She gave Donnie one last uneasy glance and swallowed hard when he refused to meet her gaze.    
  
After April had left, Michelangelo returned his attention to Donatello.  He’d never seen Donnie quite like this.  Not to mention that Donnie had never denied him a hug before.  It all really upset him.  He wanted so badly to convince Donnie to trust him with what had happened.  “No.  I won’t do that,” he told himself while he took a centering breath.  “Sensei says Donnie needs us to be patient with him.  And that’s what I’m gonna do.”  Mikey smiled encouragingly when his brother finally, tentatively, looked back at him.  He reached a hand down to Donnie.  “Don’t worry so much, Donnie,” he said gently, trying to reassure his brother.  “It’s all good!”  Just when he started to think that Donnie was going to bat his hand away, the taller turtle accepted it.  His smile broadened happily and he pulled Donnie back to his feet.  
  
Once he was up, Donnie leaned against the wall while he waited for his leg to stop throbbing enough for him to walk.  “No, Mikey,” he said weakly, firmly fixing his eyes back to the floor.  “It’s not.”    
  
Mikey’s smile fell for a moment but he buoyed it back up.  “Then it will be,” he declared confidently.  Donnie snapped wide, incredulous eyes back to him.  “I know it will.  Until then, I’m here, bro.  Always will be.”  He carefully moved closer to Donnie and presented his shoulder.  
  
Donnie stared into Mikey’s honest blue eyes until his vision misted up.  He forced back the building tears before managing a frail smile.  Then he clasped a hand onto the offered shoulder so that he could use his brother as a brace.  “Thanks, Mikey,” he said quietly.  Donnie didn’t think his little brother’s smile could get any bigger and seeing it bolstered his own.    
  
Splinter stroked his beard as he watched his youngest sons leave the dojo.  “It seems that I may have advised the wrong turtle to have patience,” he thought before he followed them.  He would have to ensure that Donatello took the time he needed to become whole again.  Mere physical recovery was not enough.    
  
Leo’s irked voice could be heard just beyond the kitchen doorway as Mikey and Donnie approached.  “Cool off, Raph!  I’m worried about him too, but we need to take a step back on this.  After what he’s been though, Donnie not wanting to be touched is nothing to freak out over.  He probably just needs some space.”    
  
“What happened just now is not the only thing that’s off!  Donnie came this close to belting Mikey before practice.  He tried to cover it, but I know you saw it too, Leo.  There’s no way YOU missed that!” Raph shot back.  
  
Mikey’s eyes widened and he looked at Donnie.  He’d been so excited to see his smartest brother this morning that he’d totally missed anything like that.  Surely Raph was just seeing things.  He watched as Donnie’s expression filled with guilt and he hung his head, proving that Raph wasn’t being paranoid.  Mikey could feel a pain building in his chest.  “Why would Donnie do something like that?  Did he think I was gonna hurt him?  But…he has to know that I would NEVER do that!”  He quickly took another deep breath.  “Patience and understanding.”  Instead of putting the questions he wanted to ask into words, Mikey gently rested a hand on top of the one Donnie had on his shoulder.  He felt his brother twitch at his touch before he looked at him.  Mikey gave Donnie another optimistic smile that just made the taller turtle’s eyes visibly tear up before they blinked the moisture away.     
  
“Mikey just spooked him,” April spoke up.  “We may not know exactly what happened to Donnie in that Kraang base, but it’s a pretty safe bet that being rushed at was a bad thing.”    
  
“That’s my point!” Raph growled.  “We know he was tortured, but beyond that we know nothing.  Something else happened to him in there…something he’s trying to hide from us.  And it’s eating him alive!  That’s why we’ve gotta find out what it is!”  Mikey’s smile plummeted and he glowered at the kitchen.  He could feel Donnie’s hand quivering beneath his and he gave it a comforting squeeze.  No way was he going to let Raph bully Donnie on his first day back!    
  
Thankfully he didn’t have to come to Donnie’s defense because Leo beat him to it.  “Leave him alone, Raph.  Donnie’s already had a rough day today.  He doesn’t need you busting his shell!”  Mikey heard Raph grumbling, but he couldn’t make out what was being said.  He had a feeling that he didn’t really want to know.    
  
Meanwhile, Donnie wanted to be as far away from Raph as possible.  “I-I’m not…I’m not really all that hungry, Mikey,” Donnie spoke up, making Mikey turn to him in shock.  “I-I think I’ll go work on something in my lab.”      
  
Before Donnie had a chance to pull away, Splinter’s hand rested on his shoulder.  “You must eat if you are going to heal, my son,” the ninja master said.  Donnie looked at Splinter imploringly before lowering his eyes to the floor in defeat and nodding.  He knew he couldn’t afford to hinder his recovery by doing something as foolish as not eating.  Splinter gently gripped Donnie’s shoulder for a moment.  Then he guided both of his youngest sons into the kitchen.  
  
The remnants of the argument that was raging only moments ago died the second Donnie walked into the room.  When he saw how Donatello looked, Raphael swallowed hard against a sudden flood of regret.  Their brother must have heard them talking and now he was clearly nervous about being in the same room with them.  The reaction only served to strengthen Raph’s resolve to figure out what Donnie was hiding from them.  However, it also made Raph realize, even though he hated to admit it, how right Leonardo was.  Raph did his best to stow his frustration and walked over to his little brothers.  He could see Donnie tensing up, so he gave the taller turtle what he hoped was a reassuring smile.  When the anxious look on Donnie’s face didn’t budge he knew that he hadn’t quite managed it.  He hated trying to be gentle; he was never good at it.  “Hey Mikey, why don’t you go fix Donnie a plate?  I’ll help him to the table,” Raph suggested.  He was startled by the suspicious scowl Michelangelo shot him but fortunately his baby brother nodded and moved so he could take over being Donnie’s brace.    
  
“Actually, Raph…I think I can make it myself now,” Donnie quietly suggested.  Raph blinked but his smile became more genuine.  He stepped aside to give Donne space but he didn’t completely back off.  Instead, he walked alongside Donnie so that if the taller turtle lost his footing Raph could catch him before he hit the ground.  His smile got a touch relieved watching Donnie limp his way to the table.  That stubborn determination was more like the Donatello he knew.  Once Donnie had settled himself at the table, Raph reached over to give him a quick noogie.  
  
Donnie flinched and yelped at the sudden friction.  He stared at Raph in confusion until he saw the roguish smirk on Raph’s face.  Somehow, that expression calmed Donnie’s nerves more than Raph’s attempt at being soothing and the small smile he’d managed to summon up for Mikey earlier returned with a little more confidence.  A quiet cough made him look to his right.  April had changed seats so that she could sit next to him.  A worried frown pulled at her face.  “Are you…sure you’re alright, Donnie?” she couldn’t keep herself from asking him.  
  
He looked downward for a moment.  No…he wasn’t alright, but he couldn’t let her know that.  He’d worried them all enough already.  Besides, maybe…maybe if he said it enough even he would start to believe it.  “I’m sure, April,” he said as he looked back at her while trying to give a little more life to his smile.  “I’m fine.  Sorry I worried you so much.”  
  
“No!  It’s OK.  You have nothing to apologize for,” she told him.  “I, on the other hand, have everything to apologize for,” she thought as she watched him lowers his gaze from hers again.  The sorrow in his eyes that he was trying so desperately to hide from them…it was all her fault that it was there.  She was just about to say as much when Mikey interrupted them.  
  
“Here you go, Donnie!  Eat up!” the orange clad turtle said in a chipper tone as he set a plate down in front of his older brother.    
  
“Thanks, Mikey.  I really appreciate all the…” Donnie started to say but stopped short when he saw what Mikey had brought him.  “…trouble you went to.”  There was a long pause as Donnie stared at his plate with huge eyes.  He quickly turned that stunned expression to Mikey.  “This…this is all for me?” he questioned, the disbelief loud and clear in his voice.    
  
Mikey blinked in confusion.  “Of course, bro.  Why wouldn’t it be?”  He watched as Donnie’s eyes managed to get even bigger before he stared back down at the plate.  “Something wrong with it?  No prob!  I’ll get you another!” Mikey cheerfully said as he reached for his brother’s plate.  
  
“NO!” Donnie shouted and hurriedly hunched himself over his food.  When he realized that everyone was staring at him, he felt his face go hot.  “I-I-It’s just…” he stuttered awkwardly as he straightened up so he could look at the plate in wonder.  “I’d forgotten what a normal portion looks like.”  
  
“Dude!  How much were they feeding you?” Raph exclaimed.  He’d never seen anyone get so distraught about having a plate taken away.    
  
Donnie swallowed nervously; he’d unwittingly opened the door.  He couldn’t very well slam it shut again that quickly.  Not without arousing too much suspicion.  “It’s not too bad a question.  Maybe if I answer some questions about the little things it will satisfy their curiosity enough to keep them from asking more…difficult ones.”  After an analyzing moment, he brought his hands up and shaped them until they formed a circle less than half the size of the plate in front of him.  He kept his hands in that position, raising them so that he could peer at Raph through the circle.  “About this much once a day,” he gingerly answered.    
  
Raphael looked truly appalled.  “How are you alive?” Leonardo asked in not much more than a whisper before Raph could say another word.  “You haven’t eaten like that since before you hit puberty.  And even then it was more than once a day.”    
  
Donatello’s eye ridges drew together as he brought his hand to his face thoughtfully.  “At least, Horse told me it was for the day.  I don’t see why he would lie about that.  It was my only way of telling time and each, for lack of a better word, feeding felt too far apart to only be a few hours.”  
  
“That doesn’t make it LESS disturbing, Donnie,” Raph said sourly.  Donnie shrank a bit before he meekly turned his eyes back to his plate.  
  
“What Donatello was given was probably just enough to keep him alive,” Splinter quietly explained.  “Such a thing is not an uncommon tactic.  It keeps the captive weak and less able to attempt escape.  Withholding food in exchange for information is also a possibility.”  
  
“Horse didn’t do that,” Donnie feebly spoke up even though he kept his eyes down.  “It was a line he didn’t seem willing to cross.”  
  
Raph snorted loudly.  “Oh, how nice.  A monster with a conscience,” he snarled out with a healthy dose of contempt.  “Not much of one from what I saw.”  
  
“Yes, Raphael,” Splinter said, a slight growl coloring his normally composed voice.  He reached out a hand to soothingly stroke it down Donnie’s head.  The distress this conversation was starting to bring Donatello was obvious.  His expression darkened when his son reflexively cringed from his touch.  “This…Horse…does not have many reservations at all.”    
  
“Is that seriously that mutant’s name?” Mikey asked, trying to change the topic, if only a little bit, so that Donnie could have a chance to calm down.  His brother looked up at him for a moment before nodding timidly.  “Jeez!  I didn’t think that bad guy names could get any lamer than the Rat King!”  A bright grin spread onto his face when Donnie looked startled and then began a soft chuckle.  
  
“Mikey, it’s the Kraang.  What did you expect?” April asked with a smile.  It was so nice to hear Donnie laugh again.  Even though she really wanted to know more about what happened to him, she was much more interested in keeping him from retreating into his mind like he had been doing so much.    
  
“Something better than THAT!”  Mikey declared.    
  
His little brother’s antics coaxed another chuckle from Donnie.  “Well, what did YOU call him?  I’m sure you named him something.”  
  
Mikey beamed proudly as he handed Donnie a set of chopsticks.  “Nightmare!” he proclaimed dramatically, making Donnie blink rather stupidly.  “You get it?  Because he’s a-  
  
“I get it, Mikey.  Really, I do,” Donnie quickly interrupted.  “But…um…you do realize that a mare is a FEMALE horse, don’t you?”  April covered her mouth to muffle her laughter.  Donatello, Mr. ‘It’s important to be accurate’, would be the one to not let that go so easily.  
  
“Really?”  Donnie nodded.  “Oh.  Well, what’s a boy horse then?”  
  
“A stallion.”  
  
“Nightstallion,” Mikey tested before pouting.  “That doesn’t work!  You sure he’s a dude?”  
  
Donnie flinched before he could stop himself.  He hastily tried to cover it.  “Yeah.  I-I’m sure.”    
  
Leo, Raph, and April furrowed their eyebrows at Donnie’s abrupt subdued tone.  The way he said that really bothered them but Mikey didn’t give them a chance to question it.  “Well, I’m not calling him something as boring as ‘Horse’.  I like ‘Nightmare’ so that’s what I’m calling him!” Mikey stated defiantly.    
  
Donnie smiled as he adjusted his grip on his chopsticks.  “That’s your call, Mikey.  I certainly won’t stop you,” he said, quietly thankful for Mikey’s ability to distract him.  He was equally thankful when Mikey dropped the topic of Horse entirely to chatter on about the latest episode of his super sentai show.  This allowed Donnie to focus on the task of deciding just where to start on the embarrassment of riches in front of him.  Once he had, he dove into his meal with such gusto that he almost choked himself.  
  
“Slow down, Donnie!  It’s not gonna go anywhere!” April tried to reassure her friend when he burst into a coughing fit.  
  
“I know!  But…it’s…it’s all so good that I…I just can’t help myself!” Donnie managed to get out in between coughs.  April’s eyes widened before she smiled sadly at him.      
  
“OH!  I almost forgot!” Mikey suddenly said as he rushed over to a set of cabinets.  When he came back to Donnie, he set a white pill in front of him.  “Here’s your medicine, bro!”  
  
Donnie glared at the pill as though it had affronted him somehow.  He didn’t want to stop eating just to take that thing!  “How much longer do I need to take this stuff?” Donnie grumbled even as he obediently dosed himself.  “They may be helping, but my stomach sure doesn’t like them.”  
  
“You must be feeling better,” Raph said with an amused smirk.  “That’s the first time you’ve complained about…anything since we got you home.”  A light pink colored Donnie’s cheeks, making Raph and Leo grin.  
  
“You got me, Donnie.  Maybe you can figure it out?” Mikey said as he handed over the pill bottle to his more scientifically minded brother.  
  
Donnie studied the label for a moment.  “Hmm…with an antibiotic the soundest course of action would be to finish the bottle.  Thus preventing any potential relapse as well as minimizing the risk of bacterial resistance.  Unless, you’d rather we keep the remaining pills for treating future infections, Sensei.”  
  
Splinter shook his head.  “As difficult as it is for us to acquire such medicine, I would rather you safeguard your own health, my son.  However, you are the one who knows best.”  
  
Donnie hummed thoughtfully before he opened the bottle to examine the remaining pills.  “I’ll finish them, then.  There are only four doses left anyway.  That’s not enough for a proper treatment course with this class of antibiotic.”  
  
Mikey tugged Donnie into a hug, making the other turtle squawk in surprise.  “I so missed hearing your science talk, dude!” he exclaimed while nuzzling his brother’s cheek.    
  
All of Donnie’s muscles went rigid as he struggled to contain the surge of panic at the unexpected contact and restraint.  He squeezed his eyes shut so he could focus on slowing his breathing.  “No!  Don’t…don’t freak out!  It’s Mikey!  It’s…just…Mikey,” he tried to drill into his head.  
  
It didn’t take long for Mikey to pick up on his brother’s anxiety.  He let go of the other turtle so fast you would swear that Donnie had just become a pillar of fire.  “Sorry, Donnie,” he apologized quietly and was relieved to see his brother relax with a heavy sigh.  Mikey’s relief was short-lived.  He noticed Raph watching Donnie with this intense single-minded look in his eyes.  “Oh jeez.  That was dumb.  Not only did I upset Donnie, I totally gave Raph even more of a reason to try and grill Donnie later.  Come on, Raph!  Just let it go, bro.  Give Donnie a chance to chill!”    
  
“It’s…it’s OK, Mikey.  I’m sorry too,” Donnie replied miserably.  He hated that he was having such problems handling his little brother’s spontaneity.  Mikey had always been so vivacious that asking him to contain himself was like asking the Earth to stop rotating on its axis.  That liveliness normally drove Donnie crazy.  It inevitably meant that something of his was going to be broken, contaminated, or go missing.  But while he was at Horse’s mercy, every aspect of his brothers became something he’d longed for.  The ones he had missed the most were Leo’s composure, Raph’s audacity, and Mikey’s cheerfulness.  Now that he was free, it broke his heart that he was unable to completely enjoy that exuberance.    
  
Mikey could see how upset Donnie was in the way his brother had gone from chowing down on his food to picking at it.  His first instinct was to hug Donnie again, but he was pretty sure that wouldn’t help at all.  “But…but…I can’t never hug Donnie again!  That’s just wrong!” he thought in alarm.  There had to be something he could do.  His eyes narrowed thoughtfully when he remembered what Splinter told him the day they’d gotten Donnie home.  ‘He MUST be given a choice in this’ he’d said.  And again this morning, Splinter had stressed how important it was to let Donnie make his own decisions…his own choices.  His eyes widened when an idea came to him.  He wasn’t sure if it would help, but it had to be worth a try.  “Donnie?  Um…can I hug you again?” he questioned unsurely as he tapped his forefingers together.  
  
Donnie immediately looked up from his food to stare at Mikey.  Just when Mikey was starting to worry that he’d made things worse, Donnie gave him the most wonderful smile Mikey had seen from his brother since he’d woken up.  “I’d like that, Mikey,” Donnie said while trying not to tear up.  Mikey’s grin could have outshone the sun.  Within seconds, he had wrapped Donnie up in a wholehearted hug.  Donnie sighed contentedly as he returned his little brother’s affection.  It may not have been the impulsive merriment Michelangelo was famous for, but it was a compromise Donatello could handle.  
  
“It worked!” Mikey thought with glee once he’d let Donnie go so he could get back to eating.  “This is awesome!  I just have to remember ask Donnie if I can hug him before I do it.  That way he doesn’t freak out!”  Mikey grinned brightly for a few moments before he thought a little more about what he’d just discovered.  “Man, doing that’s gonna be harder than being patient!” he whined to himself.    
  
Fortunately, Mikey didn’t have to fret too long on what lay ahead of him.  “So,” Donnie began.  “You guys break anything while I was gone?” he asked, pulling startled and flustered looks from the other turtles.  
  
“What!?  No!  Of course not!” Raph answered a little too quickly.  
  
“Yeah, dude!  Who do you think we are?” Mikey hurriedly back up Raph.   
  
Donnie’s eyes half lidded at them, making Mikey break into a nervous sweat. Even Raph shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny.  Then Donnie gave Leo a sidelong look.  “The arcade cabinet?”  
  
Leo sighed and covered his eyes as though he were in pain.  “Yup.”  
  
“Late night Skullorax run?”  
  
“Oh yeah.”  
  
“Pizza sauce or soda?”  
  
“Both.”  
  
“Where’d it end up?”  
  
“Everywhere.”  
  
There was a long pause.  “Anything else?”   
  
Leo grimaced.  Why did Donnie have to know them so well?  “The obstacle course.”  
  
“How bad?”  
  
“Decimated.”  
  
Now it was Donatello’s turn to sigh in pain.  He glared at Raphael and Michelangelo, each of whom had the decency to look embarrassed.  Even Leonardo, who had ratted everyone out, looked sheepish.  After all, Raph had had help tearing up the obstacle course.  A few moments of silence followed before a quiet chuckle worked its way out of Donnie and he shook his head.  “I’ll get to work after breakfast,” he promised them with a gentle smile.    
  
The others relaxed with a sigh and grinned back at him, relieved that he wasn’t too mad at them.  “Don’t feel like you have to do it right away.  You only just got back on your feet,” Leo told him.  He felt terrible to throw all this on Donnie so soon after they’d gotten him back.  Until Donnie had brought it up, Leo had had no intention of telling him about ANY of it.  “You should relax some!”  
  
Donnie finally, truly laughed and amusement danced with the now ever-present sorrow in his eyes.  “Leo.  That is how I relax.  Remember?”  
  
Leo chuckled softly as he tried to lighten up some.  The details and hints they’d managed to glean from Donnie about his time with the Kraang made Leo very anxious about his little brother.  However, he was certain that Donnie’s outburst in the dojo was a sign that he didn’t want to be coddled.  The least he could do was respect that.  “Alright, Donnie.  If you’re sure.”  
  
“BUT before you do any of that!” Mikey said brightly as he hurried over to one corner of the kitchen.  After a few minutes of clattering around, he came back holding a mug with the words ‘My Blood Type is Coffee’ emblazoned on its side.  “Your favorite cup filled to the top with your favorite brew!”  
  
Donnie grinned enough to expose the gap in his teeth.  “Seriously, Mikey!  You’re gonna spoil me,” he warned.    
  
“Well, if you don’t want it…” Mikey trailed off.     
  
“I didn’t say that,” Donnie said as he eagerly reached for the cup, clasped it in both hands, and took a slow, deep breath to savor the aroma.  “Man, did I miss that smell!”  
  
“I’ll bet!” Mikey laughed while he finally sat down to eat his own breakfast.    
  
As much as he wanted to just dive into the coffee, Donnie forced himself to be cautious.  It had been such a long time since he’d had anything like coffee in his stomach.  What if the acidity was too much for him to handle right now?  The last thing he wanted to do was make himself sick.  It would be such a waste of food!  He sniffed the drink more carefully this time.  It seemed that Mikey had brewed it to his usual level of potency.  Donnie considered watering it down some, but he worried about how that would make Mikey feel.  His little brother had gone to such trouble for him…he didn’t want to seem ungrateful.  So, he disguised his restrained sips as savoring ones until he was certain that his stomach wouldn’t rebel against him.  Only then was he was able to enjoy his favorite pick-me-up in peace.    
  
He mostly kept to himself for the rest of breakfast.  April tried to coax him into a few conversations and he made a token effort for her but he really didn’t feel like talking.  He was content to let everyone else’s words washed over him.  It was a melody that he’d ached to hear for so long and he relished it far more than his coffee.  
  
Too soon Donnie realized that couldn’t eat another bite even though he’d only managed to get through half of his meal.  His diet during his captivity must have caused his stomach to shrink.  He rested his head on the table and looked wistfully at his plate.  It was such cruel irony to finally have access to all the food he could ever want yet still be locked into eating hardly anything at all.  Splinter noticed the disappointment in his second youngest’s eyes and he reached out a hand to tenderly smooth it over the young ninja’s head.  Then he reached for the unfinished plate.  “You may finish it later,” he promised Donatello when the turtle started to protest the removal of his meal.  “It seems that you will have to eat smaller portions more often before you can eat normally again.”   
  
Donnie sighed quietly as he watched Splinter put the rest of his meal in the fridge.  “Hai, Sensei,” he said submissively.  Something else he would have to work on to make normal again.  How much more would there be?  He could feel the discouragement that wanted to settle in his chest.  His eyes squeezed close as he struggled against it.  He couldn’t allow it in; nothing good would come of it.  Instead, he focused his thoughts on something more constructive.  He downed the final sip of his coffee and stood up.  “Guess I’ll get to work,” he announced with a small smile.  “I’ll be at the obstacle course if anyone needs me.”    
  
He hadn’t gotten more than four gingerly taken steps away from the table before Leo stood up.  “Wait a sec, Donnie!” he called after his little brother.  Donnie stopped to look over his shoulder.  “How about an extra pair of hands?”  
  
Both of Donnie’s eye ridges arched up.  “You want to help me fix the obstacle course?”  
  
Leo chuckled at the disbelief in his brother’s voice.  “I meant it when I said it was demolished,” he said with an embarrassed smile.  “I played a part in it, so the least I should do is own up to my half of the mess, right?”    
  
Donnie huffed amusedly before he moved off towards his lab with Leo right behind him.  “You don’t have to help if you really don’t want to.  I’m sure I can handle it no matter how bad it is,” he tried to assure his eldest brother as he fetched his tool kit.  He paused to rest his hand against Timothy’s jar in greeting.  The other mutant seemed genuinely happy to see him.  He hoped his brothers hadn’t forgotten to feed him while he was gone.  
  
“I’m sure you could,” Leo said as he watched Donnie shake some of the dried flakes they used to feed the Pulverizer into the gelatinous mutant’s tank.  “But why should you?  Besides, if there is one thing I’ve learned from this whole ordeal…”  He came up behind Donnie to rest his hand on his brother’s shoulder.  A troubled frown crossed his face when he felt Donnie jolt at that simple, but unexpected contact.  “…it’s that you are too important to not have someone who can be a stopgap until you’re back in action,” he continued softly when his brother turned so their eyes could meet.  “I’m not asking you to teach me everything because I could NEVER replace you.  And I would never want to.  Just…show me enough so that you don’t have quite as big a disaster to clean up should, heaven forbid, anything like this happen again.”  
  
Donnie stared at Leo in dumbfounded silence.  A painful lump built in his throat.  He had always teased his brothers that they would be lost without him, but this was the first time any of them had openly agreed with him.  “Alright,” he said after he’d gotten a handle on himself again.  “If you are sure about this, I guess that the obstacle course is the best place to start.  Let’s do it.”  Leo grinned that winning smile of his and Donnie felt himself returning it.    
  
After making sure that they had everything they needed, the two turtles headed off to the section of the sewers that their sensei had long ago established as the obstacle course.  Its sheer size demanded that it be separate from the dojo and the lair, but it wasn’t too long a trek away.  When they walked in, Donatello could feel his eyes widen in shock.  Leonardo hadn’t exaggerated one iota.  Ripped open sandbags littered the floor; the ceiling gears for said sandbags were jammed to heck and back; the automated katanas, in addition to being jammed, had been torn up in ways he couldn’t even dare a guess; even the arrow launchers had suffered.  He stared in stunned shock for several minutes before he shot Leo an indignant look.  “Seriously?  You guys couldn’t even sew a sandbag closed?” Donnie chided.    
  
“To be fair, we kinda tore those up yesterday…and then flaked on putting them back together,” Leo admitted while rubbing the back of his neck.  Donnie’s eyes narrowed.  “Don’t worry about those!  Raph and I can get them later.  Let’s just focus on the stuff with mechanical parts?”  
  
Donnie nodded acceptingly before giving the room a more thorough look over.  “Pretty sure the ceiling gears won’t take long to fix.  That means our priorities should be the katanas and the archers,” he informed.  Without further delay, he hauled his kit over one of the auto-katanas and cracked open its casing to see how much damage had been done to the inner workings.   That was when Donnie realized that, despite the fact that he’d built the things and that he’d been fixing them for years now.  Despite all of this, somehow, he had no freaking clue of how to proceed.    
  
He stared at its guts, hoping that the answer would jump out at him if he looked long enough.  Plus he was hoping that he would figure it out before Leo realized that his ‘teacher’ was having one massive brain cramp.  He wasn’t that lucky.  “Donnie?”  He yelped when Leo’s voice interrupted his thoughts.  “What do we do now?” Leo pressed curiously.  
  
“Um…well…obviously we start by-” Donnie stated as he reached out to adjust a connection and got a nasty little shock for his efforts.  “OUCH!  By unplugging the blasted thing from its power source.  Yes.  ’Cause that’s where you should ALWAYS start!” he grumbled as he grabbed the power cord and aggressively yanked it free from its socket.    
  
Leo’s eye ridges furrowed fretfully while Donnie returned to scowling at the machine’s innards.  He’d never seen Donnie look so…so lost while examining a piece of equipment.  Not even when they were little kids and Donnie was just starting to discover his gift with all things mechanical.  He didn’t want to aggravate his brother, especially when he could tell that his temper was on the rise, but the words came out before he could stop them.  “Donnie, are you-”  
  
“I’m fine!” Donatello cut in, not even letting Leonardo finish and making the other turtle wince.  When the silence between them extended to uncomfortable levels, Donnie sighed and lowered his head.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered miserably.  Leo smiled sympathetically at Donnie while he rested his arm soothingly around his brother’s shoulders.  He could see the frustrated, dispirited tears shimmering in the taller turtle’s eyes.  “I guess my body is not the only thing that’s not firing on all cylinders yet.”  
  
“It’s OK, Donnie.  You’ll get there,” Leo gently tried to reassure him.  Donnie’s bitter snort at his words made Leo’s smile become a concerned frown.  “Cut yourself some slack.  You’ve been through more than anyone ever should.  You can’t expect to just get over it instantly.”  
  
Donnie made a quiet, resigned sigh before finally looking at Leo again.  “May I ask a favor?” he asked weakly.  
  
“Name it.”  
  
“Could you go to my lab and get me journals forty-five through forty-eight?  It seems that if I’m going to get any work done, I’ll need the schematics in front of me.  At least for now.”  
  
 “Sure thing, bro,” Leo said with a small smile.  
  
Donnie watched Leo leave before he returned his attention to the machine in front of him.  Both Mikey and Leo seemed so confident that everything would be fine.  That, with time, things would go back to way they were supposed to be.  Donnie hoped they were right.  He shook his head vigorously and squeezed his eyes closed, trying to push back the moisture that wanted to fall and with it the depression that was trying to choke the life out of him.  No…they WERE right.  He would make sure of that.  His brothers needed him and he wasn’t about to let them down.


	16. Chapter 15

* * *

Chapter 15

 

“So, after you do the conversions from feet per second to miles per hour, the boat is traveling approximately…55 mph,” Donatello stated as he finished writing his calculations.  April watched Donnie work with apprehension written all over her face.  His small smile fell when he saw it.  “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Um…Donnie,” she started gently.  “That’s not the answer according to the book.”  
  
April watched Donnie’s eye ridges crease in a puzzled manner.  He returned to his work so he could retrace his steps while murmuring to himself.  “The balloon is 800 feet in the air, which remains constant.  First observation is at a 20 degree angle.  Second observation is at 65 degrees 25 seconds later.  X equals 800 divided by the tangent of 20 degrees.  Y…is 800 divided by the tangent of 65 degrees.”  He stared intensely at his work before he smacked a fist on the table, making April jump.  “Miscalculated for y and everything snowballed from there.  You’d swear I’d never solved a simple division problem in my life,” he scolded while penciling in corrections.    
  
“’Simple division’, he says.  Last time I checked simple division didn’t have weird symbols in it.” April commented with a very light chuckle.  She was hoping that if she didn’t take it too seriously it would help Donnie to do the same.  
  
“It is simple division once you replace the symbols with the appropriate number values that they stand for,” he insisted, refusing to allow himself any leeway.  He paused in his self-rebuking long enough to double check his results.  “50 miles per hour?” he cautiously questioned.  April nodded and Donnie sighed while hiding his face in his hands.  “Some tutor I am.”  
  
“You’re the best tutor I could ever ask for,” she told him as she draped her arm around his shoulders and rested her temple against his.  “Don’t be so hard on yourself.  Everyone goofs up once in a while.”  
  
Donnie swallowed hard at her gentle words and touch.  How he wished he deserved them.  He dropped his hands and shifted his head so that their noses nearly touched.  Yet he refused to meet his eyes to hers.  “I have been doing trigonometry since I was seven.  And division even longer than that.  _**I**_ don’t make these kinds of mistakes!”   He gently freed himself from her embrace so he could get up from the table.  “At least…I didn’t used to,” he continued bitterly as he left kitchen.  
  
April watched him with such concern on her face.  It had been two weeks since Splinter had judged Donatello fit to train again.  Even though Donnie had made progress with his physical recovery, every day seemed to bring a new reminder of how far he was from a mental one.  And each reminder only served to dishearten him more.   She’d tried to coax him into talking about his experience, hoping that it would help bring him SOME peace.  But at every attempt, Donnie would either blatantly avoid the topic or he’d fall silent, retreating into his mental shell.    
  
Of course, that only happened when she managed to get past Michelangelo.  The orange clad turtle was unyielding when it came to protecting his older brother from any discussion about his time with the Kraang.  He could be sneaky about it too!  April had encountered more than one time where she was trying to talk to Donnie only to have Mikey jump in and completely derail the conversation.  By the time she managed to get the shorter turtle to stop, the taller one had long since disappeared.    She tried to reason with Mikey, but he simply wouldn’t budge.  ‘Donnie will talk to us when he’s ready,’ was all Mikey would give her.    
  
“Yeah, and what happens if he decided to hurt himself before then?” she mentally grumbled.  She closed her eyes and tried to push her frustrations out with her breath.  Yes, Donnie was depressed and withdrawn but that didn’t mean he was suicidal.  Maybe Mikey was right about waiting for Donnie to want to talk.  It was just that waiting made her feel so helpless.  Donnie had always been there for her.  For crying out loud, the reason he was like this was because he had been there for her!  All she wanted to do was help him get better.    
  
She pulled the paper Donnie had been instructing her with close.  Not all of her homework problems had given him trouble.   Just every so often, he’d make some absentminded mistake that would completely unravel what he was working on.  As she started to put her notes away, she caught sight of a folded piece of paper sticking out of her textbook.  When she tugged it free of the pages, she realized it was a scrap paper that Donnie had used to tutor her a week prior to his capture.  There wasn’t a single correction on it.  “Oh Donnie,” she whispered dolefully as tears burned in her eyes.  “Why won’t you talk to me?  Please, let me help you.”

\----------------

Donnie instinctually headed towards his lab but stopped short of going inside.  Lately, no matter how much he tried to motivate himself, he just didn’t feel like working.  He’d completely lacked any enthusiasm to design or build anything for several days now and it disturbed him.  No.  Disturbed was the wrong word.  Terrified was more accurate.  He sucked in a cleansing breath to force down the distress before it had a chance to get any worse than it already had.    
  
“I should be training anyways,” he told himself.  He was still behind and it aggravated him to no end.  Splinter would not let him leave the lair until the ninja master was confident that he had recovered from his ordeal.  Meaning, as long as he continued to lack the will to invent…  His hands clenched at his sides.  Yes, training was the answer.  Everything would fall into place once he could help his brothers in the field again.  He marched into the dojo and ran through a set of stretches before moving onto his strengthening exercises and katas.

\----------------

“CHECK IT OUT DUDES!”  Leo and Raph glanced over at Mikey as he popped his head out of the dumpster he’d been scrounging in.  “The latest issue of _Mutant Pus Monsters_!  And it’s practically in mint condition!  Why would you throw this out!?” he exclaimed while waving the comic book at them.  “Some people just have no taste.”  
  
“Look who’s talking,” Raph muttered under his breath, annoyed that their patrol had been interrupted for something so asinine.  As he and Leo turned to scale the alleyway wall so that they could get back to work, he spotted something else in the dumpster that made him pause.  After a closer look, he realized it was a hardbound book.  He fished it out and brushed off the bits of trash that were stuck to it.  “ _The Fundamentals of Mechanical Engineering_ ,” he read the title aloud.  “You think Donnie has this one?”  
  
Leo chuckled some and walked over to his red clad brother so he could see the book in question.  “I gave up on keeping track of what he has a few years ago.  Why do you ask?”  
  
“I was just thinking that maybe a new book will help him feel, you know, more like himself,” Raph replied quietly.  
  
“I’ll give it to him!” Mikey offered cheerfully and plucked the book from his older brother’s grasp.    
  
Raph growled while trying to snatch the book back.  “Let me give it to him, Mikey!”  
  
Mikey’s face became uncharacteristically stern and he pressed the book tighter to his plastron.  “Why?  So you can harass him while you do it?”  Raph had managed to keep his questions to himself for the entire first day Donnie had been back on his feet.  However, every day since then Raph had hounded Donnie to the point that Mikey barely trusted the larger turtle to be in the same room with their brother.    
  
“What?!  No!  I wouldn’t do that!”  Mikey’s expression darkened until it was a harsh glare.  Meanwhile, Leo gave Raph a skeptical eye ridge arch.  “Ok, so normally I would, but not this time!” Raph insisted.  “Look, I just…” Raph paused to swallow the embarrassing emotional tremble that was beginning to color his voice.  “…I want to see him smile.  REALLY smile for once.”  Mikey’s glare faded and he looked down from Raph.  Their genius brother smiling without any trace of the suffering he’d been through was something they all wanted to see.  Raph could feel the sting of tears in his eyes and he bared his teeth, shoving them away by seizing a firm hold on his anger.  “And why am I the bad guy here?  Don’t you want to know what happened!?”  
  
“Of course we want to know, Raph,” Leo said evenly while placing himself between his little brothers in an attempt to calm them.      
  
“Oh really?!” Raph snapped, turning his temper on Leo as well.  “That’s news to me!  ‘Cause every day Donnie slips further away and you two seem perfectly fine with just letting it happen!”  
  
Mikey looked up, his expression hurt at the accusation, before he bared his own teeth.  “Not cool, bro!” he growled.  
  
Leonardo held his hand up in front of Michelangelo to keep him from saying anything more.  He then took a moment to keep his own anger in check.  They didn’t need him and Raph to get into one of their notorious arguments.  Not about this.  “I know you’re angry, Raphael.  We all are.  But save it for Nightmare and the Kraang.  They are the ones that deserve it,” he managed to get out with a fair amount of calm.  Raph glowered at him for a few tense moments before he snorted and turned his back on them while crossing his arms over his plastron.  “Mikey.”  The smaller turtle looked at his eldest brother.  “Raph is the one that found the book.  Let him be the one that gives it to Donnie.”  Their baby brother set his face into a stubborn scowl making Leo sigh softly.  He should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.  “If Raph promises not to bring up the Kraang or Nightmare to Donnie, will you give it to him?"  
  
Mikey thought about Leo’s suggestion for a moment.  “ONLY if he promises!” he declared adamantly.  
  
Leo returned his eyes to their prickly brother.  It was up to Raph now.  Was he so hell-bent on finding out what happened that he couldn’t call a truce even this one time?  Raph glared at them out of the corner of his eyes.  “I already said I wouldn’t, didn’t I?”  Leo gave him this weary look that screamed ‘humor me’.  Meanwhile, behind Leo, Mikey watched Raph expectantly.  Raph rolled his eyes as he growled in exasperation.  “Fine!  I promise,” he snappishly conceded.  Mikey’s scowl dissolved into that joyful grin of his.  He came over to Raph and handed the book over without any further resistance.  Then the smaller turtle quickly scrambled up the wall to resume their patrol with a newfound bounce in his step.    
  
“Thanks,” Leo said with obvious relief before he moved to climb the wall as well.  He stopped when Raph rested a hand on the rim of his carapace.  
  
“Why are you going along with this?” Raph asked.  “After that spar of yours, I figured you’d be even more determined than me to find out what happened!”  
  
Leo looked pained at the reminder of last week’s disaster.  Splinter had been refusing to let Donnie spar with them.  Even if it was just to see how much strength Donnie had regained.  The whole situation understandably frustrated the taller turtle.  Leo could tell that frustration had reached its peak when Donnie asked him for a spar after one of their tech lessons.  His little brother wanted to prove to Splinter that he was being over-protective…that Donnie had finally healed enough to join the team on patrol and missions again.  Leo had been unsure about the idea, but his brother had asked for so little lately that he hadn’t felt right refusing him.  
  
At first everything seemed to be going great.  Donnie’s strikes were still weaker than what he’d come to expect from the taller turtle, but Leo had felt it was within an acceptable range.  He had been about to comment as such, when he felt his brother’s aura change.  Donatello’s façade of calm had given way to something awful festering beneath the surface and his attacks had become forceful, violent…real.  Leonardo quickly recognized that their spar had somehow twisted into a fight for survival.  
  
Leo didn’t want to hurt Donnie, so he ended the fight the only way he could think of at the time.  He grabbed the taller turtle, hurled him to the floor, and pinned him.  He’d hoped that the jarring impact would knock Donnie back to his senses.  Instead, it fed into whatever had hijacked his brother’s mind.  He watched in alarm as Donnie’s pupils dilated to the point that the black nearly engulfed the brown before the other turtle screamed.  It was a scream that Leo hoped he’d never hear the likes of again: one of unbridled terror.  
  
Suddenly, Donnie was frantically struggling against him.  It never even occurred to Leo to let go.  He had been too worried that Donnie, in his blind panic, would hurt himself.  So he’d gripped tighter while desperately trying to help Donnie snap out of it.  He had no idea that it was the worst thing he could have done.  More screams intermixed with hysterical pleads echoed through the room.  
  
It felt like an eternity had passed by the time Splinter rushed into the dojo.  The moment he'd caught sight of what was going on he snapped at Leo to release Donnie.  Leo flinched at the harsh command from their sensei, but quickly moved to obey it.  Leonardo could only watch in guilt-ridden confusion as Donatello scrambled into the nearest corner where he whimpered and trembled in fear.  He and Splinter ended up spending the next twenty minutes trying to help Donnie realize that he was safe.  
  
Leo shook his head to push back the awful memory before soberly answering Raph’s question.  “Donnie spent a month with someone who tortured him in the name of forcing information out of him.  I don’t want to be anything even remotely like that to our brother.”  Raph’s eyes widened before he looked regretfully thoughtful; he hadn’t even considered that.  “I don’t like it, but I’m willing to let Donnie keep this to himself for now,” Leo continued.  “So long as whatever he’s trying to hide doesn’t make him do something to put himself at risk.”  
  
“And if it does?” Raphael pressed.  
  
Even though Leonardo expression hardened, his eyes remained pained.  “Then Donatello will have to answer some questions.  No matter how difficult they may be.”

\----------------

The rest of their patrol was mercifully uneventful.  Every day the Foot/Kraang alliance grew stronger and it was getting harder for the three turtle brothers to hold their own against such a force.  So a night where they didn’t come home bruised and battered was a long-awaited respite.    
  
Raph was pretty sure it would be welcomed break for Donnie too.  There was no way any of them could miss the troubled look in their brother’s eyes while he treated their injuries.  Each time, Raph could almost hear Donnie blaming himself for not being there.  He glanced at the book that was tucked under his arm and smiled lopsidedly.  No patch jobs and a new book?  Surely THAT would cheer his little brother up!  
  
While Mikey flopped onto the couch to read his new comic book and Leo moved off to find Splinter so he could make his nightly report, Raph made a beeline for Donnie’s lab.  The doors groaned as he pulled them open.  Much to his surprise their resident genius was nowhere to be found.  He glanced at the clock on the far wall and narrowed his eyes in confusion.  Donnie was always in his lab at this time.  Maybe Donnie had gone to bed for the night?  He almost immediately rejected the idea.  Even before his dreams had become plagued with nightmares, Donnie was a night owl.  The scrawny turtle never hit the sack before midnight.    
  
Raph scanned the main room for some sign of where Donnie could be.  A flash of movement from the shoji screens that separated the dojo from the main room caught his attention.  He watched his little brother’s silhouette dance across the partitions.  When he peered through the dojo’s doorway, he saw that Donnie was running through a set of his weapon’s katas with a single-minded efficiency.  “Keep that up and you’ll be out on patrol again in no time,” Raph thought proudly before walking into the dojo.  
  
Unfortunately, Donnie was so focused on his katas that he didn’t notice Raph’s approach until he nearly took his brother’s head off with a wide arcing backswing.  Raph yelped and ducked his head into his shell just in time.  “RAPH!  I’m sorry!  A-Are you OK?”  
  
“I’m fine.  Just watch where you swing your stick!” Raph scolded after he’d pulled back out of his shell.  
  
Donnie winced and lowered his head.  “Sorry.”  
  
“Donnie, I said I’m fine.  Don’t worry about it.  K?” Raph insisted.  He tried not to sigh impatiently at the docile nod his brother gave him.  Instead, he put on his best smile as he announced, “I brought you something.”  Donnie blinked in surprise and looked up at this.  Raph stooped down to retrieve the book from where he’d dropped it.  “Hope you don’t have it already,” he admitted as he held out the peace offering.  
  
The taller turtle looked even more surprised before he took the book so he could get a better look at it.  He smiled slightly the moment he saw the cover.  “Actually, yeah,” Donnie said while opening it to a random page.  “Yeah, I have this one.”  
  
“Oh.  …well…that bites.”    
  
The quiet statement pulled Donnie’s eyes back to his brother.  Raph was trying to hide his disappointment, but Donnie could still see it clearly.  “Not at all,” he assured the red clad turtle.  “It’s been one of my most useful references, so my copy looks like it’s been through a warzone.  Torn pages, oil splatters, burn spots.  I think it even has a few bloodstains.  It would be nice to keep a clean copy in my room.  That way I don’t have to worry about getting anything like metal filings in my bed if inspiration strikes in the middle of the night.”  He chuckled softly after turning the text to its title page.  “It’s even the same edition as mine.”  Donnie closed the book and smiled as he hugged it to his plastron.  “Thanks, Raph.”  
  
Raph’s fists clenched at his side as he tried to return the smile even though it wasn’t the one he’d hoped to see.  Donnie did truly appreciate the gift, that much Raph could tell, but his mild smile in combination with those sorrowful eyes only served to irritate the temperamental turtle.  Raph fought back the urge to grab Donnie, shove him into the dojo tree, and demand that he tell him everything.  Then he really wouldn’t be any better than Nightmare.  “No problem,” he managed to get out instead.  A few moments of awkward silence passed between them before Raph couldn’t stand it.  “So, what are you doing here?”  The question had nothing to do with Nightmare or the Kraang.  There was no way Mikey could get mad at him for it!  
  
“Training,” was the simple response.  
  
“I can see THAT!” Raph snapped before taking a deep breath.  “What I mean is I thought you’d be in the lab by now.”  
  
Donnie shifted anxiously from one foot to the other at the mention of his lab.  “Well…I-I need to get back up to par as soon as I can.  And I really didn’t feel like working on anything.  So I thought-”  
  
“Hold up a sec!  Mr. Wizard didn’t feel like tinkering?  I didn’t think that was possible,” Raph interrupted incredulously.  Before Raph even realized he was doing it he stepped closer to his brother as he continued, “Come on, Donnie.  You haven’t been yourself since we got you home.  I know something’s wrong.  Tell me what it is so I can help!”  
  
“N-nothing’s wrong,” Donnie stammered.  “I-I’m fine.”  
  
“That’s a load of bull!” bellowed Raphael, jabbing his finger at Donatello’s plastron.  He’d had it with this pack of lies!  “Have you forgotten that me and April got to you first?  You were cowering in a corner the minute the cell door opened!  And don’t even get me started on what happened between you and Leo!  Someone who’s ‘fine’ doesn’t do that stuff!”  
  
“I thought you were Horse!” Donnie fired back as his own exasperation at Raph’s constant badgering finally reached a breaking point.  “How else was I supposed to greet the guy that’d been torturing me?  ‘Good morrow to you, dear jailer!  How are you on this fine day?  Shall it be foot whipping or electric shock today, sir?  Or perhaps you would prefer a good, old-fashion thrashing?  Please!  Allow me to assume the position!’” Sarcasm dripped from every word and Donnie flung his free arm out wide to accentuate the sheer absurdity of what he was saying with a bit of melodrama.      
  
The words barely had enough time to leave Donnie’s mouth before his mind was overwhelmed.  He was no longer in the dojo with Raph but trapped in the Kraang base.  Pain tore into him as he was flung against the wall of his cell.  He collapsed to the floor where he lay on his side, struggling for every breath.  Horse approached to loom over him.  “Where…is April O’Neil?” the other mutant demanded of him.  Donatello remained silent causing his tormentor to narrow his eyes and order, “Hands and knees.”  Donnie whimpered yet still shook his head, refusing to comply.  Horse’s resolve appeared to falter for a brief second before his face returned to stone and the chill in his eyes reached subzero levels.  “You only have three options, little colt: tell me where April O’Neil is, do as I say, or find out what happens when this,” he brandished the business end of an electric rod in front of the petrified turtle’s face, “goes somewhere it is not supposed to.”   Amethyst energy arced within the device, making Donnie’s eyes fill with dread.  “Choose.  Or I will choose for you.”  The first choice was no choice at all.  And with the power those rods could put out the chances were high that the third choice would mean death.  The idea of freedom from his suffering was so tantalizing that he considered calling Horse’s bluff, despite having learned ages ago that Horse didn’t bluff.  But then he thought of his brothers.  What if they finally came for him?  They would be risking their lives…for a corpse.  Donnie made a choked sob before struggling to do as Horse had commanded.  He screamed as his world became the too familiar ball of agony and shame.  
  
Even though Raphael was livid, he couldn’t repress a smirk at the bite in Donatello’s words.  The other turtle had been entirely too meek ever since he’d woken up.  It was about time that one of them dragged a tongue lashing out of him.  Raph was more than a little proud that he’d been the one to do it.  His smirk vanished instantly at the sound of Donnie’s book hitting the dojo floor and the sight of his little brother turning ashen right in front of him.  “Donnie?” Raph questioned, the tone of his voice changing from irritated to worried.   The other turtle didn’t respond.  He just continued to stare straight ahead without really seeing anything.    
  
“DONNIE!” Raph shouted while grabbing his brother’s arms to give him a shake.  Donnie shrieked and Raph gasped as he realized that he’d made the same mistake as Leo.  He lessened his grip on Donnie to something the taller turtle could easily break free of.  “Donnie, it’s me!  It’s Raph.  No one’s gonna hurt you.  You’re safe.  I promise!”  He watched the panic-filled haze ever so slowly lift from Donnie’s eyes.  The taller turtle panted while looking at Raph with obvious confusion before turning his head and eyes to the floor between them with a trembling sigh.  Raph made a sigh of his own.  It seemed that this time Donnie had been snatched from whatever had taken his senses hostage instead of being plunged deeper.  “Are you alright?  You went somewhere else, bro.  And from what I saw it wasn’t a good place to be.”  
  
Donatello shook his head and frantically tried to keep from falling to pieces right there.  “M-Maybe you’re right, Raph.  I-I-I should be in my lab,” he said shakily, pointedly avoiding the question. He pulled away from Raphael before the other turtle had a chance to react.  Raph stared after his little brother while blinking stupidly.  Exasperated anger quickly rose up to shove aside his confusion and he gave chase.  
  
Michelangelo glanced up from his comic book in time to see Donnie hustle out of the dojo with Raph right on his tail.  “Dang it, Donnie!  Get back here!  We’re not done yet!” Raph snarled as he tried to catch up with the taller turtle’s long strides.  Mikey’s eyes widened in alarm when he saw the haunted, bordering on panicked look on Donnie’s face.  
  
He had to stop this before any more damage could be done.   “HEY RAPH!” Mikey shouted, startling the hot-headed turtle.  He bounded over to his red clad brother and enthusiastically waved his comic book in Raph’s face.  “You should totally read this part!  It’s EPIC!”  Raph growled at Mikey in annoyance.  The lair abruptly filled with the resounding clang of the lab’s heavy doors being shut and locked.  Donnie had taken full advantage of the distraction Mikey had provided.  Raph stared at the doors in complete disbelief before turning his flashing green eyes to the turtle in front of him.    
  
But this time Raph’s fury wasn’t met with the usual nervousness.  “You promised you wouldn’t upset him.”  The quiet statement was like a gut punch to Raph’s anger, knocking the wind out of it.  Unshed tears wavered in Mikey’s eyes even though the expression on his face was more like quiet rage.  “You promised…and you still did, didn’t you?”    
  
Raph felt like a stone had settled in his chest and he swallowed hard as his hands curled into fists.  He quickly turned from Mikey’s accusing eyes and reentered the dojo where he tried to get himself under control again.  A growl of pure frustration slipped out as he started into a set of katas without even warming up.  He had to get out his anger or he was going to start punching something…or someone.  It took an hour for him to finally begin to feel in control again.  That was when his foot brushed against something.  He glanced down at what touched him and a shiver ran through him.  He slowly sank to his knees in front of the book.  All he had to do was hand it to his brother.  No questions…no demands…just a little something to make Donatello smile like old times.  And he hadn’t even managed to do that.  Raphael gritted his teeth as braced his hands on either side of the book before he punched the floor next to it and closed his eyes so he could fight with his tears. 

\----------------

Donnie leaned against the lab doors while he tried to regain his composure.  He was still shaking and felt lightheaded.  His hands went to his plastron so he could focus on slowing its rhythmic rise and fall.  Another flashback.  At least this time he hadn’t become so caught up in it that he attacked Raph like he had with poor Leonardo.  He sacrificed a bit of air so he could make a contemptuous snort.  It was pretty bad when THAT was the good news.    
  
He nearly jumped out of his shell when a crackling voice echoed through his lab.  “Donnie OK?”  
  
An embarrassed flush immediately crossed Donnie’s face.  It was only Timothy.  He’d almost forgotten that Tim could talk again.  It was a minor miracle that he’d managed to finish the other mutant’s voice box before his motivation to build completely seized up.  “Yeah.  Yeah, Timothy.  I-I’m fine,” he reassured his friend as he approached the jar.  
  
“Donnie sure?”    
  
Donnie’s eyes squeezed shut briefly and he rested his hands on the jar.  “Honestly?  No, I’m not sure.  But it’s the best I can give you right now.”  He watched Timothy’s mouth frown as his eyes took on a worried appearance.  Donnie offered up a weak smile and patted the glass in an attempt to comfort the other mutant before he sighed.  
  
He had to stop these flashbacks before he hurt someone.  So he went over to his computer to consult the endless treasure trove of information that was the internet.  It didn’t take him long to find several creditable sources on the subject.  After a couple hours of engrossing himself in his research, Donnie felt he understood enough for him to know when a flashback was building as well as how he could ground himself in the present.    
  
His chair creaked noisily as he stretched his hands over his head to work out the kinks that had settled in while he’d been hunched over the keyboard.  He could feel exhaustion pulling at his eyelids but he stubbornly shook it off.  He didn’t want to sleep.  Not yet…not when he knew what waited for him.  Donnie’s eyes casually flicked to his monitor to check the time.  He was surprised to find that it was only one in the morning.  His brothers must have gotten home early.    
  
That was when it occurred to him that none of his brothers had sought medical care from him.  “Good,” he thought with a sigh of relief.  “That means that tonight went smoothly.”  Whenever his brothers went on patrol or a mission he got this tightness in his chest.  It made him feel as though he was letting them down by not going with them.  And every time they came home hurt was a confirmation of that failing.    
  
“Of course, you did lock yourself in the lab almost as soon as they got home.  Maybe they did need medical attention and you were too wrapped up in your own crisis to notice.”  The thought was like a knife made of ice stabbing into him.  He leapt to his feet and bolted for the doors so fast his chair was left spinning.  “One job.  You only had one job to do and you screwed up on that too!”  
  
As he raced into the main room he felt his foot catch on something.  Whatever it was got pulled up into his stride where it tripped him.  Donnie squawked as he and the item went tumbling end over end.  He landed right on his face at the bottom of the stairs.   Then, as a final indignity, whatever had tripped him up bonked him in the head.    “Smooth, Donatello.  Real smooth,” he thought while clutching at his head.  
  
“Dude, you OK?”  Donnie’s eyes peeled open to see a pair of sky blue eyes peering back at him.  Mikey had sat up from where he was relaxing on the couch so he could stare in concern at his brother.  
  
“That’s what I was about to ask you,” Donnie returned while he pulled himself up enough to tuck his legs under him.    
  
Mikey blinked before he smiled.  “I’m good, bro.  No worries.”  
  
“Raph and Leo?”  
  
His little brother’s smile got even bigger.  “They’re good too.  Chillax, Donnie!  If something was wrong, we’d have told ya’.”  Donnie sighed in relief.  It was only then that he allowed a small groan to slip out as he rubbed his aching head.  “I’ll get you some ice,” Mikey said before heading off to the kitchen.  
  
Once Mikey was gone, Donnie turned to find out what had caused his moment of clumsiness.   His eyes fell on the book Raph had given him in the dojo.  His older brother must have set it outside his lab before going to bed.  As he picked it up to rest it in his lap, his thoughts drifted back to Raph and his eyes screwed shut as a terrible sense of shame washed over him.   He shouldn’t have snapped like that.  Sure the constant prying was infuriating, but Raph was only showing his concern.  “And I showed my appreciation for that concern by lashing out at him,” he thought miserably.    
  
“You wanna hug, bro?”    
  
Donnie blinked his eyes open and looked at where Mikey had crouched next to him.  He tried to dispel the unease on Mikey’s face with a small smile.  “Not right now, Mikey.”  His little brother returned his smile and nodded before presenting an ice pack.  “Thanks,” he said as he delicately rested the pack on his head.  He watched as Mikey hopped into the pit so he could recline on the couch again.  “What are you still doing up?  I would have thought you’d be in bed like everyone else by now.”  
  
“What time is it?”  
  
“A little past one.”  
  
Mikey shot straight up.  “Dude!  I’m gonna miss it!”  He threw his comic book to the side and started looking for something.  
  
“Miss what?” Donnie asked curiously as he watched Mikey search the entire length of the couch.  
  
“The re-run of the tonight’s Mythsmashers!  We were out on patrol so I couldn’t watch it.  YES!” Mikey crowed when he dug the TV remote control out from a small hole in the beanbag chair.  Apparently one of their brothers had decided it was a good hiding place for when they didn’t feel like sharing the remote.     
  
“Since when do you watch Mythsmashers?” Donnie asked with a hint of amusement.    
  
“Since while you were caught, bro!” Mikey stated before lowering his eyes and voice.  “I missed you, so I wanted to do things that reminded me of you.”  Donnie made a quiet gasp.  That was the first time any of his family had mentioned what they’d been going through during his imprisonment.  It was as though all of them had decided that he had enough problems without having to listen to theirs too.  He watched Mikey quickly put his smile back in place.  “Didn’t think it would be awesome, though!”  
  
“Of course it’s awesome!  Educational doesn’t automatically mean boring, you know.”    
  
“Dude, you wanna watch it with me?  Maybe you can explain the stuff I don’t get.”  
  
“I’m sure I can explain it to you.  It’s getting you to understand it that’s the problem,” Donnie said with a chuckle as he plunked down next to Mikey.  His little brother laughed good-naturedly at his teasing, helping him to smile a little more.    
  
Michelangelo was, by far, the one Donatello was the most comfortable around.  The smallest turtle seemed content to let Donnie decide whether or not he wanted to talk about he’d been through.  Donnie was certain that Mikey wanted to know just as much as the others, but somehow his impulsive little brother managed to keep his questions to himself.  It was such a relief to have someone he could spend time with and not have to worry about getting the third degree.  Someone he could feel almost normal around.    
  
Leonardo had been a close second until the dojo debacle.  Donnie swallowed hard at the memory.  The disconcerted look on his eldest brother’s face once he and Splinter had managed to pull Donnie out of his flashback still haunted him.  He never would have suggested the spar if he’d known he was going to put Leo through that.  Tears burned at his eyes and squeezed them shut to fight the wetness back.  
  
“So how’d Raph do?” Mikey’s voice pulled Donnie away from his thoughts.  
  
“What?” Donnie asked nervously.  Fear dug into his heart.  Had Raph actually convinced Mikey to join in the quest to drag what happened out of him?    
  
Mikey pointed at Donnie’s lap.  “Is it one you have or not?”  
  
Donnie looked down in confusion and his eyes widened when they landed on the book he still held.  “OH!  Um, it is, but I don’t mind a spare,” he answered quietly.  
  
“Cool!”  
  
Donnie watched his little brother flick the TV to the right channel until tears stung at his eyes again.  He could feel guilt pressing on him for even starting to distrust Mikey, but right now it was held at bay by the undeniable relief that he’d been wrong.  “Mikey?”  The orange clad turtle turned to him inquisitively.  “Think I can take you up on that hug now?”  
  
Mikey blinked then grinned even bigger than he already was before wrapping his tallest brother up in an enthusiastic hug.  “For you, dude, my arms are always open,” he cheerfully declared.  An emotional lump rose in Mikey’s throat when he felt Donnie tremble against him while returning the hug.  It was obvious that his brother was fighting tears and it killed him to see Donnie like this.  “Come on, bro.  I know you’re hurting.  All of us know.  You can’t keep doing this!  Just…let go.  No one’s gonna make fun of you for it, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Mikey mentally implored Donnie, hoping that his brother would finally stop bottling everything up inside.    
  
His pleads went unanswered as he felt Donnie’s trembling stop and the firm grip his brother had clutched him in lessen.  It was a sure sign that Donnie had gotten himself under control once again.  He swallowed and he could feel tears building in his own eyes.  For a moment, he thought about letting Donnie see him cry.  Maybe it would guilt Donnie into giving up on this crazy need to hide everything from them.  Mikey’s breath hitched and he shoved that urge into the farthest corner of his mind.  That was just another way of pushing Donnie into talking before he was ready.  Besides, wasn’t that exactly what Nightmare had been trying to do?  Make Donnie give up?  The memory of Donatello curled in on himself, broken and without hope, as he wept on the floor of the Kraang base flashed through Mikey’s mind.  No.  No, he wouldn’t do that to Donnie.  His grip on his brother tightened protectively.  He wouldn’t let ANYONE do that to Donnie ever again!    
  
Donnie grunted at the unexpected force behind his little brother’s hug.  “Mikey?  Are you alright?”  
  
Mikey twitched as the concern in Donnie’s voice snapped him back to the here and now.  He quickly pushed away his tears and let go of Donnie so he could smile up at him.  “Sure thing, bro!” he tried to reassure the other turtle.  Mikey didn’t want Donnie to add worrying about him to his list of problems.  The fretful expression on Donnie’s face told Mikey that his brother didn’t quite believe him, but he didn’t try to press him either.    
  
“Pirates.  They were ruthless plunderers.  The scourge of the seven seas.  They were also completely awe-inspiring!  The mythos that surrounds them is like no other.  But how much of it holds water?  Let’s find out…tonight on Mythsmashers!”  
  
“Did they say pirates?!  SWEET!” Mikey squealed in delight and bounced away from Donnie to kneel right in front of the TV, his eyes wide with child-like wonder.  Donnie blinked a few times in surprise before the small smile returned to his face.  He slid off the couch so he could crawl closer to Mikey.  Once he’d gotten within arm’s reach, he made himself comfortable, grabbed Mikey’s shoulder, and gently pulled his little brother back to a more eye friendly distance from the TV. 

\----------------  


“Oh come on, Donnie!  PLEASE?” Mikey whined.  
  
“No!  I am not making a sail just so you can knife your way down it in a futile attempt to prove the Mythsmashers wrong.  You’ll break your neck first!”    
  
“But pirates HAD to be able to slow a fall by cutting a sail!”  
  
“Why?”  
  
Mikey faltered a bit while he grasped for an answer.  “Because…because it’s cooler that way!”  
  
“Coolness doesn’t factor in when it comes to scientific accuracy, Mikey.  No matter how badly you want it to,” Donnie replied with a gentle smile.  
  
“It should!”  Mikey grumped as he and Donnie made their way towards the bedrooms.  It was two in morning now and even though Mikey was pretty wired, he knew that he needed to get to sleep or Splinter was going to have his shell at practice.  “I’m totally bummed now!”  
  
Donnie’s eyes half-lidded amusedly.  “Man, if the pirate episode has you this upset, you’re gonna be inconsolable when you finally see the ninja episode.”  
  
“WHAT?!  They do ninjas?!  How do they bismarck us?”  
  
“’Besmirch’,” Donnie corrected.  “And you’ll just have to wait and see.  No spoilers allowed!”  Donnie laughed quietly at Mikey’s disappointed moan.  His chuckles trailed off with a heavy sigh once the two of them came to a stop in front of his bedroom.  He was thoroughly exhausted and at the same time utterly terrified of what he knew awaited him inside.  “You know, Mikey.  If someone had told me two months ago that I would come to dread such a basic biological function as sleep, I would have laughed in their face,” he murmured miserably while he stared at his door as though he expected it to transform into a venomous snake and strike at him.    
  
A sympathetic frown pulled at Mikey’s face.  Lack of sleep had to be one of the reasons Donnie was having such trouble.  But his nightmares had driven him to the point that it was easier to convince Raph to not touch the practice dummy for a month than it was to coax their resident genius into going to bed for the night.  Mikey couldn’t blame him.  He didn’t have any idea what the dreams were about and he never asked.  The heartbreaking, terror-filled whimpers told him all he needed to know.  Mikey would always wake Donnie whenever it sounded like things were getting out of hand, but he wished he could do more.  Just as Donnie reluctantly opened the door to his bedroom, Mikey remembered something.  “Hold up, Donnie!  I got an idea!”  
  
The taller turtle blinked a couple of times as he watched Mikey hurry off into his room.  Then he sighed with a touch of amused exasperation and shook his head.  “Mikey, as much as I appreciate the offer, I don’t think your teddy bear is gonna help,” he called after his over-enthusiastic brother.  
  
“What about an old friend then?” Mikey asked as he came out of his room holding a plush brown rabbit with purple trim inside of its ears and on the pads of its feet.    
  
“No way.”  Donnie wasn’t sure he should believe his eyes.  “Mr. Lepus?” he asked as Mikey came back over.  An amazed laugh bubbled out of him as he tucked his book under his arm so he could take the well-loved stuffed toy from his little brother.  “Where on Earth did you find him?”  
  
“He never left the lair, bro!”  
  
“But…I gave him to Splinter so he could take him to the local thrift store YEARS ago!”  
  
“Dude.  We both know that the only reason you did that was because Raph kept giving you grief.  ‘Only BABIES need plushies.’  Remember?” Mikey chuckled while watching Donnie turn the old stuffie over in his hands.  “I asked Splinter if I could hold onto him for you.  In case you changed your mind, you know?”  He shrugged a bit.  “You never did, but I kept him.  Almost forgotten about him till now.”  
  
Donnie laughed at this admission as he grasped one of the stuffed rabbit’s ears so he could gently roll it between his fingers.  Mikey beamed joyfully at the smile on his brother’s face.  It was the first time in so very long that the taller turtle’s eyes held no sign of distress.  Then, it all came crashing down.  Michelangelo watched in dismay as that ever-present sorrow came rushing back, making Donatello screw his eyes shut and lower his head.  “You can keep it, Mikey,” Donnie choked out while trying to hand the worn out plush back to him.  “I-I’m...I’m too…tainted for something so innocent.”  
  
Mikey pushed back the tears building in his own eyes as he stared at Donnie in shock.  His older brother kept his head downcast, refusing to meet his gaze; he did too much of that.  “You really believe that.  Don’t you?” he questioned quietly.  The only answer he received was a hard swallow as Donnie turned his head away in addition to lowering it even more than it already was.   What in the world had happened to make Donnie think such a horrible thing?  Mikey took hold of Donnie’s hand in both of his and gently pushed the stuffed rabbit back to his brother until he felt the toy touch Donnie’s plastron.  “That just means you need him more than ever.”  He smiled when Donnie turned back to him with such bewilderment in his tear plagued eyes.  Mikey sniffled a bit and reached out a hand to rest it on his genius brother’s shoulder.  “If you ever decide you want to talk about anything, he’s not the only one who will listen.”  His grip on the shoulder tightened.  “You’re not alone, Donnie.  Don’t you ever forget that.”  Mikey then moved off to his room so his brother could have some privacy.  
  
Donnie watched Mikey go in silence.  Part of him wanted to call Mikey back.  To finally trust someone with what happened, but his voice refused to work.  His throat had closed up to the point that it was painful to breathe.  Instead, he ducked into his own room and allowed the door to close behind him.  He took a shaky breath as he braced himself against it.  Perhaps it was for the best.  After all…Mr. Lepus wasn’t the only one that was too innocent.  He looked down at the plush rabbit he still held in his hand.  His eyes narrowed sharply before he looked away with a scoff as a feeling of foolishness struck him.  It was just a stupid toy and he was an idiot for getting all sentimental over it.    
  
He set the toy on his nightstand along with his book so he could focus on preparing for bed.  That was when he noticed that the stuffie had acquired some holes over the years.  He tried to ignore them and turned his back on the toy while he pulled off his gear.  He managed to strip himself of everything but his mask before he couldn’t take it anymore.  Even though it was absolutely ridiculous, he just didn’t feel right leaving the rabbit in that condition when he could do something about it.  He went over to his desk and pulled out the sewing kit he used for mending his gear.  The large needle was a quite the overkill, but it would still do the job.  He sat cross-legged on his bed with the plush bunny in his lap.  Once he had settled, he patiently and methodically stitched up every hole and developing hole he could find.    
  
After a while, he realized that his efforts to repair the rabbit had eased some of the tightness in his throat and chest.  He huffed amusedly.  “Some things never change.  Do they, Mr. Lepus?” he murmured with a small smile, remembering the days when the only thing that would calm him was this scruffy bunny.  When the last hole was closed, he tied the off the thread and used his teeth to cut it.  “There!  Good as new!” he chuckled while he held up the plush to examine his handiwork.    
  
As he stared into the scuffed buttons that were Mr. Lepus’ eyes, he no longer saw an old, worn toy.  He saw his childhood friend. The one person in this world that he knew would never condemn him…no matter what.  He pulled Mr. Lepus close and buried the side of his face into the plush bunny while drawing his knees up to his plastron.  His whole body trembled at the gentle caress of Mr. Lepus’ belly fluff against his cheek and suddenly he couldn’t hold it in any longer.  With a grief-stricken sob, Donnie finally allowed his tears to flow.

\----------------

The dojo reverberated with the kiai of five ninjas-in-training.  Their sensei stood at the head of the room, scrutinizing their every move as they ran through their katas.  Of particular interest to Splinter was Donatello.  His son’s fluid movements brought a proud smile to the ninja master’s face.  In the past three weeks, Donatello had gone from limping after every practice to keeping pace with his brothers, something that the slight turtle had struggled with even before his capture.  It heartened Splinter to see that Donatello’s perseverance with his training was paying off.    
  
Yet that same diligence also brought Splinter much concern.  He never saw the turtle resting anymore.  All the time that Donatello normally spent in his lab, tinkering and crafting – things the turtle usually lived for – was spent in the dojo running through drills.  The once ardent reader now barely even glanced at a comic book and TV had become a luxury that was only indulged in after much cajoling from Michelangelo and April.  It was as though the young ninja had decided that he only to needed to regain his physical strength in order to heal.  Splinter knew better.  A healthy body was indeed a good start…but an ailing spirit could incapacitate even the strongest of bodies.    
  
Perhaps it was time that he saw just how extensive his son's recovery truly was?  “Yame!” the mutant rat barked.  His pupils’ response was instantaneous.  They all froze in mid kata to come to attention before him.  “You will now practice your hand-to-hand combat.”  
  
“Hai, sensei!” the five declared.  April and Donnie moved out of line to kneel beside their sensei so that they would be out of the combatants’ way.  
  
“The first pair shall be Leonardo…and Donatello.”    
  
All of his students looked at him in shock.  Donnie, who was halfway through kneeling beside April, found his voice first though it was little more than a squeak.  “M-me?”  
  
“Yes, my son,” Splinter patiently answered the confused turtle.    
  
“Are you sure about this, Sensei?” Leo asked nervously.  
  
“Yes.  Now…face each other.”  The two turtles moved to follow the strict order from their master and father.  Once they were in the middle of the dojo, they couldn’t help but share an uneasy look.  The memory of what happened two weeks ago had been burned into each of their minds and neither one wanted to put the other through that again.    
  
Leo took a steadying breath before smoothly dropping into a stance.  This wasn’t like the last time.  Sensei was giving them the go-ahead to do this.  If Splinter was telling them to spar then, surely, it was safe to do so.        
  
Meanwhile, Donnie was the very picture of trepidation.  Was he really ready for this?  What if he had another flashback?  It would be in front of everyone this time.  What would he do if they figured out what happened?  “Stop it,” he scolded himself.  “Haven’t you been driving yourself into the ground to get to this point?  Are you really going to balk at the chance to prove that you're ready to go to the surface again?”  A tenacious glint colored Donnie’s eyes.  He crouched into own stance before his brother.    
  
“Hajime!”  
  
Neither fighter moved.  Raph, Mikey, and April had started to think that they hadn’t heard Splinter by the time Leo lunged forward to make the first strike.  Donnie twisted his body out of the way of Leo’s punch while simultaneously deflecting it with a flat-palmed push.  The action forced Leo to follow through with his attack.  He didn’t have time to react as Donnie rolled along his arm to slam an elbow into his upper carapace, sending him staggering forward.    
  
Leo regained his footing and whipped around in time to see Donnie gracefully spin back into a stance.  He stared at his little brother in surprise for a moment before a grin spread onto his face.  Donnie returned the expression before charging him.  They exchanged blows but neither one seemed able to breach the other’s defenses.  Leo finally broke the stalemate with a left cross that knocked Donnie off balance.  The blue clad turtle took the opportunity to grab his purple clad brother and throw him across the room.    
  
Donnie recovered in mid-flight and flipped so that he landed on one knee.  He sat there for a moment while he tried to catch his breath.  Splinter narrowed his eyes.  His son’s eyes had widened ever so slightly and they seemed a little out of focus.  He also noted that the young ninja’s breathing was faster and harsher than it should have been.     
  
“No.  Not…now,” Donnie thought when he noticed a haze creeping into his vision.  He risked a moment to squeeze his eyes closed and force his breathing to become measured again.  “The mats have a rough, fuzzy texture that tickles if you run your hand against the grain.”  He pressed a hand to the rug underneath him so he could do just that.  “There are five shide on the shimenawa that hangs above the dojo shrine.”  When he opened his eyes again, he was relieved to see that the haze was starting to pull back.  Donnie stood up, took a deep breath as he strode back to where Leo waited, and assumed a stance once more.  “Our baby bowl sits to the far right of the shrine.  It has a pink palm tree that is approximately sixteen centimeters tall from base to top and is crowned with five leaves.”    
  
Leo grinned at Donnie's resolve before resuming the spar with a high kick that Donnie blocked.  He recovered in time to deflect a right hook that made his hand sting a bit.  His eyes widened as Donnie whirled with the force Leo had put in his deflection and used it to help power one heck of a spinning kick to Leo’s head.  The impact sent Leo to the mats, but the young ninja managed to catch himself.  He twisted around to kick at the other turtle’s chest.  Donnie squawked as Leo’s kick connected, making him reel backwards.  Leo wasted no time.  He surged to his feet and lashed out with a palm heel strike that caught his brother in the face.  Donnie couldn’t recover in time and landed on his carapace with a loud thump.  
  
“Yame!” Splinter ordered.  He’d seen enough.  
  
Donnie sat up with a groan before rubbing his aching nose.  A hand was extended to him and he looked up into its owner’s smiling face.  “I saw some stars with that last one.  Nice job, Donnie!” Leo praised.  Donnie meekly returned the smile as he accepted the hand.  His eldest brother pulled him to his feet effortlessly, but didn’t let go.  Donnie managed to keep his flinch subtle when Leo put his free arm around him for a hug.      
  
“Indeed,” their father agreed.  “It would seem that you have regained your physical strength, Donatello.”  Splinter approached his tallest sons to smile gently at Donnie.  “I am proud of you, my son.”  The bright, animated smile that graced Donnie’s face had once been a common sight but this was the first time it had shown itself since the turtle’s return.  Seeing it again after all this time nearly brought the ninja master to tears.    
  
“Thank you, Sensei!” Donnie said appreciatively as he bowed.  He’d done it!  He’d really done it; he almost couldn’t believe it!  
  
“Your timing couldn’t be better, Donnie,” Leo said elatedly.  “That Kraang flash drive Mikey found awhile back has been great, but it’s completely out of date now.  Not to mention it has absolutely nothing on what the Kraang/Foot alliance is planning.  We need intel and, with a little luck, the Kraang facility we stumbled on last night will have exactly that.  Think you’re up to a little recon mission?”  
  
“BRING IT!” Donnie declared with an eager smirk.  At long last he could do something to help and he was raring to go!  April, Mikey, and Raph ran over to join Donnie and Leo in celebration.  Donnie’s enthusiasm was infectious and they freely let themselves be caught up in it.  It had been far too long since they’d seen such joy on his face.  
  
“No.”  The simple but stern statement was like a slap in the face and everyone looked at Splinter in disbelief.  “I’m sorry, my son, but you will have to conduct the mission without Donatello.  He is not yet ready to return to the surface.”  
  
“W-What?!” Donnie gasped harshly.  “But…but Sensei, you said that I could go when I had recovered!”  His voice was a palpable jumble of confusion, distress, and anger.    
  
Splinter moved past his sons and towards the exit.  “Raphael, Michelangelo.  It is your turn.  Leonardo, you will monitor them,” he ordered without looking at the young ninjas.  “Donatello…” the ninja master briefly glanced back, “…come with me.”  The four turtles stared after their father before they all soberly moved to do as he directed.    
  
April clutched one of her hands in the other, squeezing it until it hurt as she watched Donnie follow Splinter out of the dojo.  She could tell that Donnie was trying to pull himself back together with limited success.  Though it was clear from Donnie’s posture that one emotion was becoming stronger that the others.  Anger.  April couldn’t blame Donnie for being angry.  She’d seen what he’d been putting himself through.  With all hours he had spent in the dojo and obstacle course, you would think that Donnie was trying to take Leo’s place as most dedicated student.  To finally have Splinter say that all his hard work had paid off just before telling him that he still wasn’t ready to go to the surface had to be infuriating.  But no matter how much she could sympathize with Donnie’s frustration, she understood why Master Splinter told him no. 

\----------------

“I don’t understand!  You told me that once I’d recovered I’d be allowed to go to the surface again!” Donatello cried out indignantly once he and his sensei had left the dojo.  “I’ve done exactly that!  You just said so yourself!”  
  
Splinter sighed somberly before coming to a stop.   “My son, I said that you have regained your physical strength.  Not that you have recovered.”  He turned to face the turtle.  “You started having a flashback during your spar.”  Astonishment that his father had noticed his lapse forced the anger from Donatello’s eyes.  “It is admirable that you were able to drive it back but…what if such a thing happened during a life or death situation?  What if you were unable to recover in time?  That is a danger to you and your brothers that I will not risk.”    
  
The ninja master watched mournfully as his son’s entire bearing wilted.  He approached the young ninja to gently rest a hand on the turtle’s lowered head.  “I know how discouraging it must be for you.  But you must heal here,” he moved his hand to press it against the center of his son’s upper plastron, “and here for you to have truly recovered from your experience.  That is something that will take time.  You must be patient with yourself until then.”    
  
Donnie slowly lifted his face and Splinter swallowed at the unshed tears wavering in his son’s brown eyes.  “And what happens if I never heal, Otousan?”  The young ninja squeezed his eyes shut to force the tears back before choking out, “What if I’m never normal again?”  
  
Splinter’s heart clenched painfully at these woeful and desperate questions.  He moved his hand to Donatello’s shoulder and firmly gripped it.  “You are far stronger than you realize, my son.  The fact that you survived tells me this.  I have no doubt that you will heal and neither should you.  As for being ‘normal’, if you are referring to how you were before your capture…I fear that is beyond your reach.”  He felt the turtle quiver beneath his hand but did not let it deter him.   “Too much has happened for you to ever be quite the same again.  You must strive to find your new normal instead of fighting so hard to seek out the old.”    
  
There was a long, excruciating pause before his son responded with a weak, “Hai, Sensei.”  
  
“You need rest.  Go and do something you enjoy.  I do not want to see you in the dojo for the rest of today.  Understood?”  
  
“Hai, Sensei,” Donnie repeated faintly as he watched his father turn to head back to the dojo.  Do something he enjoyed?  What exactly was that?  Everything he used to do for fun only seemed to frustrate him now.  He sighed quietly before rubbing at his eyes to drive away the moisture in them.  His attention flicked to the TV briefly and he ran through a mental listing of what was normally on at this time before shaking his head.  The evening news was the only thing running right now.  He was depressed enough without watching that.    
  
Donatello thought about reading a book, but he really wanted to do something.  He wanted to see progress unfolding before his eyes and to feel that wonderful sense of accomplishment that always made him feel so alive.  “Guess that only leaves a one thing,” he thought as he headed to his lab.  Once inside, he moved over to his workbench where he stared at the inventions that patiently waited for him to give them his attention.  He plucked one up and looked it over only to put it back in line.    
  
The process was repeated three more times with three different contraptions before he growled at himself.  He felt nothing.  No desire to work.  Not even a trace of motivation driving him to focus on any of the multitude of unfinished projects.  His eyes shifted to the small pile of broken electronics next to his inventions.  Even though he knew that he should leave them be so that Leo could have something to work on during their next tech lesson, Donnie pulled one of the devices over and began to fiddle with it.  It took a little longer than normal, but he still managed to get through the pile within an hour.  “Well, that’s that,” he sighed as set the final finished repair job with the rest.  He folded his arms on the table and rested his cheek against them while absentmindedly staring across the lab.    
  
His gaze settled on his pegboard tool rack.  At first glance everything seemed to be in its proper place but he ran his eyes over it more carefully anyways.  It couldn’t hurt.  He never knew when Leo would try his hand at fixing something on his own.  Though, when that did happen, a few volumes of his journals tended to be missing in action as well.  He snorted in a chastising manner.  Leo wasn’t the only one to blame for such disappearances.  Donnie had been so scatterbrained lately that missing tools and journals were more likely his own fault than anyone else’s.  As though to confirm that fact, he noticed that his box-end wrench was missing only to realize that it was sitting right next to him.    
  
Another small, annoyed growl slipped out as he snatched up the tool so he could put it away.  If only he could focus!  Maybe then he’d be able to do something worthwhile and finally get himself back on track.  After he’d put tool where it belonged, his eyes settled on a set of three tapered brushes.  Each one hung from its own peg and, to most people, looked totally out of place among the wrenches, screwdrivers, and ratchets that kept them company.  However, to Donatello, the goat and horse hair brushes were perfectly at home right where they were.  The proper way to dry calligraphy brushes was to hang them, after all.    
  
Donnie’s eyes lit up.  “Of course!” he thought as he plucked up the trio.  Why hadn’t he thought of this before?  Soothing, relaxing, focusing…calligraphy was EXACLTY what he needed right now!  He quickly went over to his computer desk and rifled through the drawers until he found the right kind of paper, his underlay, and the box that held the rest of his calligraphy kit.    
  
The Shellraiser was parked outside so he had plenty of room to work.  Once he found a spot that had a minimum of oil stains he began to set up.  He set the underlay out in front of him, rested a piece of paper on top of it, and used a weighted bar that he’d pulled from his kit to smooth the paper out before settling it at the top of the sheet.  Next to be removed from the kit was his brush rest, ink stone, and ink stick.  The three items, along with his brushes, were placed in the appropriate configuration to the right of his paper.  
  
He took a moment to double check that he had everything he needed.  Almost.  He returned to his kit to pull out a small, clean beaker.  His eyes briefly landed on the beaker’s ink stained twin and the bottle of readymade ink beside it.  It would be easier and he’d be able to get to work faster if he used them, but speed wasn’t the point today.  He got up so that he could fetch some water from the lab’s sink.  Once he returned, he knelt down before the paper, pulled his ink stone closer, and poured a small amount of water onto the raised part of the stone.  He then began the time-consuming yet calming process of grinding his ink stick into what he needed.

\----------------

Leonardo smirked when Michelangelo took advantage of an obvious opening in Raphael’s guard to deliver a blow to the larger turtle’s side.  Even though he was really enjoying watching Mikey irritate Raph, Leo found that he could only stay focused on the spar for a few moments at a time before his thoughts wandered.  He just couldn’t stop playing his own spar over and over again in his mind.  What had he missed?  Clearly, Splinter had seen SOMETHING in Donnie’s behavior that was cause for concern.  The only thing Leo had noticed that seemed a little off was the pause after he’d thrown his brother.  Donnie had definitely been breathing too hard for what they had done but Leo wasn’t sure what it meant.    
  
The blue clad turtle sighed heavily at the whole situation.  Splinter’s refusal to let Donnie go to the surface was devastating.  They were getting their shells waxed up there.  Unless they could get their hands on more information it was only going to get worse.  Leo didn’t want to admit it, but without Donnie to hack into the Kraang systems they screwed six ways to Sunday.    
  
A sharp yelp jerked Leo out of his thoughts.  He returned his attention to the spar in time to see Raph roughly twist one of Mikey’s arms behind his back before planting their little brother’s face into the mats.  “HEY!  Raph, that’s enough!” he barked irritably.  Raph looked at Leo and seemed to be considering ignoring him until Splinter calmly returned to the dojo.  Instead, the muscle-bound turtle gave his opponent a noogie before releasing him.  Mikey pulled himself off the floor so that he could rub his head and arm.  After he was sure everything was fine, he blew a raspberry at Raph.    
  
Fortunately, Splinter’s presence kept things from dissolving into a brawl.  “Yame,” he ordered and the four young ninjas lined up before him for inspection.  He walked over to his newest pupil to stand before her.  “Not everything you need to learn about being a kunoichi can be taught in the dojo, April.  I believe that you are ready for some of these more advanced training exercises.  Are you up to it?”  
  
April grinned.  “You bet I am!  I-I mean…Hai Sensei.”  
  
Splinter smiled at her enthusiasm.  “Then we leave early tomorrow morning, so do not stay up too late tonight.  We will be gone for a week but during that time we will need to remain mobile.  So, make sure you pack accordingly.”  
  
“Hai, Sensei,” she repeated with a bow.    
  
The ninja master looked to his sons.  “In our absence, you four will continue your training.  No slacking off.  Understood?”  
  
“Hai, Sensei!”    
  
“Good.  Now, I believe that is enough practice for today,” he said, dismissing them as he moved over to the shrine and began replacing the candles that burned there with fresh ones.  His students bowed respectfully to him before three of them filed out of the dojo.  “What troubles you, my son?” he asked his remaining student without turning to look at him.  
  
“Sensei,” Leo began as he moved to stand behind his father.  “Won’t you reconsider letting Donnie come with us?  Even if he’s rough around the edges, we could really use his help out there.”  
  
“I know you could.  However, your brother needs more time to find his way.  Until then, going into combat is too dangerous for him…and for you.”  Splinter turned around in time to see Leo look down with a discouraged sigh.  He closed the gap between them, causing Leo to lift his eyes from the floor.  “You must continue to be patient with him, Leonardo.  No matter how difficult that may be.”  
  
Leo swallowed hard before he inclined his head in a bow, “Hai sensei.”  The young ninja watched his master retreat into his room.  “It would be easier to do that if he would talk to us,” Leo thought in irritation.  “I just don’t understand what Donnie’s thinking!  We already know he went through hell while he was captured.  That much was obvious by how beat up he was!  So what, exactly, is he trying to hide from us?”    
  
He shook his head to drive away the exasperation he felt before turning to leave the dojo.  Such feelings wouldn’t do any good and he really didn’t want Donnie to pick up on them.  He didn’t need to make his little brother feel worse than he already did.  A small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth when he walked into the kitchen to find Raph, Mikey, and April waiting for him.  “So, what do we do now, Leo?” Mikey asked while he stirred dinner.  
  
“We’re still taking that place out, right?”  
  
“Right,” Leo answered Raph.  “The plan hasn’t changed.  We get in, find out what we can about what the Kraang are up to, and trash the place.  It would have been nice to have Donnie come with to hack their computers, but since that’s not happening we’ll make do.  Got it?”  Mikey and Raph nodded their agreement.  “We leave in forty minutes.”  
  
“Forty minutes AFTER we eat, right?” Mikey asked as he pulled some ramen noodles from the pot with a set of chopsticks.    
  
Leo rolled his eyes but smiled amusedly at his youngest brother.  “Yes, Mikey, after we eat.  Did you tell Donnie that supper was ready?”  
  
“I did, but he said he wasn’t hungry,” Mikey replied softly and with more than hint of worry.  
  
April comfortingly rubbed her hand against Mikey’s carapace.  “Just leave the pot on low for now.  I’ll make sure he eats while you’re out.”

\----------------

Donatello smiled approvingly at the two lines he’d just drawn.  “Perfect.  Just the right consistency.”  He pulled the paper out from the weight holding it steady so he could set it aside.  Once he’d gotten a clean sheet in place, he sat back on his heels, crossed his arms, and stared at it with a thoughtful expression.  “What shall I write?  ‘Jikishin Kore Dojo’?  Or maybe ‘Kouin Ya no gotoshi’?”  He shook his head.  “No.  Not really feeling any of the typical phrases.  Maybe…maybe I should focus solely on technique today?”  He snapped his fingers as he nodded.  “Yes.  This isn’t about making something.  It’s about centering myself and calming my mind.  The words don’t matter; only HOW they are done.”    
  
He closed his eyes for a brief moment before he picked up his medium sized brush, dipped it into the freshly made ink, and began to work.  “Relax and let your mind write what it wants.  Focus only on your strokes and maintaining your form.”  He could feel the tension leaving him as the characters began their slow march down his paper.  It helped his smile gain more strength.  “That’s it.  The kanji before don’t matter.  Neither do the ones to come.  Only the one you’re making right now deserved your attention.”  
  
As Donnie worked on the last character, a sense of anticipation began to build within him.  He wanted to see what he’d created, to see how well he’d formed each kanji, to read what he’d given his mind the liberty to say.  The excitement made him want to rush through the last character, but he pushed it down.  If even one line was sloppy the whole piece would be ruined.  Once he finished the last methodical stroke, he deliberately ignored the piece to set his brush down.  Then he closed his eyes as he sat back on his heels again, forcing himself to be patient.  
  
It was only after waiting a good five minutes that he allowed his eyes to slide open so that he could gaze upon his creation.  His eye ridges furrowed.  It took a few moments for the meaning of what he’d written to sink in, but once it had he gasped as though someone had just poured ice water over his shell.  His satisfied smile was wiped clean from his face and his hands tremblingly went to rest on either side of his paper.  “No,” he breathed, tears beginning to burn in his eyes.    
  
Outrage soon overwhelmed despair.  “NO!”  He snatched up the results of his hard work, viciously ripped it in half, and crumpled the two halves into a ball before chucking it at the trash can near his workbench.  It bounced off the rim as though to mock him and came to rest a few feet away from the can.  He squeezed his eyes shut to stubbornly hold the turmoil inside him at bay along with his tears as his hands fisted against his thighs.  It wasn’t true.  It COULDN’T be true!  
  
The telltale ding-dong of the Shellraiser’s door pulled his attention to the tunnel beyond his lab’s garage door.  The sound announced that his brothers’ were about to leave the lair.  His face and eyes hardened with grim resolve.  “I’m sorry, Sensei.  But you don’t understand.  I have to DO something.” He marched over to the garage door and shoved it up in time to see the Shellraiser roll down the tracks.  “I know you think I’m not ready, but I’m stronger now than I’ve ever been.  Surely that can compensate for what I’m lacking!”  Donnie bolted after the repurposed subway car.  If he hauled shell, he could catch it before it got up to speed. He had only just managed to get alongside it when the vehicle started to pull away.  With a shout he made a desperate leap at the Shellraiser.  He landed on its roof with a loud thump.  
  
Mikey and Raph both looked at the ceiling at the unexpected sound.  Raph was just about to dismiss the noise as a brick finally loosening enough to fall when movement on his roof monitor caught his attention.  “What the!?” he squawked.    
  
“What?  What is it?”  
  
Raph didn’t answer Mikey.  Instead, he went over to the roof hatch and popped it open.  “What the heck do you think you’re doing?” he shouted up it.  
  
Donnie dropped into the Shellraiser.  “Coming with you.”  
  
The moment Leo heard Donnie’s voice he hit the brakes.  After the Shellraiser came to a slow, screeching halt, he surged out of his seat.  “What are you doing here?!  Splinter said that-“  
  
“I know what Splinter said,” Donnie interrupted before Leo could go on a rant.  “But I can’t keep sitting in the lair, waiting to get better.” Leo continued to look unyielding.  “Come on, Leo.  It’s just a recon mission.”  
  
“The mission we lost you on was ‘just a recon mission’ too.  Remember?” Raph pointed out gruffly.  
  
“Trust me, Raph.  I couldn’t forget if I tried.”  Raph winced at Donnie’s subdued tone and the hurt in his eyes.  The stout turtle shifted uncomfortably before he looked at Leo, hoping that the eldest of the group would be able to stay strong against those eyes.  
  
“Splinter says it’s too risky for you to come with us.”  
  
“I know…” Donnie said, continuing his quiet tone for a moment.  Then he stepped closer to Leo while narrowing his eyes.  “…but I saw how you looked when Sensei said that I couldn’t go top side.  You guys are running blind out there, aren’t you?” Donnie countered as his voice became stern.  A hard swallow from Leo along with the uneasy look Mikey and Raph exchanged was the only answer he needed.  “You need information.  And for that you need me.”  His eldest brother turned his head away.  “Please, Leo…let me try?”  
  
Leo sighed as he closed his eyes to mentally kick himself.  One facial slip and Donnie had picked up on the very thing Leo didn’t want him knowing.  His little brother didn’t need to know just how bad things were getting.  That kind of pressure was the last thing his recovery needed!     
  
But maybe…just maybe…a mission was exactly what it did need.  Ever since his capture and torture at the hands of Nightmare and the Kraang, the purple clad turtle’s self-confidence had been shattered.  It was obvious in nearly everything Donnie did, from his inability to focus on his work to his timid body posture.  Perhaps going on this mission would help Donnie rebuild that lost confidence…and from there give him what he needed to overcome what had happened to him.  Besides, a nagging little voice in the back of Leo’s mind warned him that sending Donnie home without even letting him try had the potential to do far more damage than letting him come.    
  
He returned his blue eyes to Donnie’s brown ones and the two of them stared unwaveringly at each other for several minutes.  In the end, Leo was the one to lower his eyes.  This was probably the most determined he’d seen Donnie in what felt like forever and he wasn’t about to be the one to quash that.  “Alright, Donnie.”  His little brother seemed startled that Leo had actually caved in before an elated smile spread on his face.  “But this mission is now infiltration only.  We get in, find a computer for Donnie to access, and get out.  No confrontation if it can be helped.”  
  
“AWWW!"  
  
“Sorry, Raph.  Crushing Kraang will have to wait for next time,” Leo apologized even as he smirked at his aggressive brother’s disappointment.  
  
“YEAH!” Mikey crowed joyously as he offered Donnie a fist bump on his way to his station.  “B team is back in action, baby!”    
  
“Mikey!” Donnie fussed, making Leo and Raph snicker.  He hated how Mikey so casually used that demeaning nickname of Raph’s.  Even AFTER Raph had changed it to the ‘A- team’.  However, one look at his little brother’s bright face made him sighed in resignation.  What did it matter anyway?  He returned the cheerful smile with a mild one as he tapped his fist to Mikey’s.

\----------------

The four ninjas silently observed their target from the rooftop of another building.  Everything about the warehouse was unassuming enough.  Just like the others around it, it seemed to be an unremarkable derelict.  Only the cutting-edge security panels that sat at every entrance gave hint to its darker purpose.    
  
Leonardo had chosen to leave the Shellraiser in the subway about a block from where they were.  He didn’t want its presence to give them away.  Donatello understood his brother’s concern.  As proud as Donnie was of the Shellraiser there were times, especially in recent months, where he wished he’d made it a little less…conspicuous.  His thoughts had just started drifting to trying to figure out how he could correct for that when he was startled out of them by Leo.    
  
“Let’s go!” the eldest of the four ordered.  His brothers followed his lead as he leapt from rooftop to rooftop until they reached their target.  Leo wasted no time once he landed.  He immediately went over to the door and pulled out a few small tools so he could get to work on the security panel.  
  
“Hold up, Leo,” Donnie called, making Leo looked over his shoulder.  The purple clad turtle reached into his belt and presented a small device that brought a smile of recognition to Leo’s face.  He moved to the side to let Donnie have access to the panel.  Leo watched as the tech savvy turtle seated his digital lock-pick into the card reader.  In mere seconds, the panel chimed pleasantly and released its hold on the door.  
  
Leo shook his head.  “We could’ve had you out in hours instead of weeks if we’d had that thing.”  
  
Regret colored Leo’s voice so completely that Donnie had to swallow down a lump that tried to build in his throat.  “Do you want me to make another one?” he quietly asked as Leo pushed open the door.    
  
Leo instantly snapped his attention back to Donnie.  “You can do that?”  
  
Donnie shrugged sheepishly at the surprise on his brother’s face.  “None of the parts are particularly hard to get.  And with the schematic, it shouldn’t be that difficult to duplicate.  Come to think of it, there really is no logical reason for me to have the only one.”  He lowered his eyes and made a bitter snort.  “I should have realized that ages ago,” he continued softly as he followed the others into the warehouse.    
  
A hand lightly touched Donnie’s shoulder and his eyes lifted to meet Mikey’s.  “Don’t beat yourself up about it, bro.  After all, foresight is twenty-twenty!”  
  
Donnie blinked a couple times before making a soft chuckle.  “That’s hindsight, Mikey.  ‘Hindsight is twenty-twenty.’”    
  
“Pipe down, you two!” Raph chastised from just a little ahead of them.  “Kraang approaching at two o’clock.”  Donnie and Mikey immediately fell quiet and vanished with their older brothers.   Two Kraang droids came marching around the corner a minute later.  They were completely unaware that the shadows along their patrol path had eyes until it was too late.  The four turtle ninjas descended upon them before they even had the chance to get off a single shot.  Once the droids were destroyed and their Kraang occupants were unconscious, Raph tugged Donnie in front of him.  “I want you where I can see you,” he hissed out at his brother’s puzzled look.  There was no way he was going to risk losing Donnie to these disgusting brain blobs again.    
  
Donnie’s eye ridges forked down sharply.  “I can take care of myself.”  
  
Raph growled, returning Donnie’s exasperation in kind.  “I’m not saying you can’t!  I just want to make sure that you’ll be fine.”  His brother opened his mouth to protest further, but Raph headed him off, “Dang it, Donnie.  Just…just give me this!”  The taller turtle continued to look sour.    
  
“Whoa!  Check this out!”  Mikey’s awestruck call squelched his older brothers’ bickering.  The two of them glared at each other for a moment before each stowed their tempers so they could catch up to Leo and Mikey.  They found their brothers perched at the edge of a catwalk.  The other two turtles were peering down at an automated assembly line that was busily constructing robots.  “Look at all the Kraang droids!”  
  
“There’s gotta be dozens of them,” Raph said.  
  
“Those aren’t Kraang droids.”  The others looked at Donnie at his whispered assertion.  “There’s no place to house a Kraang.”  
  
Leo’s eyes widened as a disconcerting thought ran through his mind.  “You don’t think they’re making more of Miss Rocket Arms, do you?”  
  
“Hey, no fair!  I’m in charge of naming stuff!”  
  
Donnie shook his head, ignoring Mikey’s fussing to answer.  “The configuration is wrong for that model too.  In order to accommodate the rocket launchers, they would need solidly built tube-like upper arms.  The upper arms on these are skeletal.”  
  
“Then these are…”  
  
“…An entirely new model of robot,” Donnie finished for his eldest brother.  
  
“Peachy,” Raph said drily.    
  
“It looks like the finishing touches are put on in that tunnel down there.  Let’s go see what comes out the other side.  It will give us a better idea of what we have to look forward to,” Leo suggested.  Once his brothers nodded in agreement, he vaulted over the catwalk’s railing.  He and the others landed almost soundlessly beside the conveyor belt and broke into a swift run as soon as their feet touch the floor.  They hurried around the corner only to come to a skidding halt.  “FOOT NINJAS!”  Their weapons practically flew into their hands as they all assumed defensive postures.    
  
But nothing happened.  Not one of the enemy ninjas took advantage of their unpreparedness to attack.  Leo dared a glance back at his brothers to see the same confusion that had to be on his face on theirs.  He carefully crept closer to one of the ninjas and tapped the side of its head with the flat of one of his swords.  No reaction what-so-ever.  “What is going on here?”  
  
“Leo!”  The blue clad turtle whirled around at Donnie’s yelp.  His eyes widened when he saw more Foot ninjas leaving the tunnel via the conveyor belt to be picked up by an automated claw and set in a neat row with the others.  “They aren’t Foot ninjas at all.”  The taller turtle walked up the one Leo had poked and pulled off the black mask to revel a metallic face similar to those of the Kraang droids.  “They’re Foot BOTS!”  
  
“Helloooo!  Dr. Naminstien here!”  
  
“Robotic ninjas?”  Raphael sneered after rolling his eyes at Michelangelo’s continued protests.  “You’ve got to be kidding me.  Do they really think that these tin cans will be a problem for us?”  
  
“You don’t get it, Raph,” Donatello replied fretfully.  “Even if these guys are programed with the most rudimentary of ninja skills and techniques, they’ll be faster and stronger than any human could possibly be.  And knowing the Kraang, I doubt that the minimum is all they will have.  Not to mention they can be built and immediately put into action.  No training required.”  
  
“So much for the Shredder’s recruitment woes,” Leonardo growled.  “At this rate, he won’t need to have soldiers more skilled than us.  He’ll be able to overwhelm us with sheer numbers.”  Mikey made a soft whine while he looked around the room as it rapidly filled with wall-to-wall Foot bots.   His little brother’s worry sound made Leo bare his teeth determinedly.  “Getting information will have to wait.  We’ve got to take this place out before these things go on-line.”  
  
“Hey, you know I’m all for it.  But exactly how are we going to do that?  I kinda left my explosives in my other shell,” Raph said drily.  
  
“Any ideas, Donnie?”  
  
Leo watched the genius turtle rub his forefinger under his chin thoughtfully.  “If I can access their programming, I should be able to trigger an overload or maybe even a self-destruct protocol.  Whichever happens, once enough of them go up, so will this whole place.”  
  
“Great!  Do it!”  
  
Donnie nodded, ran to the nearest computer console, and immediately began trying to hack into the system.  As he worked, a concern ran through his mind.  What if the bots’ programming couldn’t be accessed remotely?  His hands hovered over the keyboard.  If that was the case, the computer would do nothing.  “Why would a race as advanced as the Kraang waste time programing every robot individually?” he argued with himself, trying to force the uncertainty out of his mind.  “It’s stupid!  The computer has to be the answer!”    
  
Once he’d gotten over his little mental hiccup, it was remarkably easy to find the remote access point.  A delighted smile spread onto his face at his luck and without any hesitation he opened the program.  That smile vanished instantly when instead of loading the bots’ code, the machine gave him a sixty second countdown.  “Oh crud.”    
  
“What?” Leo asked in alarm.    
  
“I triggered a security protocol.  If I don’t key in the right sequence before the end of the countdown, it will sound the alarm.”    
  
“Well, what are you waiting for?!  Key in the code!” Raph demanded.    
  
“I’ve only seen this set-up a couple of times before!  It was pure luck that I got the code last time.  There is no way I can be sure that the same code will work here!” Donnie snapped.  “And…e-e-even if it is the same code, I’m not sure I remember it all.”  He squeezed his eyes shut in humiliated frustration as he wracked his brain.  Oh, why hadn’t he questioned how easy it was to get in?  It was NEVER that easy to access a Kraang computer!  The seconds ticked by and Donnie felt a weight settling deeper into his chest with every one.  In a panic to do something, he quickly typed in what he could remember of the code from last time and hoped that his subconscious would fill-in the rest.  Once the last button was keyed, the countdown thankfully stopped.  All four of the young ninjas heaved a sigh.  
  
The room began to fill with the sounds of machines whirring to life.  Donnie’s breath caught in his throat as he slowly turned from the workstation to look behind him.  His brothers followed his dread-filled gaze.  Glowing red eyes casted eerie shadows all over as the head of every Foot bot in the room snapped towards them.  Mikey summed up everyone’s thoughts just before all hell broke loose.  “Aw, sewer apples.”  
  
Three of the four turtles drew their weapons to meet the onslaught.  Instead of joining his brothers in the fight, Donnie whirled back to the computer.  He could fix this!  If he could just get into the bots’ coding, he could fix this.  He slammed his fist against the computer when he realized that he’d been locked out of the program.  The black surface that was the workstation’s keypad turned into a shimmering purple-pink light show as he desperately searched for another way in.  He yelped when he was shoved into the machine by something hitting his carapace.  A quick glance over his shoulder confirmed that at least two of the bots had broken through his brothers’ line and gotten to him.  He pushed away from the computer and tried to put some distance between him and the bots so he could use his bo staff.    
  
Donnie smacked one in the chin with an upward strike, then swung the other end of his bo up and over in an downward strike to the top of the bot’s head that sent it straight to the floor.  He pivoted around just in time to defend against the second one.  This bot was as easy to handle as the first, but by the time he was done with it, the first one had returned to its feet.  He did a quick side-to-side strike before fluidly moving into the upward-downward strike combo he’d used before.  This time the bot avoided the upward strike before grabbing his bo, snatching it out of his grasp, and using it to catch him in the side.  The impact slammed him into a wall.  Donnie struggled up with a groan only to squawk and duck his head into his shell as the bot threw his own weapon at him like a javelin.  “By Darwin’s beard, they’re adaptive!”  
  
“Yeah!” Mikey agreed as he just barely managed to snag the business end of a sickle with his nunchuck and redirect it away from his throat.  “And their learning our moves too!”  
  
Leo made a quick assessment of their situation as he strained against the three bots he was fighting.  For every one of them there were twenty of these blasted Foot bots.  The conveyor belt spewed out more of them every few seconds.  As soon as the new bots came within range of the computer, they activated to join the battle.  Plus it was only a matter of time before the Kraang heard the commotion and showed up, guns blazing.  Their simple recon mission had gone straight down the tubes.  “EVERYONE, FALL BACK!”  
  
“WAIT!” Donnie shouted after he used his naginata blade to stab the bot he was fighting right between the eyes.  He planted a foot against the bot’s chest, kicked the sparking pile of scrap metal off his blade, and raced back to the computer.  “I CAN FIX THIS!  JUST GIVE ME TIME!”    
  
“Time is something we don’t have!” Raph returned while he chucked the body of the bot he’d just beaten into the ones Leo was fighting.  Leo took the opportunity to relieve those bots of their heads.  Their eyes met briefly before Raph flicked his gaze to Donnie then back to Leo questioningly.  Leo risked his own glance at their little brother.  He swallowed hard and nodded once.  The red clad turtle returned the nod before he quickly made his way over to Donnie so he could give the other turtle the protection he needed to do his thing.  
  
“This isn’t getting me anywhere,” Donne thought angrily.  The workstation had completely locked him out now.  He was going to have to circumvent the security system by rewiring the computer.  Donnie dropped to his knees in front of the machine, used a kunai to rip its front panel off, and disconnected several wires from within the machine.  “Maybe I can use my T-phone to override the lockout.”  His hand went to his belt where he got the sickening reminder that he hadn’t made himself a new one yet.  “Raph!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Give me your T-phone!”  
  
“What?!”  
  
“Don’t ‘what’ me!  Just do it!”  Raph grumbled something unintelligible before he kicked away the bot he was fighting so he could chuck the requested item to Donnie.  The purple clad turtle snatched the phone out of the air and began hooking it up to the Kraang computer.  “OK, this wire here.  And that wire there,” Donnie muttered to himself.  “…or should it be that wire here and this wire there?  Or even, these wires here and those wires there?”  Donnie could feel panic starting to choke off his breath as he stared at the tangled mess in front of him.  This was his element!  He should know this!  WHY COULDN’T HE FIGURE THIS OUT!?  
  
Raph growled irritably while he watched his brother’s actions grind to a frazzled standstill. He was just about to snap out something when he spotted a couple of Kraang droids on the catwalk high above them.  They were leveling their blasters at Donnie.  A gasp escaped Raph and his eyes widen before he charged straight at his little brother.  He got to the taller turtle in time to shove him out of the way.  The blast hit the open computer panel instead.  “No,” Donnie cried out in dismay as sparks showered forth from it, bathing the two ninjas in bits of fire.    
  
“Come on, Donnie!  We’ve gotta get out of here!” Raph insisted as he pulled Donnie to his feet and dragged the other turtle behind him.    
  
Something compelled Donnie to look back and when he did he gasped at the sight of the panel becoming less like a spark fountain and more like a super nova.  “HIT THE DECK!” he shouted to his brothers as he plowed himself into Raph, sending them both to the floor.  Mikey and Leo barely had enough time to do the same before the workstation exploded with enough force to send everything that was still upright flying.    
  
Mikey shoved a Foot bot off of his shell and got back to his feet with a cough.  A roaring fire stood where the computer had once been.  “LEO!  DONNIE!  RAPH!  WHERE ARE YOU!?”  His brothers’ silence lasted long enough to make the youngest of the four worried.  He was about rummage through the downed Foot bots when the other three turtles popped out of the clutter.  “Don’t do that to me, bros!” he scolded as he ran over to Leo and helped the blue clad turtle to his feet so he could hug him.    
  
“Well, I suppose that’s one way to take them out,” Raph grumbled as he brushed off Donnie’s attempt to help him to his feet.  The taller turtle had enough time to look hurt at the rebuff before he yelped in pain and gripped his arm as something sliced into him on its way by.  Raph looked behind them to find that a shuriken had embedded itself in the wall.  He noticed Donnie staring at where the shuriken had to come from and followed his brother’s gaze.  His eyes widened when he spotted the Foot bot culprit.  A red glow began to surround them as the still intact Foot bots started to reset and rise to fight again.  “Or…not.”  
  
“OK.  That’s it.  We’re outta here!” Leo announced as he pushed Mikey into making a run for it.  They had no chance of winning this fight now and there was no way he was going to risk losing any of his brothers to a hopeless cause.  “LET’S GO!”  
  
Raph was all set to follow after his eldest and youngest brothers’ until he glanced at his fellow middle brother.  Donnie gripped at his injury and stood stock still as he watched the regrouping line of Foot bots.  His breathing was ragged and Raph immediately recognized the vacant, terrified stare that had taken over his brother’s eyes.  The short turtle roughly grabbed at tall one’s injured arm.   Donnie screeched in pain before looking at Raph in frightened confusion.  “Stay with us, Donnie!” Raph barked at him while giving him an insistent shake.  Donnie squeezed his eyes shut to try and drive away the haze that had started clouding his mind before he nodded at Raph.  “Come on!  Let’s get the heck outta here!”

\----------------

April’s eyes were filled with consternation she as stepped out of Donnie’s room.  He wasn’t there either.  She’d been looking for him ever since she’d gone to try and convince him to eat supper.  When she discovered that he wasn’t in his lab, she’d thought that he’d stubbornly gone to obstacle course.  It was only after checking there and dojo and coming up empty handed with both that she started getting worried.  Now that she’d nearly torn apart the entire lair twice, she was positively rattled.    
  
She was just about to extend her search to the surrounding sewers when she heard the Shellraiser rumble to a stop outside.  April took the turnstile stairs two at a time as she raced to meet her friends.  The words tumbled from her mouth the moment the vehicle’s door opened.  “Thank goodness you guys came back early!  I can’t find Donnie any-” she paused mid-word when Donatello followed his brothers out of the Shellraiser.  
  
Leonardo winced.  “Sorry about that, April.  I should have called you,” he said sheepishly.  
  
“Yes, you should have,” she flat out told him, making him wince again.  “But I’ll save being angry for later.  I’m just glad that Donnie was with you.”  It was then that she noticed the cloth Donnie was pressing to his arm and that a line of red was making a slow, steady spread over it.  “What happened?!”  She rushed to Donnie’s side so she could see how badly he was hurt.  
  
“Indeed,” a severe voice came from the turnstiles, making all four turtles flinch.  The young ninjas turned towards the stern face of their sensei as he scowled at them.  “Tell us what has happened.”

\----------------

“…once we’d gotten out of the warehouse, we used smoke bombs to conceal our escape and made a break for the Shellraiser,” Leo finished as he and his brothers knelt on the dojo floor before Splinter.  April knelt beside Donnie where she was treating his wound.  
  
“I see.  As relieved as I am that you got home safely, I am still highly disappointed in you all.  I told you that Donatello was not ready to go to the surface and yet you chose to ignore me.”  
  
“I didn’t see the harm in letting Donnie come, Sensei,” Leo protested weakly.  “It was just supposed to be a recon mission.  I wanted it to be infiltration only to make it as safe as possible.  I just didn’t foresee-”  
  
“I would have thought that Donatello’s capture would have made it abundantly clear how quickly even the simplest of missions can become deadly.”  Leo looked taken aback at their father’s harshness before he hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut in shame.  Splinter closed his own eyes as he took in a cleansing breath so he could continue more calmly, “I believe I understand what you were trying to accomplish, Leonardo.  Unfortunately, it is too soon for that.  I hope you now understand why.”  
  
“Hai, sensei.”  
  
“You, Michelangelo, and Raphael are dismissed.”  The three turtles bowed lowly before they retreated in silence.  “April.”  The redhead looked up from her work.  “If you are finished with your ministrations, I would speak with Donatello alone.”    
  
She was surprised at the request before she worriedly glanced at Donnie.  She hoped that he wouldn’t get the same dressing down that Leo received.  “Hai, Sensei.  I just finished,” she told the ninja master while tying her friend’s bandage in place.  “Don’t worry about the others, Donnie.  I’ll take care of them.”  
  
“Thank you, April.” Donnie said quietly without lifting his head to look at her.  She rested her hand on Donnie’s shoulder and squeezed it soothingly before getting up to leave.  
  
“Remember not to stay up too late.  Our training trip still starts first thing tomorrow morning.”  
  
“Hai, Sensei.”  
  
Once April had left, father and son sat in silence for several long minutes until Splinter broke it.  “I warned you of the dangers of going on missions before you were fully healed.”  
  
“Hai, Sensei.”  
  
“I also told you to be patient with yourself.”  The turtle repeated his feeble response.  “Then why, Donatello?  If you understand what I have told you, why did you insist on going?”  
  
Splinter saw a fine tremor run through Donatello before the turtle finally lifted his head to meet his gaze.  He could see the storm brewing in his son’s eyes and he braced himself against it.  “Because I’m tired of watching my brothers come home with more scars than they left with!” Donatello whimpered.  The imploring tone in his son’s voice was not what Splinter had expected and it made his heart hurt.  He watched Donnie squeeze his eyes shut to push back any moisture that wanted to build there.  “I only…I needed to do something to help.”  
  
The ninja master sighed quietly before he knelt down in front of his student.  “I understand that desire to help your brothers,” he tried to reassure his son.  “However, such recklessness will not do that.”  
  
Donnie hung his head.  “I was so convinced that everything would go back to how it’s supposed to be if I could go on missions again.  Now…I don’t know what to do.”    
  
Splinter looked thoughtful for a moment.  “I believe that concentrating on your training was a step in the right direction, but you did not take it far enough.  Reestablish your routine.  It will help to bring back your sense of control.  Once you have a better grasp on that, I believe things will become easier.”    
  
“But, Sensei, I feel like I’m just going through the motions,” Donnie murmured weakly.     
  
“Sometimes merely going through a routine is enough to regain some stability.”  Splinter gently placed his hand behind his son’s head.  “The road to recovery is never an easy one.  Allow yourself the time you need to heal.  Pay attention to your progress, not only your set-backs and be patient with yourself when set-backs do occur.   But, most important of all, never forget that you are not alone.  Your brothers, April, and I - we are all here and willing to help with your burden…as much or as little as you want us to.”  
  
Donnie sniffled before he quietly admitted, “Mikey said something similar to that last one about a week ago.”  
  
The mutant rat made a soft chuckle.  “Michelangelo’s wisdom rarely shows itself, but when it does, it is compelling,” Splinter said with a smile.  Donnie briefly managed to return the smile before returning his gaze to the floor.  Splinter gently pulled his son closer so that he could rest the side of his muzzle against the young ninja’s temple.  “Do not give up hope, my son.”  After he felt his son swallow then nod quietly, he soothingly caressed his son’s head before getting back to his feet.  “It is getting late.  Perhaps you should go to bed.  Put this evening behind you and start tomorrow with a fresh perspective.”  
  
“Hai, Sensei.”  
  
“Oyasumi.”  
  
“Goodnight, Sensei,” Donnie returned weakly.  Even after his father disappeared into his room, Donnie continued to kneel where he was.  Sensei still didn’t understand.  It wasn’t that Donnie simply wanted to help his brothers…he NEEDED to help them.  Everything was falling apart around him and he couldn’t take sitting around and watching it happen while hoping that one day he’d be able to do something about it.    
  
He lifted his eyes to the ceiling with an exhausted sigh.  What Splinter said did make some sense.  Getting back into his old routine, no matter how unmotivated he was to do it, might help.  It might even manage to dredge his inspiration out from wherever it was hiding.  And with it he could do something worthwhile to help his brothers without going on missions.  He nodded to himself quietly.  It was worth a try.    
  
Donnie got to his feet and headed for the dojo’s exit with intention of finding his brothers so he could apologize for screwing up so badly.  He got to the threshold in time to see April walk past on her way to her room.  A pang of guilt touched him.  Leo wasn’t the only one that owed her an apology for making her worry.  He started to call out to her, but stopped himself.  Splinter had mentioned that she had an early morning tomorrow.  He didn’t want to hurt her chances in whatever exercises Splinter was planning by keeping her up too late.  His apology could wait for now.    
  
Instead, he headed to where she’d just come from.  April had said that she would tend to his brothers’ injuries for him.  Since she had just left the kitchen, he felt it was a fair to assume that was where she’d patched them up.  It was possible that his brothers were still there.  Their voices coming from beyond the entrance confirmed his suspicions.  “Well, that mission was a complete waste of time,” Raph growled bitterly.  Donnie stopped his approach to wince and hang his head miserably.  He faltered for only a moment before he settled himself just outside the doorway.  
  
“I know, Raph.  Calm down,” Leo answered evenly before he sighed in frustrated disappointment.  “I was hoping that if he had a chance to get back in the game, then maybe…maybe he’d be able to overcome whatever is wrong with him.”  Another, more dejected sigh.  “I should have listened to Splinter.  It’s just too dangerous to bring him with us.”  
  
“Well, you’d be pretty rusty too if you’d been out of it for a couple months,” Mikey defended, bringing a small, thankful smile to Donnie’s face.  “I don’t like saying it, but I really think Sensei’s wrong on this one.”    
  
“What do you mean?” Leo asked.  
  
“You know how Donnie is.  He’s always busy doing stuff, but lately, he been so upset that he hasn’t been doing anything at all!  He needs to be doing something if he’s gonna get better.”  Mikey paused at though to let what he said sink in.  “I think we should keep bringing him with us.”    
  
Raph snorted loudly.  “Why?  So he can unlock doors?”  
  
“DUDE!” Mikey cried out with a mixture of hurt and anger.  “That is beyond not cool!”  
  
“Face it, Mikey, it’s all he's good for right now!” Raph snapped.  “Until Donnie gets his head on straight, it’s useless to take him anywhere!”    
  
Donnie looked shocked before his shoulders slumped and his entire demeanor filled with anguish.  Tears stung at his eyes as his hands clenched into fists tight enough to dig his fingernails into his palms.  He squeezed his eyes shut then turned away to retreat into his lab.  Once the doors clanged closed behind him, he trudged over to his workbench.  He collapsed into his chair and folded his arms on the bench top so that he could hide his face in them.  A shudder ran through him, but he stubbornly refused to break down.    
  
Why did Raph always know just how to set him off?  He sucked in a shaky breath as he forced himself to sit back up.  He needed to get his mind on something else.  When his eyes settled on his project pile, he decided that resuming his old routine didn’t need to wait until morning.  Staying up late was part of that routine, anyway.  So Donnie grabbed one of the many, many inventions that waited for him.  He gave it a cursory glance to remind himself of what he intended it to be before he tried to get down to business.     
  
As he worked, his mind drifted back to the fiasco that barely passed for a mission.  The more he thought about it, the faster his misery twisted into anger.  “I can do more than open doors,” he grumbled irritably.  “It’s not my fault that the Kraang are getting better at encrypting their computers.  And what does Raph know anyway!?  It’s not like he would EVER have clue one of how to work a Kraang computer terminal!  He’d probably set off an alarm just by looking at it cross-eyed!  And…and…and what’s that smell?”  He refocused his attention on the device he was working on in time to watch it spark, igniting a brilliant fireball.  He let out a shrill squawk and fell backwards in his chair, just managing to keep his head from catching fire.    
  
He stared at the mini inferno that had engulfed his contraption before he snapped out of it and rushed over to where he kept a fire extinguisher.  Thanks to a blast of oxygen-depriving cloud, the fire died as quickly as it flared up.  Donnie carefully approached the bench again with the extinguisher still in hand in case the fire wasn’t as gone as it seemed.  He sighed in relief when it was clear that it was safe.  Then he put away the fire extinguisher so that he could inspect the damage.  Relief swiftly faded into irritation and, like a fire feeding on fuel, it fed on his frustrations until it became fury.  He snatched up the burnt casing of his invention and hurled it at the nearest wall with an enraged roar, “USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!”  
  
Instead of the satisfying clatter of metal connecting with brick, his ears met the sound of metal clashing against glass.  He looked and his stomach dropped as realized that he’d inadvertently chucked the device at Timothy’s jar.  The transparent mutant gaped at him in obvious alarm.  Donnie gasped and rushed over to his friend.  He searchingly ran his hands over the mutagen containment barrel, desperate to make sure that the glass hadn’t been cracked and that he hadn’t hurt the other mutant.  A heavy sigh passed his lips once he was certain that the barrel had managed to remain intact.  “Sorry about that, Timothy,” he said softly.    
  
“Donnie…mad,” Timothy stated in the crackling voice of the translator, making Donnie huff bitterly.  “Mad at me?”  
  
Donnie stared at Timothy in disbelief before he quickly shook his head.  “No!  No, I’m not mad at you!” he reassured his friend, resting his hands on the barrier between them.  Timothy licked soothingly at Donnie’s hands from his side of the glass.  The action coaxed another soft, more amused sounding huff from the turtle.  Donnie’s eyes drifted to where his impromptu projectile had come to rest.  Somehow it was still mostly in one piece.  It was sturdier than he’d expected.  “I’m mad at this,” he clarified as he scooped up the device.    
  
Now that his temper had cooled, Donnie gave the device a more thorough look over to see if he could find the cause of the malfunction.  It didn’t take him long to figure out what happened.  Once he had, he trembled as he sank to his knees.  Timothy’s eyes moved to the bottom of his jar so that he could fretfully watch Donatello as he sat there shaking.  Three months of scrounging in dumpsters and junkyards for components; of planning, tinkering, and fine-tuning…undone in two seconds by one set of carelessly crossed wires.  “Who am I trying to fool?”  The tears built in Donnie’s eyes until they tumbled out.  “The only ‘useless piece of shit’ around here...”  He caught sight of his reflection in the mutagen barrel’s metal supports before he screwed his eyes shut and turned away.  “…is me.”


	17. Chapter 16

* * *

Chapter 16

 

_A low growl echoed through the lair, making Donatello fall silent while he blinked in confusion.  He looked at each of his brothers to find them looking at him with the same confusion.  What in the world was that?  It sounded like it was right on top of him.  When it happened again, everyone’s eyes went straight to the source.  Lewis turned a brilliant shade of red, put both hands on his plastron, and swiveled his ears sideways before he whispered, “Excuse me.”  
  
Kaiya rolled her eyes with a sigh meanwhile Hikaru half-lidded hers at their little brother.  “Way to ruin the mood,” she drily told him.  Somehow the boy’s blush turned an even darker shade and he drew into his shell some.  
  
Donnie made a soft chuckle and ran his fingers through his son’s mane in an effort to calm him.  “It’s OK, buddy.  That mood needed to be ruined.  It was getting way too heavy.”  He winced as the dull ache that had been building just behind his eyes spiked into something more.  His eyes squeezed shut while he lifted a hand to massage between them.  “At least it was for me.”  He didn’t have to see his children to know that they were looking at him worriedly.    
  
“You gonna be OK, bro?” Mikey asked, his eye ridges creasing together in concern while he pulled himself into a kneeling position in front of Donnie.  
  
“Yeah.  I’ll…I’ll be alright.”  Donnie sniffed once as he rubbed at his eyes with the back of his thumb.  Mikey frowned and reached out to try to wipe at a tear trail that had found its way down Donnie’s face, but Donnie gently caught his hand.  The youngest of the four swallowed hard at the familiar, sorrowful eyes that tarnished his older brother’s reassuring smile.  “I’ll be fine.  I promise.  Just give me a minute.”    
  
“Perhaps we should take a short break?” Leo suggested after clearing his throat.  
  
“I think that’s a good idea,” Donnie agreed as he pulled out his T-phone.  His eyes ridges rose the moment he saw its screen.  “No wonder your tummy’s rumbling, little man.  It’s lunch time.”  It was then that his eyes widened in alarm.  “Oh crud.  Afternoon practice!  Sensei, I am so sorry.  I hadn’t realize-”  
  
Splinter lifted a hand, silencing Donatello, and shook his head.  “Do not concern yourself with training, my son.  I suspected that this would happen when Leonardo informed me of your intentions.”  
  
“But-”  
  
“This is more important than training.  So, take the time you need to do it.”  
  
Donnie felt a lump building in his throat, forcing him to swallow so that his voice could work again, “Hai, Sensei.  Thank you.”  Splinter inclined his head with a serene smile.  Donnie returned the smile before running a comforting hand over each of his children’s heads and hauling himself to his feet.  “I guess I’ll get to work on lunch.  The sooner we eat, the sooner we get back to it.”  
  
Mikey stood up with Donnie, “I’ll make lunch, dude!”  
  
“But…it’s my turn.”  
  
“I know, but I got it.  No worries,” Mikey assured while tucking his thumbs into his belt and flashing that charming grin of his.  
  
Donnie contemplated Mikey for a moment before he folded his arms across his plastron.  “Weren’t you the one that fed the trips last night?”  Mikey blinked at the unexpected question but nodded none the less.  “Let me guess...pizza?”  Mikey nodded again.  “And just what was on this pizza?”  
  
“Oh, all kinds of good stuff, bro!  Pepperoni, sausage, hamburger, mozzarella, bacon, ancho-” Donnie lifted a hand in front of Mikey’s face.  “-vies?”  
  
“Let me rephrase the question.  What VEGETABLES were on this pizza?”  
  
Mikey hummed while scratching his cheek before he put his hand on the back of his neck and his smile turned sheepish, “Tomato sauce is a vegetable, right?”  
  
“And that,” Donnie said as he tapped his forefinger on Mikey’s nose, “would be why I’M making lunch.”  Donnie turned on his heels to head straight for the kitchen.    
  
“Oh come on, dude!  At least let me help ya’!” Mikey hollered as he trailed after.  
  
Donnie let out an exasperated sigh.  “Fine, fine.”  He turned back to Mikey, placed one hand on his hip, and raised the other his plastron.  “Just as long as you let me cook my way.”  
  
“But following the recipe is so boring,” Mikey drawled as he scampered past Donnie, beating him into the kitchen.  
  
The purple clad turtle’s jaw dropped before it clicked closed.  He straightened to his full height while dropping his arms to his sides and curling his hands into fists.  “It’s not boring; it’s consistent!”    
  
Leo half turned in his seat and crooked his arm up to rest it on the back of the couch so he could watch his little brothers.  His eyes lit up in comprehension before they sparkled with mischief.  He lifted his free hand, cupped it beside his mouth, and shouted, “Besides, Mikey, do you really want the mad scientist to NOT follow a recipe?”  His small smile broadened into a proper grin.  “Heaven knows what we’ll end up with.”  
  
Donnie shot his eldest brother a filthy look and pointed at him.  “You stay out of this!”  His demand only made Leo laugh.  
  
April managed a light chuckle at fraternal bantering before she swallowed hard.  Worry and regret intermingled in her mind as she watched Donnie trudge after Mikey.  It was obvious that telling everyone about his ordeal, even after all this time, was taking its toll on Donnie.  That was why both Mikey and Leo had taken it upon themselves to lighten the mood.  They too could tell that Donnie needed a moment to recharge.    
  
He wasn’t the only one.  She closed her eyes and tried to keep the dredged up regret from overwhelming her.  It was staggering how clear the signs were now that she was looking back.  She couldn’t help but feel a bitter anger at herself for being so blind to them. _

_She was just about to follow the two brothers into the kitchen to lend them a hand, and to give Donnie a hug that she couldn’t guarantee she’d be able to release him from, when a little voice spoke up, “Obasan?”  April looked down to find Lewis kneeling beside her.  “Is ‘Kaasan really going to be OK?”  
  
April swallowed hard again at the sight of the little boy’s innocent brown eyes staring up at her with more apprehension in them than she’d ever wanted to see.  Movement from the corner of her eyes made her look in front of her.  Kaiya had moved to kneel before her and wait for her answer.  Meanwhile, Hikaru stayed where she had been sitting but had turned so that she too could hear April’s answer.  Both little girls’ eyes mirrored their brother’s concern.    
  
“Children should never have to worry so much, especially about their parents,” she thought before she forced down her own concerns.  She wrapped an arm around little Lewis’ shoulders and pulled him closer where he snuggled himself into her side.  “What happened nine years ago was difficult for all of us but especially for your mother,” she began while gesturing to the two girls, encouraging them to come closer as well.  Kaiya accepted the offer and nestled in on her other side.  Hikaru frowned and, after a moment’s consideration, came over to sit in front of April.  “However, because of it, I learned many things: about myself and your family.  But, the most important thing I learned…was to NEVER underestimate Donnie.”  As she spoke, she felt a smile begin to stretch across her face at the truth in those words and at how much she, herself, had needed to hear them.  “He will be fine.  I know he will.”  
  
The two little bodies against her relaxed some and April brought her hands up to soothingly run them through each child’s soft mane.  “But,” April looked at Kaiya, who kept her head lowered but lifted her eyes to peer up at the older woman as she spoke, “…isn’t there something we can do?”  
  
The redhead put her hand under Kaiya’s chin and encouraged the child to lift her head as well as her eyes.  “Of course there is.”  The little girl’s ears pricked forward.  She seemed to be holding her breath as though she feared the sound of it would interfere with her ability to hear what April had to say.  “In fact, we’ve already been doing it.”  
  
Kaiya’s eyebrows furrowed and her ears drooped backwards.  “I’m not sure I understand.”  
  
“Talking about this is probably one of the hardest things your mom has ever had to do.”  April smiled at Kaiya’s skeptical eyebrow arch.  “As hard as that is to believe, it’s true.  But, despite how hard it is, he is determined to see this through.  He needs to….for you three and for himself,” April said while gently stroking one of Kaiya’s velvet ears until they lifted from their droop again.  “But he needs our help to keep going.  And the best way we can help him…is to listen.”  She pushed aside the little girl’s bangs so that she could get a better look at the intelligent brown gaze that was so much like Donnie’s.  “THAT is what we’ve been doing and it’s what we need to keep doing.  OK?”  Kaiya’s eyes widened with comprehension before they took on a determined air.  When the little girl gave her a sharp nod, April brushed her knuckles over Kaiya’s forehead and muzzle with a smile.    
  
April turned to Lewis so she could make sure he understood as well.  She didn’t even have to ask because his sweet little smile was answer enough and she leaned down to nuzzle his forehead, making him giggle.  When she went to check on Hikaru, her smile dropped into a concerned frown as she watched the little turtle/horse hybrid sullenly pick at the wrapping on her hands.   She reached out to pet the child’s head only to blink in shock when the girl jerked away from her touch.  Hikaru then shot her a withering glare before running over to Splinter and huddling against his legs.  “What on Earth did I do to deserve that?” April thought bewilderedly.  
  
Splinter and Leonardo exchanged a concerned glance before the ninja master lightly rested his hand on Hikaru’s smooth head.  “That was not a very kind thing to do, mago.”  
  
“Why should I be nice to her?  Everything that happened to Mom is her fault!” Hikaru snapped as she continued to scowl at April, making April’s eyes widen before she just looked miserable.  “It’s her fault Mom got caught!  Her fault that Mom got hurt…that he was…” Hikaru trailed off to push down the tremor building in her voice, “All her fault…”  
  
The mutant rat sighed but did not stop caressing the child’s head in an effort to calm her.  “It is true that April’s actions contributed to the events that led to your mother’s capture.”  He patted the empty spot on the couch to his right and she climbed up so she could sit next to him.  “However, it was Uncle Leonardo who gave the order to retreat...to leave Donatello to whatever fate the Kraang intended for him.  Are you angry with him for that?”  Hikaru’s eyes widened before she glanced at Leo, who looked down from her gaze while swallowing hard.  When she returned her eyes to Splinter, she timidly shook her head.  “Why not?”  
  
“Uncle Leo did that because it was the only way to keep everyone else safe, not because he wanted to.”  
  
Splinter nodded before continuing his questioning.  “Uncle Raphael went along with Leonardo’s decision even though his strength would have helped your mother fight off Horse.  Doesn’t he deserve your anger?”  
  
The child swallowed hard before she shook her head again and moved to curl herself against her grandfather.  “Uncle Raph would never have made it in time to help Mom fight.  If he’d gone, they both would have been caught.”  
  
“What about Uncle Michelangelo?” Splinter pressed on.  “He failed to notice that Donatello and April were missing in time for your uncles to go back for them.  Surely, you are angry with him?”    
  
The little girl’s eyes started getting a shimmer to them as she shook her head once more.  She used the motion to bury her face into his side.  This time, however, she offered no protest in defense of her uncle’s actions.    
  
“I see,” he said while twisting his beard between his fingers.  “Then you must be angry with your mother.  After all, he was the one who chose to look for April without informing the others that she was missing.  Yes…everything that happened must also be Donatello’s fault.  Is that not right?”  Splinter’s eyes softened when he felt his granddaughter tremble against him and heard her choke back a sob.  He gathered her into his arms and tenderly rested a hand behind her head.  “Hush, mago.  I do not mean my words,” he tried to reassure her.  “But do you now see how easy it is to twist blame?”  She sniffled as she nodded.  “That is why you must be very careful about where you lay such a terrible thing.”  He guided her into lifting her eyes to him.  “There are many who can be blamed for what happened to Donatello, but only one who truly deserves that blame.  And you will not find that person here.”  
  
After his granddaughter lowered her head meekly and nodded again in understanding, Splinter turned his attention to the only human in their midst.  “April, my child.”  He lifted a hand to gesture for her come to him.  “I believe that Hikaru-chan has something she wishes to say.”  He smiled when Hikaru’s eyes widened before she tried to crawl into the upper part of his kimono.  She was a little too big to still do that, so she settled for shrouding her face and most of her upper body there instead.  Once April and Hikaru’s siblings had settled in front of him, he gently traced a claw over where he knew the child’s head was.  “Come now, little one.”  
  
Hikaru peeked out from her hiding spot to look at April.  She could only hold the redhead’s gaze for a moment before her eye ridges pulled together and she whimpered, “I-I’m sorry, Auntie.”  
  
April couldn’t help but smile at that little tear-streaked face.  “Apology accepted, munchkin,” she said as she held her arms out to Hikaru.  The little girl was unsure at first, but she moved close enough for April to grab her under the arms.  She gently pulled Hikaru off the couch and coaxed the girl onto her lap.  “I don’t blame you for thinking that way,” she assured as she wrapped her arms around the child who took the most after Donatello.  “For the longest time whenever I looked at your mom, all I could think was…”  She swallowed down the tightness that was building in her throat and rested her cheek against the top of Hikaru’s head.  “…‘He never would have gone through that horror if it wasn’t for me.’”    
  
She lifted a hand to lightly graze her fingertips back and forth along the side of Hikaru’s head.  “Even now there are days where I catch myself thinking about what I should have done.”   Her eyes slid closed as she felt Hikaru press more into her.  “I suspect that I’ll never really forgive myself for what I what did.  I don’t know how your mother ever managed to.”  She sniffled before clearing her throat.  “His capacity for forgiveness will forever amaze me.”    
  
Leonardo allowed a quiet hum of amusement.  “I think that’s something we all can agree with,” he said with the barest of smiles.      
  
April looked up at Leo and was able to return the smile.  She blinked a bit when she felt two more little bodies press against her.  Her smile brightened some as she looked at Donnie’s eldest and youngest, who had apparently decided that they didn’t want to be left out of the cuddling.  She gathered the three of them into a group hug and gave them each a kiss on the forehead.  The four of them stay like that for several moments before April spoke again.  “I don’t know about you three, but I think we should try to take a break from sad stuff for a while and play a game.  What do you guys say?”  She could not be more thankful when the kids nodded in agreement.  “Cards?”  
  
“I’ll get a deck,” Hikaru offered as she squirmed out of April’s grasp so that she could fetch what they needed.  It didn’t take her long to return with not just one deck of cards, but two.  “I brought an extra in case we needed more.”  
  
“Good idea!  Thanks, munchkin,” April said as she took the decks and then darted a hand in to tickle the girl along the side of her shell.    
  
After she squealed and danced out of range, Hikaru looked at her grandfather contemplatively.  She pressed her forefingers together for a moment before she clasped one hand in the other.  “Sensei?”  The ninja master turned his gaze to her.  “Do you want to play too?”  
  
A serene smile eased its way across Splinter’s features.  “I would like that, Hikaru-chan.  Thank you.”  
  
“What about you, Leo-ojisan?” Lewis asked as he grinned up at his blue clad uncle.    
  
Leonardo returned the grin and was just about to answer when he noticed Raphael.  The larger turtle still sat where he’d been throughout Donnie’s narrative so far, only Leo could tell it wasn’t to wait for the story to resume.  Raph had shifted his posture from sitting cross-legged to having his legs drawn up to his plastron and resting his folded forearms on his knees as he stared across the lair into space.  Leo’s eyes narrowed briefly before he returned his attention to his nephew.  “You go ahead and play without me for now.  OK?”  When the boy’s ears drooped in disappointment, he gently traced his forefinger down the sea foam green streak that ran down the center of his little nephew’s olive green face.  “Be right back,” he said with a wink as he got up and made his way to Raph.  
  
Raph glanced at Leo during his approach but quickly looked away with a soft huff.  Leo stooped down in front of Raph, rested his arms on his thighs, and silently watched the other turtle.  It took several minutes of crouching there, but eventually Leo’s patience was rewarded with Raph giving him a sidelong glare.  Then the red clad turtle rolled his eyes with heavy sigh before he murmured, “I really messed him up, didn’t I?”  
  
“Donnie was already messed up.  We just didn’t realize how badly.”  
  
“If I’d known he was right outside the door-”  
  
“You still would’ve said what you did,” Leo interrupted, making Raph swallow the rest of his words.  “You just would have regretted saying it sooner.”  Raph slumped over to rest his chin on his arms while Leo spoke.  “You’re blunt, Raph.  That’s just how you are.  It’s not always a bad thing to tell it like it is.”  
  
“Except when it is,” Raph mumbled.  
  
Leo nodded in agreement, “Except when it is.”  
  
Raph snorted.  “What kind of pep talk is this?”  
  
“Who said this was a pep talk?”  Raph blinked before he sat up and looked directly at Leo.  “We all made mistakes, Raphael.  I’m willing to bet that before Donatello’s done, we will find out that we made more than we thought we did.  But finding them out now does not change the fact that they happened nine years ago.  We can’t help but regret them, but we also can’t let that regret shut us down.”  Leo paused to look towards the kitchen.  “Donnie needs us to be strong right along with him.”  He flicked his gaze to the couch.  “For them.  Hear me?”    
  
Raph followed Leo’s eyes to where their nieces and nephew were absorbed in a lively game of Go Fish with April and Splinter.  When Kaiya slapped down her third set of cards and flashed a victorious grin at the complaints of her siblings, he could feel a small smile playing on his own lips.  A loud, echoing clatter drew his attention towards the kitchen.  Donnie and Mikey fussed with each other beyond its doorway.  Even though he couldn’t make out what was being said, he still picked up on the strain in Donnie’s exasperated tone.  His little brother was trying so hard to keep it together and he needed them to help him do that.  Raph’s expression hardened with determination.  There was no way he was ever going to let Donatello down again.  He turned his most resolute gaze to Leo, “Loud and clear.”  
  
Leo gave Raph a gratified smile before patting his brother’s shoulder.  He and Raph then got to their feet and made their way over to the rest of their family. “Any way you can deal us in?” he asked April once they were close enough.  
  
April grinned up at them.  “Sure thing, but that means we’ll have too many for Go Fish.  So how about a little Crazy Eights?” she asked as Raph and Leo settled into the ring.  
  
Lewis and Hikaru beamed.  “YEAH!”  
  
Kaiya tossed her cards into the building pile in front of April and stood up.  “Play without me for a while.  I need a break.”  As she turned to leave, her little brother groaned his disappointment.  
  
“You can’t quit now!  You’re winning!”  
  
Kaiya turned around at Hikaru’s objection and spread her arms out as she shrugged.  “But that is the most logical time to quit.”  She laughed at her sister’s pout before trotting off to the kitchen.  When she peered into the room, she bit her lip to keep from giggling.  Her mother and uncle were too busy to notice that they had company.    
  
“Oh come on, Donnie.  Trust me on this.”  
  
“Don’t you ‘come on, Donnie’ me.  I told you that I wanted to follow the recipe and you’ve been stonewalling me every step of the way!  Exactly how can you consider that ‘helping’ me?”  
  
“What’s the harm in replacing the soy sauce in the recipe with spicy soy sauce?”  
  
Donatello sighed and stopped seeding bell peppers long enough to stab a forefinger at something in the cookbook he was using.  “The harm is that the recipe calls for hot chili oil later on.  You know the trips won’t eat it if it makes them breath fire!”  
  
“Then leave it out,” Michelangelo countered as though the answer was as obvious as his brother’s olive green skin tone.    
  
“But then there won’t be enough oil to finish the stir-fry.  Not to mention, it will affect the flavor!”  
  
Mikey grinned at Donnie.  “Dude, how can you be so smart and so dense at the same time?”  
  
Donnie gave Mikey a look that would make penguins shiver.  “It’s a gift.”  
  
The orange clad turtle made a nervous laugh as he raised his hands in an attempt to stem his brother’s rising temper.  “Just replace it with extra canola oil.”  Mikey pressed a forefinger to his lips for a moment.  “And for flavor,” he walked over to the cupboards and rummaged around inside until he found a tiny glass bottle, “add a drip of sesame oil at the end!  Yeah, that’s the ticket!”  
  
“Fine,” Donnie said wearily as he took the bottle from Mikey.  “Just tell me that you’ll stop nagging me if I give you this one.”    
  
“Can’t promise that, dude!” Mikey laughed, making Donnie lift his eyes to the ceiling with long-suffering sigh.  He was just about to go to the sink when he spotted Kaiya peeking into the kitchen.  “Hey, dudette!  What’cha doing hiding over there?  Come on in!” he said with a grin as he went down to one knee.  Kaiya didn’t need any more encouragement than that.  She rushed over to him and hugged him around the neck.  “It’s a good thing you came too.  I need your help.”  
  
Kaiya blinked wide eyes at her uncle’s serious tone.  “With what?”  
  
“With convincing your mom to put some meat into this stir-fry of his,” Mikey declared as he turned the little girl around so that they were both facing the taller turtle.  Kaiya giggled as Mikey hugged her to him and rested his head on her shoulder so that he could stare at his purple clad brother.  “Please?”  
  
Donnie looked over his shoulder and offered Kaiya an acknowledging smile before returning stern eyes to his little brother.  “You’re not going to change my mind on this, Mikey.”  
  
Mikey sulked for a moment before he looked at his niece, “Kaiya-chan, open your mouth for me.”  The child blinked in confusion for a moment but humored her uncle.  Mikey rested a finger on one of her teeth.  “What kind of tooth is this?”  
  
Kaiya’s tail swished excitedly.  She’d never been quizzed by Uncle Michelangelo before!  “It’s a canine,” she answered around his finger.    
  
Her uncle moved onto another tooth.  “This one?”  
  
“Another canine.”  
  
“And what about this one?”  Mikey jerked his hand back almost instantly.  “Woah!  That one’s a little wiggly!”  
  
Kaiya laughed at her uncle’s yelp.  “It’s another canine, Uncle Michelangelo.  I have four of them.  We all do.”  
  
“That’s right, dudette,” he praised before glancing at Donnie out of the corner of his eyes.  “And, ah, what are canines for?”  
  
“Ripping and tearing!”  
  
“Right on!  Ripping and tearing things like MEAT!” Mikey declared, making sure to deepen his voice to try and emphasize the word ‘meat’.  
  
The taller turtle shook his head as he turned around so that he could face them.  He neatly folded his arms over his plastron, leaned back to rest his carapace against the counter, and crossed one leg over the other at the shin.  “They can rip and tear vegetables just as readily, Mikey.  The answer is still no.”  
  
“Come on, dude.  Children need meat to grow big and strong.  You don’t wanna to stunt them, do ya?”  
  
Donnie raised a hand to hold his forefinger up to his brother. “Technically, they need protein to grow, not specifically meat.  And between your pizza last night and Raph’s scrambled eggs this morning, which had to have half a pig’s worth of ham in them, they’ve probably had their allotment of protein for the entire WEEK.  They are more in need of the vitamins and nutrients that are in vegetables right now.”  
  
Mikey scowled before pointing at Donnie.  “I didn’t wanna to do this, bro, but you leave me no choice!” he proclaimed.  His fingers curled into a fist that he held out in front of him and Kaiya as though he were leading a charge.  “Puppy-dog eyes to full power!”  
  
The purple clad turtle blinked several times at the sight of his youngest brother and eldest daughter staring up at him with big, pleading eyes.  His little girl had even drooped her ears and clasped her hands together in an effort to maximize adorability.  And it was working.  He had to purse his lips together in a gargantuan effort to keep from cracking a smile.    
  
Donatello could only withstand the onslaught for a few moments before he lowered his gaze to the floor.  “Turning my own daughter against me.”  He shook his head while clicking his tongue a couple of times and returned only his eyes to the duo.  “For shame, Michelangelo.”  
  
“All’s fair in love and food, dude,” Mikey returned with a roguish smirk.  “You give?”  
  
“How about a compromise?” Donnie suggested as he pushed away from the counter so he could walk over to the refrigerator.  “Put away your weapons of mass cuteness,” he opened the fridge, grabbed something out of it, and walked over to his little brother, “and you can slice this up for the stir-fry when you’re done washing the carrots.”  
  
Mikey gazed into the container Donnie was offering him.  His eyes sparkled at its contents.  “Cool, homemade tofu!”  He snatched it out of his brother’s grasp, “Deal, bro!”    
  
The tall turtle shook his head with a light chuckle as his brother hurried over to the sink to keep his end of the bargain.  When his eyes fell on his little girl, she hid her hands behind her back and offered him a self-conscious smile, making him snort in amusement.  “Traitor,” he gently teased as he lowered a hand to ruffle her mane.  Then he turned away from her to go back to his bell peppers.  
  
He was just reaching for the knife he’d been using when something grabbed him by his belt, pulling him slightly off balance.  He regained his stability with a minimum of effort and was about to look over his shoulder when he felt little hooves plant themselves against his calves.  An affectionate, knowing smile touched his face before he went back to work as though there was nothing unusual going on.  Even though he could hear Kaiya grunting while she tried to climb his six foot three frame, he made no attempt to help her.  In fact, he sporadically shifted his weight to make her ascent more challenging than it already was.  If she was going to insist on doing this, then he intended to turn it into a lesson.  After all, both she and Lewis needed to learn how to compensate for the disadvantage their hooves gave them when it came to climbing vertical surfaces.  He was more than a little proud when he felt her hands grasp the rim of his carapace just behind his head.    
  
An obstinate little growl slipped out as Kaiya began to pull herself up the rest of the way.  She could feel the muscles in her arms quiver with the strain of holding up her entire weight while her right foot searched for some sort of purchase.  Eventually it found one among the many nooks that, either by design or by wear-and-tear, littered her mother’s shell.  Her face split into a victorious smile as she used the newfound leverage to move higher and give her arms a much needed respite.  Unfortunately, her celebration was premature.  While she focused on finding a second cranny, her footing slipped from the first.  She squeaked in alarm as her arms were jerked taut, digging her mother’s shell rim into her fingers and making her grip start to slip.  Her feet frantically scrabbled to find a new foothold.  
  
Donnie bit back the urge to sigh in relief when those hooves of hers scraped against his carapace.  Shells were great for protection, but they also made the simple pleasure of scratching an itch difficult at best.  Because of that fact, he was quite content to let her get herself out of trouble.  At least, until he heard a discouraged little whine and felt her start to slide down his shell.  Without missing a beat in his pepper slicing, he shifted his weight to one foot so that he could lift the other behind himself as high as he could without pointing his toes.    
  
Kaiya closed her eyes, bracing herself for the sudden stop at the end of her fall.  When her feet touch ground far gentler than they should have, she blinked her eyes open in confusion.  She looked down to find that the ground she was standing on was actually the sole of her mother’s broad, three-toed foot.  A relieved sigh left her and she looked up to the back of Donnie’s head.  Her mother continued his work as though it were perfectly normal to stand on one foot while chopping vegetables.  It made her smile.  Then she stretched up to grasp the rim of Donnie’s shell once more and, this time, easily pulled herself up so that she could tuck her forearms in the space between the tall turtle’s shell and his head.  Her smile grew when he leaned over his work so that she could settle more securely onto the slight slant of his upper carapace.  
  
Her mother finally turned his head so that he could look over his shoulder at her.  “Fancy seeing you here,” he said playfully, making her giggle, “What can I do for you, sweetie?”  
  
She shook her head a couple times.  “Nothing.”  One of his eye ridges arched at her answer, but he nodded acceptingly and returned to his work.  Kaiya rested her chin on the rim of his shell as she watched him finished up the last pepper in time for her uncle to bring over the carrots.  There were so many questions swirling in her mind, but she wasn’t sure how to ask them.    
  
Or even if she should.  Despite her mother’s encouragement at the beginning of his story, she couldn’t help but feel like asking questions right now was a cardinal sin.  After all, it was obvious how hard it was for him to talk about what happened.  She didn’t want to add to his stress by asking questions he still wasn’t ready to answer, but she really wanted to ask him something.  Anything.  Even the simplest question she could think of would do.    
  
The little turtle/horse hybrid’s brooding was interrupted by her stomach rudely announcing its empty status.  Her eyes went wide and when Donatello looked back at her a mortified flush painted her face.  After a couple of astonished blinks, a grin that was big enough to expose his diastema spread over his face.  “‘Nothing’, huh?  Likely story.”  He took the carrot he was in the process of slicing and cut a four inch piece off.  “You know that you owe your brother an apology, right?” he admonished as he weighed the hunk of carrot with the nearby kitchen scale and made note of the results.  
  
Kaiya’s olive green ears twisted to the side and sagged.  “Yes, Mother,” she said as she lowered her eyes and hid her muzzle behind his shell.  “I will.”  Her eyes blinked a few times and then took on a relieved look when he held the carrot piece up to her.  She accepted the offered snack and eagerly crunched on it while her mother returned to his work with a soft chuckle.    
  
As she chewed her current mouthful, Kaiya slipped into more mundane thoughts.  Her physic homework ran through her mind and she automatically started re-solving the equations in order to double check that she’d put down the right answers.  She was just going over the thermal resistance of an eight inch thick piece of glass when a bit of carrot got stuck in her teeth, grinding her thought process to a halt.  Her eyebrows furrowed in annoyance and she went to dislodge the carrot with her tongue.  It was an easy problem to solve but when her tongue ran over one of her canines in the process, all thoughts of physics flew out of her mind.  Would this one be OK?  She felt more than a little silly for even having this question pop into her head.  But then again…it was the simplest one she could come up with.  She hurriedly swallowed down what she was eating even though it wasn’t quite chewed enough.  “Mother?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“Did Fa-” Her voice caught and she cleared her throat.  “Did Fa…Fath-” She couldn’t get the word out!  Every time she tried her stomach churned.  It was the first time in her life that a simple word held such an acrid taste to it that trying to say it made her ill.    
  
Donnie stopped working so that he could watch her struggle with her speech.  After a few minutes, his face eased into a small smile though his eyes were almost melancholy.  “You don’t have to call him ‘Father’ if you don’t want to.”  
  
The words virtually flew out of Kaiya’s mouth when that permission was given.  “Did Nightmare have canines too?”  
  
His eye ridges lifted slightly.  That was a question he hadn’t expected; Kaiya always had a talent for that.  He looked off to the side, his eyes taking on the distant appearance they often had whenever he was deep in thought.  “As a matter of fact, yes,” he refocused his eyes on her, “He did.”  
  
The child’s eyes flicked from side to side while she updated the mental picture she had formed in the course of her mother’s story.  Then her eyebrows scrunched together and her ears flattened to her head as she shrank partially behind Donnie’s shell.  “That must have made him even scarier.”  
  
Donnie’s small smile got just a tiny bit bigger.  “He didn’t have fangs, Kaiya-chan.  Just the same humanoid-sized canines that you and I have.”  He sighed softly and his smile fell.  “Though, I will admit that the initial shock of seeing a horse with pointy teeth did add to his intimidation factor.”  He huffed and shook his head as he returned to his carrot slicing.  “Not that he needed it.”  
  
Kaiya’s ears lifted at the tone of her mother’s voice.  He sounded so subdued.  She watched him work, noting that that downcast quality colored more than just his voice.  Her eyebrows creased in worry as her ears drooped sideways.  Then she did the only thing she could think of.  She stretched over his shell so that she could wrap her arms around his neck, making him grunt in surprise.  When he turned to look at her once more, she nuzzled her face into his cheek and softly murmured, “I love you.”    
  
Donatello’s breathing hitched and he felt his eyes begin to burn as his vision turned wavy.  He put down the knife he was using so that he could lightly rest his hand behind his daughter’s head.  His eyes squeezed shut as he pressed himself into his little girl’s nuzzle.  A shuddering sigh left him once he’d swallowed down the lump that had risen in his throat and his lips twitched into a wobbly smile.  “I love you too, cuddle bug,” he managed to get out though his voice wavered.      
  
“I’m sorry I-”  
  
“No, no, no, no,” he gently interrupted as he opened his still watery eyes.  “You’ve done nothing wrong, so don’t you dare apologize.”  He felt her little arms tighten around him and he moved his hand to them so he could give them a soothing squeeze.  “I just…didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that.”  He heaved another, heavier and this time cleansing sigh.  “Thank you,” he whispered as he shifted his head so he could kiss the side of Kaiya’s muzzle.    He felt her lips curl up into a smile.  
  
“KAIYA!” Hikaru shouted from the living room, making both mother and daughter look in that direction.  “YOU BETTER GET YOUR BUTT BACK IN HERE!  LEWIS IS ABOUT TO ANNIHILATE YOUR RECORD FOR MOST REVERSALS IN ONE GAME!” she warned as the aforementioned brother cackled in wicked glee.  
  
His eldest looked dismayed, then affronted that her little brother had the unmitigated gall to try and dethrone her.  He felt her little body tense and he braced himself in preparation for her to launch herself off of his back so that she could go defend her title.  Instead, she looked at him.  He watched her ears indecisively swivel back and forth for a moment before she nestled against him once more.    
  
He couldn’t help but blink in amazement.  Kaiya had a competitive streak a mile wide.  It wasn’t like her to back down from a challenge.  His eyes softened as he realized what was holding her back.  He gently touched his temple to her forehead.  “You don’t have to worry about me, sweetie.  I’ll be fine.”  
  
“Are you sure?” she fretted.  
  
“Yeah, I’m sure,” he assured again as he returned to his carrots so he could cut two additional large pieces and weigh them.  
  
“Pinky swear?”  
  
A light chuckle bubbled up from him.  “Kaiya, I can’t swear on a digit I don’t have.”  
  
“Please?”  
  
Donnie looked into her imploring face and sighed.  He brought his right hand up so he could hook his back finger to the pinky finger on her left hand.  His indulgent smile became more affectionate at how much his oversized finger dwarfed hers as they sang, “Yubikiri genman.  Uso tsuitara, hari sen bon nomasu.  Yubi kitta!”  
  
“Better?”  
  
Kaiya beamed at him, “MUCH!”  
  
“Good,” he said as he lowered his raised foot and helped her ease herself to the floor again.  “Now,” he turned around, crouched so that they were face to face, and held out the two freshly cut pieces of carrot to her, “could you, please, take these to your brother and sister?  I’m sure they’d like a snack too.”  
  
She regarded the two carrots before looking at hers and frowning.  “Their carrots are bigger than mine.”  
  
“Their carrots are longer than yours, yes…but that doesn’t mean they’re ‘bigger’,” he said before his eyes half-lidded at his little scorekeeper, “But then…you knew that, didn’t you?”  A blush immediately spread across her face and she hid her hands behind her back.  “Each one weighs exactly thirty-five grams,” he continued.  “That includes yours.”  She opened her mouth again but he headed her off.  “No, I am not weighing yours again to make sure because you’ve already taken a bite out of it.  Save that trick for Uncle Mikey, you little imp.”  
  
The little girl offered him a sheepish smile while lifting a hand to rub the back of her neck, “Yes, Mother.”  She took her siblings’ snacks without further protest and was just about to walk away when she hesitated.  She frowned as she tried to gather her thoughts and enough courage to speak.  “Mother…may I ask another question?”  
  
“Always.”  
  
“Do…do you…ever worry that…that Hikaru, Lewis and I...” she swallowed down the unease that wanted to close up her throat, “Do you ever worry that we will grow up to be just like Nightmare?”  
  
Donnie looked startled for a moment before an easy smile stretched over his face.  He reached out to gently cup her face in his hands.  “Never,” he breathed as he shook his head, making his daughter’s eyes widen.  “We are all more than the sum of our parts, Kaiya-chan.  Our experiences have just as big an influence on who we are as our genetics.  Sure, there are moments when the three of you remind me of him but it doesn’t mean anything.  You will NEVER be like him.”    
  
His little girl’s distressed face broke into a relieved smile before she closed the small gap between them to snuggle herself into his plastron.  He chuckled mildly as he wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled his nose into her mane.  They stayed like that for a few moments and then he placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.  “Is there anything else you want to ask?”  
  
Kaiya looked thoughtful, then unsure again.  “Well, there is something that I don’t get.”  
  
The purple clad turtle cocked his head to the side with a lopsided smirk.  “I’m sure that there are many things that you don’t get, but we’ll fix that,” he teased.  Her eyelids drooped into an unamused glare and he snickered.  “What’s bothering you, sweetie?”  
  
She faltered again before she forced herself to plunge ahead.  “You…you said before that you didn’t conceive us when Nightmare…assaulted you.  You weren’t physically able to.”  
  
Her mother swallowed hard and his smile fell but he nodded.  “Yes, that is correct.”  
  
“But, if you couldn’t at that time, how did it ever happen?  You never saw Nightmare again after Uncle Leonardo and the others rescued you, right?”  Kaiya made her own hard swallow at the unreadable expression that settled over her mother’s face.    
  
She watched him take a deep breath while closing his eyes and, for a moment, Kaiya worried that she’d finally done something that needed to be apologized for.  Then Donnie opened his eyes and ran his fingers through her mane.   “Spoilers, Kaiya-chan,” he said as he offered her a smile that was somehow both mischievous and heartrending.  “You know I don’t do spoilers,” he tenderly brushed his knuckles over her muzzle, “Go play with your siblings before Lewis decides to break any more of your records.”    
  
Her eyebrows furrowed.  It was clear that she wanted to press the matter further, but instead she nodded obediently.  “Yes, Mother.”  
  
Michelangelo watched his older brother straighten up as his eldest niece left the room.  He frowned when the purple clad turtle’s eye ridges pulled together and a fine tremor ran through his slender frame.  Mikey walked over to the tall turtle and stood in front of him so that his blue eyes could meet his brother’s anxious brown ones.  “Chillax, dude,” he said with a smile as he tried to cheer his brother up.  “Everything’s gonna be fine.  You’ve already told them the worst part, after all.”    
  
The disquiet in Donatello’s eyes was replaced with disbelief as stared at his little brother before he sighed patiently.  “Mikey, think about what you just said.”  
  
Mikey’s eye ridges knitted.  “OK.”  
  
“Now think about what I still have to tell them.”  
  
“Uh huh.”  
  
“Have I really gotten through the worst of it?”  He watched his little brother’s eyes move from side to side while he considered the question.  After a few moments, Mikey’s face twisted into a grimace.  “Yeah…that’s what I thought,” Donnie murmured as he turned his back on Mikey and returned to slicing carrots.    
  
Mikey frowned and tapped his forefingers together a couple of times before he succeeded in finding his voice again.  “Donnie…” he started as he approached to stand beside his taller brother, “…you have nothing to worry about.  You did what you felt you had to do.  They’ll understand.”  
  
Donnie wearily looked at Mikey, “How can you possibly know that?”  
  
The shorter turtle simply laughed and shrugged, “Because they’re yours!  How can the little geniuses NOT understand?”  Donnie made a quiet snort and rolled his eyes as he returned to his work so he could finish the last carrot.  “But, also, because you’ll be right there to help them understand…and so will we.  Don’t forget that you’re not alone in this,” Mikey continued, more seriously while resting his hand on Donnie’s shoulder, pulling his big brother’s attention back to him.  “We started this as a family…and we’re gonna end it as one.”    
  
Donnie’s eyes widened and he made a shuddering breath at the conviction in Mikey’s voice.  He set the knife he was using down so he could grip the counter’s edge as he warred with the tears that had begun to burn his eyes once more.    
  
Mikey could see the moisture that threatened to fall and he gave Donnie’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.  “Seriously, Donnie, you are their world!  Nothing’s ever gonna change that.”  
  
Donnie crushed his eyes closed to push back the emotions that wanted to overwhelm him.  “H-how…how can you be so sure?” he asked in a voice that was so choked up that it was barely a whisper as he pried open his eyes and returned his gaze to his little brother.  
  
“I just am!” Mikey answered with a bright grin.  “I can feel it.  I feel it all the way down to my toes.” He stretched up to tap Donnie on his forehead.  “And if you’d tell that big brain of yours to shut up for a second and listened to this,” he dropped his hand to rest it against the center of Donnie’s plastron, “you’d feel it too.”  A small smile began to pull at Donnie’s face again, making Mikey grin wider.  “Come on, bro.  Have I ever steered you wrong?”  
  
It was an opening that Donnie couldn’t resist.  “Many times, actually.”  
  
“Uh huh.  That’s right.  I’m sweet like- HEY!”  
  
Donnie’s smile gained a little more strength and he chuckled at his brother’s shout.  “But,” he brought a hand up to rest it on top of his little brother’s head and patted it, “I won’t hold them against you this time.”  He lowered his head so that he could lightly touch his nose to the other turtle’s and murmured, “Thanks, Mikey.”  The pout on his little brother’s face evaporated into a grin once more.  Donnie chuckled at just how easy it was to calm Mikey before he went back to preparing lunch.  He picked up a couple of onions only to have Mikey snatch them from him.  
  
“Nuh uh,” the shorter turtle chided.  “Your eyes have leaked so much that you’re gonna dry out if you chop these.”  Donnie blinked several times before his face dropped into scowl.  Mikey dared to ignore it and he hip bumped Donnie away from the counter so that he could take his brother’s place.  “You start heating the pan and getting everything else together.  I’ve got this.”  
  
Donatello staggered but found his footing before his face could find the kitchen floor.  He shot Michelangelo a glare, which only earned him a bigger, more obnoxious version of his brother’s merry grin.   An annoyed growl slipped out before he just rolled his eyes with a sigh that sounded more exasperated than he really was.  “Pain in the shell,” he muttered as he begrudgingly did as Mikey asked.  His brother laughed at his grumbling.  
  
As Donnie worked, his thoughts wandered back to his little triplets.  He wanted to believe Mikey.  He really did.  But there were just so many things left to tell them.  So many things…that he was not proud of.  And if even one of his children ended up hating him because of what he had done…it would kill him faster than the sharpest blade ever could._  


	18. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! So glad to see you here! I truly am! I know that is has been forever since I've updated this story and that many of you thought that it would never happen. I hate that I haven't been able to give this story the attention that I wanted to but Life is funny how it doesn't always want to let you do what you want. :( I wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your patience with me, my hectic life, and my infrequent updates thanks to that hectic life. I won't burden you with my problems, but let's just say that Traumatic Uncertainty insisted on being the lead through that part of the dance that is Life. ^^; 
> 
> I want to thank everyone here for taking time out of their busy day to give my story a read. I really appreciate it. If you enjoy what you're reading, please feel to click the kudos button, bookmark the story to keep track of my updates, and/or comment below to let me know how you think I'm doing! Your words are my encouragement and are what keep me going. I truly, truly love hearing from all of you. Thank you!

Chapter 17

 

Donatello’s eyes fluttered open only to have his eye ridges crease together in confusion.  When did he leave his lab?  He pushed back his bedsheets as he sat up and swung his feet to the floor.  “I must have been more tired than I thought,” he murmured when he saw that he’d crawled into bed without even bothering to take his gear off.  He shrugged, caulking his memory lapse up to exhaustion, and stood to start the day.

When he left his bedroom, he noted that the doors to each of his brothers’ rooms were ajar, indicating that his brothers were already up for the day.  “Did they let me sleep in?”  An annoyed growl slipped out.  “How many times do I have to ask them not to do that?  It doesn’t matter how many nightmares I have, trading practice time for extra sleep isn’t going to help anything!”

Donnie pulled out his, or rather Raph’s, T-phone to check the time.  Maybe he wasn’t that late.  “What the?!” he gasped, his eye ridges furrowing together again.  The digital clock’s numbers raced by so fast that he couldn’t make them out.  He went to access the phone’s menu so he could have it run a self-diagnostic only to be further confounded.  Every word that came up on the screen was complete gibberish.  He’d never seen a T-phone do anything like this before.

He walked into the main room with every intention of going to his lab and figuring this out when he spotted Raph.  His brother was hammering away at the practice dummy.  “I’d better tell him,” Donnie thought with a sigh.  “Hey, Raph.  How’s it going?”  He swallowed at the irritable grunt his brother gave him.  Great.  Raph’s dander was already up for the day.  “Listen, I’m really sorry about this, but I’m going to have to keep your T-phone a bit longer.”

The stout turtle stopped punching the dummy and gave him a sidelong glare.  “Why?”

Donnie tried to ignore the intense disapproval on his brother’s face, but his voice betrayed him with a stutter, “Well, i-i-it’s doing some really weird things.”  He lifted the gadget so he could puzzle over it again.  “I-I just want to make sure that it’s in working order before- HEY!” he squeaked when the other turtle snatched the phone out of his grasp.

Raph tapped the T-phone’s screen a few times before making a derisive snort.  “What are you talking about?  It’s fine!”

“What?!” Donnie cried.  Then he shook his head.  “No.  No, th-that’s not possible.  When I looked at it, the text was completely unreadable!”

“Well, it’s not now,” Raph growled and tucked the phone into his belt.  As he turned back to the practice dummy, he grumbled, “And even if it was messing up, I sure wouldn’t trust YOU to do jack about it.”

Donnie’s eyes went wide before indignation took over.  “What do you mean by that?!” he demanded while grabbing one of the muscular turtle’s arms.

Raphael whirled around, yanking his arm free and shoving Donatello to the floor in one swift motion.  “Do I have to spell it out for you!?” he snarled at the bewildered turtle.  “You’ve been nothing but a screw-up ever since we got you home!  Asking YOU to do anything is pointless.  For crying out loud, having you AROUND is pointless!”  He growled at the wounded expression that fell over his little brother’s face before turning around to continue punching at the practice dummy.  “Waste of freaking space.”

Donnie could only stare at his brother’s back, struck dumb by the venom in Raph’s words.  Anguished tears started building in his eyes.  He made a shuddering gasp and squeezed his eyes shut to force them back.  It took a few moments for him to gather himself enough to scramble to his feet. 

He watched Raph pummel the dummy while he tried to find his voice along with his own temper so he could lay into his brother.  But even his anger had abandoned him.  He let out a shaky sigh before dragging himself to the lab.

“Hey, Donnie!”

The tall turtle startled at the cheerful greeting and lifted his gaze from the floor.  His blue clad brother sat at the lab’s workbench while he adjusted a connection inside an old radio he had found.  “Hi, Leo.”

His miserable tone effectively ripped the smile from Leonardo’s face.  “What’s wrong?”

Donnie tried to wave off his brother’s concern.  “I-It’s nothing.”  Leo already had enough stress without him adding to it.  “Raph is just being…extra Raph today.”

“Ah!”  Leo gave a dry chuckle.  “He’s been like that since he got up.  He really needs to let last night go already.”

“Speaking of that,” Donnie began, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck as he approached.  “I’m…sorry about what happened.  I just wanted to help…and I really thought I had it together better than-”

Leo lifted a hand to stop his brother.  “It’s OK, Donnie.  It’s not your fault,” he reassured.  “Splinter told me you weren’t ready.  I should have listened.”

Donnie winced and shook his head.  He hated it when Leo blamed himself for things he couldn’t possibly control.  “He told me the same thing!  I’M the one that didn’t listen and then convinced you to do the same.”

“Maybe,” the other turtle conceded while standing up.  “But as Leader, it’s my responsibility to make sure that you guys don’t get into anything you can’t handle.  I didn’t do that last night.  I won’t make that mistake again.”

The purple clad turtle wanted to argue the point more, but he could tell by his brother’s face that he wasn’t going to win this one.  “Neither will I,” he declared instead.

Leo smiled at him.  “Good to hear.”

“I promise that I’ll try harder to get this under control.  And next time, I WILL be ready!”

Leo’s smile dropped into a somber frown.  “Actually,” he said as he came around the table to stand in front of his tallest brother, “there isn’t going to be a next time.”

“What?  W-wh-what do you mean?” Donnie stammered.

“I mean that it’s too dangerous for you to go to the surface.”

“You’re right.  Right now, it is too dangerous, but once I get better-”

“Donatello!” Leonardo sharply interrupted while shooting his little brother an exasperated glare.  “I think we both need to face the fact that that’s not going to happen!”  Once again, Donnie’s voice caught in his throat and he could only stare at his brother.  “You’re never going to get better.  And I won’t risk everything on the impossible hope that you will.”  Leo angrily shook his head before brushing by Donnie.  “Best thing you can do is accept that and learn to stay out of the way.”

The lab echoed from the bang of its heavy doors as Leo slammed them shut behind him.  Donnie stood there, staring at where his brother had been in stunned silence.  Burning moisture returned to his eyes and his breathing became ragged.  “It’s not true.  It’s not true,” he tried to drill into his head as he crushed his eyes closed to fight back the tears once more.  But then…why would Leo say such things if they weren’t true?

A rattling sound filled the lab as its doors were shoved open again.  “There you are!  Been looking everywhere for ya’!” Mikey yelped.  He ran over to Donnie, grabbed him by his wrist, and pulled at him.  “Come on, bro!  It’s an emergency!”

Donnie watched the smaller turtle until his tear-blurred vision cleared and he managed to summon a weak smile.  “At least someone still needs me,” he thought as he allowed Mikey to tug him into the main room’s pit.  “So, what’s the emergency?”

His little brother held the TV’s remote control up to him and stared over it with puppy-dog eyes.  “The remote’s broken and the newest episode of my super sentai action is about to start!”

He blinked a couple of times before he let out a sigh.  “Mikey…you do know that the buttons on the TV do the same things as the remote, right?”  His little brother’s only response was to add a chin wobble to his pleading expression.  Donnie gave Mikey an exasperated yet amused huff as he took the remote.

It was only an emergency in Mikey’s mind, but it didn’t matter.  His little brother needed his help.  That was enough for him.  “Besides, this one’s an easy fix,” he thought as he pulled out one of the little screwdrivers he always kept at his belt, “I’ve been in this remote so many times I can fix it in my sleep.”

Once the remote’s casing separated with a quiet pop, Donnie tucked his screwdriver away so he could take a look inside.  His small smile vanished as his eyes widened and he made a surprised gasp.  Where he expected to find a simple circuit board, he instead discovered a tangled mess of wires.  There were so many that it didn’t seem possible for all of them to fit inside the casing.

A trickle of sweat ran down the side of Donnie’s face as he tried to figure out the…the thing before him.  Nothing about the remote’s inner workings made sense.  There were wires connected to the buttons sure, but they lead to other wires that were only connected to each other.  A few of the wires never connected to anything but themselves to form color-coded Mobius strips along the walls of the remote’s casing.  “What in the world is going on here?” he couldn’t keep himself from asking aloud as he pulled one of those Mobius wires free out of the casing.  “Mikey, if this is a prank, it’s in very poor taste.”

The smaller turtle looked confused at the accusation.  “What are you talking about, bro?  It’s the same remote we’ve always had.”

Donnie shook his head with an incredulous laugh.  “Oh, no it’s not.  I know our remote better than the back of my hand and this is not our remote,” he insisted as he reached in to follow another wire to its source.  The bit of plastic-coated copper suddenly hissed and began to squirm in his grasp.  He squawked, dropped the remote, and took a couple of hurried steps away from the device.  “What the heck was that?!” he yelped, his eyes wide with genuine horror.  They only got bigger when several more wires joined the first to become a wriggling, hissing mass of snakes that coiled around itself inside the remote.

Mikey aimed an impatient glare at his big brother.  “Donnie, quit fooling around!  I don’t have time for jokes.”  He bent down to pick up the remote, heedless of the dozens of little jaws reaching for him.

“NO!” Donnie shrieked and snatched the other turtle’s hand to safety.

“DUDE!  What is your problem?”

“Snakes!” Donnie gasped out.  “The remote is full of snakes!”  When he looked to make sure the creatures weren’t about to slither after them, his eyes filled with shocked confusion.  The snakes and wires were gone.  All that remained inside the remote’s casing…was the circuit board that he originally expected to see.

“What?!”  He fell to his knees and scooped up the remote.  “No.  No, t-this…this isn’t what was there!  There were wires all over and-and then the wires turned into snakes!  They…they were reaching for you, trying to bite you!” he pleaded, desperate for Mikey’s understanding but his brother only gave him a dark frown.

“Forget I asked!” the smaller turtle barked as he snatched the remote from Donnie’s trembling hands.  “I’ll go see if Leo can fix it.”  Mikey stomped away until he got to the edge of the pit.  Then he looked over his shoulder to scowl at Donnie with more disgust in his eyes than the taller turtle had ever seen before.  “Seriously, bro,” he spat out.  “If you can’t even do this, why’d we bother getting you home?”

That was the last stab Donnie’s tormented heart could take.  “Mikey,” he breathed as hot tears flooded out of his eyes.  His little brother scoffed before stalking away, leaving the purple clad turtle all alone in the center of the lair.

“Pathetic,” Raph’s voice sneered from nowhere.

Donnie squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his hands to his ears with a sob, “No.”

“We wasted our time saving you,” hissed Leo’s disembodied voice.

“No.”

Mikey’s voice followed with a low, “Would’ve saved us a lot of trouble if you’d just died.”

“NO!”  Donnie shot to his feet, raced out of the lair, and into the sewers, frantically trying to outrun the horrid voices.  They continued to batter him until all he could do was whimper.

“Worthless!”

“Useless!”

“What good are you?!”

He ran until a creeping numbness settled into his legs, making his strides uneven.  He stumbled to his hands and knees beside one of the murky ponds that could be found throughout the sewers.  Too distraught and too tired to even try to get back to his feet, the shattered genius just sat there and wept.

“They’re right, you know,” whispered a new, yet still familiar voice.

Donnie managed to choke back his tears enough to look for the source of this new voice.  There was no sign of anyone else around.  Unease made his breathing become more ragged than it already was.  His heart pounded in his ears.  Eventually, his gaze turned to the still waters of the pond.  When his eyes settled on his reflection, he realized that it glared back at him with pitiless condemnation.

He had enough time to gasp in alarm before a hand shot out of the water.  It wrapped itself around his neck in an iron grip.  He clawed at it, frantically trying to break free, but to no avail.  It yanked him into the filthy water and pulled him down until he was completely submerged.  A second hand lashed out, punching him in the plastron and robbing him of all the air in his lungs before it joined the first around his neck.  The silt clouding Donnie’s vision drifted away, revealing the owner of the hands choking him – a perfect doppelgänger of himself.  It pulled him close until its nose was inches from his own.  Utter loathing colored its unforgiving eyes as its voice…HIS voice…echoed in his mind.  “What good ARE you?”

 

Donatello flailed wildly and surged up from where he’d fallen asleep on the floor of his lab.  He whirled around, bracing his hands on the cool surface he’d been reclining against while searching for his duplicate.  All he found was a pair of dark brown eyes staring at him in alarm.  Confusion replaced terror.  “Timothy?”

“Donnie nightmare,” the gelatinous mutant cried.  “Bad nightmare.  BAD!  Donnie scared me.”

Timothy’s words helped sweep away the last traces of sleep fog that still cloaked Donnie’s mind.  With a shuddering sigh, Donnie rested his forehead against the glass.  “Sorry about that, Tim,” he choked out.  His eyes squeezed closed and he swallowed hard, trying to fight back the tears that wanted to follow him out of the dream.  Even though he now knew that none of what happened was real, hearing those horrible words come out of his brothers’ mouths was still more than he could bear.  “They would never say such things,” he tried to tell himself.

“Doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking them,” the part of his mind that didn’t want to let the nightmare go bit back.  “You know at least Raph is.”  He whimpered and tried to hide more of his face against the mutagen barrel at reminder of what he’d overheard.  “And he’s right.  As long as you’re like this, there is no point in having you around.  They should have left you to rot in that cell.”  A few tears won their freedom and began to refresh the trails formed the night before until they dripped off his chin. 

Squeaking sounds compelled him to peel his eyes open.  Timothy licked at Donnie’s face from his side of the glass, desperately trying to offer comfort to the other mutant the only way he could think of.  Donnie’s eye ridges drew together and he tried to swallow around the knot in his throat as several more tears escaped.   Why didn’t anyone understand that he just wasn’t worth the effort?!

“So,” another part of his mind whispered, “…what happens to Timothy?”  His breath caught in his plastron.  “The Kraang don’t need a retromutagen, so no one will ever find one.  Your brothers don’t have the chemical expertise to make one.  And even if they did…do you really think they would bother to try?  You know full well how much Timothy annoyed them.   

“What about Mr. O’Neil?  Without a means of gathering information, your brothers’ only chance of finding him is a lucky shot in the dark.”  Donnie forced himself to sit up, making Timothy stop licking at the glass to watch him hopefully.  “For that matter, do you really think they can stop a technologically superior foe without someone who has the know-how to neutralize that tech?  Sure, Leo’s doing well in his lessons and he is smart enough to figure things out eventually.  But you know he’s still months away from being able to handle even the simplest of Kraang tech on his own.

“And then there’s the Shredder.  With the Kraang supporting him, he’s more dangerous than ever.  Are you really willing to just give up…and risk watching your entire family die?”  A vision of him kneeling among the broken bodies of Splinter, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, and April forced itself into his mind. 

Donatello hauled himself to his feet only to stagger like a newborn deer as the sensation of pins and needles punished him for falling asleep in such an awkward position.  He braced himself against his workbench while he waited for feeling to return to his legs and bared his teeth in a tenacious grimace.  “I did not go through all of that to give up now!” he growled at himself.  “There IS a way to beat this.  I just have to find it!” 

\--------

“Donnie?  You up yet, bro?” Mikey asked as he lightly knocked on his brother’s bedroom door.  In his other hand he carried a tray loaded with sliced fruit, scrambled eggs, a couple wedges of toast, and a hot cup of coffee.  Even though breakfast usually came after morning practice, Mikey didn’t see the harm in helping his older brother have a good start for the day.  He was pretty sure that Donnie needed something to lift his spirits after what happened.

He’d wanted to do that spirit-lifting last night, but his purple clad brother never answered any of his knocks.  That wasn’t like Donnie, but Mikey decided that the other turtle needed some space.  He would just try again in the morning.  So here he was, trying again.  However, Donnie still wasn’t answering. 

Mikey swallowed uneasily.  He gave his brother the courtesy of knocking two more times before letting himself in.  “Donnie?” he called as he peered around the door.  Mr. Lepus balanced atop the pillow of his brother’s meticulously-made bed.  It was obvious that it hadn’t been disturbed all night. 

Now Mikey was worried.  He had fought tooth and nail with his big brother to get him to promise that he wouldn’t pull any all-nighters until he stopped having so many nightmares.  Just like Leo, Donnie could be counted on to keep his promises.  Something was wrong.  He just knew it and he wasn’t going to feel better until he found Donnie.

The smallest turtle hurried into the living room, blatantly ignoring Raph’s demands that he hurry up, and headed straight for the next most likely place to find his brainy brother.  When he realized that the doors to Donnie’s lab were locked, the knot in his stomach settled deeper.  He banged his fist on the metal door.  “Donnie?  You’re in there, right?”  No response.  His eyes widened and he pounded harder on the door.  Enough panic had entered his voice that the two eldest turtles hurried out of the dojo to find out what was going on as he shrilled, “DONNIE!?”

“I’m here,” was his older brother’s tired, almost irritable, response.  “Where else would I be?”

Mikey almost broke into tears at the sound of Donnie’s voice.  “Dude, don’t scare me like that!”

A long pause followed Mikey’s choked declaration before Donnie made a soft, regretful, “Sorry, Mikey.”  Another long pause.  “What do you need?”

“You to eat!” Mikey said with a relieved laugh as he hefted the breakfast tray as though he was offering it to the door itself.  “I got all kinds of good stuff for ya’, bro!”  Once again, only silence came from the other side of the door.  His cheerfulness faded back into worry.  “Donnie?”

“I’m not hungry.”

Mikey’s eyes went wide with shock before they narrowed.  “Like heck you’re not,” he returned, his voice becoming uncharacteristically stern.  “I let you skip lunch yesterday because you said you were still stuffed from breakfast.  And the fridge hasn’t been messed with since last night, so I know you haven’t eaten anything else!”

“I’ll eat later.  I’m busy right now.”

“Nuh uh!  I’ve heard that one before!” Mikey insisted.  Even though his heart soared to hear that Donnie was working on something, he wasn’t about to drop this.  ‘Little things’ like eating and sleeping got chucked right out the window whenever his genius brother got too into his work.

“Mikey.”  The smaller turtle winced at the harsh tone in Donnie’s voice. “Go.  Away.”

Michelangelo drew himself up, ready to fire back his refusal to yield, when a hand rested on his shoulder.  He looked up at Leonardo, who merely shook his head.  For a moment Mikey considered not listening, but his eldest brother’s solemn expression reminded him of Splinter…and of their father’s request that they be patient with Donatello.  His shoulders slumped as he looked down miserably.

When Leo held out his hand for the breakfast tray, his little brother surrendered it without further protest.  He patted Mikey’s shoulder comfortingly before coaxing the smaller turtle into heading towards the dojo.  “I’m putting your food beside the lab door, Donnie,” he called as he bent down to do so.  “Please…try not to forget about it?”  He allowed a small smile to touch his voice in an effort to lighten the mood some, “You know how much you hate cold coffee.”  The other side of the lab door remained silent.  Leo’s smile fell and he made a quiet, resigned sigh before he moved to follow Mikey.

\--------

“Time and therapy,” Donnie muttered under his breath as he clicked through the websites he’d found in his quest.  He left his computer to walk over to his workbench, grab a book, and flip through it.  “Therapy and time,” he hissed after he’d read through his section of interest.  “There isn’t a therapist in the world that would take on a mutant turtle as their patient.”  Out of pure frustration, he slammed the book closed as he snarled, “AND WE DON’T HAVE TIME!”

He flung the text back onto the small pile of psychology books he’d gleaned from his collection.  Since three in the morning, he’d been searching for something…ANYTHING…that could help him fight the mind-crippling turmoil within him.  He gave the lab’s wall clock an exhausted glance.  It was now noon.  He thought about the breakfast Mikey offered him five hours ago and sighed.  By now the local vermin had beaten him to it, but he had been too busy to even think about eating before.  He would still be too busy if he hadn’t hit a brick wall.

Donnie collapsed back into his computer chair, hunched over to lean his elbows on his knees, and rested his head in his hands so that he could massage his temples. Every source he found said the exact same thing.  Time was the best treatment for victims of what he’d suffered.  Seeing a therapist or at least talking about what happened with someone could help with coping as well and was highly recommended.  However, in the end, the victim giving themselves the time and patience they needed to heal was the only recourse. 

“It’s exactly what Splinter’s been trying to tell me all this time,” he lamented.  “But with alien invasion looming on one side and the Shredder closing in on us on the other, time is a precious commodity.  We just don’t have enough of it to waste on me!”  Despair began to pull moisture to the corners of his eyes once again.  “Is there really nothing else I can do?” 

His computer monitor flickered as its screen saver kicked in.  He turned his tired eyes towards it, idly curious at which proverb the machine would choose to scroll by.  A bitter laugh left him at the kanji the computer presented.  “Of all the platitudes I plugged into you, that’s the one you pick to spout at me now?” 

He covered his eyes with a hand as his laughter became a touch manic.  “That’s just brilliant.  Absolutely beautiful.  Now…” he started, his voice becoming chillingly calm as he uncovered his eyes and stood up, “…how about you tell me…”  He grabbed either side of the computer screen and squeezed tight enough to make its frame creak in protest as he bellowed, “EXACTLY HOW I AM SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!?”  He knew he sounded ridiculous ranting his indiscriminate rage at the computer, but he just didn’t care.  He was tired.  So very tired of everything.  “You’re the one with all the answers, aren’t you?!” 

Donnie whirled away from the machine, stomped over to his books, and snatched up one so he could snarl at it once more.  “AREN’T YOU?!”  His laughter returned only, this time, it was more than just a _touch_ manic.  “Come on now!  Don’t be shy!  ENLIGHTEN ME!”  He threw his arms out while turning towards where poor Timothy watched in horror as his friend seemed to become unhinged right before his very eyes.  “How do I do that?!  How do I take-”  Donnie’s outburst stopped as abruptly as it had begun when his gaze settled on Timothy.  He stared at the other mutant as though he were seeing him for the first time. 

“Donnie,” Timothy whimpered fretfully as he watched the turtle approach to rest a hand on the glass separating them.  “Worried about you, Donnie.  Want to help!  Tell me how?”

Donatello said nothing.  He just stared intently at his friend, but it didn’t seem like he really saw the gelatinous mutant anymore.  After a few moments, Donnie turned his gaze to the side as he processed whatever notion had struck him.  His brown eyes zipped back and forth with the racing of his mind. 

His attention snapped to the book he still held.  He started flipping through it with a feverish purpose while turning away from Timothy.  Once he found what he was looking for, his eyes became riveted to the text.  They didn’t glance up once as he made his way back to his computer.  He set the book beside the keyboard, making sure it stayed open to his page, and began another search.  Within seconds, a dozen new websites replaced the old.  He drank in every bit of information they offered. 

Donnie absently brushed a forefinger back and forth under his chin as the idea that had seized him continued to develop with every article he read.  It was utter insanity.  Something born of a desperate mind.  However, if he could pull it off, it would give them the edge they needed to have a fighting chance in this war again.

But would his brothers even let him try?  A part of him didn’t want them to – the part that insisted he was nuts for even considering this.  He noticed that he’d begun to tremble and he gripped his arms in an attempt to still himself.

Sharp pain arced through his right upper arm, reminding him of his injury from last night.  He looked at the bandage.  His trembling slowed as he brushed his fingers over the dotted line of crimson that had already soaked through the cloth from the reopened wound beneath.  The sight called forth the memory of the Foot Bots surrounding him and his brothers, their glowing eyes boring into them.  He placed his hand over the bandage and closed his eyes as he rested his nose against his thumb.

When he opened his eyes again, a resolute frown had settled onto his face.  The real question wasn’t whether or not his brothers would let him try.  It was whether or not he could convince them that his plan was a necessity.  And the only way he could manage that was to make sure he had an answer for every question they could throw at him.  He reached into his computer desk and pulled out a notepad and pen so he could get to work.

\--------

Michelangelo sighed miserably from where he knelt on the dojo floor.  Today had not been a good day by any stretch of the word.  Leonardo and Raphael had been arguing on and off ever since Mikey had tried to get Donatello to eat breakfast.  It was the kind of arguing that came to blows more often than not.  It didn’t help that his brothers were arguing about something that Mikey wished they would just leave alone: what to do about Donnie. 

Raph wanted them to corner Donnie and demand that their genius brother tell them exactly what was wrong.  The red clad turtle was tired of ‘pussyfooting around’, hoping that Donnie would open up to them.  As far as Raph was concerned, last night was undeniable proof that keeping what happened a secret was killing their brother.  And he refused to just sit there and do nothing. 

Leo, meanwhile, agreed that Donnie’s silence was doing more harm than good, but he also felt that trying to bully Donnie into talking about something he wasn’t ready for was not any better.  “Master Splinter says that we have to be patient with him,” he growled as he and Raph locked weapons and strained against each other. 

“So…doing what Splinter says is more important than helping our brother,” Raph spat.

“I didn’t say that!”

“Then what the hell ARE you saying?!  HUH!?”

Movement out of the corner of Mikey’s eye drew his attention away from his squabbling older brothers.  A broad grin lit up his face at the person who’d just walked into the dojo.  “Donnie!” he called cheerfully, this morning’s tiff instantly forgiven and forgotten upon seeing his purple clad brother.  His grin fell the moment he noticed just how severe Donnie looked.  “Dude, you OK?”

Leo pulled away from Raph and both turtles turned to see what had Mikey so upset.  He barely managed to keep his eyes from widened when Donnie completely ignored Mikey to stride right up to him.  The expression on his little brother’s face was the grimmest he’d ever seen the tall turtle.  He felt his own expression became grave.  “What’s wrong, Donnie?”

Now that he was face-to-face with Leonardo, all the saliva in Donatello’s mouth vanished and his resolve nearly went with it.  For a moment, the dread that he’d been fighting against was evident on his face.  His eyes closed as he cleared his throat to push back his misgivings.  He had to do this.  There was no other way.  His features smoothed out with his resignation and he opened his eyes so that they could lock with Leo’s once more.  He managed to keep a quiver out of his voice as he answered, “I have to go back.”

Leo’s eyes widened before settling into a stern glare.  “No dice, Donnie.  I’m sure the Kraang have stepped up the warehouse’s security after last night.  It’s too dangerous to even go near that place right-” 

“I wasn’t talking about the warehouse,” Donnie interrupted, making Leo blink in surprise.  “I meant the Kraang facility where I was being held.”

“WHAT!?” Raph shouted and stomped closer to his tallest brother.  “Why in the world would you want to go back there?”

“Did you remember seeing something that we have to stop?” Leo asked, his sternness taking on the anxious tone he tended to get when it came threats to the world’s safety.

“No,” Donnie said with a quick shake of his head.  He felt a pang of guilt for worrying Leo so and had to turn his back to his older brothers before he lost his will to continue.  “It’s nothing like that.”

“Then…why do you have to go back?” Mikey asked in confusion as he stood up and went to stand beside Leo.

 “Because it’s the one place where I’ll have a chance.”

“A chance to do what?!” Raph demanded hotly.

Donnie swallowed hard and half turned so that he could face his brothers again, “To infiltrate the Kraang.”


	19. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I know it's been another "forever" since I've updated. I do apologize for that. Thank you so much for your patience with me while I worked on this latest chapter. I'm...thinking about going back to shorter chapters to see if that will allow me to update more often. Plus, I imagine that these long updates are not the easiest things to read in one sitting. ^^;
> 
> What do you all think? I would love to hear your opinions!
> 
> I want to take a moment thank [CJtheStoryteller](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/7702044/CJtheStoryteller) for her advice with this chapter. Thank you so much, CJ! You really helped pull me out of a literary bind!
> 
> I know I've said this before, but I really can't say it enough. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this chapter. If you enjoyed it, please feel to click the kudos button, bookmark the story to keep track of my updates, and/or comment below to let me know how you think I'm doing! **I would love to hear from all of you!**

 

Chapter 18

 

The three turtle ninjas stared at their purple clad brother for what seemed like an eternity before they yelped, “WHAT?!”

“Are you insane?” Raph cried then gave his head a hard shake.  “No.  Lemme rephrase that.  YOU’RE INSANE!”

Donnie looked away from his brothers while gritting his teeth and clenching his fists tighter.  He already thought that of himself; he didn’t need to hear it from someone else.  “If I can spy on the Kraang, I can get all the intel we’ll need to shut them down,” he insisted.  “I might even be able to get some info on what the Foot is planning.”

“It’s too risky!”

Donatello whirled on Raphael.  “Inside information is worth the risk!” he snarled down at the other turtle.  Then he pointed towards his lab, and Timothy within, as his voice dropped into an ominous hiss.  “Or does that only apply when someone **_else_** is taking that risk?”

Raph bristled at having his own words thrown in his face.  However, before he had a chance to respond, Michelangelo interrupted by wedging himself between them.  “What makes you think you can even get in, dude?” he asked their genius brother.  “You’ve got a big brain, sure, but I don’t think there’s any way you’re gonna pass for a Kraang.” 

For several agonizing minutes, Mikey watched his two middle brothers glare at each other over his head.  He could feel the fury radiating off his smartest brother.  Even though Donnie had the second most volatile temper of the four of them, it tended to show itself in sarcasm.  Sometimes he’d throw in a bit of shouting and exaggerated hand gestures for added effect, but that was usually all that happened. You knew you'd really screwed up if _Donnie_ got in your face over it. 

Fortunately, Mikey’s interruption helped Donnie reign himself in.  Until this moment, he hadn't realized how tender the topic of Timothy was.  Of course, considering his current instability, Donnie suspected everything had the potential to be a tender topic.  He sucked in a shaky breath and slowly let it out to force down his anger at Raph.  Behaving like this would not convince anyone of anything.

The purple masked turtle took a couple of steps back so he could better make eye contact with Mikey while answering his, for once, perfectly valid question.  “There is a type of traumatic bonding that can happen to people who go through extended periods of captivity and abuse, such as hostages and prisoners of war.  It’s when a captive begins to identify, even sympathize, with their captor.”

“You mean Stockholm syndrome?”  Despite the seriousness of the situation, Leo found himself smiling at the stunned expression on the genius’ face.  “You don’t hold the patent on studying, Donnie,” he teased.  “After we got you home, I became worried about the challenges we might have to face when you woke up.  So, I looked up the potential side effects of long-term imprisonment.”  He paused to let out a soft scoff.  “Fat lot of good it did me.  Your flashback two weeks ago still caught me completely off guard.” Leo paused again to swallow down the regret he continued to feel about that day before stepping a little closer to Donnie.  “So, what does Stockholm syndrome have to do with you infiltrating the Kraang?”

“Um…i-if I can mimic the symptoms of Stockholm syndrome, I-I might be able to trick the Kraang into thinking that I’ve switched sides,” Donnie managed to get out once he’d shaken off his surprise.  “If I convince them that I want to work _for_ them instead of against them, I can insinuate myself into their ranks. From there, I can feed you guys as much information as possible without blowing my cover.”

Leo raised an eye ridge.  “You really think the Kraang are gonna trust you?”

Donnie snorted.  “No.  Not even.  But I have an idea for how I can manipulate their distrust of anyone who’s not Kraang and use it against them.”

“But…what if they don’t buy it?” Mikey asked fretfully.

Donnie lowered his head and swallowed hard.  “Then I’ll...have to make a break for it and hope I can escape.  If I can’t...” his voice trailed off as he swallowed again.

“You’ll need us to bail you out,” Raph gruffly finished for Donnie. 

The purple clad turtle looked at his fellow middle brother for a moment before lowering his eyes again and giving a meek nod. 

“And in the meantime, they get to torture you all over again.” Raph shook his head vehemently.  “No way!  They’ve messed you up enough!”

“I have to agree with Raph,” Leo said as he tried to rest a hand on Donnie’s shoulder.  “I’m not about to give them another chance to hurt you.”

Donnie pulled away before Leo could touch him.  “You said it yourself: we need information.  If we’re going to have a chance in hell to win this war, I have to do this!”

“No, you don’t,” Leo insisted while trying not to raise his voice.  “Look.  I know you’re impatient to get back out there, but this isn’t a plan.  It’s suicide!”

“No, it’s not!  If you let me explain before dismissing it, you’ll see it’s not!”

Leo let out what he hoped wasn’t a too exasperated-sounding sigh, folded his arms across his plastron, and closed his eyes.  There was no doubt in his mind that Donatello expected them to need convincing.  The genius turtle surely had a litany of well thought out details to help his plan sound less like madness.  Unfortunately for him, Leonardo only wanted to know one thing right now. 

A determined frown settled on his face.  “Alright, Donnie,” Leo said as he opened his eyes.  “We’ll listen to this plan of yours.”  The relief settling onto Donnie’s features made guilt tear at the leader’s heart.

“You _cannot_ be serious!” Raph squawked.  A low, menacing growl rumbled out of him when Leo dared to raise a hand in front of his face to shush him.

“But,” Leo continued, undaunted by Raph’s anger, “…only AFTER you tell us what happened to you while you were captured.”

All color fled from Donnie’s face.  He hadn’t planned on _that_.  “W-what?” he barely managed to gasp out as he took several awkward steps away from his brothers until he could sense the dojo’s wall behind him.  His chest felt tight.  Each breath hurt more than the last.  Was this what cardiac arrest felt like?

“I want you to tell us what happened to you in that cell.  And I’m not listening to another word of your plan until you do,” Leo repeated while trying to keep his voice calm and measured.  He hated himself for doing this to Donnie.  The intellectual turtle looked to be on the verge of the mother of all panic attacks, but instead of this deterring Leo, it only strengthened his resolve.  He wasn’t about to even _consider_ letting his traumatized little brother do something this crazy without knowing the motivation behind it. 

Raph stared back and forth between Leo and Donnie before letting out a heavy sigh.  Finally!  Leo had come to his senses!  Much to Raph’s annoyance, the same could not be said for their orange clad brother. 

“ _NO!_ ” Mikey yelped and quickly went to stand in front of Leo, putting himself between Donnie and the eldest turtles.  “Leo, you can’t do this!”

“I’m sorry, Mikey,” Leo said, trying to plead for their youngest brother’s understanding.  “I wanted to wait for him to open up on his own.  I really did!”  Then the eldest turtle’s eyes and voice turned stern.  “But I can’t anymore.  I’m not going to sit here and listen to a plan that might get him killed!  Not without knowing what’s driving him to do this!”

"We can’t _make_ him talk about this stuff!” Mikey insisted while tears began to build in his big, sky blue eyes.  “He has to tell us on his own, or it’s gonna make things worse!”

“This keeping quiet crap is already killing him!” Raph snarled as he moved to get in Mikey's face.  “It _can’t_ get any worse!”

Mikey’s tears vanished instantly, his eye ridges forked downward, and his eyes locked with Raph’s.  The orange clad turtle then stood as tall as he could, putting himself nose to nose with his red clad brother, as he barked, “How do YOU know it can’t?!”

“STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC!”

“HOW ABOUT YOU STOP BEING SUCH A JERK?!"

“BOTH OF YOU, CALM DOWN!”

Donnie gaped at his brothers in utter horror as all the tension building between them over the last month erupted.  “No!” he cried and rushed over to them.  “Stop it!”  He frantically tried to pull them apart only to have Raph shove him away so hard he bumped into the wall.  “Please,” the tall turtle begged as he pushed himself away from the wall and took a single step towards his brothers.  “ _Stop fighting!_ ”

“See what you’ve done?” Donnie’s mind hissed at him, making him cringe from his family. “What your silence has done to them?”  He covered his ears with trembling hands in a futile attempt to block it out. 

“MIKEY, I SWEAR, IF YOU DON’T BACK OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW I’M GONNA SMASH YOUR FACE IN!”

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO BACK OFF, RAPH!”

“STAY OUT OF THIS, LEO!”

The purple clad turtle looked away from his brothers with a whimper as they continued to rage at one another, each too involved in their argument to notice his distress.  He could almost see the doppelgänger from his nightmare standing before him.  Could almost feel its hands wrapped around his throat once more as it sneered, “Are the tattered remnants of your pathetic pride worth watching your family _tear itself apart!?_ ”

A sob slipped past Donatello’s lips. 

No.  Nothing would ever be worth that!  He squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could and raised his voice to shout over the others.

**_“I WAS RAPED!”_**  

Silence crashed over the dojo so quickly that if it weren’t for the echoes of his announcement still reverberating through the lair, Donnie would have sworn he’d just gone deaf.  His brothers had become statues, too stunned to even breathe.  The anger and frustration they felt towards each other had been wiped clean from their faces to be replaced with shock and confusion. 

Raph found his voice first.  “What?” he gasped as he turned his bewildered face to the purple masked turtle.

Donnie let out a short, mirthless laugh.  “Are you really going to make me say that again?” he asked as he returned his gaze to his brothers and wrapped his arms around his midsection.  Tears began to trickle out of his heartbroken brown eyes, dyeing the lower part of his mask a darker purple. 

Swallowing thickly, Raph shook his head as he took a few unsteady steps away from the other turtles.  Donnie couldn’t tell if his fellow middle brother was indicating no about repeating himself or simply refusing to believe what he’d just heard.

“Sonna,” Leo whispered in their father’s native language as Mikey let out a soft whimper and covered his mouth with both hands.  “Donnie…I…”  The blue clad turtle’s voice caught in his throat.  He wanted to say ‘I’m sorry’ but the words wouldn't come out.  They seemed so…so hollow and inadequate in the face of what his brother had gone through. 

Leo struggled against the myriad of emotions warring for expression inside him as Donnie’s panic attack during their unauthorized spar rushed to the forefront of his mind.  He now understood that what he’d witnessed had been a taste of what his little brother had endured.  Of the fate Leo had forsaken him to.  How could he have been so blind? 

“When did it happen?” the leader asked miserably as he turned away from Donnie in an attempt to hide his own building tears. 

“It…it s-started about six days before you guys got me out,” Donnie answered while lowering his head, his voice little more than a weak whisper.   

Leo clamped his eyes shut in a pained grimace.  Six days.  If only they’d been…if only _he’d_ been…six days faster.  “Wait a minute,” he said as something in Donnie's words made his stomach drop and his eyes snap open.  “It started six days before we showed up?”  The eldest turtle moved to face his broken little brother again.  “‘Started’...implies this happened more than once.”  

“No...” Mikey croaked out his first word since Donnie’s admission and he turned horrified eyes to Leo at just the idea of their brilliant brother being assaulted multiple times.  “…no way.”

Meanwhile, Donnie flinched, realizing the blunder in his wording too late.  If it had just been Raph and Mikey, his slip probably would have gone unnoticed.  But Leo?  Leo was too sharp for that.

“How many times, Donnie?” the blue clad turtle asked, his voice hushed but with a dark edge to it as he began to stalk closer to his brother.

The tallest turtle swallowed hard, fighting the tears trying to choke him.  “Wha…what does it matter?” he stammered as he dared to look up again, his doe eyes begging his brother and leader to stop this line of questioning.  “It happened!  I-Is-Isn’t that bad enough?”

Donatello’s reluctance to answer combined with the growing outrage at what they’d just discovered made something inside Leonardo snap.  He finished closing the gap between him and Donnie in two strides as he roared, “HOW MANY?”  His genius brother lurched away from him with a yelp, slamming himself into the dojo wall in the process.

"DUDE!"  Michelangelo rushed over and put himself between his tallest brothers once more.  He thrust out one of his hands to shove Leo back a step, keeping him from getting any closer to Donnie.  The youngest had never seen their eldest brother like this before.  The turtle in blue seemed to be channeling Raphael at his worst…and it scared Mikey out of his shell. 

Meanwhile, Donnie shrank to the floor.  Tremors raced through him as panic sought to overwhelm him.  Leo would never hurt him!  …right?  The rage blazing in his leader’s cobalt blue eyes made the genius question that belief for the first time in his life.  The purple clad turtle squeezed his eyes shut while drawing his legs to him and crossing his arms in front of his face to shield himself. 

Desperate to placate his eldest brother, Donnie did the only thing he could.  “I don’t know!” he sobbed out miserably.  “Twice a day? M-maybe more.”  Self-loathing twisted deeper in his gut.  He never wanted them to know the depths of his shame. 

Horror swallowed Leo’s anger whole.  He knew the truth about what happened to Donnie would be bad, but this?  This made his worst nightmares seem like the sweetest of dreams.  Once the sudden rage blinding him cleared, his heart stopped at the sight before him.  Mikey stood in a defensive stance between him and Donnie, though the tears swimming in his eyes made it obvious the orange clad turtle was in no condition to fight. 

A couple of Leo’s own tears slipped out when he saw his genius brother cowering from him behind Mikey.  The blue masked ninja had done exactly what he swore he would never do.  He’d terrorized Donnie into telling him what he wanted to know.  Bile rose in Leo’s throat and he pressed the back of his hand to his lips to swallow it back.  Then he shakily held both hands out in front of him.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered while backing away.  “I didn’t mean-"  He choked on the rest of his words; he could never excuse what he'd done.  "I’m so sorry.”

As the entire scene unfolded before him, Raphael stared at his brothers in stunned silence while trying to wrap his mind around what they’d just learned.  "It…it can’t be true.  It just...can’t." He gave his head a hard shake to push out these thoughts.  "Why would Donnie lie about this?  To hide something worse?  That isn’t possible because there isn’t anything _worse_!" 

The red clad turtle’s thoughts drifted back to the night of Donnie’s rescue.  He remembered how his little brother reeked of blood, sweat, and the trace of another scent he couldn’t place at the time.  His breath caught in his throat as where he'd smelled that mysterious odor before finally clicked into place. It was the same one that lingered in his room after he'd…needed a release. 

_“Please!  Allow me to assume the position!”_

Raph’s blood ran cold when the final words of the purple clad turtle’s rant last week cut through his mind.  With Donnie’s admission still ringing in his ears, those seven sarcasm-laced words took on a new, horrifying meaning.  Had…had Nightmare forced his little brother to do _that?_ Raph knew everything else in Donnie’s outburst had happened; the injuries the tallest turtle suffered lined up too well with each torture he listed.   

The idea of his kindhearted, brainy brother going through something so despicable filled Raph’s vision with red.  “I’ll kill him,” he hissed loud enough to draw the other turtles’ attention.  He turned on his heels and marched towards the dojo’s exit as he roared, “ ** _I’LL RIP HIM APART!_** ”

Donnie’s eyes went wide.  “NO!” he cried.  He surged to his feet and shoved past a surprised Mikey and Leo to dart in front of Raph.  The purple clad turtle placed himself in the dojo’s doorway and gripped its frame as tightly as he could to stop the other turtle from leaving.  “You can’t!”

“Like **_HELL_** I can’t!” Raph shot back, the sight of his tallest brother’s tear-soaked, bloodshot eyes incensing him further.  He grabbed Donnie’s shoulder strap to yank him out of the way.  “I will make that monster **_bleed_** for this!”

“You don’t understand!” Donnie persisted as he locked his arms and widened his stance, attempting to turn himself into an immovable object against Raph’s unstoppable force.  “I need him!”

Those three words knocked some of the wind out of Raphael’s wrath and left him staring up at the turtle in front of him.  “What?!”  He shook his head before grinding out, “What do you mean you need him?”

“If my plan is going to have a chance to succeed, I need him alive,” Donatello answered while trying not to let Raph’s rage intimidate him. 

“Why?!”

“Because you can’t form a trauma bond with someone who never laid a hand, or in this case tentacle, on you.”

“You mean…” Leo began while he approached his middle brothers as slowly as he could to remain unthreatening to the tallest turtle, “…the Kraang never did _anything_ to you?”

Donnie shook his head.  "They only gave the order to make me talk.  Everything else...they left to Horse." 

“Nothing about what you’ve said makes me want him dead any less,” Raph growled.

Donnie locked eyes with Raph as he continued, “If I approach the Kraang directly, I will be back in that cell the moment they see me.  However, if I can get to Horse first, I know I can trick him into thinking I’ve switched sides.  From there, I _use_ him to gain access to the lead Kraang of the facility.”

Leo made a soft, disbelieving huff as he shook his head.  “From what I saw, he didn’t seem like someone who could be reasoned with.” 

“You didn’t spend a month with him,” the purple clad turtle returned before he turned his gaze to Leo.  “If he thinks something is in the Kraang’s best interest, he will go out of his way to make it happen.”  Donnie rested a hand on his plastron.  “All I need to do is convince him that letting me work for the Kraang is in their best interest.”

“What makes you so sure he’ll listen to you?” Leo persisted.

“Before he…” The purple clad turtle had to stop for a moment. Even though he had told them what happened, he couldn’t bring himself to say that awful word again. He knew if he did, he risked losing what little emotional control he had left. “Before he did what he did, Horse and I were building an… _odd_ kind of rapport. I was able to use it to keep him from torturing me.” His eyes drifted to the floor as he murmured. “At least…until the Kraang forced the issue…”

Leo’s hands clenched into fists at his sides and he turned his head away from his abused little brother for a moment.  As he returned his gaze to Donnie, he said, “Do you know what you’re ask-”  

“I know **_exactly_** what I’m asking!  And I pray to everything even remotely holy that I know it better than you ever will!” Donnie snapped, baring his teeth and locking an outraged glare on his eldest brother.  Of course, he knew what he was asking!  What kind of question was that!? 

After seething for a few moments, Donnie noticed the grief etched into Leo’s face.  The genius’ whole demeanor deflated as shame returned to the forefront.  Once again, he’d lashed out at someone who didn’t deserve it.  “I-I-I’m…I’m sorry,” he said haltingly while returning his gaze to Leo’s feet.    

Leonardo swallowed hard.  His little brother was so broken, he thought standing up for himself was something to apologize for.  The blue clad turtle pushed his way past Raph so he could reach out to Donnie.  The tallest turtle cringed from him as though he were bracing for a beating.  Leo's heart clenched, but he didn't stop.  He curled his hand around the back of Donnie's head. 

Even though he could feel Donnie quivering beneath his fingers, Leo pulled his little brother's head down so they could touch foreheads.  His eyes slid closed as he made a shaky sigh.  “You’re asking us…to hand you back to the very one who did this to you while hoping he doesn’t do it again,” the eldest turtle said, and for once, he didn’t even try to keep the emotional tremble out of his voice.   

The two of them stayed like that for several long, agonizing moments before Donnie replied with a weak, “I know.” 

Leo opened his eyes when he felt moisture drip onto his upper plastron.  His little brother’s tears had finally soaked through his mask and were making their way down his face. 

“But I…  I need to do _something_ ,” Donnie said thickly.  “Every day I feel more lost than the last.  My motivation to do anything I did before this happened is…is gone.  I’m so scatterbrained, I can’t even repair something I built when I was a _kid_ without the schematic in front of me!  Without my focus, I…I…” he paused to swallow down a sob. 

Leo’s eye ridges creased together at his little brother’s hesitation.  “Donnie?”

Donatello squeezed his eyes shut as he forced himself to press on.  “…I can’t be what you all need me to be!”

Leonardo’s eyes went wide before his other hand joined his first one to hold his genius brother’s head in a gentle, but firm grip.  “You are our **_brother_** , Donnie!  Not some tool in our arsenal,” he declared, making his brother’s red-rimmed eyes fly open.  “All we _need_ you to be is healthy!” 

The blue clad leader wanted to kick himself.  When he told Donnie how important he was to the family on his first day back, the eldest hoped it would help his second youngest brother regain some lost confidence.  Instead, the purple clad genius took it as a sign that he had to prioritize their needs over his own. 

Leo wanted to tell Donnie that he’d never meant to put such pressure on him, but he could feel himself on the brink of a total breakdown.  So, he paused and broke eye contact with the purple clad turtle in an attempt to collect himself.  He couldn’t afford to lose it.  His brothers needed him to be strong.  Now more than ever. 

The shock on Donnie’s face faded to sorrow as he watched his eldest brother struggle to keep his emotions under control.  He could practically hear the other turtle blaming himself for everything that happened and it just wasn’t so.  “Leo…”

“Now that we know what happened, we can better help you,” Leo interrupted, his voice cracking some despite his best efforts.

“Leo…”

“Together, I know we can beat this!”

“It will take weeks…months…possibly even years for that to happen,” Donnie said, interjecting a bit of cold reality into Leo’s desperate attempt at optimism.

“Then that’s how long it takes!” Leo retorted while locking fiercely determined eyes onto Donnie’s.

A new round of tears began to make their way down Donnie’s face at his leader’s conviction.  “You and I both know we don’t have that kind of time.  I wouldn’t be suggesting this if we did.  If something doesn’t change soon…” the genius turtle’s voice trailed off, leaving the rest unspoken.

Leo swallowed hard.  “I can’t let you do this.”

“And I can’t stay down here and watch as the enemy picks off my family one by one!” Donnie snapped, startling his eldest brother into silence.  “Not when I can **_do_** something about it!”  

Leo stared at Donnie, his blue eyes scrutinizing every inch of his brother's face.  Everyone knew Donatello's stubbornness could rival Raphael's at times.  But this...this was something more than a desperate attempt to be useful to the family. 

The blue clad turtle made a soft intake of air as his eyes widened more than they already were.  "You’ve known how bad things have gotten for a while now...haven’t you, Donnie?”

The genius turtle let out a heavy sigh and his eyes closed as the corners of his mouth made a single twitch upward.  “I’ve been patching you guys up for the last three weeks," he answered, his voice dropping to a whisper.  His eyes opened to meet with his brother’s again.  "What do you think?”  

Leo sighed while lowering his head.  His hands slid from Donnie's head to settle on his second youngest brother's shoulders before he looked to the side.   “I think you realized how much trouble we were in before any of us.”

Donnie's eyes softened at Leo's miserable tone.  He brought a hand up to rest it one of Leo's forearms and give it a gentle squeeze.  “Do you remember Splinter’s favorite saying for us to practice in our calligraphy lessons?”

“‘Wazawai tenjite fuku to nasu.'" 

A small smile ghosted over the purple clad genius' face at his leader's instant answer.  "‘Turn misfortune into fortune,’" Donnie translated the phrase more out of habit than need.  Then his face returned to somberness as his eyes became imploring.  "Please, Leo.  Help me take this misfortune and turn it into fortune.”  The tallest turtle’s grip on his brother's forearm tightened.  “Let me turn this into something we can use.”  

Leo felt as though Donnie’s reddish-brown eyes were boring into him.  Behind all the pain and sorrow there, he could see and feel his younger brother’s desperate need to do something.  And Donnie was right.  They all needed to do something about their current situation before it was too late.  Leo attempted to shift the lump trapped in his throat while lowering his gaze thoughtfully.

Meanwhile, Raphael watched his blue and purple masked brothers intently.  When Leo’s contemplative expression lasted longer than he liked, the hothead’s eyes went wide before narrowing sharply.  He stomped closer to them, put a hand on Leo’s shoulder, and yanked his taller brothers apart so he could glare up at their blue clad leader. 

“You,” he said in a low, dangerous tone that grew in volume as he continued, “…are not **_seriously considering this_**!”

Leonardo squeezed his eyes shut and took a shuddering breath, attempting to not react to Raphael’s anger.  “Donatello,” Leo started softly.  When he opened his eyes, they met Donnie’s and he immediately felt even more like the worst brother in the world as he said, “Could you give us the room for a bit, please?”  The sensation only got worse as his taller brother lowered his eyes to the ground and made a docile nod. 

He watched the purple clad turtle walk out of the dojo without another word.  The slump in his little brother’s shoulders made the knot in Leo’s stomach double.  They couldn’t leave Donnie alone right now.  “Michelangelo…”

“ _Waaay_ ahead of you, bro,” Mikey said as he hurried past the other two turtles to follow their broken genius. 

The eldest allowed a soft sigh to slip out.  Just the thought of Mikey being there to watch over Donnie eased some of his anxiety.  Leo tried not to let his tension level rise again as he turned to face Raph.  The red clad turtle scowled at him, his acid eyes demanding answers. 

“I’m not saying we’re going to do this plan of his,” Leo began, trying to keep his voice calm.

“But you **are** actually thinking about it!” Raph cut Leo off before he could say anything more.  “I don’t believe this!”

“I said we’d hear him out if he told us what happened.”

**_“FUCK THAT!”_ **

“Raph!”

“He **_violated_** him, Leo!” Raph snarled, not letting his older brother’s scandalized yelp at his language slow him down.  “That...that son of a bitch **_violated_** our brother and you want to let him have another shot at it!?”

Leo’s eye ridges drew together as he shook his head.  “You think I’d be willing to hear him out if I thought there was _any_ other way?”

“I think he’s our brother and that we should be _protecting_ him!  Not throwing him back to the wolves!”

**_“WE’RE LOSING, RAPHAEL!”_**  

Those three words stopped the temperamental turtle’s rant cold and left him staring at his older brother.  They all knew how dire their situation was, but this was the first time any of them had dared give voice to the truth. 

“If this war were just about us, I would _never_ give Donatello’s idea a moment’s consideration!” Leo declared, using his brother’s moment of silence to his advantage.  “We would all stay down here and help him work through what’s happened.” 

“Sounds good to me!  You let me go up there long enough to gut that bastard for what he did.  Then we’ll stay down here until Donnie gets better.”

“You know we can’t do that!”

“Why the hell not?!” Raph snapped, throwing both arms out wide.  Then he pointed in the general direction of the Foot Clan’s headquarters.  “The Shredder can wait!”

“But the Kraang can’t,” Leo returned.  Raph made a sharp scoff, turned his back on his brother, and stalked deeper into the dojo as Leo continued.  “We are the _only_ thing standing between the Kraang and the destruction of humanity.  If we go into hiding now, we give the Kraang free rein to do whatever they want to the world.  We _can’t_ allow that happen.”  Leo paused to swallow the tremor he could hear building in his voice before saying the phrase he'd been desperately trying to avoid ever since their genius brother's capture.  “And I don’t think we can stop them without Donnie.”

As Leo spoke, Raph kept his back to him.  The red clad turtle’s shoulders had drawn up and his hands were balled into fists tight enough to make his knuckles turn white.  Just as Leo opened his mouth to continue talking, Raph finally broke his silence.  “We...” the hothead rasped out in a small, tremulous voice that sounded nothing like his brash self.  His eyes slid closed as he began to quiver from the effort of keeping everything he felt pent up inside.  “We were supposed to protect him.”

Raph didn't realize his words were the final blow Leo's spirit could take.  What Leo wanted to say turned into nothing more than a strangled mess. 

Moisture stung the leader’s eyes as he began to mentally scold himself.

"Raph is right: you were supposed to protect Donnie.  Instead, you failed him.  No.  No, you did more than just fail him.  You **_abandoned_** him!  You left him at the mercy of an enemy who you **_knew_** had none to give."  Leo's face scrunched up and his eyes clamped shut, sending tears burning down his face.  "And now...now you're talking about letting him go back to the same fiend who assaulted him."    

The guilt-ridden ninja brought a hand up in a desperate attempt to hide his breakdown even as he choked out the only response he could offer Raphael, “I know.” 

Raph’s eyes snapped wide open before they narrowed to slits and his lips peeled back from his teeth.  And everyone called **him** heartless?!  He whipped around to thunder his absolute outrage at his brother. 

 The ugly remark died in his throat.

His older brother stood there with one hand over his face, the other at his side, clenched into a fist tight enough to draw blood.  The blue clad turtle’s whole body trembled.  His shoulders made spasmodic jerks in time with his barely muffled sobs.    

Raphael’s eyes rounded once again as his lips parted in a soft gasp.  Then he looked away from his brother and gritted his teeth together.  Of course, Leonardo knew they were supposed to protect Donatello.  He knew that responsibility better than any of them.  Even before Splinter officially dubbed him their leader, Leo had always done everything he could to keep them – _all_ of them – safe.  But this time, there was no way he could.  Not then…and not now.

The red clad turtle swallowed around the building knot in his throat before he made his way to his blue clad brother.  Leo sensed his approach and tried to retreat.  However, Raph caught him and pulled him close. 

Before Raph could envelop Leo into a tight embrace, the taller turtle lowered his head so that the top of it pressed against the brawny turtle’s upper plastron.  He didn't want Raph to see him like this.  As leader, he was supposed to be the one who could weather any storm they faced.  The rock his brothers could rely on to be stable when they couldn't be.  Instead, he'd failed them...just like he'd failed Donnie.

"I never should have left him,” Leo barely managed to shudder out in between sobs.

Raphael lowered his head, leaning his cheek against the back of his brother’s head as he whispered, “You did what you had to do, Leonardo.”  The red clad turtle’s vision wavered as tears began to build in his eyes.  “You did what you had to." 

The hotheaded turtle bit his lower lip in a desperate attempt to choke back a sob trying to work its way out, but he couldn’t.  It was all too much for him to handle.  It was too much for any of them to handle. 

How could Donnie have kept this from them for so long? 

With another choked sob, Raph tightened his embrace on Leo.  Then, he buried his face against his older brother's head as he finally joined him in grief.


End file.
